Perhaps I lacked some foresight, but brother you were so right

[fulllifeconsequences]

Who: Chara, anyone who wants to hang out with An Actual Literal Disaster
Where: Around the mansion and gardens
When: June 13th onward to the rest of the month, maybe, depending how much of a Perpetual Calamity Chara is
Summary: I'm just gonna put up a catch-all for their Crashing And Burning lmao
Warnings: Tentatively putting content warnings for suicide, self-harm, will edit as necessary.
The story:

[They aren't okay. They're never really all that okay, honestly. It's a joke to call a kid that poisoned themselves "okay." So they're... worse than not okay. Worse and worse and worse. They tried to run away. Didn't work. Almost convinced Frisk to join them in doing something... cowardly. Didn't help. Toriel caught them, pulled them back from the brink of A Big Mistake.

It didn't feel fixed, didn't feel all better, but... it was a decision to continue, rather than stop. Supposed to be an anchoring point. Supposed to be where they start climbing their way back up.

They fell, instead.

They haven't gotten out of bed since. They don't even know how long it's been. Don't know what they've been doing. Time just... stopped existing. Fizzled out into a strange haze. Have they eaten? Have they slept? Don't think they need to. Don't feel like it. Don't... feel anything. Don't even feel real.

They pull themselves back to functional, or a vague facsimile thereof, after a while. Maybe five minutes. Maybe three days. Not functional enough to... to process it. To swallow it. To swallow what they've done - are going to do. To swallow the reality of the kind of person they are, and always will be. To grasp the full, crushing reality of why he wanted them to let go, why he replaced them with a better friend. They can't... they can't process it. They can't wrap themselves around it. It's too huge. Too painful.

But they can... they should do something. Somebody has to take care of Frisk. Pull themselves together enough to send a few texts. Enough to get another bike lock from the closets, then string it through the closet door handles. Tape up a note in their stupid cutesy flower stationery explaining that they'll take it off when Frisk is feeling a little better, and they can just ask their friends if they need something.

They got rid of Frisk's scissors. They think they're supposed to hide the knives, blunt the fire tools.

Eventually, they leave their room.

Kind of have to, they think. They've cleaned themselves up, at least, but they're so hungry and sleepless and utterly crushed that they look a little bit like a ghost when they stagger out into the hall. Sort of dizzy. Haven't refuelled, ha ha.

Don't know where they're going. Don't know how they can possibly punish themselves enough for this.

You might catch them in the kitchen, just... staring at the fridge. Knowing they should eat, knowing they've been surviving off chocolate bars and pie and you can't do that forever, but not being able to muster up the appetite or the focus to commit to it.

You might catch them outside. Laying in the flowers. Same place they killed Alex all those months ago. Gazing up at nothing, still and silent as the corpse they're actually supposed to be.

They end up back at the diner at some point. Don't really know how they got there, or when. But it's on the eighth floor, and they can't bear to retreat to the comfort of the kitchen, but they can bear to look out the window.

Or maybe they just end up back in Room 12 again. Curl up in a bed so comfortable that if you laid down in it, you might never get up again. Be still and quiet and so tightly coiled into themselves that nobody will ever see if their eyes are even redder and they're sort of failing at being a big kid, because big kids don't cry, because Chara never cries, because Chara doesn't even have any right to cry.]

Comments

[video forever]

[goodwoofjames]

[Sirius enters the diner, gives Souji a wave, and immediately notices the kid by the window. That's the one from the camping trip, right? Frisk's friend. They were funny, during Dipper's story. Maybe a bit harsh, but ultimately they seemed cool. He hasn't had a chance to talk to them yet, and he gets the feeling that whole group could use more friends. They're all a little...frantic.

So he sits down, chill as he can be.]

Hey. Don't think I've caught your name, but I've seen you around. I'm Sirius.

[fulllifeconsequences]

Yes.

[They take a second to answer, to realize he's addressing them. Didn't entirely listen, didn't entirely catch on. Just... blurted what they thought was the expected answer. Realize a second too late that they weren't asked a question, let alone a yes-or-no one. What are they even doing?

Have to be attentive. Can't be so unfocused and unwary around humans, right? They... can't even tell if this one's familiar. They think they've seen him before? Maybe they haven't.]

Um. I am Chara.

[Another guess. If it's not a question, it's an introduction. He did say a name, right? Yeah, he said a name.]

I'm not working. If you want food, go ask Souji.

[goodwoofjames]

That's alright. I just thought I'd give you some company, if that's alright.

[Sirius tilts his head slightly, uncertain. The kid seems out of it. He's vaguely reminded of the kids he'd see sitting by themselves in Gryffindor tower, not yet fully convinced of their place in the house. Or maybe in the world.]

You and Frisk come from the same world, right? Are you related?

[They look somewhat similar, but that might just be the haircut.]

[fulllifeconsequences]

[Focus. Breath and focus. Count your breaths. Concentrate. Don't tune this out.

Frisk's name hits them, and they latch onto it like a life preserver. Know that name. Won't let themselves forget it, even if they were the one who obliterated it up until the very last timeline.

Chara smiles. Sweet and pleasant and cute to look at. A good smile, right?]

Maybe by SOUL, but not by blood. It's complicated, as the kids say.

[goodwoofjames]

[There's that odd emphasis again-- like when Sans said LOVE. It must be something specific to their world. But if he takes it literally, he thinks he can follow it. Soul, not blood. Reminds him of his relationship with James.]

I think I know what you mean, though. Blood isn't always going to lead to real bonds. Didn't in my case, at least. Blood tends to be overrated, in my experience.

outside yo, prepare for the noogieing of a lifetime

[normandysbest]

[She's getting restless. There's too little to do around here and too much stress to process; things are good, but they're too good, and she can't help but wait for the other shoe to drop. This is all going to disappear, right? She's going to home and forget and back to struggling and fighting for her life and she needs to be primed for when that time comes. So she's trying to stay in shape, working out at the training center, firing rounds in the middle of the forest, anything to keep her busy. The silence is too much. Just trying to live is too much.

So when she sees a body in the foliage when she's out jogging, it gives her pause. She stops, pushing her hair back out of her face, wiping some sweat off her brow. She approaches, slowly, and stops when she realizes who it is. She's just wearing some leggings and a sports bra, so this is... kind of weird. But she's gotta know why they're just sort of lying there.]

Hey. [A small pause.] Comfortable?

PLEASE DON'T NOOGIE THE DEMON

[fulllifeconsequences]

[They lost their grip on time again. Sort of... fell out of themselves. Maybe sort of... thought they were a ghost again? It's somehow a little jarring that they're being spoken to. That they exist enough to be seen.

Are they disappointed?

They scour their sleeve over their eyes. Not that there's even a reason to. They haven't been crying. It's only lack of sleep that makes their eyes red. Uh, lack of sleep and also just having red eyes. Ha, ha.]

* If you laid down here, you might never get up.

[They don't use that asterisk-voice the way it's meant to be used very much anymore. Not for just anyone. It's too personal, too candid, too close.]

I think I've forgotten how to get up!

[That's more like them, maybe. Fake cheeriness, fun jokes, enthusiasm so paper-thin it's sarcastic. They tack a smile onto the end of it, but they don't actually go so far as to point it in Shepard's direction. They aren't looking at anything.]

OK BUT YOU CAN'T STOP HER?????

[normandysbest]

[The more Shepard sees of Chara like this- oddly detached, making bad jokes about their imminent death- the more she gets worried. She's done her best to keep this kind of oddly professional, but... maybe it's not working. So instead, she looks at them, thinks for a second, and climbs into the flowerbed, laying down next to them and looking at the sky, speaking directly ahead of her, mimicking Chara.]

You picked a good place to forget how to get up. It's a nice view.

Maybe I'll end up stuck here, too.

THE TODDLER WILL FIGHT U

[fulllifeconsequences]

[They look. Just a sideways, short-lived glance. They take a while to even register what she's wearing or the glinting traces of sweat. She's interrupting something fun for this. Fun? Or... well, something distracting, at least.

They don't really understand why.]

Don't you have anything better to do?

[No reason to stick around. The flowers will persistently keep sprouting whether someone takes care of them or not. That's weeds for you, right?]

It's not even a good view at all.

[Who cares about the sky? The stupid surface sky, hanging over all the stupid surface things they hate so much. Not worth it.]

PUT UP UR DUKES KIDDO

[normandysbest]

Not really. Anything better to do, I mean.

[She watches the clouds go by, lazily. Maybe she should make some good memories of looking up at a solid sky. Usually it just drives her nuts.]

I never used to like being stuck planetside. Really preferred to be on my ship, seeing the stars. This is nice for a while, but... eeh. At least the sky moves kind of weirdly here so it stays interesting.

[She actually turns her head, looks towards Chara.]

Couldn't I ask you the same? Nothing better to do today?

in their room probably

[determinedest]

[Being okay is hard.

Frisk doesn't think they're okay. It's weird to admit to themselves, because they're always supposed to be okay, aren't they? Or at least, some kind of okay? But they're not. So here they are. Sitting, or curling up, or lying down. Feeling...lost. There's a bike lock on the closet, and they can't even feel very upset about it. It's for the best.

But still, there's that guilt. Overwhelming. Pervasive.

Chara's still here, so Frisk looks at them across the room, wonders if they're awake.]

Do you want me to ask Toriel for the Dagger back?

Wacky Roommates !!

[fulllifeconsequences]

[This is hard.

Someone has to take care of Frisk. Even if it means they've failed at letting go. They don't know what else to do. They think they're mostly staying in their room for their own sake, but they send texts and lock the closet and keep lingering like a ghost. Watching. Supervising? Keeping them company? Just sort of existing in the same space, because neither of them can manage much more than that? They don't know.

But they didn't lock away their own knives, and things are even worse!! And they... ha, what if they did something drastic right in front of Frisk? Who needs privacy, right? If you're going to be scary, why not have an audience?

Stupid thought. Bad thought. They slice through it, furiously reduce it to dust. Scrunch up under their blankets, turn to face the wall, even if it feels safer when their back is against it.]

No.

No point, anyway. She wouldn't give it back.

the squeakquel

[determinedest]

Yeah. But...I feel bad I broke that promise to you.

[Frisk, looking for solutions to their problems because they just want to feel better about themselves? No. No, that's not what they meant at all. But it feels an awful lot like it, doesn't it?

How does it feel to be selfish garbage, Frisk?]

It, it just wasn't very nice of me. I cared so much about what Toriel thought that I decided I'd rather risk you if it made me feel better about her.

return of the jedi

[fulllifeconsequences]

Not surprised.

[They can't muster the force to make their answer biting or vicious. It only sounds... apathetic. Resigned. Genuinely not surprised. They're less than a person. Of course they'd be less of a priority. Of course they're a thing that can be used as means to an end. Of course promises are worth exactly as much as they've always been.]

Knew right from the start that anything I surrendered to you would be lost.

[Expect nothing, because that's exactly what you get. Exactly what you deserve.]

I, your humble servant, will follow you to the utmost.

[Throw themselves into being fuel for whatever your summoner desires. That's how it works. That's what lets you be together forever. Right, partner?]

electric boogaloo

[determinedest]

That's not...

[Okay, well, Frisk deserved that one. They bite their lip and look down, grimacing.]

Then why, why trust me at all?

[Because all they've done is hurt them. And mess up. And make mistakes. They don't know entirely how this is supposed to work, and they don't think Chara does either. Chara, who's intent on sabotaging their relationships before they grow closer, so that way if it falls apart then at least they're the one in control of when it happens.

Or something. They could be...off base. They have been before.]

aaaaaand kitchen

[rosswood]

[He's run out of food again. It's a moronic thing to feel grouchy about, but he does, because leaving his room is a chore when half the people here hate his guts or something. He just grabs whatever's non-perishable and drags it to his room so there's a minimum of actually being outside and risking getting stabbed. Again.

Speaking of stabbing, wow! There's the kid who murdered him just standing, right there! Staring absently at the fridge. Like the weird demon-freakazoid-thing they are.

He wishes he could just turn right around and skedaddle on out, but no. He's hungry, really hungry. Maybe if he just nips over to the cupboards and snatches a couple cans of assorted something out, he can be gone before Chara's back from their visit to the astral plane, or whatever it is they're doing.]

(mario voice) here we gooooo

[fulllifeconsequences]

[They like to think that things happen for a reason. That karma is real. That the things they deserve always find them.

They hear an adult's heavy footfalls, feel the subtle vibrations. Turn. Snap on a smile like they're drawing a weapon, like the world is draining into the empty black-and-white of combat.

Of all the people in the whole entire mansion. Of course it's this one. It has to be for a reason, right? It can't just be meaningless, pointless coincidence that the loudest voice declaring them unnatural and evil is the one that finds them.]

Alex. How lucky for me.

ok but that's literally the sound my email makes so this notif made that noise exactly

[rosswood]

[Crap.

Alex freezes where he stands for a moment, before privately resolving that he's not scared of the little freak, no matter how weird they act, and pressing ahead to open a couple cupboards and yank out a couple cans of...soup, it looks like. Minestrone. He hates minestrone.

Doesn't matter. It'll have to do.]

Don't flatter yourself, kiddo. Just passing through.

[Still, there's no mistaking the subtle tremor in his hands as he crams one of the cans into his jacket pocket.]

dang chara's datamining again

[fulllifeconsequences]

[It doesn't fully register. Don't notice enough to recognize he's frantically jamming his pockets full of soup. They'd laugh if they did perceive it, probably.]

Stay a while. Have some tea. Enjoy a nice chat.

[That's how you become besties, right? Burning a house down doesn't even sound all that bad right now.]

Let me ask you something.

you scurrilous child you

[rosswood]

[What the heck is their deal, even. It's like they're only half-there, like they're even more unhinged than they were already. That's...interesting. And also likely to get Alex killed, again.

He takes a few steps back, just for safety's sake, his brows still knitted down a suspicious frown.]

All right, shoot.

[But if it's a question about how long it takes a human to bleed out or something, he is out of here.]

kitchen

[krmvgivv]

[Dipper's been looking for Chara, but he wasn't actually currently looking for them. He was getting a snack. It's just coincidence that he finds them there. Lucky coincidence, though. He's been hoping to run into them.]

...you know, it works better if you open it.

[fulllifeconsequences]

[Dipper.

They register his voice. Same voice that called names in those dark tunnels. Kept them in place. Kept them from going too... too far out of themselves?

Don't know how to respond. Feel like they've forgotten how to talk to people. How to converse like a human being. Try to say something, but they have nothing to say, so they sort of just... grunt noncommittally. Open the fridge.

Stare blankly inside of it. Same as before, only now there's a vague sensation of cold air. Don't know what they want. Don't really want anything, just feel like they should. Like they have to.]

...Want anything?

[There. A response. Proper conversation. Functional. Focused on here and now.]

[krmvgivv]

...I was thinking of making eggs. [An awkward beat. Chara is acting weird. Not that they're ever not weird, but this is pretty exceptionally weird, even for them. Dipper still isn't sure how to help them. At least their eyes make it clear they're not possessed. No telltale yellow with slits.]

I could... make some for you if you want? It's really not harder to make four instead of two.

[fulllifeconsequences]

[Silence, too much silence. Takes too long to answer. He's asking something, he's waiting for a response. They didn't... concentrate. Wants a turn at the fridge, maybe? They shuffle to the side, as functional people do.]

...Okay.

[Don't know what they're saying "okay" to. Seems like a good answer. Works for yes/no questions, works for requests, works for "how are you." Likely to be right.

Do a little more than that, Chara. That's a dull answer. Bad conversation. Might be impolite.

Starts to reach for the locket, for its warmth and steady, grounding beat. Hand freezes halfway. Best Friends Forever.

Please don't kill me.

Stop. Focus. Concentrate, Chara. Conversation, right?]

Um. Want anything?

[krmvgivv]

[Dipper grabs a few eggs and some butter and milk, then puts them on the table. But when Chara repeats their question, he stops and turns to look at them. He knew they were a mess, but this is... a whole new level of strange. Are they even listening to him? Do they know what's going on?]

So you're really not okay, huh?