entrancelogs | I'm willing to break myself

Who: Teddy Altman (

hulk_ling) and you
Where: Wonderland
When: HYDRA event and after (8/28-9/02)
Rating: V for violence and N for NSFW coping mechanisms
Summary: Teddy didn't think his life could get any worse. He just had to tempt the universe, didn't he.
The Story:

Friday - Sunday (8/28-8/30)

Teddy spends the weekend trying to keep everyone safe, tracking down as many people as he can. He's heard that Billy has been "compromised" and he still has a hard time believing it. That is, until he sees what Billy has done. There are people he cares about that Billy has brainwashed - tortured into believing HYDRA's propaganda. If that wasn't bad enough, it was how Billy left Sam broken and battered that ended up being the last straw. He couldn't stand by while Billy was hurting other people. If their positions had been switched he was sure Billy would have felt the same way towards him.

Monday (8/31)

Billy is gone. There's nothing left to say. Teddy brings his body back to Billy's room - the one they used to share together. He waits there, needing to be sure that Billy will breathe again.

He's never felt so much self-loathing as he does at this very moment.

Tuesday - Wednesday (9/1-9/2)

Teddy stays next to Billy's side all of Tuesday, keeping vigil until the moment Billy wakes. The moment doesn't happen until early Wednesday morning. When it does, he carefully reaches over and touches Billy's hand before slipping away. It isn't that he doesn't want to talk to Billy. It's that he knows Billy won't want to talk to him. It's easier this way.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

In the chaos, Teddy has lost track of Tommy. He has been trying to contact him all morning, sending him texts and video mails in the hope that Tommy was just being his usual self and forgetting to charge his phone. Of course, that didn't stop the horrible pit in Teddy's stomach as each message went unanswered and he filled Tommy's voicemail until he couldn't leave any more messages.

By evening, Teddy had taken it on himself to scour Wonderland for Tommy. It wasn't like him to go so long without contact. He prayed that nothing terrible had happened to him while at the same time knowing it was the probable cause of Tommy's absence.

Teddy walked near the beach when he saw a familiar shock of white hair. He wanted to smile and wave to him but caution won out over relief. He had to know if Tommy was still Tommy or if, like Billy, he'd been forced to join HYDRA.

"Hey, Speed!" Teddy called out to him. "I've been looking for you all day!"

Speed is the right name to use, as it is the only one Tommy remembers. He turns, face blank as he spots Teddy. There is absolutely no recognition there.

"Do you have orders?" It is as close as Speed can come to admitting he is lost. Wiccan has told him of the need to recruit others, but that was never Speed's strong suit. He is a bomb, pure and simple, and the lack of further direction has him on an uncertain standby.

Order? The blank look and flat tone send chills down Teddy's spine. When was the last time he saw Tommy? Last evening? Had so much changed in twelve hours?

Teddy walked cautiously over to Tommy, his skin already rippling as he shifted his skin to the green, pebbled Skrull color. "I have orders to bring you home," Teddy said, deciding not to jar with the already confused Tommy. "You're to come with me."

The charade works. Something in the way Teddy shifts sparks some familiarity, and Tommy is not programmed to argue, in any case. Obviously this is someone he should be listening to.

He gives a curt nod. He is not allowed relief, but if he was, he would be feeling it. Direction is a much better thing to have.

Teddy grits his teeth as Tommy complies without a word. This wasn't Tommy at all. This was a robot with Tommy's face. God, if this was what Tommy was like he didn't even want to think about running into Billy. The simple thought made his heart hurt but he kept his face stoney, keeping an eye on Tommy as they walked.

"What is your directive, soldier?" Teddy asked, wondering if he could get any information out of Tommy. He wasn't really sure how he was going to deal with him once he discovered the truth. Teddy was really just playing this by ear.

"To find recruits," Tommy answered. He was not supposed to feel nervous, but there is a flash of emotion dangerously like it. He had not recruited anyone yet. Had he failed? Was he going to be punished?

After he slipped out of Billy's room, Teddy found himself wandering aimlessly. He felt lost, drifting about without any real destination. Any hope he had for getting back with Billy was gone now. How could Billy ever look at him the same way? How could he ever look at Billy again without feeling the bones shift in that terrible way beneath his arm and watch as the light went out in Billy's eyes? What sort of monster was he?

He stopped and noticed he was pacing outside of a single room. Sam. If there was anyone who would understand it was him. The need to just have someone who didn't compare him to another time, who only knew him as he was now was overwhelming. He needed Sam which was why he knocked on the door a bit more frantically than he liked to have done.

Mind control. Why did it have to be mind control? He hasn't slept well since... well, what Billy had done, too caught up in remembering Five. Five who had beaten him, blank-eyed and emotionless because of Moonchild. It hurts. And he knows it's not Billy's fault. But he's so sick of people he cares about being made to do things.

He's staying out of the way for now, holed up in his room. Keeping himself occupied so he doesn't have to think.

He's not really expecting anyone to visit him, so the knock is a surprise. Simon? Maybe. He goes to open it, stares a bit when he recognises who is there. "Teddy? Hey, come in."

Teddy walks into Sam's room, feeling as though he was losing control. He saw the haunted look in Sam's face and it's too much. Wonderland was asking far too much of them and Teddy was tired of feeling so guilty and so sad. He shut the door behind him and took two steps over to Sam, not wasting any time to pull him close and kiss him, needing the feeling of Sam's lips on his own to burn away all of the nightmares.

That wasn't quite what he was expecting. Teddy's arms were around him, lips on his and, well, he wasn't going to argue. There was something to be said for actual physical contact with another person. Sam kissed back after a moment, sliding his arms around Teddy to pull him close.

Teddy tilts Sam's head back and kisses him hard. It was a mixture of desire for Sam, having wanted to kiss him like this but always having some excuse not to and the frustration of being denied the physical affection he was so used to. Teddy is a physically affectionate person - in his relationships as well as his friendships. He'd felt so isolated lately that it was being played out in the needy way he kissed Sam, only slowing to allow them a chance to breathe.

"I really like you, Sam," Teddy whispers. "More than that. It's something I've been thinking about for some time now. You make me feel normal. That I don't have anything to prove or some expectation to live up to. And I need that right now."

It's a different kiss to the ones that he's used to. Rougher, harder. He can't say that he dislikes it, even if he's a bit surprised that it's coming from Teddy right now. He kisses back, hands fisting into his shirt. It's overwhelming enough that it's almost a relief when Teddy pulls back. He's still very close. His chest feels tight, crushing him. How do you respond to something like that?

"I- I like you too, Teddy. I'm not very good at this. Um, but I- I like you a lot."

Teddy smiles, the first real smile he's had in a few weeks. "You don't have to be good at this," Teddy said, kissing him softly. "Let's just be terrible. Let's be bad. Let's... just stop being good for once and just be us. And right now, I want that us to be on the couch and drowning in kisses. Think we could do that?"

Sam bumps against him affectionately and kissed back. Slower, softer. It's sweet. And what Teddy says makes him laugh a bit, but it's warm laughter, happier than he's been in a while. "Oh well, as long as you're not suggesting like... taking over the world or something, I think we can manage that."

I'm willing to break myself

Tommy - Sunday, 8/30

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Sam - Wednesday, 9/2

Re: Sam - Wednesday, 9/2

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