[ on anna's list of things she really never wanted to deal with, or worry about, or really ever think about ever again, lucas had been number one.
even now, with all these visions. with all these weird, unexplained feelings, she still feels the cold curl in the pit of her stomach. still feels that tightening in her chest, the loss of what had been so comfortable, so real, so (at the time) forever. she hates it, hates how young she feels when she thinks about it, hates how she can't do anything but pull herself back together after she gets into that kind of state - she spoke her mind, at the time. made a complete fool out of herself out of anger and desperation, pain. before she'd even walked away, she'd told him how she felt, how he had ruined the only thing she'd ever really wanted, the only thing she'd cared about, and left her with nothing.
anna's moved on, sure, but not completely. never completely. they say you never get passed your first love, never really move on. anna's got nick (and whatever parker is supposed to be) and she's happy again, found happiness again, but lucas had always been there in the back of her mind.
now? with this visions? what had been left to the back is finally back to the front, and anna can't even sleep.
not when she closes her eyes and sees lucas - and another girl, a girl with dark choppy hair and eyes like the sky. when she sees lucas in an orange t-shirt, grinning at her, teaching her how to swordfight and climb lava walls and everything else ridiculous that goes on in dreams.
she sees lucas, dying, and that's what seals the deal.
anna wakes up in a cold sweat. wakes up feeling like she doesn't belong here. like she's never belonged here. it's ridiculous, of course, totally unfounded and incorrect and wrong, but the feeling is there. that gut feeling that doesn't go away, no matter how long she spends trying to figure it out, trying to explain it. it's all wrong.
and when she'll thinking about it in the morning, maybe she'll understand how stupid she's been. maybe she'll regret everything about this. but in her three a.m. stupor, sleep-deprived and haunted by feelings she shouldn't have, anna texts lucas - a number she'd deleted long ago, but still (and probably will always) remember by heart. ]
we need to talk
[ their relationship had been defined by their late night talks. times where he'd show up at her window and convince her to climb out, to go walking in the snow, or the brisk autumn air. it's late, now, which is probably why her first instinct is to think of him. a habit she, apparently, still hasn't broken. anna presses the heels of each of her palms into her eyes, grinding her teeth and repeating over and over. stop thinking about that, that's not real, stop thinking about that, that's not real which, of course, means she can only think about that.
and wait for the vibration of a response, if she even gets one. ]
( CLOSED TO LUCAS )
even now, with all these visions. with all these weird, unexplained feelings, she still feels the cold curl in the pit of her stomach. still feels that tightening in her chest, the loss of what had been so comfortable, so real, so (at the time) forever. she hates it, hates how young she feels when she thinks about it, hates how she can't do anything but pull herself back together after she gets into that kind of state - she spoke her mind, at the time. made a complete fool out of herself out of anger and desperation, pain. before she'd even walked away, she'd told him how she felt, how he had ruined the only thing she'd ever really wanted, the only thing she'd cared about, and left her with nothing.
anna's moved on, sure, but not completely. never completely. they say you never get passed your first love, never really move on. anna's got nick (and whatever parker is supposed to be) and she's happy again, found happiness again, but lucas had always been there in the back of her mind.
now? with this visions? what had been left to the back is finally back to the front, and anna can't even sleep.
not when she closes her eyes and sees lucas - and another girl, a girl with dark choppy hair and eyes like the sky. when she sees lucas in an orange t-shirt, grinning at her, teaching her how to swordfight and climb lava walls and everything else ridiculous that goes on in dreams.
she sees lucas, dying, and that's what seals the deal.
anna wakes up in a cold sweat. wakes up feeling like she doesn't belong here. like she's never belonged here. it's ridiculous, of course, totally unfounded and incorrect and wrong, but the feeling is there. that gut feeling that doesn't go away, no matter how long she spends trying to figure it out, trying to explain it. it's all wrong.
and when she'll thinking about it in the morning, maybe she'll understand how stupid she's been. maybe she'll regret everything about this. but in her three a.m. stupor, sleep-deprived and haunted by feelings she shouldn't have, anna texts lucas - a number she'd deleted long ago, but still (and probably will always) remember by heart. ]
we need to talk
[ their relationship had been defined by their late night talks. times where he'd show up at her window and convince her to climb out, to go walking in the snow, or the brisk autumn air. it's late, now, which is probably why her first instinct is to think of him. a habit she, apparently, still hasn't broken. anna presses the heels of each of her palms into her eyes, grinding her teeth and repeating over and over. stop thinking about that, that's not real, stop thinking about that, that's not real which, of course, means she can only think about that.
and wait for the vibration of a response, if she even gets one. ]