entrancelogs | [Semi-Closed] Isn't it a little early for a mid-life crisis?

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[Semi-Closed] Isn't it a little early for a mid-life crisis?

Who: Alistair & Mystique + others maybe
Where: Around Wonderland
When: April 22nd and several days after
Rating: PG-13, talk of death
Summary: Alistair has gotten first-hand experience with Wonderland deaths and he really needs to just not think about anything for a while thanks.
The Story:

[Waking up had been a surprise, no matter what he'd heard before. It wasn't the first time Alistair had fallen and expected not to wake up again but this time was different. This time he didn't come to with an old woman looking down at him and telling him that all his comrades bar one had died. That was the good part. That other bit? The actually dying bit after feeling himself eaten away by that fungus? That was really not good.

He'd known since shortly after he became a Warden that he didn't have a long life ahead of him. And after Ostagar, with a Blight and an archdemon and a civil war to contend with, he'd known that he could die at any time. That his chances of surviving it all were small. But it had never been so immediate. So real. And he'd never expected it to be fleeting. It's unnerving in so many ways, twisting inside him and making him wish he found prayer as reassuring as so many of the other boys at the monastery had. But the Maker never answered any of his prayers before and when he tries his thoughts just chase themselves in circles and the words won't come.

It's too quiet on his own with only a cat to talk to - a cat that does his best but their conversations do get a little samey after a while. So he goes in search of company, with a mewling kitten squirming in his arms and climbing his shoulders all the while. He starts by checking in on his friends here in Wonderland, knocking on their doors and waiting hopefully for a response, difficult to ignore with the cries of his feline companion to alert people to his presence.

Eventually he finds himself wandering the mansion and grounds (mostly) alone in search of company. He can be heard coming a mile away, loud mewling broken up by words.]

I know! [And-] I think you have a point but have you thought about the mess it will make?

[Alistair is quick to interrupt his current conversation as soon as he spots someone - anyone - else to talk to.]

Look Purrlock, company!

[And if his smile seems a little forced and his words even more boisterous than usual, well, the last event was hard on everyone right?]

[OOC: This is mostly for pre-arranged threads but if you want something just PM me or hit me up at

fetchquesting.]

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I'm sure you'd be shocked to hear that it's a long and somewhat complicated story.

[She's also pretty sure they don't normally end in attempted murder -- but to be fair, the attempted murder had happened long after she'd considered her relationship with Erik to be over -- his being held captive under the Pentagon had kind of cramped their style early on.

She's somewhat relieved to hear that there's no solid scientific explanation for what happens to them when they die. Maybe it really is just some sort of odd magic, like the rest of this place -- and that probably reduced the chances of this place putting all sorts of weird stuff in them while they were dead, right?

She's certainly not going to bring up that cheery thought.]

Well, like you said -- it could just be some really powerful magic. Things like that are beyond our control right now.

[With his arm around her shoulders, she's happy to settle in against him with a fingertip casually tracing up his side.]

Really. I thought it would be something simple and boring. [And while Mystique is joking about the story and so it doesn't seem like something she still struggles with, given how it came up he feels the need to offer-] It's none of my business. But if you want to talk about it.

[She's willing to listen to his problems and, more to the point, if it's something that bothers her he wants to be able to help.

Frankly, the idea of magic powerful enough to... raise the dead is unsettling enough on its own for him. The closest he's ever heard of to such a thing is Wynne and the spirit that saved her life when she was dying. But he's pretty sure he's not possessed. He spent some time trying to figure that out but Wynne had known it was there, said once she could feel the spirit so he doesn't think that's how Wonderland does it. Which means-]

Right. Powerful, impossible magic. That's reassuring.

[Time to talk about something else. And given he's had something else on his mind along with Wonderand's magic that's an easy jump to make. Squeezing Mystique's shoulder he looks down at her.]

Do you... believe in the Maker? Where you're from, do you have- Do you believe in Him?

[She's still adjusting to someone actually wanting to know about the uncomfortable situations she'd found herself in throughout the last decade. Charles, for certain, hadn't seemed interested in asking her how she'd been. Then again, they'd been under -- stress. She just shrugs.]

I don't even know what I'd talk about. It'd been a lot of years since I'd last seen him, and he greeted me with a gun pointed at my head. He was trying to do the right thing, he was just -- misguided.

[But then he's off and back to the magic thing, which leads around worrisomely fast to the Maker. It takes her a second to realize exactly what he's talking about, but when he asks if she believes in Him (and it seems like the sort of thing that's capitalized, out of respect) she only frowns a little.]

There's a lot of people in my world who have a lot of versions of a God, or gods. But whether I believe in Him specifically...

[And now it's her turn to be a little bitter, but also a little worried she's saying the wrong thing,]

...No. Not really. It's hard to believe there's someone who'd put a brand new group of people on the planet and just abandon them to be hurt.

[And being raised by Charles, someone so heavily influenced by the sciences...it just made sense to her that He was just a comfort for people.]

You're a lot calmer about it than I'd be.

[And far more forgiving. If one of his friends turned on him and tried to kill him he's not sure he'd given them a second chance, misguided or not. He'd struggled enough with Zevran's inclusion in their party and the assassin had been a stranger when he tried to kill them, not someone Alistair trusted. For all that forgiveness is often preached it's not an easy thing for anyone to offer.]

Oh. [He knows there are plenty of people who don't believe in the Maker or Andraste. The Dalish, the dwarves, the qunari. And Alistair has never been particularly interested in spreading the Chant or anything like that. It's not faith that determines whether or not someone is a good person. He doesn't need her to share his. But certain things do make him question what he's been taught and what the Maker's role in it all is.

But that's not Mystique's problem. Nor does he want her to think he's upset she doesn't share his faith. Offering a faint smile he quickly kisses her cheek, pulling away almost immediately to stare at his knees.]

That's fair. It just... all this got me thinking about Him. [A shrug. It's the sort of thing he can talk to Leliana about if he wants to. She knows the Chantry's teachings while Mystique doesn't.] Forget I brought it up.

Well, it's been a while and I've had time to cool off.

[And she'd also both held him at knifepoint and then shot him through the side of the neck for his troubles, so there was that. She certainly wasn't going to share those bits of information with Alistair, though, lest she sound like a complete lunatic.

It's no small weight off her shoulders that he doesn't seem upset about her lack of faith. It was just hard to remain optimistic about the presence of God when your parents tried to kill you and most of the rest of the world seemed to be trying to do the same every other day.]

I mean, I don't mind talking about it.

[She pauses.]

And I don't think it's stupid, either, if you're worried about that. I wish I had some sort of higher power that I thought I could answer to, but I've just been so used to being on my own that it seems ... right, I guess.

You weren't together at the time, were you? When he tried to kill you?

[Because that's got to be the worst way to end a relationship short of him successfully murdering her. The only positive Alistair can take from the story is that, no matter what happens with them and how it might end up, they won't be near as bad as that. Which is a selfish thing to take away. But maybe just a little encouraging too.]

I don't know that the Maker would be much help when it comes to feeling alone. Not the way the Chantry tells it. [What with having turned away from them and all.] It never helped me there anyway. But other stuff. I mean, I hope He listens to our prayers. [Even if they don't get answered, he believes they're still heard.] And when... when you die. You go to His side.

[Except not here and that's.... that's a thing. And he understands the importance of faith he does, but sometimes it would be nice to get a sign. That isn't in the form of a crazy Chantry sister claiming she receives visions from the Maker. A believable sign. Which isn't going to come so he should just be grateful that, however it works and whatever the cost of that kind of magic, he's still here and still has a chance of finding a way home to fulfill his duty.]

I don't think we ever technically broke up, but he got himself put into a pretty secure super-prison after a botched assassination attempt I didn't even know about -- so after the five year mark, I thought it was pretty safe to say we could see other people.

[Not that she had actually done so, but still. As he goes on about this 'Maker', she has to wonder what sort of benefit this guy really has going for him.

She nods.]

I guess it's kind of weird to not have that happen here, then -- what with all the super-powerful magic.

[She's not going to touch the 'what if the Maker doesn't really exist' thing with a ten-foot pole.]

I think that my brother raising me to lean pretty heavily on science probably didn't help with developing any kind of faith, either.

Huh. [OK then. An assassin. And one she'd waited five years for so it was definitely a serious relationship. Until the attempted murder.] I'm not sure what to say.

['Sorry about your past relationship that didn't officially end and led to an attempted murder' just doesn't seem right. And while it's hard to think positively of someone who'd tried to kill her with that kind of history, the fact that Mystique doesn't appear to hold grudge is enough to suggest she really cared for this man and thought he was a good person.]

I promise to tell you if it ever looks like I'm going to disappear for that long.

[If he can. Because he wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for Wonderland. So... maybe not. Which would have been the case for this past man too if he ended up in prison. Right. He should keep his mouth shut.

Or talk about something a little easier, even if Mystique's brother's still seems like a sensitive subject.]

Your scholars don't believe in a higher power? Most of ours are part of the Chantry.

[Or mages which was close enough.]

[She rubs her neck.] I'm kind of making it sound weirder than it was at the time, I think.

[She hadn't gone into the background of why he'd tried to kill her, after all - he'd thought that by doing so, he'd be protecting hundreds, if not thousands, of future mutants from being hunted down by machines enhanced by her blood. That's why she understands the logic, if not his execution (pun intended) of his plan.]

I appreciate it.

[She's glad for the shift in topic, truthfully, and although Charles was a painful thought, talking about him wasn't so bad.]

And no, a lot of them don't. I think it goes back to the church being very against the idea of 'evolution' in the first place and being mad at people for claiming that humans evolved from monkeys, or something.

[Or at least -- that sounds more or less right from what she can remember from Charles' endless droning lectures on the topic.]

It's actually hard to believe someone would be a scientist and a member of the church. There's a lot of limitations and restrictions placed on someone when they're a member of the church where I'm from, so they wouldn't be able to do the experiments they needed to so they could learn new things.

[Somehow, that explanation doesn't seem like it would make the story less weird or confusing. So maybe it's better to just leave it at that.]

I'll take your word for it. [Because he's pretty sure that there's no way to not make it sound worrying and weird.

So. Instead of that it's humans and monkeys. That's a thing. Alistair's only seen pictures of monkeys and they do look a little bit like humans but not that much. Maybe he's misunderstanding something. Either way, it's probably not going to help to tell her that the Maker created them all as they are.

Safer by far to focus on the second part that actually makes sense to him.]

I guess it's the same with the Chantry. They have so many rules about what is and isn't acceptable. Some of them there are good reasons for. [Like the rules against studying blood magic.] But there's plenty that there don't seem to be any reasons for.

[Though he's no scholar so maybe all the things people are forbidden to study are with good reason. But there are plenty of Chantry rules that he was sure had just been made to make life miserable for anyone stuck in a monastery.]

...yeah, thanks.

[Okay, she's going to make a mental note to bring up Erik in the future as little as possible... because this is, for the most part, just sort of awkward and uncomfortable. She doesn't press the evolution issue, knowing better than that from the small amounts of things she knows about Thedas, and raises an eyebrow.]

My brother would say there's no reason to restrict anything in the field of science, but I think he's also a lot more -- stupid and optimistic than most of the population. People have done pretty horrible things -- experimentation, to say the least -- in the name of science. He just doesn't think about things like that, so maybe in your world it's good that the Chantry has some restrictions, or at least people to monitor things.

The Chantry's restrictions don't always stop people from doing terrible things. [He frowns, remembering that old Warden mage, Avernus, in Soldier's Peak and things he'd done in the name of research and extending his life.] It seems like there's always going to be a few people who will do that sort of thing. [Much as he wishes it weren't so.] But most people are better than that.

[Like he thinks Mystique's brother believes and it's important to remember that fact. And this is turning into a cheerful discussion, isn't it? Not especially surprising all thing considered but maybe it's time to try and think of something more pleasant to talk about.]

[She's not all that surprised that Alistair is much like her brother with his optimism. As long as she is able to be there to be the voice of reason for the two of them, perhaps it isn't so bad.

She understands that Alistair probably doesn't want to delve deeper into this pit of despair, though, so she too tries to think about what might be a better choice of conversation.

...well, there's at least one thing she can try to do. She leans in to kiss him, half-smiling.]

At least one person is.

[That's definitely a good distraction. Alistair leans into the kiss after a moment, surprised and pleased. His cheeks are faintly pink when he pulls back - it's going to take time to break that habit - but he's smiling.]

Tell me something else about you. [A little abrupt but they're already sharing personal stories - not entirely pleasant ones so time to fix that.] An embarrassing story or something good you remember. And then I'll do the same.

[He did want to get to know her better. What better time to do so?]

[She has surprisingly few 'good' stories, and most of her embarrassing stories are overtly sexual and probably not appropriate for someone she's trying to woo...so it takes her a good couple of seconds of looking thoughtful for her to come up with much at all.]

I'm a really bad cook. I've tried to learn since I was a teenager, because I thought it was stupid for Charles to have servants who made us food -- but every time I pick up a recipe, it somehow ends in disaster.

[She pauses.]

Once I tried to cook an egg in the microwave, but I didn't take the shell off and I wrapped it in tin-foil -- that's metal -- and not only did I light the microwave on fire, but the egg exploded. Totally gross.

At home I mostly lived on free hotel breakfasts and on-mission dinners. It isn't so bad.

So -- yeah, trust me when I say cooking you dinner should probably be off the list of potential dates.

[Well at least Alistair always has plenty of embarrassing stories to share. He can pick up the slack when it comes to distractions. And making Mystique laugh.

It is funny to think of her trying to cook after growing up with servants - like picturing the Arl or someone working in the kitchens. Even as a trainee in the Chantry, cooking was mostly left to the kitchen staff so he can't say he'd do much better.]

I'd be willing to risk it. It might be fun, so long as no one catches us making a mess of the kitchen. [And she can show him those magic cooking boxes he's heard about that can set things on fire. It would be an adventure, complete with dangerous challenges to overcome.]

I don't want to make you feel bad but I'm an excellent cook.... If you don't mind traditional Ferelden food. Some people seem to think it's too bland and you shouldn't just cook everything until it's a nice grey mush but what do they know?

[Except for how to make food that actually tastes good but that's just un-Ferelden. And appealing. And far beyond what he was taught which amounts to nothing.]

...We're lucky the magic mansion is willing to make food for us.

Traditional Ferelden food is gruel. Well, given what I know about the Templar order in your country, I can't say I'm surprised it sounds more and more like a prison state.

[She's joking, mostly.]

Lucky that this place provides things for us at all, except when it doesn't.

[She's often wondered about why exactly that was, other than to keep them more or less contented most of the time.]

Hey! [That's his country and also maybe his country your insulting there Mystique.] It's not that bad! We just like to keep things simple.

[And the food isn't always as bad as he makes out. Just sometimes. When he's cooking or it's at one of the shabbier inns around. Besides, even the worst Ferelden cuisine is still miles better than dwarven fare.]

You can't judge Ferelden on the templars, that's just not fair.

[What she knows of the templars and, more importantly, why she knows about them reminds him that there's something he should share there.]

I, ah, should probably tell you that. I was originally trained as a templar myself.... I never took my final vows but I do have all the skills.

There's a difference between 'simple' and 'cooked to the point of becoming a homogenized paste', though. I'm just saying.

[She's properly surprised at the turn the conversation has taken so far, all this considered, but she supposes if he was raised in part by the 'Chantry' it would make sense they'd try to indoctrinate him into their creepy cult-culture.

She raises an eyebrow.]

So you can shoot weird blue lights at people and neutralize magic, but you don't have to be tethered to the extremely problematic order? I mean, that seems kind of -- ideal.

I was exaggerating!

[He sticks his tongue out at her. How dare she insult his home. Only people who have slogged through the mud and the cold and eaten the food can insult it. Unlike the Templar Order which most anyone can insult.]

Weird lights huh? That's one way of putting it. [Fairly accurate too.] It's maybe not ideal... [As proud as he is to be a Warden it does come with its own problems. Still better than the alternative though.] But basically yes. I was lucky to get away from the Chantry. They don't normally let their templars go.

[She doesn't seem bothered to hear how close he came to being another skirt-wearing drone thankfully but they are well past the point where he might start calling her a demon and try throwing around weird blue lights.]

I guess that covers my something.

-- yeah, I'd say so.

[She smirks, though, unsurprised to hear that the Chantry is possessive of their templars. Most of the reason she isn't bothered by how close he came to being one of them is how he's talked about them so far -- he obviously doesn't condone most of their behaviors.]

I guess I should be glad you didn't end up with the templars. They seem like they don't have much fun.

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[Semi-Closed] Isn't it a little early for a mid-life crisis?

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