entrancelogs | all that's left behind [closed]

Entry tags:

all that's left behind [closed]

Who: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanoff, Bucky Barnes, Pepper Potts, Lydia Martin, Darcy Lewis, Billy Kaplan, & Carol Danvers
Where: Starting in the hedge maze, then all around the mansion.
When: 05/11
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Steve is back from a year-long trip home and has a lot of people to catch up with. Possible spoilers for Age of Ultron within! This is a closed log, but if you want to be added to it, feel free to contact me.
The Story:
One moment, Steve is in the middle of a training session at their new facility. It's what most of his days are made up of lately, him and Natasha putting their new group of Avengers through their paces. It's all about learning to work together as a team, to act as one unit instead of six separate entities. It's been going well, all four of their new additions ready and willing to show up every day and put their all into it --

But the next thing he knows, he's looking at nothing but green. Steve's grip on his shield tightens as he spins in a quick circle, only to find that Natasha is there with him. But it's just the two of them, and it takes a few seconds of puzzled staring before he realizes that they're in a maze. A hedge maze.

There's only one place he knows of that has a hedge maze, and it's a place he'd forgotten about entirely until this exact moment. To have a year's worth of memories crash back into him all at once is almost enough to send Steve off-balance, and he definitely doesn't have the coherency to speak as it rushes back. This place, the events, the people. Bucky is here. Bucky, who he's spent a year searching for back home to no avail, had been right here all along. Trapped in time. Peggy had been here too, and then there are those who he met and befriended here: Pepper and Darcy, Sansa and Evelyn, Lydia and Carol.

He snaps his head to look at Natasha when he remembers that Bruce had been here too, and they had found something here together, carefully working their way into a relationship long before it happened back home. They'd had the peace and quiet and security to actually make something of it here, whereas at home Natasha has been doing her best to accept that Bruce took off without her. (To keep her safe, Steve knows, but it's not like it stings any less that way.)

So many people had described to Steve what it would be like to go home and then return here, but even with all that he hadn't really been prepared for it. He rubs at the side of his head with his free hand as he finally finds words. "Looks like the two of us are doomed to come and go from this place together." At least, that's what Steve figures happened, but he'd better be sure. "What's the last thing that you remember?"

If it's training their team after cleaning up Stark's hugest mess, then they'll be in business. Or on the same page, at the least.

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Steve and Natasha are nothing if not adaptable. Being dropped into this place again out of nowhere had been enough to throw both of them for a loop, though Natasha may have hidden that a little better than Steve did. He doesn't yet know how long they've been gone, but it's usually a week here in Wonderland, and isn't that enough for a headache?

He'd like to find out for sure, though. Everything in the mansion looks exactly as he remembers it, including his room. Dodger isn't here, but Steve finds his phone sitting innocently on his desk. He snatches it up, frowning to himself when he finds a few messages from Bucky that Steve had obviously not been present to answer.

He goes to check the room next door first, mainly because a face-to-face meeting would be better than an impersonal text message, but Bucky isn't there. Steve could search the rest of the mansion for him, but he doesn't have the patience for that.

He needs to see him as soon as possible. It's been a year, a year in which Steve hadn't even known for sure if Bucky was dead or alive, a year full of cold leads and dead ends and a whole lot of uncertainty and disappointment and -- if he's really going to be honest with himself -- fear, for what might have become of his friend.

That question is still going to exist for Steve when he goes home again, but for now, he knows that Bucky is here and that's all that he cares about.

So he returns to his room, sits himself on his bed, and sends out a text: I'm back. Where are you?

James has been taking every available opportunity to stay busy for the past week, and the day that Steve is due for return is no exception. He could be back days or weeks later than that, remembering everything or nothing, or his things could vanish the way Tony's had, all at once. He does his best not to expect anything. It's just a day like any other, even if he stops by the room to make sure Steve's phone is where he left it.

He spent the first half of the week on Steve's couch when he caught any sleep, but rough nights and long days have worn him down too much to deal with the constant, silent emptiness of the apartment. In last few days, he's only visited Steve's room long enough to check on it and pick up some of Dodger's favorite toys. Even at this hour of the day, the two of them are sprawled on the bed in James' 3rd floor safehouse, sound asleep.

With the week's classes out of the way, James had spent the better part of yesterday evening sparring with Thor. He's still got bruises along the knuckles of his right hand just from hitting the guy, and a handful of others that aren't anything serious. Mostly, he's just worn out, and he's sure he looks it. The phone buzzing on his nightstand doesn't wake him, but Dodger noses insistently at his face until he gets up to check it.

James groans and drags the phone into bed with him.

Even his handlers would be impressed at how quickly he goes from exhausted irritation to wide awake.

Steve is back. He remembers.

Stay there. I'm en route.

He pulls his boots and shirt on, then tucks the puppy under his arm so they can get back to the room faster. A part of him considers that this could be a trap of some kind, but the rest of him is too tired and relieved to care. He runs at full speed, taking the stairs a few at a time. It's only when they're a few paces from the door that he slows down and lets Dodger down, fighting his breathing back under control.

If there was any doubt in his mind as to who was behind the door, the puppy would have abolished it. It only takes Dodger a couple of sniffs to start barking excitedly. He bolts right through the moment James opens the door.

James follows at a more even pace, taking in all of the details at once. Steve's uniform is brand new, scuffed from use but still in good shape - he's fought in it recently, but he doesn't look injured.

He reaches for him without thinking, the moment he's close enough. He touches Steve's jaw like he still needs to make sure he's real.

The moment that Steve gets that text back, he stands from the bed again and starts pacing around the room. It's an agonizing wait, even if Bucky doesn't take that long to make the trip. But it's been so long since they've seen each other, at least from his perspective, and all that time Steve hadn't even known for sure if Bucky was all right. So to come back and know that he's here, as safe as he can be...

Granted, his absence has probably taken its toll too.

Steve hears the footsteps coming from down the hall, and then the barking, and then Bucky's breathing. That last sound causes him to close his eyes, gathering his composure for a few seconds as he turns himself to face the door.

Dodger barrels inside, and while Steve is happy to see his forgotten puppy, it's Bucky's face that he fixates on. He looks like he hasn't slept in days, and there's exhaustion hanging from his limbs, but he's in one piece. He's clearheaded, he isn't running or hiding from Steve, he's here.

The touch at his jaw is unexpected, and Steve tilts into it before reaching out to grab at Bucky's sides and yank him into a full-body hug. Normally he wouldn't be this reckless with how he handles Bucky, but he doesn't have the energy or consideration to be careful right now. He shakes his head and then buries it into Bucky's shoulder. There's no way to explain the reaction, at least not yet, and so instead he just murmurs, "You idiot."

James tenses all over but, lucky for both of them, he manages to catch himself before he makes any other response to being grabbed all of a sudden. If Steve was nearly anyone else, he would have ended up with a metal hand around his throat, at best. But he's the Steve that James remembers so, honestly, James had expected this on some level. Of the range of possible outcomes that had marched through his head during the long nights this week, this is probably the one he's hoped for the most, and the one he's braced for the least.

When Steve buries his face in his shoulder, James reaches up. He squeezes the back of Steve's neck with his real hand so he doesn't have to be overly careful of the pressure and so he can feel the warmth of Steve's skin and tickle of Steve's close-cropped hair against his palm. He's real, he's whole, he's okay. Steve's words startle a soft laugh out of him. It's a week's worth of tension and uncertainty, releasing all at once. "Missed you too, punk."

James wonders how long he's been gone, and what's happened in that time. Just because he isn't physically hurt at the moment, doesn't mean he hasn't gone through something before now. Affectionate as the insult might have been, James wonders if he's done something to earn it in that time.

"You gonna tell me what's going on?"

It isn't that often that Steve just lets himself take something like this, and so it's utter relief that hits him when Bucky doesn't react negatively. His hand working at the muscles at the back of his neck causes Steve's legs to turn to jello and for a second all he wants to do is forget about everything he came back from and enjoy Bucky's presence. He doesn't care if Bucky is still pretty screwed up, he doesn't care if things aren't the way they used to be. Everything they had here, it'd been good, and it's something he's sorely missing back home.

Besides, Bucky's initial reply is perfect and Steve lets out a muffled laugh against his shoulder. He says "jerk" in return, but it's barely audible and halfhearted at best. It's not really this Bucky, the one here in Wonderland, who he's upset with. It's the one back home who he hasn't been able to find, and even then "upset" is a strong word. He just wants to know he's all right, at the very least.

He has to explain, and at Bucky's prodding Steve nods and then slowly pulls back, but doesn't release entirely, so they're still in a loose hug.

"A year's gone by back home," he starts. His eyes flick back and forth, studying Bucky's face, and he forces himself to keep looking as he adds, "I haven't found you yet." You haven't let me, is what's unsaid.

He doesn't need to hear the word to know exactly what it is. He can feel the way Steve gives in for a moment, his whole body relaxing, and for once it's warm and familiar and everything it's supposed to be. It's a rare, rare moment even if James still feels every shift of muscle and bone, beneath fingers that know too-well what can be broken beyond repair.

It's been a long while since he's felt like he was any good to anyone, no matter what Steve says. It's nice. Maybe it's a feeling he'll be able to keep.

Even as he thinks it, his skin starts to prickle a little. He's unaccustomed to being held still and tight for so long. He would have stayed, but a part of him is grateful when Steve pulls back a little. It's easier this way, knowing he can easily step out and away, even if he doesn't plan to. He braces his hands against Steve's arms, absently thumbing one of the seams in his new uniform.

The first bit of news, he's already somewhat braced for. He's ready for any number of things to follow, too. James is hard-pressed to hold his gaze. He's weary, but he knows exactly what Steve is saying, and he's not surprised. Things had progressed differently here than they might have back home, due in no small part to his memories of Wonderland and the ones he'd made a deal to get back. James isn't as good at hiding his expression as one might think, and while he does try to retreat into something a little more neutral, there's no mistaking the flinch of guilt. He thinks that Steve is pre-occupied enough to take it for something else. "Maybe it's better that way."

Edited 2015-06-04 00:19 (UTC)

The uniform is new for Bucky, in that he must have memories of Steve wearing something like it, but this one is a clear upgrade. It's probably a good thing that Steve's not wearing the one that he'd had on when Bucky had almost killed him. He'll have to show him the magnetic feature later, once he's settled back in.

It's difficult to watch Bucky's reactions, to see how he tries and fails to hide the way that he feels about it. Really, Steve shouldn't be blaming Bucky for something he hasn't done yet. He shouldn't be blaming him for anything, but it hasn't been easy, spending the past year worrying himself into knots over a missing friend.

Bucky's ultimate reaction doesn't help matters, either. Steve frowns like he's just been slapped, but he doesn't remove his hands from Bucky's shoulders.

He knows that Bucky's got a lot of issues that he still needs to work through, and more specifically a lot of issues revolving around Steve. Obviously there's a part of Bucky who can understand his decisions back home, but Steve can't stop himself from asking, "Why would you say that?" Because Wonderland may not have allowed Bucky to keep his distance, and he'd had Wonderland's memories to work off of -- but back home, there's an entire world to hide in.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a jerk, I just..." He trails off, exhaling slowly. The words come to him for once, easily, and just as honest as any laundry list of reasons that he could make for being glad he stayed away. "I worry about you too. If I'm in the wind back home, there's probably a reason. Maybe not a good reason but... there's nothing we can do about it here."

He gives Steve a wry, humorless smile. "I like the new outfit, though. Feels bulletproof."

He touches the star on Steve's chest with his right hand, following the the line of the shape with his fingers. That star is a target, just like its twin on the shield. It's been a months, and he still sees it in his dreams, in the crosshairs of his rifle, and wakes up sick.

He doesn't let himself pull his hand away. He presses it flat against Steve's chest, feeling the subtle, steady rise and fall. "But I'm guessing you didn't get all dressed up to come back here and take me dancing so -- what kind of trouble did you get into back home?"

Steve can almost guarantee that there's not a good reason for Bucky avoiding him, but that's actually the best case scenario. It's just as likely that Bucky's dead -- for good, this time -- and Steve has no way of finding out for sure. He'd like to believe that if Bucky survived a fall into an icy gorge, then he'd be able to keep himself alive after separating himself from HYDRA and going on the run, but it's not like he can be sure. That's what kills him.

Bucky is right about one thing, though. There's nothing they can do about it here. Bucky hasn't lived through any of that yet, so he doesn't have the answers and playing a guessing game with it won't help either of them.

Maybe Steve would have lingered on that subject a little longer, but then Bucky reaches out to touch at his chest. Even if it's for the reason of examining his new uniform, Steve can't help the way that his chest seizes when he feels the pressure of Bucky's hand against him.

It's not surprising that Bucky jumps right into business. Normally Steve would be the same way, but right now he'd be fine with just enjoying Bucky's company, the simple fact of having him again. He lets out a breath and then grabs for Bucky's hand, pulling it from his chest so he can lead him to the couch.

"It's kind of a long story, but I'll try to give you the abbreviated version." Once they're settled next to each other on the couch, Steve turns to Bucky and scratches at the back of his neck as he works out where to start. "I spent most of the past year with the team," he starts. "Thor let us know that Loki's scepter was in HYDRA's possession, and we needed to get it back."

James makes a note of the way Steve tenses and pulls him away. Maybe he's forgetting himself here, and it's an action he should be more careful about repeating. As good as Steve is at putting up a front, he knows he's not the only one with very distinct memories of their last meeting back home. Only... Steve doesn't pull away entirely, and holds his hand all the way back to the couch. He feels like he must have messed something up, but maybe it isn't all that bad, and he can wait until later to pick it apart.

He settles on the couch beside Steve so that their knees are just touching, and thinks almost idly that he looks out of place in their -- in his living room, fully dressed for a fight.

He waits for Steve to sort out his thoughts first. A year is a hell of a lot of time. The scepter being in HYDRA's possession makes perfect sense to him. SHIELD's most prized assets must have been funneled away immediately after it collapsed. He nods for Steve to continue, but makes a note of that too. If any of the remaining Avengers go or come back, they may have a whole year's worth of experience together to draw from when they fight. "So you went after it together..."

The uniform makes it difficult to relax, the heavy-duty armoring it provides keeping Steve's posture attentive even as he tries to lean himself back against the couch. It's been a whole year for him and that makes it difficult to feel as if he fits in here anymore, but Bucky's presence at his side certainly helps.

Dodger clambers up onto the couch and manages to wedge himself between them, and Steve lets his gloved hand settle on top of the puppy's head to idly pet him as he carries on with his story.

"Yeah. And it took a whole year to find it, but it was the aftermath that caused problems." And all of it could have so easily been prevented, but Steve tries to keep that frustration to himself -- though the tension in his body language would be hard for someone like Bucky to miss.

"Stark and Banner decided that they wanted to study the scepter in the few days before Thor returned it to Asgard, but instead of just analyzing it, they started experimenting -- without telling the rest of us." The flat tone of voice doesn't entirely mask his bitterness.

Any number of things could have gone wrong, so he tries not to guess, but lets Steve continue on to explain. Maybe to someone else, it would look like he'd already sorted through this mess, and he was just relating a story with the professional distance suited to a leader. He really isn't, not entirely.

Past the particular set of his jaw, and the way that uniform makes him sit up a little straighter, James can practically feel the irritation coming off him. Steve is nearly vibrating with it. He finds out why a second later. Experimenting.

What's even worse is, they just went right ahead and did it quietly. It isn't just a moral issue, or something potentially dangerous, it's a betrayal of the trust Steve puts in them - and he's gotten a lot of that lately. "I take it that went real well."

Steve can understand why certain secrets have to be kept, such as Barton hiding his entire family from them for the sake of keeping them safe. It might still be enough to pull the rug out from under him, but he gets it. What Stark and Banner did had been entirely unnecessary, no matter how much Tony had tried to justify it afterward.

"Honestly, they didn't think they were getting anywhere with it, but they were also working with materials they didn't completely understand," Steve says, glancing at Bucky with that same neutral look. Given how both Stark and Banner are genius-level scientists, this isn't something that Steve says lightly.

"They were attempting to make an AI that they planned to use for Earth's protection, but every test they tried ended in failure." Steve's mouth twists downward on one side. "That's what they thought, anyway. As it turned out, the AI had a mind of its own... and once it was aware of itself, it moved fast." Right under all of their noses.

He nods, reflecting Steve's expression. He's very familiar with the concept of an AI. He remembers Zola's voice, his face reflecting out of screens, the only familiar occurrence for years. He knows that it's not always going to be like that. Whether something ends up being used for good or not really depends on who's using it.

Stark and Banner might have had the best intentions, and the right ideas... He shifts a little, drawing his legs up so he can wrap his arms around them. His expression hasn't changed much. He still looks mostly relaxed and attentive, just curled up protectively without really thinking of it.

"So what did it do?"

Steve takes note of Bucky's body language, but he doesn't quite know what it means. It's not uncommon for Bucky to fold into himself like that, to try and make himself smaller or less noticeable even if it isn't a conscious thing. Maybe it's because he can already sense where this is going and that it isn't good.

It may all be water under the bridge at this point, but Steve still sighs and lifts a hand to pinch at his nose as he thinks back on it.

"It invaded the internet, split itself into a whole army of other robots, and then decided that humans needed to evolve -- but apparently the way to make that happen was by wiping us out completely." Steve still doesn't quite follow Ultron's logic, but that's probably a good thing. He doesn't want to be able to see things from the perspective of some crazed AI that tried to kill all of them.

James' brow furrows a little, trying to follow that logic to the conclusion that this 'Ultron' guy seems to have reached. HYDRA had similar ideals, but they'd planned to eliminate only the people who would stand against them, or otherwise cause dissent in their so-called utopia. It's insane, but at the time - and even now that he no longer believes it - it made its own kind of sense.

He really doesn't see how killing everyone would have done anything besides the obvious. How could they evolve if there wasn't anyone left? He looks at Steve in askance, but it doesn't seem like he has any more of an idea, so James shrugs a shoulder.

"And I'm guessing you gave him a stern talking to about that," Said tongue-in-cheek.

No, Steve doesn't follow it any better than Bucky does. He can barely get his head around what Hydra had been planning, let alone some crazed robot deciding that humans don't deserve to live.

Bucky's remark earns a small snort from Steve, and he nods. "Something like that. Mainly it was fighting off robots and trying to make sure that the city Ultron made float into the sky didn't fall to the ground and kill everyone."

He knows exactly how it sounds, and so he preempts whatever question Bucky might have. "No, I'm not pulling your leg. It really happened. But with Fury's help we got all the civilians to safety and prevented any massive destruction." So that's a second time that the Avengers have saved the world.

And it'll be the last time, at least for that incarnation of the team. "After that the team roster got shuffled around a little, but we have a brand new facility to train in. Natasha and I were breaking in the new recruits when we got brought back here."

Which more or less sums it up. Steve glances to Bucky to see if he has any follow-up questions.

James opens his mouth slightly, then shuts it again. A part of him wants to know how but a larger part of him is really alright living in ignorance of some particularly insane details, and he's sure Steve doesn't know them either.

It sounds like everything worked out alright in the end, at least, and Steve managed to keep himself alive. He feels like he's got the gist of it, but he does have one question: "Who are the new recruits?"

Steve had known Bucky would ask that question and he doesn't mind answering, though it will take some explanation since Bucky isn't going to be familiar with most of them.

"Natasha and I are the two who stayed from the original team." He starts counting on his fingers as he lists names off. "Then there's Sam." The one person who Bucky will know, even if his memories of him will largely consist of kicking him off a helicarrier.

Awkward. Best to move on quickly.

"James Rhodes, who's Stark's friend and a military guy. Wanda, who started on Ultron's side but then switched over when she realized he was completely nuts. She went through experimentation for her powers, like us." Voluntary, like Steve and unlike Bucky. "And then the Vision, who's... sort of like the good version of Ultron. He's an AI. I was skeptical at first, but he proved himself."

Being able to carry Mjolnir put that argument to rest real quick.

It doesn't surprise him that Bruce left, and Thor would have had to go back home to Asgard... Tony on the other hand? James only really knew him by reputation, so he supposes that's as good as not knowing someone at all. He'd have expected Nat to leave first - or at least try to. Steve, he knows, doesn't really have anywhere else to go. In some ways, the two of them are exactly alike.

Sam Wilson he actually does know, from his brief stay in Wonderland. They hadn't quite worked everything out, but he'd seemed like a good man, and Steve was a priority of his. Even the Winter Soldier could see that, when he was busy ripping the guy out of the sky.

The rest of them he doesn't know, but Steve briefs him on the basics. He really has a knack for attracting interesting people.

"Well, if you trust 'em, that's good enough for me," James says. "And speaking of teams, I suppose you've gotta make the rounds..."

"I'm not sure if any of them will show up here, but you never know," Steve remarks with a shrug. This way Bucky will have some idea of what to expect if any of them do show up, which is entirely possible given how much Wonderland seems to enjoy kidnapping people from their world.

Bucky gives him the out to move on and track down everyone else here who'll need to be informed that he's back. That's Steve's duty, but there's a part of him that wishes he could just stay here and enjoy Bucky's simple presence for a little longer.

"Yeah," he says with a sigh as he reaches across the couch, grips Bucky's hand and squeezes it. It's not much, but it bolsters him, and then he stands from the couch and stretches.

"Just... you're not allowed to go anywhere, okay? No leaving Wonderland without my say so." He quirks a smile, making sure Bucky knows it's a joke because neither of them have any control over that. But Steve's not sure what he would do if Bucky vanished.

He nods at the first bit. It's impossible to predict what will happen in a place like this, so he appreciates the heads-up in that regard too. He likes to know that Steve has people with him. Even if he doesn't know how good they are or if he trusts them, Steve is alive so far - and no thanks to him.

He lets Steve grip his hand, feeling it distinctly when he pulls away. He doesn't know what to say or do. He just knows that the sooner Steve does what he has to, the sooner he'll come back, and James can insist on staying together.

He thinks - no, he knows Steve is joking. Steve has never asked him for something impossible like that and expected him to follow through. James wishes he could, anyway. And not because he thinks it's an order or even just because he knows Steve wants it... He wishes he could because it's what he wants, too. And like a lot of things he wants, it's outside of his control.

He gets up on impulse and lets instinct carry him forward. There's a brief hesitation, but his fingers rest lightly on Steve's shoulder and he leans in to kisses Steve's cheek. It's quick and light, but he's trying.

"I missed you, too. Come back when you're done - I've got nowhere else to be."

Steve doesn't realize that he'd been wishing that Bucky would do something, wish him goodbye in some way, until it's happening. Bucky's on his feet and in his personal space before Steve can blink, and the brush of lips on his cheek is... unexpected, to say the least.

It's a soft, gentle way to see him off. It's a casual show of affection that they haven't been able to pull off in months. It's a stark contrast to everything the Winter Soldier had been. It's nice, and Steve's cheeks flood with heat as he fixes Bucky with a dorky smile.

For now, maybe it's easiest to just accept little gifts like this when they come.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, promise," he says, looping his hand around to squeeze briefly at the back of Bucky's neck before he finally extricates himself.

With that, he heads out the door, already looking forward to when he can return.

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all that's left behind [closed]

for bucky barnes

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