entrancelogs | Honesty is such a lonely word

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Honesty is such a lonely word

Who: Padfoot and Moony
Where: Moony's sweet new bachelor pad
When: Lateish Wednesday the First
Rating: Probably PG-13 for cursing at most
Summary: Sirius has let Remus settle in, but he can't just NOT tell him what he's in for back home forever, right?
The Story:

Sirius knows James wants to be careful-- knows it the way he knows a lot of things about James. They didn't need to discuss it. He could just tell that that was what was going through James' mind at breakfast the other day. That and a constant litany of don't beat the piss out of Peter just yet or possibly at all, although Sirius much prefers the first option. Not everything gets translated perfectly in their pseudo-telepathic conversations.

The point being that Sirius knows he isn't supposed to launch Remus headfirst into everything he's just learned about their future back home. But there's a full moon coming up fast, and Remus has had time to adjust, and frankly. Frankly he thinks Remus deserves to know. And if James is going to bolt away from all this like a deer frightened by a motorcycle, then he'll take it upon himself to deliver the news.

Only it's much harder now that he's here, standing at Remus' door. Nobody wants this news. But they all need it, or they're never going to change anything. And as much as he's still angry-- enraged --with Peter, there's a chance that they might prevent it all simply by being on the same page about everything. Which means Remus needs to know that he'll otherwise be spending his adult life friendless and alone.

Swallowing back his worry, Sirius knocks on the door.

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Remus has been settling in alright. He'd picked a room near the others', across the hall from Peter and diagonally across from James and Sirius. He'd managed to make his room cozy, looking a lot like the Gryffindor dormitory they share at home. He is presently experimenting with the closet (opening it again and again to see what he can conjure up) when he hears a knock.

He goes to answer the door, newly summoned maroon wool blanket in hand. "Sirius! Come in, please."

Sirius steps inside, immediately grinning at his friend-- and grinning harder at the room. "You and James ought to reconsider how much house pride is too much house pride, mate. You've both got nothing but gold and red everywhere."

But the chairs look just as comfy as the ones in the common room, so he flops down in one. Sure, he winces when he lands squarely on the book-- he'd sort of forgotten it was in his back pocket --but honestly, just being alone with Moony is already putting him in a better mood. And maybe the decorating is helping with that. Maybe.

He runs a hand through his hair, glancing around in a nervous manner that looks a bit foreign on him. "So. What've you been getting up to, other than decorating?"

Remus rolls his eyes. "I didn't decorate on purpose this way. The room just sort of..." He waves a hand absently. "...made itself."

Remus leans against the back of another chair, arms crossed. He shrugs. "Not much. Been thinking about asking the closet for a telescope so I can try to map out the sky a bit, see where we are in the moon's cycle." But that's work, and he can tell that's not what Sirius came here to talk about. He rounds the chair and sits down, looking Sirius straight in the eye.

"Alright, out with it. Something's on your mind, I can tell."

"Sure, sure. Nothing to do with you at all, then." Sirius puts on an expression of overly enthusiastic agreement, then grins, mocking--

Until Remus calls him out immediately. Bugger. He'd hoped to ease in a little better than that. No doubt this is why James is avoiding telling him altogether.

"Look, there's...some things you need to be caught up on. James wants to wait, but. Well, there's not much point in waiting. You'll need to find out eventually, so."

He pulls the book out, holding it up. "Someone's written about us. Some witch wrote a book series in the future, pretending its fiction for the muggles. But its all about-- well, it's about James' son, actually. But we're in there too."

He holds it out for Remus to take, knowing he'll want a closer look immediately. "That's just the first one. There's seven, and I only just finished that one. James has told me all about the major points, though. I can catch you up too. If you're up for it."

He licks his lips, nervous. "I'll warn you, though. It's not all that pleasant."

Remus listens carefully, reaching out for the book so he can examine it more closely. "James' son? Of course we'll be in it, then. I imagine he'll probably make you godfather, how close you two are."

But Sirius' serious tone gives Remus pause. "Not pleasant how?" How could a book about their future-- their families-- be unpleasant? One part of Remus isn't sure he wants to know, but the other part knows he couldn't stand being left in the dark.

Sirius can't help the shy smile that pops across his face at Remus musing about his godfather status. "He did, actually. Does." Not that he ever gets to do the job properly, of course.

Remus' expression is tense, and it makes the sick feeling in his stomach even worse to see it. He wishes he didn't have to tell him. But that's the thing-- he has to. There's no real choice at all.

He blows out a big breath. "Well. Not like the war's going to stop, is it? We're all fighting in it, doing the right thing. And it turns out there's a, um. Prophecy. About who'll finally kill You-Know-Who."

For a moment, Sirius lets his eyes dart around, casting about for a better way to put this.

"It's Harry. James' son. His baby with Lily."

Remus' eyes widen at the reveal that James' son-- Harry-- is the one who'll kill You-Know-Who.

"That's... That is..." He can't think of how to put to words what he wants to say, so he finally just says, "That must put Lily and James and him in a lot of danger." Because if word got out to You-Know-Who about a wizard who can stop him-- kill him, neither he nor his followers would let that slide.

Sirius closes his eyes. But it's not enough. He turns his face away.

"Too much danger, it turns out."

Says it all, doesn't it?

Sure says enough.

"I see. Well, erm." Remus isn't quite sure what to say. "Thanks? For the book, and the warning. I'll try to get started on reading it, now I know."

Sirius hesitates. Remus seems to want to drop it, or to figure these things out on his own. But...but he deserves to know. To avoid the thing that's going to ruin their lives, if he wants to. That's why he came to do this, right?

He swallows thickly, holds up a hand. "Wait. There's more to it than that."

Another hesitation and then, haltingly, Sirius begins to explain.

"James and Lily needed a secretkeeper-- so nobody knew where they were hiding. They picked me, at first, but I guess I thought I was too obvious a target. So I...I suggested Peter instead." His eyes dart away, shame filling his features, shame for something he hasn't even done yet.

But as he goes on, his expression hardens. "Peter betrayed them. He went straight to Him and...and that's why..."

Sirius closes his eyes. Blows out a breath. Opens them again.

"But Harry lives. That's why his name's on the cover. He lives and somehow that hurts You-Know-Who enough that everyone thinks he's gone for good for the first eleven years of his life. The books are about him going to Hogwarts, apparently." Well. "Going to Hogwarts and fighting You-Know-Who. Without us."

Because he hasn't gotten to why he and Remus aren't in the picture.

Remus takes a breath in as Sirius starts explaining and only belatedly remembers to let the breath out. "Without us," he echoes.

He can't imagine Peter betraying James, betraying all of them to the Dark Lord. He bites his lip as he tries to process this new information. Then, shaking his head in disbelief, he looks back up at Sirius.

"Can't we-- I mean, if we're from before this all happens-- can't we make it... not happen?" He's grasping at straws here, and he's not at all sure that's how the rules of Wonderland work, but he doesn't want anything bad to happen to any of his friends. Any of them.

And it's this that Sirius loves about Remus. He's already trying to figure it out, trying to do the right thing. He can't help but smile a little and nod.

"That's the plan. We don't know how yet-- since nobody seems to remember this place when they go home --but we intend to change that. And by changing that, change everything."

What small excitement and optimism has flashed on his face fades as he continues: "Thing is...we need to know everything that went wrong, right? Or else how're we going to now what it is that needs to be different?"

Not to mention they all deserve to know that Peter is (or at least might be) a lying fucking gnome. But Sirius is trying not to focus on that, for James' sake at least.

"So. Ready for the rest of it, so far as James has told me, or would you rather read it?" He pauses, then adds, "Might be easier to hear what happens to us specifically in a chat over some firewhiskeys, but it's up to you."

"I think..." Remus hesitates. He's never minded books before, but never before have books been about anything so important as this. "I think I'd rather get through it on my own. If that's alright." Maybe if he reads about it, it won't all be so sudden and shocking. He did notice that Sirius never mentioned himself or Remus in his description, and he's a bit scared of what might be in store.

"But thanks," he does say, "for the warning, I suppose."

Sirius nods, jaw tight. "It's...the least I can do. We need to get working on this as soon as we can, and that means understanding what we're up against."

He stands, preparing to go. "You sure that's all you want to hear? I can...I can try to remember everything James has told me."

It's clear from his tone that it might be a bit painful, though. For both of them.

Remus shakes his head, quickly. "No. I'd rather... I mean, I think I'd rather read them myself."

He tries a smile for Sirius' sake. "You know me. At the rate I read, I'll be through them in no time."

"You've gotta wait on me, though. And...and Peter."

He doesn't comment further on that, instead clearing his throat and moving to leave. "I'll try to speed it up for you, mate. And, uh. Sorry. For bearing the bad news and all."

He tries for a smile again, but it doesn't exactly come. He waves a dismissive hand. "Somebody had to. I'm glad it was you, for what it's worth."

He grips the thick book tightly in his hands and sort of follows Sirius towards the door. "Thanks, I guess."

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Honesty is such a lonely word

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