entrancelogs | { dreams we had once remembered || open! }

Entry tags:

{ dreams we had once remembered || open! }

Who: Allison Argent (

driven), Annabeth Chase (

oikodomae) Mikasa Ackerman (

kampfend) and you!
Where: all around ~~Wonderland~~ Storybrooke!
When: the event!
Rating:PG-13 for safety reasons?
Summary: catch-all event log! feel free to latch onto a starter or to make your own.
The Story:

KATHRYN BRUNT/Allison Argent

Kathryn is a junior at Storybrooke High. She has a decent group of friends and a great girlfriend and an okay family life, other than the fact her parents never seem to be around or really care much for her general state of being. She really has no complains, except for the part where she's not really sure what's missing. Because something is, and she's trying to find it, one of those people who are friends with everyone but only close with a couple, who changes hobbies every few weeks, few months, just because nothing seems to stick. She takes a lot of walks on her own, tries a lot of things despite knowing she isn't good at them, all looking for that one piece in her life that isn't there.

The one piece she can't seem to find.

But on the outside, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong. Her smile looks okay, she holds herself okay, she's always with friends or doing extracurricular or anything she can find to pass the time. The only issue? None of it seems to really be working, and she doesn't know why.

ANNA CHASTIN/Annabeth Chase

Anna's a senior at Storybrooke High, with great grades and an even better resume and is looking to go to Boston University next fall. She's got a great boyfriend - Nico/Nick - who she has been dating for just over a year now and really does love. The only issue? Is that there seems to be this boy, Percy Jackson/Thesues Parker Lewis, who for her whole life has always been more than just a little annoying. Now? Now that annoying is something else, something she's not really sure how to handle.

Add on a previously horrible relationship-and-break-up with one of her closest family friends - Luke - that has left her feeling not only incredibly guarded, but still heartbroken. Still totally shattered. He ruined her life, ruined her chances at love, and if it weren't for Nico/Nick she would still be a horrible mess today.

Other than that, she holds her head up high, because she is the class president and she does have to set a good standard. And while her own personal life may be complicated, it is also personal, and she can't let that bleed into her school work or her potential future.

MELISSA ANDERSON/Mikasa Ackerman

No one really knows what happened to Melissa. They know that the Andersons used to be incredible people, with a beautiful daughter and loving parents. They also know that one night, their family was ruined, when the Andersons were brutally murdered in front of their young daughter for no reason at all. No one really remembers details, no one really wants to talk about it, but they all feel for the young girl who had her family ripped away so violently and suddenly from her normal, good life.

Since then, Melissa has become a haunted, quiet child. Barely says a word, barely seems to react to anything around her. She was taken in by a foster family that isn't mean to her, per say, but they don't really remember she's there. They leave her on her own, ignore her, forget she's there - the only reminder being the check they get in the mail every month. Not that Melissa seems to complain much - she doesn't talk much - and except for a small boy that she always seems to follow around she doesn't actually have any friends. She moves more like a ghost than a child, but she's still there, keeping to the corners and out of the way.

[ ooc action spam and/or prose is welcome! as are text threads or phone calls or whatever you want. heading out for a movie right now but I'll put up some general starters for these girls when I get back, but feel free to slap something down that I can get to as well! c: ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

ooc: [hello I am here ~~and also handsome?~~]

[ ooc VERY HANDSOME. so we wanna do something with just these two or do we wanna do a three-way thread? i'm also gonna tag you with anna so get ready. c: ]

ooc: [We got something started over here, you think Mikasa could slip in?]

[ ooc done and done! ]

[ family names have power. they stretch on through the generations, retaining noble staples like honor, pride, loyalty, even hospitality. Benjamin doesn't remember any more what the Roads used to mean, he only knows what they are now. nothing more than dulled lettering on the rusting mailbox in front of their yard, marred by years of neglect, forgotten and tarnished by a drunk that practically lives in the den; inhabits the living room like a cave of despair and self-hatred, choosing not to move past those things, not to accept them, but to inflict them on his children.

welcome to the Roads legacy.

he watches his older brothers grow up and grow apart, watches his sister try and pretend she has enough might to take on the world alone. and he changes, changes from a laughing child to a young man that learns to turn his aspirations and true emotions inwards. he hides behind fairy tales — stories where knights rescue princesses, where wizards triumph over the impossible, where happy endings are always available to those that fight for it hard enough — and manga, dives into impossible adventures to escape his reality. when he isn't buried in a textbook, pouring everything he has into his homework and extra credit, steering clear of sports for community service. not for the sake of doing it but rather how it might look on a college application. his salvation. his ticket out the door.

but it seems so far away from where he is, trapped in high school, boxed in a life he does his best to tune out because wherever he turns, there's a crushing realization of how invisible he is. to his sister — whose secrets he can read into as easily as it would be to crack the lock on her bedroom door and search for her journal — and all of her own problems with adapting to this life, to his father and his slurred words; to his brothers, hardened by the actuality of war, in spite of the combat training growing up in their house had been. to his classmates, his teachers, and the one girl in all the world that gives Ben hesitation in wanting to leave at all.

going there, touching that, admitting what he feels for her is true only confirms how lost he is. how nothing he touches belongs to him, and nothing goes the way he wants it to, and he's never ( not once ) going to fit anywhere so long as he calls Storybrooke home. home, the one place he can't seem to get out of, as interchangeable as the word prison.

in a rare turn of events, his bedroom door is wide open when Kathryn climbs the stairs, headed for the room next to his. he looks up from his book and from behind his glasses ( lost in the woods ) and doesn't war with himself too long when it comes to keeping her from reaching Clare's door. a battle so easily lost when she feels like a lantern beyond the trees, shining through the darkness. ] If you're looking for Clare, you just missed her.

Edited 2014-10-27 00:22 (UTC)

[ kathryn gets through her days.

'gets through', but not so much in the sense that it's painful. for all intents and purposes, she has a pretty decent life. good friends, good family, good grades. she has everything she should have, could have anything she wanted, but for whatever reason it feels like she's wading in the water. waiting for something, for anything, but never quiet able to reach out and grab it. she tries - changes her look, her interests, everything from her books to her music to the shoes on her feet. she goes through phases like people go through paper towels - important, strong, all-consuming, then thrown away. trashed for the sake of the next piece of the roll, the next turn of the corner.

her friends got used to it early on, her two closest both thinking her flight-y attitude towards things like music and poetry hilarious, but okay. not problematic - they all still got along, they were all still friends, and even when kathryn and clare became something a little more. something a little faster, a little harder, and it takes all kathryn can manage to keep herself from falling into her same pattern.

clare is not a phase. she's her best friend, her girlfriend, and is one of the few people who can really get kathryn out of her head and in the moment. maybe that's why kathryn showed up here at all - she knows the roads' better than to just show up unannounced. knows mr. roads well enough to know what could happen. but maybe kathryn is just having one of those days, where it feels like everything and nothing is slowly creeping in around her. like some kind of invisible wall is pressing in on her, pushing her out to sea, and she's got nothing to hold onto. she's taking two steps at a time up the stairs, hand reaching out for clare's door before she hears benjamin from his room, jumping like she's been caught breaking in somewhere.

she gives him an easy enough smile, trying to hide her confusion at the comment. ] I did? [ but she steps into his room easily enough, just a different direction. she knows herself well enough to know that being alone really isn't a good idea, especially with the way her stomach turns with the questions spinning around in her head. so instead, she lets her eyes wander around his room. ] Any idea where she went?

[ and then, because she feels bad, kathryn stops only a step or two into his room - turning her eyes back to benjamin. ] Sorry, are you busy?

[ breaking in? as if. Kathryn is over enough that Ben's surprised she hasn't yet been mistaken for Clare by his father. he gets things confused sometimes as only a soldier (retired from the battle) can. he notices everyone's arrivals and departures, probably because he knows how to blend into the background. he can be as quiet as a mouse when he wants to be, when he loses himself in an activity. the pen he had been writing in ( confident in his ability to write with a lack of errors ) gets discarded in in the center of his spiral notebook. displaying how little he thinks of his work in the face of company ( her company ) is quite possibly the worst idea he can entertain. his undivided attention turns on her. he catches her curiosity blooming, looks down momentarily as she surveys his bedroom.

it isn't messy, but it also doesn't look incredibly personalized beyond the book shelf. minimal. simple. very plain.

he flashes an empathetic smile in her direction and tries to steel the rest of himself from her, from overstepping the careful lines he's maintained. she receives her answer with a shake of his head. ] Out. That's all I know. You know my sister almost as well as I do. She doesn't think it's necessary to tell anyone when she'll be back, or where she's going.

[ but she isn't as clever or as subtle as she thinks she is. ]

Not really. Nothing that can't wait. This paper's not due until next week anyway.

[ she's so—! don't mind him as he removes his glasses and chooses that moment, interrupts the way he's gazing at her, to clean his glasses. they don't need it but if it means he can't see her as clearly, can't reveal as much as humanly possible with his eyes, then he's okay with being temporarily blind. ]

Why? [ he inquires, innocently enough, with interest he tries to downplay. ]

[ honestly? she has, once or twice. an awkward moment or two that kathryn could pull off if only for the adrenaline of it. the moment she felt herself adapting. it had felt good, in a way, to pull it off. get away with it. but that was it. now, she avoids the interaction at all, knowing stories from clare about what he was capable of, what could happen. if anything, kathryn wanted to keep clare from having to deal with the guilt of if something did happen, wanted to keep her from worrying.

still, she can't bring herself to feel weird about being in this house. even in light of knowing that clare isn't even here. if anything, she's confused about where clare could be - she's not with cordelia (already checked) or any of their other friends. she's not at her after school clubs or anything. there's a hint of a smile when benjamin mentions clare's coming and going habits - fond, but unsure. usually kathryn does know those things, but that would make sense, seeing as she and clare tended to go everywhere together. but when it involved her family? kathryn knows how clare gets. even if kathryn can't see why when it concerns benjamin.

she takes another step inside, feeling unsure of how to take how minimal his room is. compared to clare's room - posters and art that kathryn had put up, pictures of the two of them, pictures with cordelia - it was a little jarring. ]

You're already working on it? I bet teachers love you. [ is she trying to force conversation? maybe. but it doesn't feel weird to her, somehow, so she just keeps going. she's got nowhere else to go, after all. her eyes fall back to him when he takes off his glasses, watching (staring) at how he looks without them. she hasn't seen it before, so it's a bit of a shock.

but then kathryn is looking somewhere else, suddenly feeling like she was being too awkward, making her way over to the bed before looking back to him in question - wondering if it was okay that she sat. ] Honestly? [ this is the only house that doesn't remind her of that strange curling in her stomach that has been happening lately, so she wants to hide away in it. ] I don't really want to go home. Am I bothering you?

[ adrenaline is new to him. the rush he gets when he thinks about putting the Welcome to Storybrooke sign far behind him in the rearview mirror. it's sneaking out in the middle of the night with Clare and sitting behind the wheel, putting pedal to the metal and being grateful when he doesn't take out a mailbox or a stray cat. he feels it creeping up on him now when the house is empty and Benjamin is alone in his bedroom with his sister's girlfriend, trying to pretend everything about it is normal because it should be. life's not supposed to be messier than it already is. so what if she's beautiful? plenty of girls in this town have that going for them. pretty is only pretty until it's gone.

( a surface crush, he tells himself. that's it. )

he's not a bad person. he loves his sister. there's only one family member he would betray, and it isn't Clare. he instantly regrets feeding bits and pieces to Kathryn and not giving her more to go off of. the fact remains: he doesn't know where she is, not for certain. he only has an idea, and ideas aren't worth getting anyone worked up over. she's as open as she needs to be and that isn't always the same amount. but she's a survivor and Ben can't fault her for holding on for dear life in any of the ways that work for her. he simply wishes that if Kathryn isn't Clare's lifesaver anymore, then she would tell her as much. ]

Yeah, [ he admits hastily, a little uncomfortably too because he recognizes how much of a loser it makes him. ] I'm a regular teacher's pet. [ he puts his glasses back on, tight lipped with his smile because he must seem like the most boring guy alive to her - the girl that he's noticed trying new things, again and again, without hesitation.

or so he thinks.

he sits up straighter as she stops hanging in the entry of his room and strolls all the way in, headed closer to him. she's bored, he realizes. bored enough to talk to him with nothing else to do. he gathers up the items on his bed ( a notebook, a textbook, several printed articles with sticky notes here and there ) and leans over to set them down on the carpet. clearing a space for her comes to him too easily and he swallows once, hard, and puts his feet on solid ground instead of across his bed as they had been. he doesn't want to be too relaxed around her. ]

Oh. [ and the weird look isn't because of her, so much as it is him struggling with the thought that someone would want to be in this house instead of their own. ] Honestly? I don't think you could bother me if you tried. But, if you'd like me to humor you, I could sigh repeatedly after every word you say.

Or we could play a few rounds of Mortal Kombat. [ don't even be surprised that a family full of soldiers only has fighting games. ]

[ kathryn has a feeling, but that's all it is. the same feeling she's had for some time now - weeks? days? she doesn't know. a feeling like a storm is coming, like something is wrong, but she has nothing to base the feeling on and absolutely no reason to blame the feeling on clare. clare is one of the few things in kathryn's life that she can really depend on, that she can have without worry. she and clare have been closer than close, which is why their relationship made sense. kathryn can't just think that some feeling is the reason to actually doubt anything, or worry about anything.

clare's just out. that's all it is.

but allison doesn't want to go home to an empty house. doesn't want to bother luna, or cordelia. doesn't want to go anywhere because even amid the war memorabilia and tension that hangs in the air, kathryn likes being at the roads'. likes spending time here. and, as it turns out, can hold onto that feeling even when clare isn't here, and it's just ben she's seeing. kathryn can't help the way she smiles when he gets a little nervous when she asks him about his homework, laughing a little when he moves to shuffle things off the bed. ] That's not a bad thing. Sometimes I kinda wish I could do my homework early- I just don't have the motivation.

[ she takes the seat next to him on his bed, aware of just how tense or out of place he seems to be, but not feeling it herself. she's strangely comfortable sitting in here and she doesn't know why, but she's not willing to leave just yet. she laughs when he continues, though, eyebrows shooting up her forehead. ] You'd do that for me? [ as her grin spreads. ] You're too sweet.

[ another laugh, and then kathryn is falling back to lay on his bed, eyes turned to look up at him. ] We could, and then you'll beat me just as fast as Clare does. I know you Roads and your Mortal Combat tricks.

Procrastination. The greatest flaw since Achilles' heel. [ sloth will get you dead as fast as anything else. he doesn't see the harm in it with her as long as she eventually gets them down, completed before the countdown. ] Poring over textbooks isn't all it's cracked up to be.

[ it may be his ticket out of here ( which makes him unwilling to throw it away ) but he's aware of how much of the high school experience he's missing out on by hiding out in his bedroom or the library. "the high school experience." it can't be so great. everyone around him looks miserable half of the time. the emptiness inside of him that he tries to fill with stories and hope about his future never loses depth and part of him has to wonder if it's because he doesn't belong reading in the background. something in his chest swells at her grin, her unconcealable joy, and he feels the anxiety seep out of him. he's been pulled tight like a wire since he heard footsteps at the bottom of the staircase. Benjamin finally eases into himself, distracted by her company. ]

What can I say? I'm a sucker for [ a pretty face ] a friend in need.

[ she's been around the family long enough for him to call her that without it being awkward, even if they aren't close. he can count on two hands the number of times they've sat together like this - after school, downstairs, in the car waiting for Clare to get back in it after putting gas in - and none of them have been highly personal. he feels close to her. as though she's a fixture in his daily life, as familiar as the sun rising, and it would be weird to remove her from the program now. she falls back on his bed and he pulls one knee up, half-turned towards her. ]

Tricks? The word you're looking for is skill. We've perfected the careful art of button mashing and kicking the other guy while they're down. [ is this the face of a guy that uses cheat codes?? ] If you don't want to go home and you don't want to play video games, then what do you want to do?

Tell me about it. [ the truth of the statement settles in her as it settles in most teenagers. aware of the reason and the flaw and yet completely unable to grasp just how easy it would be to remedy it. how much better life would be. she can look at the problem, can see the answer to it, but will immediately turn - instead - to her friends. to her newest hobby. to anything and everything that isn't studying. because while her own personal standard is always in the a-b range, it's too much effort if she has to push it to her social life. to the hours she could be spending staring up at the sky, driving around with clare. ]

No, but it'll help get you into college. [ college. a step she hasn't yet taken, beyond the school-wide necesity to at least look. she's got ideas in mind, places that aren't more than a name on a piece of paper. not because she doesn't think she can do it, or because she isn't excited about it. more so she just hasn't had it settle in, yet, that it's right around the corner. hasn't let it settle in a way that will sit heavily on her conscious - college. four years. away from storybrooke, away from her friends, away from the only life she's barely managed to settle in by now.

if she doesn't know who she is in the one place she's lived her whole life, who will she be somewhere new? somewhere different?

she doesn't want to know.

so instead, she recites high school conselor knowledge. repeats phrases she's hear da hundred times over. 'colleges like this, colleges like that'. colleges like people who know who they are and what they want, things kathryn isn't sure of. isn't sure she'll ever be sure of. she shrugs and smiles and feels at ease enough where she is now. isn't that enough? ]

I'm serious though, if I'm bugging you you can totally kick me out. I don't want to mess up your study schedule. [ there's only a hint of a tease, there, covered mostly by pure honesty. kathryn does worry that she's imposing - because while she's known benjamin mostly her whole life (as long as she's known clare) it's always been the 'best friend's younger brother'. they get along because they do, because allison does like ben and ben doesn't seem to think she's too annoying, but that's all it's been. smalltalk here, a shared joke there. a wave in the hallway at school before kathryn was pulled away by clare's hand in her own.

he makes her laugh again at his question, her hands settling over her stomach, one starting to fidget with a ring she'd bought earlier that year. an arrow that wraps around the middle finger of her right hand. it'd caught her eye, for whatever reason, and now she can't seem to take it off. ] Yeah, perfected the art of totally beating up on everyone who isn't as good at it as you are. [ a.k.a. whose girlfriend seriously won't let them win once? ever? no, it's better for their relationship if they avoid the game entirely - that was decided some time ago.

kathryn's eyes go back up to the ceiling for a moment - more in thought than anything - before she looks back over to him. ] I don't know. Anything. What books are you reading? [ and then, because it has to be said. ] Not one's you're reading for school. Or ones you are and actually like.

College isn't going to amount to much if I don't have anyone to share my acceptance letter with. [ it slips out of him. so many years of practicing to keep his inner monologue inside where it belongs, only to spill the beans the second he's shown kindness. he means with friends, possibly even a relationship, but he covers for that quickly. she doesn't need to know about the things that trouble him. ] If it isn't enrolling in the military, then nobody in this house is going to want to hear about it. Even if they did, [ he thinks of Clare here ] it's not something they would openly admit.

[ he doesn't know why he felt compelled to share that with Kathryn, although, he's positive that Clare already knows that he's running for the door the first chance he gets. all of the Roads children do eventually. he isn't a fighter ( not for the sake of it ) and their aren't careers within those uniforms that he's interested in looking into. he wants a civillian's life. he's drawn from that by her loose apology, not quite sorry, but giving him permission to dismiss her. Benjamin shakes his head; some of her teasing goes right over his head, sifted through a filter. he's being too intense. that's what it is. books make him more serious, more involved in the relationships he does bother to maintain. ]

Math comes to me naturally. History's been drilled into my head for as long as I can remember. Science takes some work, but I'm ahead in the reading in every class, which is about as embarrassing as it sounds. You're not the only one that could benefit from a break.

[ his gaze drops to the arrow on her finger and he wonders where she got it, what it means to her. he doesn't ask. it's probably a gift from his sister and he doesn't want to hear about that. ]

Nope. [ he denies her but he's in good spirits. there isn't a frown line anywhere to be seen. ] We've already established what a huge geek I am without talking about my collection of fantasy novels.

[ that may have seemed like he was talking about them but he is, in fact, not. ]

Next suggestion pending.

[ the comment throws her off for a second to two, leaves her confused and staring at benjamin like she'd never thought of it that way. sure, she's never really seen him hang out with any other friends, the few times she's been around he's either been tagging along or sitting up in his room. does he really not... ]

That's not true. [ she wants to sit up, but she doesn't, thinking the movement might make her seem more crazy than just trying to make a point. she looks at him with one of those i'm being serious look at me sort of looks she gives to clare whenever she's being blown off, but she doesn't know if it'll work. ]

You and I both know Clare cares about you. A lot. [ she's watched her girlfriend stress out about her younger brother, after all. there are very few people that clare roads stresses out about. ] Plus- I'd like to know. Getting into college isn't an everyday kind of thing.

[ kathryn doesn't blame him in any way, shape or form when it comes to high-tailing it out of this town. she's probably be on that same boat, if it weren't for the connections she has, the family, the friends. keeping all those while also on the run to anywhere but here? doesn't seem possible to her. but at the same time, she doesn't really know if she's that attached at all. like a feeling, low and settled in her, that says she's used to this. that there's a reason she doesn't feel settled here.

but then her eyes leave him, head back to the ceiling, laughing only when he mentions being a week ahead and embarrassed by it. ] Okay, I take back what I said. You're every teachers dream.

[ she looks back up to see him staring at her ring. rather than try and put it away, put off by the look, she feels an odd sense of pride. is about to ask him if he wants to see it, when he continues. and outright denies her. ]

Oh come on. [ she reaches out, then, smacking him on the knee with her hand. ] I want to know about your fantasy novels. I've read fantasy novels! [ one. once. shh it was really super long and she totally got into it but seeing that the sequel was roughly eight hundred pages long she decided not to worry about it. ]

Okay, fine. [ she settles again, stubbornly. ] Movies. Not motivational sports films or war movies. Meaning that Miracle and Pearl Harbor are not options. [ a.k.a. two movies clare has made kathryn watch TOO MANY TIMES. ]

Yes, she cares about me. But nobody in this house is allowed to care about anything that doesn't somehow serve as combat training. [ his point is that if he shared his admittance at the dinner table that he planned to attend college as soon as his time was up at the local high school, rather than shipping off to the military with a buzzcut and taking a class here and there for their careers, well, he would be asking for the plate to fly across the table and shatter behind him against the wall. he doesn't know if Clare will show her approval, her joy, or just let it slide to the carpet like salad from a broken dish. ] I'm sorry. None of this is your problem. If I get in, I promise you'll be one of the first few people I tell.

[ assuming she doesn't get out of town first. ]

You want to hear about wizards and vampires and knights? Which aren't all in the same story, for the record. [ dirty, dirty shame. she does not want to know! he doesn't even know why he's sharing against his better judgment. supernatural creatures, fantastical times - they're great. they're perfect. in the end, he always recognizes that good will triumph over evil. the hero's journey will certainly cause strife and doubt, but the greater purpose will always come to fruition. a guarantee that real life simply can't hand out to him.

Ben laughs at her, short and maybe a little morbid. ] Were they ever options for anything other than torture?

[ while he's grateful he doesn't have a younger sibling to make him sit through Frozen six thousand times, Clare's just as bad. all of their siblings had a movie or two they liked to loop and quote the lines back to the television at. he's not much better. ]

Fine, but no laughing, or kicking me out of my own bed on a technicality. [ because his taste in movies is as sucky as the next teenager's. ] The Star Trek reboots despite their flaws and . . . Fight Club.

[ what? he's a boy. ]

[ she deflates a little when he says that, because part of her wants to get defensive over clare. wants to say no, she'll care, she'll care like a normal person would care. would get excited and be proud of her brother and everything would be fine. but she also knows how things work in their family, and she knows better than to just assume something because she believes in clare.

it settles over kathryn, there, just how right he is about it, and it kind of depresses her. there's nothing she can really do about it. because it's not her family, it's not her place, it's not her anything to do except be a friend and sit here and be happy for him. so she takes a breath, looks back up at him with a smile. ] Please do. I'll be excited, at least.

[ because as much as she isn't all that attached to this city, this place, she can't really see herself going anywhere else.

his next comment has her laughing again, something light and easy, eyebrows shooting up in amusement. wizards and vampires and knights. she could think of worse things to read about. ] Maybe I do! I don't appreciate your judgement of my interests. [ which, really, is a joke in itself. she's read a fantasy book or two, read a supernatural story here and there. knights and princesses and royal courts never really interested her all that much - something about women needing saving, needing protecting, never really sitting well with her. but she can see the appeal, can see wanting to be whisked away to somewhere else, anywhere else, and there were times she wished she could like them more than she does.

but then he laughs at her and kathryn just laughs with him. she loves those movies, sure, but not every time. quite literally every weekend. ] Torture's a little mean, they're not bad movies.

[ they've just been watched too often. kathryn believes if you can quote an entire movie from start to finish, maybe you shouldn't want to watch that movie every time the opportunity arises. ]

Why would I laugh? [ so she's quite when he continues, waiting for his answer. she doesn't know anything more about star trek except that it was a tv show and not star wars. her face does break out into an almost-laugh grin when he mentions it, though, holding it back

she's not going to laugh. she's not going to do it. but then he says fight club and she's sitting up, so quickly that for half a second she's dizzy. ]

Whoa- sorry. [ a turn to face him. ] I love Fight Club.

[ Parker tries to be happy. he tries to stay positive despite the tsunami that crashes down on his life and washes his roots away, and carries him somewhere far, far away from where he's supposed to be. there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't see something blue, doesn't pass a book in the window by his mom's favorite author, doesn't think about her and wish it had been his father instead. he buries himself in the swim team, in hopping on a bike and pedaling all the way from one edge of town to the other; enjoys the wind and his hair, the quiet, slicing through the water.

he tries to be happy when his best friend, Nick, gets a girlfriend and Anna becomes the center of his universe, when he sees them holding hands and kissing, and he has no idea which one of them he envies more. Nick for his ability to move past his tragedy and find happiness, for getting to kiss a beautiful girl that Parker's always had a healthy rivalry with. or Anna because she gets to cradle Nick's head in her lap and hold her head high, able to make high school politics look so effortless; for making Nick smile in a way Parker was sure they both had forgotten how to do. it's weird kind of jealousy and he tells himself that it's because he's jealous of what they share, that he wants something like it with somebody else. he tells himself that there really is someone out there for him that gets him, but he doesn't believe it.

( there's something wrong with him. )

shouldn't he be happy for Nick? shouldn't he be glad that he's found something he can call his own? shouldn't he be supportive? shouldn't he be literally anything but the guy that wants to swoop in and take it away from him? he squeezes the hand brakes on his bicycle, comes to a screeching stop, feels the bike go sideways as he jumps off and lets it land in the street. frustrated at his inability to let it all go. it's just that when he watches them at school or goes out with them to have a good time, he can't help the feeling in his gut that tells him there's something wrong with the picture of Nick and Anna together without him. he presses his hands in his eyes, lets out an aggravated growl and leans over to put his bike right side up. it's only then, right then, that he realizes his crash landing was in front of Anna's house.

Parker tries to be happy but he doesn't know where to start. ]

Edited 2014-10-27 01:01 (UTC)

[ on anna's list of things she really never wanted to deal with, or worry about, or really ever think about ever again, lucas had been number one.

even now, with all these visions. with all these weird, unexplained feelings, she still feels the cold curl in the pit of her stomach. still feels that tightening in her chest, the loss of what had been so comfortable, so real, so (at the time) forever. she hates it, hates how young she feels when she thinks about it, hates how she can't do anything but pull herself back together after she gets into that kind of state - she spoke her mind, at the time. made a complete fool out of herself out of anger and desperation, pain. before she'd even walked away, she'd told him how she felt, how he had ruined the only thing she'd ever really wanted, the only thing she'd cared about, and left her with nothing.

anna's moved on, sure, but not completely. never completely. they say you never get passed your first love, never really move on. anna's got nick (and whatever parker is supposed to be) and she's happy again, found happiness again, but lucas had always been there in the back of her mind.

now? with this visions? what had been left to the back is finally back to the front, and anna can't even sleep.

not when she closes her eyes and sees lucas - and another girl, a girl with dark choppy hair and eyes like the sky. when she sees lucas in an orange t-shirt, grinning at her, teaching her how to swordfight and climb lava walls and everything else ridiculous that goes on in dreams.

she sees lucas, dying, and that's what seals the deal.

anna wakes up in a cold sweat. wakes up feeling like she doesn't belong here. like she's never belonged here. it's ridiculous, of course, totally unfounded and incorrect and wrong, but the feeling is there. that gut feeling that doesn't go away, no matter how long she spends trying to figure it out, trying to explain it. it's all wrong.

and when she'll thinking about it in the morning, maybe she'll understand how stupid she's been. maybe she'll regret everything about this. but in her three a.m. stupor, sleep-deprived and haunted by feelings she shouldn't have, anna texts lucas - a number she'd deleted long ago, but still (and probably will always) remember by heart. ]

we need to talk

[ their relationship had been defined by their late night talks. times where he'd show up at her window and convince her to climb out, to go walking in the snow, or the brisk autumn air. it's late, now, which is probably why her first instinct is to think of him. a habit she, apparently, still hasn't broken. anna presses the heels of each of her palms into her eyes, grinding her teeth and repeating over and over. stop thinking about that, that's not real, stop thinking about that, that's not real which, of course, means she can only think about that.

and wait for the vibration of a response, if she even gets one. ]

[ life sucks and then you die. that's the one idea that plagues lucas for the entirety of his day. never has he ever felt the intense need to change things, to strike out against the hand that feeds, than he has for the last twenty-four hours. he thinks sleeping will work, and he does, for a few hours in the night, but it isn't until he's tossed to the floor after having almost drowned — not in water, though, but inside of himself — he'd awoken in a cold sweat and had remained awake, the feeling of a blade slicing into his side and even piercing his ribcage still feels as real as him hitting the floor. ]

[ he's not the type to take to trees. climbing them as a kid had been fun. the thrill of the heights and the possibility of plummeting to the ground had always kicked his adrenaline into overdrive. but lucas' never quite taken to trees as the boy in his memories had. when he'd been walking down the very street he's taken to for years, he'd come to a stop in front of a pine tree that had suffocated him with a thick layer of melancholy and hot anger. a tree is a tree; they're there for kids to climb, to provide shade for older people, and for cats to get stuck up in. never has he ever fallen from one, but it's as though the tree had done something to him. ]

[ the colour of orange has never looked good on him, either. rock climbing has always been an activity he's steered clear against, disliking being up in the air, as if afraid he'll be struck down with a stone or even a shot of lightning. whenever he happens to daydream during the day, it shifts into adventures that seem almost too surreal. there's a garden with a glowing tree, golden apples sitting on the branches, with an one-hundred headed dragon curled up beneath it. there's a sword in his hand that feels better than a hockey stick ever will — he's run miles and miles, as though he can penetrate the different worlds that his mother had once believed existed before she had ceased to even remain inside, and in control, of her own mind. ]

[ he's playing his xbox when his phone trills. it's a ringtone he hasn't quite found another recipient for, but it's as if his phone remembers a number he had deleted a long time ago. he doesn't move to snatch it from his bed as he hits the console buttons harder than necessary, but, within a few moments, curiosity gets the best of him. tossing the console to the side, the game slowly dying as everything he has worked for falls to shit, he looks at his phone and instantly recognises the number. ]

Rate this need on a scale and then take a number.

[ but the fact he answers is a response in itself. it's funny, how he had begun daydreaming of her, of another life where he had inevitably disappointed her. there's another girl there, bright blue eyes, black hair, who had sent his heart running faster than his own legs could ever hope to carry him. it had been with her he had felt hope, overwhelmed by it, it bleeding into his life here where his father stating he should try to take his own athletic career seriously hadn't been met with a self-deprecating remark or eyeroll. it's funny to him, how he dreams of dying and the one thing that has remained dead for months seems to burst back through his front door and into life itself. ]

[ she doesn't remember what it feels like to sit still.

that had always been a strong-point for her, her focus and concentration outamtching anyone in the world. give her a book and she could zone out for hours, unaware of conversations, of earthquakes, of the entire world falling down around her in a pile of hot ash. she could go hours in one position, with the only movement being the slow rise and fall of her chest, her eyes shifting from one side to the next the only indication of life itself.

now? now she can barely sit at all.

she wants to run, to climb. wants to take to trails that lead right on out of town, head underground for no reason other than to look. until now, books had been enough, been more than enough, but now she feels like there's an itch she can't scratch. it pulls her to the woods for a short bit, to a hill for another. she feels like she's let someone down when no one had been expecting anything at all from her, like she had never been given the chance she should have had.

anna feels like she's been waiting her whole life for a chance, and that - for whatever reason - lucas and a girl, with blue eyes and black hair, are the only ones who have given it to her.

it hurts, to think of him in one moment and to remember him the next. to think of him as something more than what he is, something slightly different. her chest still hurts and her head pounds, but rather than wanting something back she had once, she's craving for recognition. for appreciation. she'd loved him at one point, but now that love is morphing into something else entirely, and it's making her feel sick. she knows whatever this is, whatever her brain is doing, isn't natural. it shouldn't be happening at all. but she doesn't know who to talk to or who to go to other than she sees lucas' face and it's bigger and taller than she remembers it being before, and she thinks he has to know.

by the time her phone buzzes back, she's got her coat pulled tightly around her, her scarf around her neck. the cold air is the only thing that is keeping her together at this point, and she doesn't want to break that by pulling out her phone. and yet she does anyway, looking at the response and feeling something between an amused snort and an affronted huff bubble up in her throat. ]

I can't stop thinking about a tree
tell me on a scale how screwed up that is

[ and a girl she wants to add. a single eye. ]

what are your thoughts on cyclopses?

[ there's too much going on.

first there are the memories. flashes of a life that kathryn has never seen before, relationships she's never had. for no reason at all, she's itching to hold a bow, to shoot an arrow. she feels the pain of heartbreak and the weight of loss and she doesn't know why, or where it's coming from. it doesn't help, that as soon as she feels all of this it seems to be happening to everyone else, the few things she thought she could depend on starting to crack under her feet. clare, being the main part of that, but then everything else piled up. there are too many people she suddenly wants to check in on, too many other people who her feelings are being diluted towards. she hates how out of control she feels in all this, and that in itself is a confusing feeling.

so she leaves. heads out down the street, around the corner, and over a few more blocks. a familiar route, to cordelia's house, because through all of it at least with cordelia she still feels friendship.

which is why kathryn feels like hiding away with her for a while, keeping her head down as she walks through the neighborhood and hoping that no one notices her as she does so. if she can just get to cordelia's, all of this will start making sense, won't it? that's what she's hoping for, at least, as she heads up the drive and knocks on the front door, hoping that she's at least home. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

{ dreams we had once remembered || open! }

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( KATHRYN BRUNT )

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( ANNA CHASTIN ) / possibly open to Nick

( CLOSED TO LUCAS )

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( CLOSED TO CORDELIA )