Papyrus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
everyonecanbekind) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entrancelogs2016-05-12 08:26 pm
everyonecanbekind) wrote in entrancelogs2016-05-12 08:26 pm
Entry tags:
when the festival is over ; everything will be the same?
Who: Papyrus and Sans, with guest star Alphys!!
Where: Papyrus' room.
When: 5 / 10
Rating: PG-13, with a potential for graphic recollections of a journey gone wrong.
Summary: Papyrus has lost his first life. Sans has been waiting for him to come back. Alphys is an amazing friend.
The Story:
Where: Papyrus' room.
When: 5 / 10
Rating: PG-13, with a potential for graphic recollections of a journey gone wrong.
Summary: Papyrus has lost his first life. Sans has been waiting for him to come back. Alphys is an amazing friend.
The Story:
A quiet room.
The gentle ticking of a clock. Action figures staged in mortal combat, waiting to be moved.
The occasional scuttle of a giant spider, who made a home for himself in the corner of the room. This is Papyrus' room. Emaculately clean, exceptionally taken care of. The bed is no exception: well made, but vacant of it's intended occupant.
If someone was watching the bed and blinked, he'd reappear. The frame of an unconscious Papyrus, devoid of dark, bruise-looking splotches. The mattress distrubites his weight evently. The large skeleton sucks in a long breath and his eyes shoot open.
The brightness of the room overwhelms him and the comfort of his bed causes him to grope at the well made sheets distressfully. His concern is well founded-- he was just laying against Sans in a cavern that seemingly never ended. Everything was on fire. The recollection of the memory is accompanied by a chill. His breath hitches as he looks at his feet-- red boots, same as always. No dust...just feet.
Everything is hazy. He remembers some parts, and other parts are blocked out of his memory entirely. The trembling voice of Sans. Yellow paint. Two humans, Dipper and his friend. Two other humans, Chara and Frisk.
It's a lot to take in, so much, in fact, that Papyrus can barely register his surroundings beyond the realization that he is in his own bedroom.
Papyrus' other hand rests against his scarf. Is Sans okay? Is Frisk alright? Where's Chara? And Alphys? If it's possibly for a skeleton to pale, Papyrus would be the dictionary definition.
This is just not as easy to understand as he would like it to be.
no subject
One day. Twenty-four hours. That's what everyone says. One day for every death. One thousand, four hundred and forty minutes. Eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds.
He's not counting. Or maybe he lost count. Doesn't he always?
He's. Where is he right now? Can't remember.
Papyrus's room?
Right. That's what he always does. Something he'll never tell anyone. For awhile after the anomaly kills Papyrus he just. Disappears for awhile. Goes into Papyrus's room and lies on the floor. Talks to him. As if he can hear.
He doesn't have the energy to talk right now.
One day. So they say.
He always comes back eventually. There's always a Reset. He thinks he remembers waiting in the golden hall one time, after he'd killed the human. Waiting hours, days. Not moving. Waiting. No Reset. No Reload. Just Sans and a dead human on the ground, getting colder with each passing minute. Sans thinks he remembers panicking, because maybe this was it. Maybe this was the end of Resets, the end of everything, and Sans was left alone in a timeline without his brother.
But, hey, there's always a Reset. Always. Time snaps back. Sans wakes up in Snowdin to Papyrus shouting the same words, always the same words every single time. Relief. Resignation. Always a Reset.
Resets are terrible, but the idea of living, existing, without his brother is so, so much worse. A Reset means his brother comes back. If there's always a Reset, then Papyrus always comes back.
Eventually.
One day. Twenty four hours.
When was the last time he moved or said anything? He can't remember. He thinks Alphys is here, sitting next to him. Or maybe he just wishes she was. No one is ever with him after Papyrus dies. He's just alone. Just sitting in Papyrus's room.
Something changes and then Papyrus is there.
Waking up.
As if he was merely sleeping.
Stand. Joints creak. Try to come back. Try to figure out how to come back. Try to figure out how to be real again.
Papyrus is back.
"p...papyrus?"
It's barely a whisper, the smallest his voice has ever been, maybe. If he talks too loud maybe he'll wake up, maybe everything will snap back and Papyrus will be gone again, maybe he'll be back in the tunnels with his brother's dust in his hands.
no subject
She didn't sleep well in the tunnels- she's pretty good at sleeping through strange bumps and kicks thanks to the Amalgamates, but she was too worried about nothing sneaking up on them that any little crumble shook her from sleep. And then everything happened, everyone started shutting down, and now she's pretty sure she knows what Determination feels like, considering she's done nothing but haul ass since then. Drag Sans to his feet, makes sure he keeps walking, get them to the mansion. Set up the room with something comfortable for them both to fall on. Make sure the golem is guarding the door so they can rest, really rest, except she's not certain she's slept and everything still feels like adrenaline and misery. She's jittery, shaking more than usual, but she feels like if she stops moving she's going to fall to pieces. If she stops for more than a few seconds, she's going to give up all hope. And she can't do that. People need her. Or at least, she'd like to believe that. It's that belief that's keeping her going, so she can't stop thinking it. Keep going. Keep going.
So she's stopped, sort-of-kind-of, slumped back against the wall in the nest of pillows she's sort of piled around her and Sans, waiting for... something. Some kind of relief. Some kind of release, from all this. Something else to move, because she feels like she's been moving the world.
And it does. Papyrus comes back. Something moves.
She raises her head a little sharply, hears Sans speak, hears him breathe and her sigh in response, that something is finally happening, and not this purgatory the last 24 hours have been. He looks okay. He looks perfectly fine. Thank god.
Her hands shake as she tries to sit up, not wanting to disturb this too much, not wanting to be the reason everything falls apart if she did finally pass out and it's a dream. Can't be the one responsible again. Not for this.
Please, she thinks, wordlessly, Let this be real. Let this be over.
no subject
His legs turn off the bed-- there's a strange, tingling sensation. Nothing painful, almost as if his limbs were all asleep. Yellow peaks into his vision, and he spots Alphys, unknowingly throwing her a confused look. A worried look. She looks exhausted. Sans looks like he's been beaten down.
What's happening?
Papyrus stands slowly, his scarf sloppily drooping from his shoulder. Unadjusted, if threatens to fall from his neck, but he only cares about the two suffering monsters in front of him. A shaky step forward-- his strength returns to him quickly; a perk of being so physically healthy.
The fact that his energy is coming back doesn't take away from how bewildered he looks.
His hands close. Should he hug them? He wants to-- he wants to. What's stopping him?
Nothing.
He doesn't realize when the tears started. Hot, uncomfortable, wet tears slide down his cheekbones. One slow, shaky step. Four faster ones. He falls to his knees and grabs Sans, enveloping the smaller skeleton with everything that Papyrus had to offer. All the love he could give. All the happiness that Sans deserved. Don't be sad. Please, please don't be sad.
His gaze falls on Alphys for a moment. His mind registers that she's alright-- she looks equally tired. Have either of these two slept? Or eaten? A gloved hand reaches for Alphys for her to come of her own accord.
She looks like she needs love, too.
24 hours is a long time to be dead. Not that Papyrus would know it.
"S-SANS, DR. ALPHYS," the way he speaks their names is laced in a guilt he doesn't quite understand. Did he die? He died? "YOU...WHAT HAPPENED?"
tonight on pen writes a novel
Sans can do this. He's done this...how many times? Heh, that's the thing, isn't it? He stopped keeping track. Isn't even sure he physically can, with how terrible his memory is, how easily the timelines slip away.
Doesn't matter. He's done this before. Lots of times. Wake up, hear Papyrus calling the same words as always from downstairs, get up, stand up, get dressed, walk down the stairs, don't hug him, don't hug him because that'll just confuse him and he'll ask if something is wrong and Sans will have to lie because the truth is just too terrible and too confusing and you can't just put that kind of knowledge on someone especially not someone so good and innocent you just have to go through the motions like always and pretend.
Pretend.
Put on the smile, even though it shakes, even though it's faint. Go through the motions. It's easy, it helps, helps him come back and remember what he's supposed to do and say and be.
"h-hey, bro. there you are. right on time. heh. never late to anything, are you?"
He wonders if Papyrus even remembers. Maybe he just thinks he's waking up after a long night's sleep. Maybe he's wondering why Sans and Alphys are in his room at all.
Papyrus gets to his feet slowly. Sans raises a hand.
"ah, wait. you might not wanna get up so fast..."
He looks so confused. Lost. He's looking around, registering Alphys's presence, staring at Sans, and every time Papyrus's eyesockets settle on him something cracks a little more in Sans.
He's back he's back he's back.
"hey, bro, it's--"
Papyrus is crying.
"it's..."
Okay. It's okay. It's fine. It's okay as long as Papyrus is here, nothing else matters. Frisk is back, Papyrus is back, everyone's alive, it's time to move on and just...
It's okay, but he can't say it. For once he can't bring himself to say it.
And then Papyrus rushes forward and wraps his arms around Sans, practically wraps his whole self around him, and Sans would hug him back, wants to, but he's not supposed to, supposed to keep pretending everything's alright, only--
Only Papyrus already knows something's wrong, already knows, he was always intuitive like that, wasn't he and--
Right, they'd been talking before, hadn't they? In the tunnels, before...before. Sans had been trying to keep him alert. Some stupid little memory. Right. They were on their own and they got separated while traveling through Waterfall and Papyrus had gotten lost and Sans had looked everywhere, had started panicking because his brother was lost and Sans was everything everyone always said he was, a terrible brother, a lazy, barely-functional waste who couldn't even keep track of a hyperactive little skeleton, and how does someone that loud vanish so easily anyway? And Papyrus was going to fall into some abyss or drown in one of the ponds or get eaten by...something, whatever eats skeletons, only then Sans found him sitting with his knees to his chest in a patch of Echo Flowers, talking to them like nothing was wrong, laughing when they repeated his words back to him, and Sans had been mad for just a split second, but mostly he'd been relieved, because he'd been so fucking scared, but Papyrus was okay, Sans had found him and everything was fine and he tried to joke about it, tease him for getting lost, ask him if he'd been scared, and Papyrus had clung to him and Sans had clung right back and...
Papyrus had noticed of course, that brotherly intuition or something, because he'd said, "Don't be sad, brother, The Amazing Papyrus is perfectly fine!!" Sans had gotten all indignant, like of course he wasn't sad or scared, pfft, don't be silly, he just didn't want you to get kidnapped by Temmies or something cause that would be terrible right? Haha. They can laugh about it. Everything's fine.
Sans holds back for maybe a second. Then he crumbles, hugs Papyrus back, holds onto him because he's the only thing keeping Sans from going to pieces. He's not crying. Won't cry. Done that too much lately. He's just going to...shake. Tremble.
"you came back." He can't say it, won't say "dead," won't say "dust." "y-you went away but you came back. you always come back."
and here we thought this might be semi-happy
But he moves and clings to Sans and she's struck, for a second, by the realization that she shouldn't be here. Yes, she's been helping Sans because she doesn't want him to be alone, but... he's not, now. Papyrus is back, and they're hugging, and... maybe she should get out of here. Except Papyrus moves, and offers out a hand, and she just doesn't know what to do with it. He addresses her and she just can't move. They're brothers. She's just an outsider. She's done her job. Right?
Alphys sits, paralyzed, watching Papyrus' hand, watching Sans hug him and shake and she has no idea how to move forward from here. Is this... appropriate? He's just being polite. Doesn't want to outwardly ignore her because he's Papyrus, but she shouldn't be allowed into this. She'd ruin it, surely, mess up a bonding experience between Sans and his brother. She shouldn't be here.
"I..." Suddenly, she doesn't know how to talk, how to refer to this, much less to draw attention to herself. This isn't right. She's not right. What is she doing?
So Alphys just... sits. Staring at Papyrus' gloved hand, hands on the ground like she's trying to push herself up into functionality, but... stuck. Like she can't quite think of what to do. In the end, she just whispers. "I should, uh, p-probably leave you to this, then..."
u just accept your canoodling young lady.
He did die. Guilt washes over him, anew. How did it happen? Why? He...came back. Sans speaking as if it's the most normal thing to happen in the world bothers him in more ways than one. It upsets him to know that his brother is suffering. It angers him to see it treated so casually.
Anger doesn't hold for long; not with Sans in his arms, shaking like a leaf on a tree. He breathes out his frustrations patiently. A voice in his head reminds him that he usually would find pride in acting like the older sibling, but how is he supposed to act? Or Sans? Papyrus has never seen Sans die, the thought in itself is so bizarre. Sans, well liked. Dead?
If Papyrus didn't feel so sick with the whole situation at hand, he'd laugh. The tears, hot and heavy, drip onto Sans' jacket. He wants to be sorry for it, but he just can't.
"I-I ALWAYS...I'LL ALWAYS. ALWAYS."
I'll always come back.
What does Sans need to hear right now? What does Papyrus need to say? The tall skeleton has an endless list-- paragraphs and speeches on what he can say right now, and everything would be true. So why is talking suddenly so hard?
Alphys meekly tries to duck out, and Papyrus lifts his head to look at her, a small amount of urgency in his voice.
"WAIT!! P-PLEASE. PLEASE WAIT?" Seeing her alive and not melting and (despite looking exhausted) well comforts him to a small amount. Papyrus just...needs answers. And he needs Sans to not be sad, and he needs to find Dipper and his sister and thank them and apologize, and man he has a lot of friendship spaghetti to make.
He hopes that Alphys won't ask him why he wants her to wait. Papyrus' words feel jumbled up in his mind. What do you ask first? What do you ask at all?
His hand returns to Sans and presses softly against the back of his brother's head. Trying so hard to be comforting. Trying so hard to be patient. Trying so hard to understand.
everyone hug it out
"always."
He hugs tighter, burying his face in Papyrus's scarf. There's no dust on the fabric this time. He's really alive. It's real.
"i'm sorry. i couldn't..."
Save you, do a single thing to help, couldn't even stand here and be the big brother comforting his little brother who just died, instead it has to be the other way around, instead Papyrus has to comfort Sans, God why does he have to be such garbage.
"i'm sorry..."
He's not going to cry but God does he want to.
The rest of the world creeps back in, makes itself known as Alphys speaks and Sans opens his eyesockets again, turns a bit to try and see her. She's standing near the wall looking small and exhausted and like she wants to flee.
"al. don't go yet."
He tips his head against Papyrus's shoulder, letting out a shaky breath, trying to get himself back under control.
"she's been great, bro. waited here the whole time with me." He thinks so at least. She must have, right? She's been moving around more than he has, doing things around the room, probably keeping herself busy. But she's been here the whole time. Quiet and unassuming and just...a presence so Sans didn't have to wait alone.
"al, thank you."
bring it in, guys!!!
But Sans starts talking and she can't help but laugh a little bit. It's only halfway to a laugh, more like a hiccuped exhale, because he thanks her and what is she supposed to do? Run from him? Pretend this never happened? It would probably be nice to forget everything that happened in the caves, the screaming, Papyrus' dust on her hands, the small breakdown that occurred when she thought she might lose Sans too and the blur of action since then. But... the quiet moments, in the last couple of hours, propping a pillow behind Sans' head, gently holding his hand when he looked like he was really going down. Was it desperation? Was it something like hope? She couldn't tell. She just... couldn't lose Sans too. Does she deserve thanks for that? For just... doing what she needed to do to survive, because she knew another death would shatter her? It's selfish. It's not worthy of praise.
Except they seem to think so. They want her to stay, they... actually want her to be part of their moment. Is it right, if they don't know? Is it entirely selfish to have helped? She just wanted Sans to be okay- Alphys knew only Papyrus could really fix that, so she just held him over. She's just... a middle ground. Something between when the real people are interacting.
But in the end, she's gracious. It feels nice to be acknowledged. It feels nice to feel needed. And when Sans' words sink in, that he's thanking her, it's all but too much. It's not selfish if you care about people, she thinks. You just care. You're allowed to care.
The last bit doesn't hit her until a smile crests her face and she brings herself close enough to be pulled into the hug. She's trying not to cry, but maybe it's happy, for once, as she mumbles into the hug. "I-It wasn't a big deal, I just... I was worried, a-about you. I was worried about both of you. I wanted you t-to be okay."
Other people are allowed to love you, She finally thinks. You are deserving of that.
no subject
"DON'T APOLOGIZE...STOP." His voice shakes a little. The apologies were unneeded. What could have been done?
Papyrus must resemble a parent in his form, hunched over, holding Sans close, listening to his brother talk about Alphys and tell him things that he didn't know, but describe Alphys perfectly.
A genuine smile appears, if just small and trying. He just finds himself grateful-
Grateful.
A thought consumes him. Papyrus is...grateful. To be here, surrounded by friends as he woke. The universe could have destroyed him-- he was infected with a plague and fuzzily recalls the burning room around him, the gripping fear, the murmurs. The universe could have destroyed him, and it showed him kindness.
Alphys comes close enough and is gently pulled into the boney embrace. A sister among misters.
"THANK YOU, ALPHYS," he says, giving the small doctor a sweet squeeze. "THANK YOU...TH-THANK YOU. Who is he thanking at this point? Alphys? Sans? Wonderland? The universe? Who knows. The love that his friends have for him doesn't stop the tears ebbing in his eyesockets.
Papyrus rests his head on Sans' head. His body relaxes a little. Nothing is on fire, no one is leaving. No one is dying. Everyone's okay.
It's torturous how quickly everything can fall apart and be put back together instantly. Even still, Papyrus is thankful.
no subject
He stays quiet instead, shifts a little to allow for Alphys's presence, shifts so he can hug her as well. He doesn't know what to say. He's...relieved. Grateful. So happy that his brother is back. So happy Alphys is still here, that she bothered to wait with him.
It's good. It's fine. Everything should be okay now, so why...
Why is he still unhappy? Why does he still feel like this is going to be torn from his hands at any second? Why is it so hard to just be happy, the way normal people do it, no strings attached, no waiting for the other shoe to drop or the Reset to hit?
He holds them both tighter. He can't let this go.
"bro...al..."
They really are like some kind of big, messed up family, aren't they? The three of them, Undyne, Frisk. Even Chara, sort of.
"it's okay now."
If he says it maybe it'll be real.
IM SORRY FOR SLOW TAGGIN
"It'll... It'll b-be fine. We're here, now, and t-that's what's important. That everyone's o-okay, even after everything that happened." If she says it, if she hears herself say it, if other people can remember it was said-- it's better. It's better that way, that they know. She laughs, just slightly, tilting her head towards Sans. "And y-you're okay, and talking now, and--" She looks a bit towards Papyrus, and smiles wider. "And y-you're back. And that's what matters. That... y-you're both here."
It's not comfort, not exactly. But it's comforting, at least to her. The feeling of both of them close to her and a time where she can close her eyes for the first time in days and feel like it's alright to do so. That's comfort. It's at least close.
ONE BILLION YEARS LATER
Sunlight creeps into the room and he's filled with a soft warmth. Nothing like the unkept, raging inferno that overtook his senses. Shame creeps up on the tall skeleton. Had he worried them? It's all such a blur.
His arms hold them both a little tighter. Alphys is right. Everyone is together again, and everything is fine. Everything is fine.
They must be tired. Tired of what? Waiting? Sans, watching his brother die? The guilt peeks in and Papyrus curb-stomps it out of his mind. The shame is already bad enough; no need to feel guilty too. But...they're both holding on so tightly.
He can't help it. Papyrus lets himself crumple just a little bit. He lets himself be comforted just a little bit by the affection of his friends. Then he'll be okay-- just need to hug for a bit longer, and everything will be fine.
"ALL OF US ARE HERE! SO...IT'S OKAY." A small effort to comfort himself-- picking himself up just a little bit, he loosens his hold on the two and takes a deep breath.
Everything is alright.
i would wait ten billion years for u
Only he doesn't say it. He's too tired, even for puns. Too tired for anything. It's fine. It's okay. That's what the three of them keep saying. It's okay, everyone's here, everything's going to be okay now. Say it enough times, hear it enough times and it'll be real.
Papyrus almost seems tired too. A different sort of tired down in the tunnels. Sans could bring it up, tell Papyrus he needs some sleep, and Papyrus would probably say he's slept enough already, that a full day is far too long for the Great Papyrus.
Sans doesn't say that, either.
He wants to...say something. "I missed you," only that would just make Papyrus feel guilty, which is ridiculous, but he would. He could apologize again, but "sorry" is just a hollow word and Papyrus told him to stop anyway. He could thank Alphys again, but he did that already, and he doesn't want to hollow out that word as well.
He has to say something or he really is going to start crying and he won't do that.
"how...are you feeling, bro?" Stupid, he should have asked sooner, Papyrus will gloss over it if he's feeling bad but Sans still should have asked, should be better, he's so bad at this, such a terrible brother, shut up, don't make it about yourself.
"any...any side effects or...anything...?"
same hat buddy, u kno how I am with backtags
"D-Do, uhm, you want me to look you over? I know, uhm, I'm n-not perfectly, uh, a m-medical doctor, but, uhm, I don't k-know, I could try to see, uh, if there's anything. If, uhm, y-you're worried." In truth, now she's a little worried, even though Alphys isn't sure what she could figure out. Maybe she should've gotten that medical degree. Oh well. Engineering is just medicine for robots, right? Totally.