A.J. Crowley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thepointisdolphins) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entrancelogs2014-08-31 08:59 pm
thepointisdolphins) wrote in entrancelogs2014-08-31 08:59 pm
Entry tags:
Who The Fuck Even Wants To Go To Oregon?
Who: Crowley, his horrible caravan and YOU
Where: THE FUCKING OREGON TRAIL
When: 31st to the 4th
Rating: LMFAO
Summary: NO ONE WANTS TO TRADE WITH YOU TODAY
Sunday: I SLEPT THROUGH THIS CENTURY FOR A REASON
It takes Crowley several long, angry, complaining hours for him to realize that this is an event, that there's no yelling his way out of this, and then to figure out what the hell he's supposed to do. After that time is spent grumbling and growling and buying supplies because Americans are stupid and settlers are stupid and FUCK THIS NOISE. He spends all of his money on oxen and food since he figures he can just eat the oxen and wait the event out if need be. Crowley can be found around the town settlement area and on the initial start of the trail trying to figure things out and locating Aziraphale.
Monday: PRAIRIES ARE BORING
Travel by caravan is easily the worst method of travel ever. Worse than horses. Oxen smell terrible and there is nothing out here. Who knew America had this much freaking nothing? Aside from the rare interesting rock formation or a fort here and there there's just a whole lot of horrible nothing. And also a river. Yeah, there's no way Crowley's going to try and turn his stupid wagon into a boat, so he's gonna pay the stupid ferryman to get him across the stupid river. And then he carries on into the nothingness.
Tuesday: WHO EVEN NEEDS ALL THESE GODDAMN RIVERS
Crowley gets dysentery today and for the first time in his life experiences the joys of shitting himself relentlessly. He makes himself as scarce as is possible on a wagon so no one has to see how horrible and uncool this all is. He also tries to ford another river that seems more shallow than it is and two oxen die and a bunch of food gets swept away. Such is Crowley's life.
Wednesday: HOME SWEET HOME!
Crowley gets hopelessly lost and somehow ends up at the Devil's Tower in Wyoming. He's feeling a little better but this is still pretty horrible, even if the tower itself is pretty cool. He really doesn't want anything to do with anything named "Devil" right now. Later in the day a bunch of aliens show up, think about abducting Crowley, then move on. Crowley hates this event.
Thursday: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS
Crowley dies today right as they're approaching Oregon! How does he die? Does he drown in the Columbia River? Does he die of dysentery? Does he get trampled by an ox? Does he get murdered by a thief? Does he fall in a gopher hole? Does he get killed by some of his fellow travelers who want to take advantage of the fact that he's human? Either way, once he's a ghost he haunts everyone nearby until the end of the event.
Where: THE FUCKING OREGON TRAIL
When: 31st to the 4th
Rating: LMFAO
Summary: NO ONE WANTS TO TRADE WITH YOU TODAY
Sunday: I SLEPT THROUGH THIS CENTURY FOR A REASON
It takes Crowley several long, angry, complaining hours for him to realize that this is an event, that there's no yelling his way out of this, and then to figure out what the hell he's supposed to do. After that time is spent grumbling and growling and buying supplies because Americans are stupid and settlers are stupid and FUCK THIS NOISE. He spends all of his money on oxen and food since he figures he can just eat the oxen and wait the event out if need be. Crowley can be found around the town settlement area and on the initial start of the trail trying to figure things out and locating Aziraphale.
Monday: PRAIRIES ARE BORING
Travel by caravan is easily the worst method of travel ever. Worse than horses. Oxen smell terrible and there is nothing out here. Who knew America had this much freaking nothing? Aside from the rare interesting rock formation or a fort here and there there's just a whole lot of horrible nothing. And also a river. Yeah, there's no way Crowley's going to try and turn his stupid wagon into a boat, so he's gonna pay the stupid ferryman to get him across the stupid river. And then he carries on into the nothingness.
Tuesday: WHO EVEN NEEDS ALL THESE GODDAMN RIVERS
Crowley gets dysentery today and for the first time in his life experiences the joys of shitting himself relentlessly. He makes himself as scarce as is possible on a wagon so no one has to see how horrible and uncool this all is. He also tries to ford another river that seems more shallow than it is and two oxen die and a bunch of food gets swept away. Such is Crowley's life.
Wednesday: HOME SWEET HOME!
Crowley gets hopelessly lost and somehow ends up at the Devil's Tower in Wyoming. He's feeling a little better but this is still pretty horrible, even if the tower itself is pretty cool. He really doesn't want anything to do with anything named "Devil" right now. Later in the day a bunch of aliens show up, think about abducting Crowley, then move on. Crowley hates this event.
Thursday: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS
Crowley dies today right as they're approaching Oregon! How does he die? Does he drown in the Columbia River? Does he die of dysentery? Does he get trampled by an ox? Does he get murdered by a thief? Does he fall in a gopher hole? Does he get killed by some of his fellow travelers who want to take advantage of the fact that he's human? Either way, once he's a ghost he haunts everyone nearby until the end of the event.
no subject
It'll all work out in the end. Probably.
no subject
"Thanks. That means a lot. I think."
Maybe the dragon is just testing his balance to see how easily he can eat Crowley later on, but oh well. Better at this point to die from dragon than from one of the many plagues no doubt roaming the Midwest.
no subject
They're all a little mixed up, right now.
Why not offer a bit of comfort, too.
no subject
"You know, dragons are supposed to to be huge, menacing, fire-breathing monsters who hoard gold and kidnap princesses. How did you get to be such a kitten, anyway? I suppose it's not polite to stereotype."