[ Closed ]

[what_he_needs]

WHO: Michael what_he_needs and Gabriel onlyhomemade;
WHERE: One or both of their rooms, the hallway, who knows;
WHEN: This event;
RATING: Pg, will update as needed;
SUMMARY: Brother talks;


For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. It wasn't a first breath, or the first time his eyes open, his form was not physical, he was not there and then he was. But, like birth, his sudden existence was a swarm of confusion and fear, longing and darkness.

Then he heard it, the first voice, his twin and brother the Archangel Gabriel. Confident and giving him hope. His other half, bonded to, and someone that no other could know Michael better than. Feeling the essence of another with him, he did not try to discover any more beyond that being. To know where he was, who he was, it was nothing, unimportant in comparison.

He was content to just be, held immobile in the early morning hours of his creation by the mere comfort of only knowing he wasn't alone.

Michael was standing by his bed, well, where his bed used to be, and he watched the memory of his first days. Over and over, until he felt weakened by it. He would never forget that memory, but it seemed almost diminished over time, faded with each tearing of their bond, pushed away somewhere dark at the complete breaking of their connection. It had been easier, he told himself, to keep that memory somewhere he didn't have to think of it, but it was sweet now, softer and enlightening.

Wonderland took so much from it's patrons, gave so little, but here, in the middle of a room that was no longer a room, he had his brother again.

Comments

[onlyhomemade]

Gabriel sat in the warmth of a thousand suns, basking in the grace and comfort that was his memory of Heaven, his home. His eyes closed as he listened as his father spoke and in turn his sister and brother who simultaneously surrounded him and sat by him in their formless essence. He mouthed his parts here or there as he relived his moment, more focused on hearing a voice he thought was long gone. He remembered and was lost to it for a good while.

Until he felt it, the tug of his twin as if being found for the first time all over again. It was strange, waking him from his reverie in his own memory. Then all at once it was dizzying as he's bombarded with the emotions of his Twin, something he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. He gasps, near doubling over, clutching his chest as his memory carries on without him as if nothing is wrong. There's longing there, and relief, fondness and bitter-sweet pain. He feels Michaels loss and guilt and for many minutes he can only sit there and feel sorting through everything in waves as the other watches the memory and is experiencing all this grief and happiness mixed together. He tries to focus through it to stand, trembling slightly as he's overwhelmed. He shakes it off and leaves his memory, closing the door and forgetting to lock it as he goes just down the hall to find Michael and to comfort him.

It's almost too much, choking him as he feels his own sense of relief and pain. He never thought he'd feel their bond again, and yet, here it was, in tact. Or at least, in the only way Wonderland could give it back to them. He wasn't capable of thinking of it any other way than their bond was somehow fixed. He can feel his heart wrench in his chest, happy beyond belief and aching at the same time. He missed this more than he could ever express, and he would never admit it, but between the two of them he wanted this moment just about as much as he wanted his Father back. The way they were connected at birth was indescribable and losing that bond had been the most painful thing he'd ever had to endure. He was empty and for this moment, he felt whole again.

Complete.

Despite all the confusing and intense emotions running back and forth between the both of them, it was like being born anew once more. He had to simply get used to it again, but it would be like flying. That initial shove out of the nest is hard but they'd remember what instinct had written in their very being.

He reaches the door with a shuddering breath as he takes in the familiar sight of nothingness. The sound of his own voice and how Michael reaches out to him once more to just... sense each others presence and find comfort in each others existence in the grand nothingness as the world is born over and over around them. It's vast and all encompassing and impossible to comprehend for any mortal creature. It's beyond them but none of that mattered, because they had each other.

"Michael." He calls out to him through the room that isn't a room, eyes longing. He'd step forward into the memory but is afraid his knees would give way at the sheer power of it all. So instead he rests at the doorway, pressing one hand to the door frame and beckoning the other to him, wanting nothing more than to physically hold his Twin, elated to have him back and to feel whole again.

[what_he_needs]

Gabriel.

He feels his brother. Both in memory and in reality as he enters the room that was no longer a room. Michael turns his head slightly, the memory continuing to play over and over, even after he stops playing his part.

This was hard for Michael, having this memory, his happiest and best time played out for him vividly as if it were happening again. It reminded him of the years of his existence spent wasted, or ruined, by his own actions. It reminded him of the fact that this was his brother, his twin, and he'd lost him through no one's fault but his own.

He was supposed to be the older brother, the strong one, to do what was right, but where was the line, when should he cross it. Michael had been the good son, did what his father had asked of him, enjoyed it even, and he'd pushed Gabriel away to do so. Then later, and yet again, he stood opposite his twin, and put an even larger divide between them.

Michael never wanted that. He didn't know how to do what he thought was right, and to honor himself, while still having his brother. This memory only made his confusion, indecision, and guilt that much stronger, potent.

Heavy.

He can see him now, though he's not sure for a moment if the full connection between, their bond, is the memory of it in this room, or their broken bond now restored. Michael reaches out his hand, harm held still in the air, inviting him to come in out of Wonderland, wanting nothing more than to have Gabriel join him in this better time.

[onlyhomemade]

Gabriel drew in a ragged breath and closed his eyes, bombarded by his brothers regret and loss. All that guilt and pain was heavy and suffocating to the point he swayed where he stood. He wasn't used to it and in all fairness he was kind of surprised by the sheer amount of it his Twin carried with him. He swallows it all down, opening blue eyes to peer through the nothingness to his brother. He sees him beckon him and does what he can to straighten up and stand under the weight of Michael's torment.

The most prominent ache is that of how much Michael missed him and blamed himself for losing him. All this time Gabriel blamed himself for causing Michael to sever their bond, believing it was because he left him there in the desert to rot. He never wanted to, but felt it was necessary for the other to be left to pick himself up and learn from his mistakes. And now?

Now he wasn't sure how to feel knowing everything his Twin truly felt. Sure, it was much of what they had already talked about, but it's one thing to speak of it and another to genuinely feel what the other is feeling. To have been missed so terribly to the point his Twin tortured himself over it.

Gabriel's pace picked up until he was by his brothers side and he could sweep Michael into his arms and hold him tight. His hand cradles the back of his head, pressing his cheek to that of his Twins and closing his eyes as he breathes him in.

"You haven't lost me." He mutters, voice thin and cracking some as his brow furrows. He swallows down the lump in his throat.

"It doesn't matter what side we're on or how we hurt each other I will always be your brother. You will never truly lose me." He breathes in, gently rubbing his cheek against him in a soothing and affectionate motion.

"My twin. My better half. I will always be here."

[what_he_needs]

He almost couldn't bear it. Being held like that by his twin.

It felt more real than this memory, yet somehow, less. They were both mixing together, confusing him, past and present Gabriel's. But, when his brother wraps his arms around him, and pulls him in close, his breath rushes out of him. He grips him tight, pressing his cheek to his twin's, eyes squeezed shut tight.

Gabriel's words seemed quiet at first, but grow louder and drown out the memory of his voice the longer that they hold one another. He opens his mouth to speak, but the words don't come, so he holds on tighter until they do.

"We should not have to go through this Gabriel."

He pulls back slightly, a hand coming up so his knuckles can brush his jaw.

"This is all my fault. I will make it better."

Michael meant it, too. He may not ever be on Gabriel's side, they may not ever agree, but they could treat each other better. Be more caring, open to what the other thinks and feels. Michael's eyes raise to the room, taking in the memory as it plays again. "It hurts being here Gabriel."

[onlyhomemade]

Gabriels eyes are slightly damp when he pulls back to look into Michaels. He doesn't have to search to deep to know how his brother truly feels and in a way that is a relief he can't describe. He missed understanding him and knowing him like this. Before coming to Wonderland they'd been so distant, like they didn't know each other at all.

His brow furrows and he shakes his head, pressing his own forward to his Twins.

"No. It's equally on both of us." And he's content to stay there with him like that for now. His eyes close.

"I said in the beginning we can mend this and we will." A soft sigh.

"I'm sorry, I've been so stubborn." He waits and listens to the other breath as he begins to calm but there's something more there. And when Michael voices his desire to leave, it's only confirming what Gabriel already knew through the bond.

"C'mon." He takes a step back but takes Michael's hand. "We'll leave, get some air. And we don't have to come back here unless you want to."

[what_he_needs]

Michael doesn't like the wetness at his brother's eyes, it stings his own, and cuts him deep. He closes his eyes when Gabriel does, and rubs his hand up and down, the movement distracted but meant to be soothing.

"I know you did, but it never seems like the best time for us. Almost as if we aren't allowed to make it right between us."

He blinks a few times, straining to keep his eyes dry.

"I don't believe I deserve that kind of happiness, Gabriel. I haven't earned it."

Michael is more than glad for the break, the need to get away from his room overwhelming and suffocating. He would come back later, when he'd had time to process all of this.

"Where do you want to go?"

He squeezes his fingers, and for being the older brother, minutely, he looks at Gabriel for answers as if he were the younger of the two.

[onlyhomemade]

Once outside the room he turns to his brother, frowning softly at his words.

"What are you talking about?"

He raises his hands to grip either side of Michael's face again, brows furrowing at him.

"You don't have to earn happiness. And even if you did what makes you think you haven't? You've done nothing but what your heart tells you and there's nothing wrong with that, even if we both have chosen different paths to what we believe is right."

He pats his cheek and releases him to wander down the hall, expecting the other to follow.

"I don't know yet. Anywhere but here."

[what_he_needs]

"We should go outside."

Michael went out, explored when he could, but mostly stayed inside. There seemed to be no way out of Wonderland, and while he wouldn't stop looking, he'd grown weary of avid searching.

"Stretch our wings."

There was also the matter of their bond. If they were out doing things that gave them pleasure, they could feel that through their connection, rather than Michael flooding Gabriel with guilt and bitterness.