( closed )

[scowls]

Who: Anders and Fenris
Where: Anders’ room
When: 4/2
Rating: PG-13 sounds about right
Summary: Fenris decides that it’s time he and Anders have a talk.
The Story:

[ Later, he’s going to blame this all on the alcohol. He’s had rather a lot of it recently—today—and he’s feeling apathetic enough about everything that when his thoughts drift toward the abomination, he doesn’t try redirecting them. They haven’t spoken to each other since the conversation across the magical box, but they’re in close enough quarters that sometimes Fenris hears him out in the hallway going to and from his room. For the most part, he tries to ignore the mage’s existence. It’s just better that way.

Today, he ruminates on it. On Anders’ presence and what it means. On his convenient ignore about what he’s done and the strange way all of the people of Thedas act and speak. Fenris isn’t inclined to give Anders the benefit of the doubt over anything, but today, he’s so intoxicated that he suspects he’s feeling charitable.

Getting up from his sprawl across his bed, Fenris leaves both his quarters and his bottle of wine and meanders over to Anders’ door dressed in tunic and trousers. The armor and the gauntlets remain piled up near his greatsword. Despite the quantity of wine he’s imbibed, he doesn’t stagger or sway when he walks. Indeed, he looks rather normal as he stops at the door and sharply raps twice against it. ]

Comments

[circlejerked]

<sub>[The elf had said something to that effect before--something about slavery and magisters--though the cascade of barbed charges involving Kirkwall had pushed it to the bottom of the pile of hard truths Anders had been crushed under. He rubs the wrist of the hand opposite, an aimless ritual to ease nerves that can't be eased, thinking about what it would mean for an elven slave to witness bona fide blood magic and have it followed up by an abomination.

Nothing good.]</sub>

That wasn't the point. When Justice suggested he find a new host, a living body, gaining power to hurt other people wasn't the point at all. It was just going to be a way to get me away from the Wardens and help a few apostates stay under cover.

<sub>[The intention certainly wasn't to rival the amorality of magisters from children's cautionary tales. The Anders and Justice from Fenris' time don't set the best example for mage kind, do they.

Never, not once, had he ever wanted to be that example. To be the reason people distrust magic and the people who wield it. To be the reason children are taken from their families and kept in smothering isolation to ensure they don't... destroy chantries and ruin lives and be like magisters of old.]</sub>

Why are you telling me all of this?

<sub>[He has to fill the silence up with words or else the ache in his chest threatens to take over. This confrontation is exactly what he'd been trying to avoid, fearing it'd be nothing but destructive and immensely spiteful for both parties. Now that his fears have been proven wrong, it's just plain... immense.

No weeping hysterics are on the horizon, not at the moment, but there's a pressure he can't name, a prickle at the backs of his eyes he doesn't want to face. Emotion. The one thing he can't outrun or hide from.

For that reason, he envies the elf's reserve.]</sub>

How are you so calm right now? We're talking about tyrannical magisters and war with the Chantry that'll get everyone killed. I've been trying not to think about how history has played out in other times and worlds, but of course then I just think about it more.

_{Maybe Fenris has had time to reach some kind of peace with what's happened to him--and it probably helps that he's not the one accused of sparking a major conflict--but even imagining it still makes Anders want to be sick on Fenris' non-existent shoes.]}

[scowls]

[ The why of his telling Anders these things is easier to explain than how it is he’s doing so without shouting, glowing, or growling out a desire to rip his heart from his chest. And because it’s easier, he decides to lead with it. ]

We cannot know the outcome of our choices for certain until we make them. Not usually. This place with these disparate events and times offers us that chance. If the future I come from might be avoided, I would see it done.

[ That’s the most important part. Preventing the mage-templar war in at least one version of Thedas would be nice, even if it cannot be his own. As for the rest, he shrugs. ]

And I felt you deserved to know.

[ After all, far too much about his life has been kept from him and subsequently lost with Danarius’ death. Fenris sighs then, lifting a hand to rake it back through his hair. How does he even go about explaining how he thinks to Anders? ]

I have had a lot to drink. And when you are a slave, your emotions are not your own. You learn how to… compartmentalize, I suppose. Getting upset now would accomplish nothing.

[circlejerked]

I didn't... I wouldn't have thought those of you who've lived through it would believe it mattered now.

<sub>[What he really means is that he hadn't expected them to give him the ultimate gift--the gift of letting him decide his own future and not choose it for him based on theirs. It's a hallmark of Anders' capricious, contrary nature that when he'd thought Wonderland's Thedosians had condemned him to his fate, he would've fought to prove it wasn't true, and now that Fenris has given him his autonomy back, he has doubts that he deserves it.

It's exhausting being him. Especially today when he feels like he's all over the map.

Fenris' confession he's in a mellow alcohol-fuelled stupor sparks a faint laugh behind his hands, which he rubs over his eyes again.]</sub>

So that's your secret. I should have guessed that. I was about to try that myself before you showed up. I'm beginning to think I should've started earlier in the afternoon--it's been one of those days. I thought you were about to be the last nail in the coffin. No pun intended.

_{[He breathes in, makes absolutely sure his voice won't waver, and looks across at the elf standing in his doorway.]}

Thank you. For telling me and for... for, well, the rest. I know it's petty compensation now, but you have my word that if I thought for a second becoming Justice's host would change us for the worst, I wouldn't do it.

[scowls]

[ There had been days when Fenris had thought that it hadn't mattered. For the most part, he still thinks that way. What do other worlds matter to him when his is so terrible? But Anders is a complication he's never really known what to do about. If there is still an opportunity for him not to become an abomination, doesn't he deserve to take it?

They'd known each other once. Fought beside each other. Saved each other's lives despite sniping and snarling at one another. However tangled the wealth of emotions Fenris possesses where Anders is concerned, he does believe he deserves a chance. ]

You are welcome.

[ And now, he knows, he should go. While this odd peace between them lasts, he should not linger to damage it. But something in Fenris craves familiarity and whatever happens, Anders is familiar.

It's not quite a smile that flickers at the corners of Fenris' mouth, but it's also not not quite a smile. ]

I have wine. It's not bad. [ Today is a day of many firsts, it seems. He never thought he would be making an offer like this. ] If you wish to make up for lost time, I can go get it. While drinking alone can be satisfying, a beardless dwarf I know assures me that it's better when it's done in company.

[circlejerked]

<sub>[Will wonders never cease? A Thedosian shows up at his door wanting to discuss the course of the future and Anders' forward march into radicalism, and for once it hasn't resulted in him wanting to bash his head in with a brick.

Much.

Oh, he'd still like to hide his head under a pillow like three years old and hiding from the imaginary monsters in his cupboard, that's without question, but it could be worse. He's not certain he could stomach more talk about how Kirkwall is in disarray because of him. Not today.]</sub>

... I wouldn't say no to wine. _{[Or the company, though it surprises him that Fenris thinks there's lost time waiting to be reclaimed.]} I suppose you'd better get in here. The last thing we need is something walking past and overhearing us.

[scowls]

One moment.

[ Fenris withdrawals from the door, crossing quickly over to his own quarters to retrieve the wine. He returns a minute later with three bottles—he drinks quite a lot and he has no idea how much Anders drinks without Justice's influence—and a large lizard plodding along at his side. The lizard heads inside first, tongue flicking out in inquiry, before making for the closest bit of warmth it senses. Fenris follows, shutting the door, and then walking over to stand beside Anders.

It's strange to do this. There's a sense of unreality hanging over Fenris that he can't quite shake. But he does not yet regret the visit. ]

Here. [ He holds out one of the bottles. ] There are more where this comes from.

[circlejerked]

<sub>[Fenris disappears and Anders stares at the spot he'd just occupied from his chair, elbows slumping between his knees. Had that actually happened? The elf's visit has the dream-like quality of a hallucination and Anders half wonders if it'd been real

Would he prefer it if were a hallucination? He feels exceptionally, excruciatingly like... he doesn't know how he feels at all.

He's still sitting right where he is when Fenris steps back into view. Fenris and something else. Something scaly on four legs that comes to an ominous stop on his carpet. Eyes riveted on the intruder in uncertain disbelief, Anders gets to his feet.]</sub>

What is that? _{[He looks askance at Fenris. Don't you see this?]} Why is there a giant lizard in my room?

_{[The alcohol goes forgotten about as he resists the urge to curl his toes under him in case it gets any ideas about nibbling on his bare feet.]}

[scowls]

[ Fenris hasn't precisely forgotten about the lizard, exactly, but he's accustomed to it enough that he doesn't find its presence strange. For a moment, he stares at Anders in faint confusion, then at the expanded question, glances down toward his feet.

There the lizard stands, lazily taking a step forward and flicking his tongue out toward Anders' toes, so enticingly there before it. ]

It came from the closet.

[ That might be an ominous statement, given as it is in Fenris' low, gravelly voice. But he shrugs as if it doesn't matter and gestures with the wine bottle for Anders to take it. Wine is infinitely more important than lizards. ]

Carver told me creatures come from within it if you ask. I wished to see what would emerge. This is the result. [ Gently, Fenris prods the lizard in the side with his bare toe. ] Venhedis, go.

[ It looks up at him, swings its head to regard Anders, then wanders off toward another area of the carpet not so near them. ]

[circlejerked]

_{[It's scenting him. There's a giant lizard in his room and it's getting a taste for his tender mage flesh.]}

I thought I was imagining things or the mansion was doing something funny again. This thing came out of a closet? _{[The question is laced with disbelief.]} You mean yours?

_{[Unthinkingly, he takes the bottle when it's offers to him again, though he keeps his arm outstretched, fingers curled around the neck, like he's considering turning the bottle over and using it on the reptile for a moment.]}

You had the closet... give you a pet lizard.

<sub>["Reptile enthusiast" isn't the impression he'd gotten from Fenris. Slowly sinking back into his chair, Anders eyes Venhedis as it lumbers off. He and Fenris have reached some manner of tentative understanding--he opts not to risk it by questioning Fenris' choice in four-legged companion.

Finally, his gaze flicks to Fenris. He gestures around the room with his free hand.]</sub>

Make yourself comfortable.