Michonne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thesamurai) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entrancelogs2016-07-09 07:55 am
thesamurai) wrote in entrancelogs2016-07-09 07:55 am
Entry tags:
[Closed] I was gone for a little while.
Who: Michonne + Andrea
Where: Andrea's room
When: July 9
Rating: Let's start with PG-13 for salty language probably, and go from there. Also warning for descriptions of zombie violence.
Summary: Michonne's avoided Andrea because of guilt, but she can't keep doing that anymore.
The Story:
[Her life has been full of regrets since the end of the world happened. Michonne tries, most days, to not think about them. She used to, she used to live in them, sink into them, let herself know she deserved every ache in her bones, every single nightmare. When she was on her own, leading her boyfriend-cum-walker by a chain after cutting off his arms and curb stomping his teeth out, then doing the same to his friend; when she was doing that she let them remind her every day of what she'd lost. The parents she was too late getting to, the brother who was eating his wife in their living room floor. The echoes of the imagined screams and cries of her own son as walkers attacked camp and left nothing of him behind. She found pieces. Buried them while she puked, and then lived in the guilt and the emptiness. She was gone, living in her head, only surviving because she'd kill every last walker in Atlanta if she could, no matter how long it took.
And then she found Andrea.
Michonne kept the distance for a while, saved her, never spoke to her, never turned her away, either. Their co-existence was accepted but not spoken of, not until they'd doubled back to the farm after a month. It'd be a good place to find food; they knew it was there, and the walkers wouldn't have touched it. If the fire hadn't spread to the house, they'd be lucky. So, they'd gone back, and Michonne finally spoke as they stockpiled canned food from inside the house, taking everything they could while talking about the farm, Atlanta, Michonne giving as few details as possible outside of both of them bonding over being lawyers. Everything got easier from there, and while she was still sparse with details, she listened to Andrea more, they found common ground that wasn't just littered with the dead. Then, one day, Andrea made Michonne laugh; monumental because it was the first time that even for a minute, the guilt and pain and sadness were gone. That's when things changed for good, and just watching out for her became caring, protecting, and trusting her. When Andrea got sick and there was the threat of being alone again in this world, there was outright refusal to let that happen, trying to bring her back to full health, refusing to give up on her.
Then she did it anyway, all because of what her gut knew and what Andrea wouldn't do in Woodbury: leave. In hindsight, that gut feeling, knowing the Governor was dirty as fuck and nothing good was going to come of the situation should have been the reason Michonne stayed, to protect Andrea, to keep her from getting hurt. But pride and anger got in the way, and she abandoned her family. Someone she loved. She let the anger fester until it was too late and all she could do was hold Andrea while she put a bullet in her head to keep from turning. The guilt came back, the overwhelming emptiness, but all that came after saved her again. But here, here in Wonderland, there's no Alexandria, no Rick, no Carl, no Judith. There's just Andrea. There's a second chance that Michonne's terrified to take because if she does, and Andrea disappears as fast as the others have, she doesn't know what the fuck she's going to do. She needs her here, and she's been an asshole about it, she knows she has. But she knows Andrea gets it, too. She understands her.
It's not quite a week later either, when Michonne finds herself pacing outside of Andrea's room. She debates knocking on Kurt Weller's door instead, buy herself some time, stall without being talked out of it by him. Instead, she knocks on Andrea's door before she loses her nerve, and as soon as it opens, she blurts out words, some sort of half-assed attempt at an apology from the start.]
I was afraid you'd disappear. Carl was here, he left after a few days. Just long enough for me to get used to him being here, then gone in the middle of the night. If you leave like that, it'll...
[She trails off, meeting Andrea's eyes.]
You can't.
Where: Andrea's room
When: July 9
Rating: Let's start with PG-13 for salty language probably, and go from there. Also warning for descriptions of zombie violence.
Summary: Michonne's avoided Andrea because of guilt, but she can't keep doing that anymore.
The Story:
[Her life has been full of regrets since the end of the world happened. Michonne tries, most days, to not think about them. She used to, she used to live in them, sink into them, let herself know she deserved every ache in her bones, every single nightmare. When she was on her own, leading her boyfriend-cum-walker by a chain after cutting off his arms and curb stomping his teeth out, then doing the same to his friend; when she was doing that she let them remind her every day of what she'd lost. The parents she was too late getting to, the brother who was eating his wife in their living room floor. The echoes of the imagined screams and cries of her own son as walkers attacked camp and left nothing of him behind. She found pieces. Buried them while she puked, and then lived in the guilt and the emptiness. She was gone, living in her head, only surviving because she'd kill every last walker in Atlanta if she could, no matter how long it took.
And then she found Andrea.
Michonne kept the distance for a while, saved her, never spoke to her, never turned her away, either. Their co-existence was accepted but not spoken of, not until they'd doubled back to the farm after a month. It'd be a good place to find food; they knew it was there, and the walkers wouldn't have touched it. If the fire hadn't spread to the house, they'd be lucky. So, they'd gone back, and Michonne finally spoke as they stockpiled canned food from inside the house, taking everything they could while talking about the farm, Atlanta, Michonne giving as few details as possible outside of both of them bonding over being lawyers. Everything got easier from there, and while she was still sparse with details, she listened to Andrea more, they found common ground that wasn't just littered with the dead. Then, one day, Andrea made Michonne laugh; monumental because it was the first time that even for a minute, the guilt and pain and sadness were gone. That's when things changed for good, and just watching out for her became caring, protecting, and trusting her. When Andrea got sick and there was the threat of being alone again in this world, there was outright refusal to let that happen, trying to bring her back to full health, refusing to give up on her.
Then she did it anyway, all because of what her gut knew and what Andrea wouldn't do in Woodbury: leave. In hindsight, that gut feeling, knowing the Governor was dirty as fuck and nothing good was going to come of the situation should have been the reason Michonne stayed, to protect Andrea, to keep her from getting hurt. But pride and anger got in the way, and she abandoned her family. Someone she loved. She let the anger fester until it was too late and all she could do was hold Andrea while she put a bullet in her head to keep from turning. The guilt came back, the overwhelming emptiness, but all that came after saved her again. But here, here in Wonderland, there's no Alexandria, no Rick, no Carl, no Judith. There's just Andrea. There's a second chance that Michonne's terrified to take because if she does, and Andrea disappears as fast as the others have, she doesn't know what the fuck she's going to do. She needs her here, and she's been an asshole about it, she knows she has. But she knows Andrea gets it, too. She understands her.
It's not quite a week later either, when Michonne finds herself pacing outside of Andrea's room. She debates knocking on Kurt Weller's door instead, buy herself some time, stall without being talked out of it by him. Instead, she knocks on Andrea's door before she loses her nerve, and as soon as it opens, she blurts out words, some sort of half-assed attempt at an apology from the start.]
I was afraid you'd disappear. Carl was here, he left after a few days. Just long enough for me to get used to him being here, then gone in the middle of the night. If you leave like that, it'll...
[She trails off, meeting Andrea's eyes.]
You can't.
no subject
That was the first time. Saving her became a pattern.
They fell into a routine eventually, though after eight months together, Andrea still lamented not knowing Michonne all that well. She knew and understood things about her, how she approached the world and people, but she didn't know her past, her story. She'd hoped they'd get there one day, but then Woodbury happened, and everything went to hell.
She's angry at herself for some of the things she said and did, but she'd been determined to make it right. God, that's all she wanted to do, just make it right.
It would be easy to assume Michonne's avoidance of her the past week was a result of the way they'd left things over Woodbury and their differences of opinion, but after their talk when she first arrived, Andrea knows that's not the case. She remembers the emotion in Michonne's eyes in her last few minutes, too. No, no - she's not avoiding her because she's angry. She's avoiding her because she lost her, and now she's here for some reason and they both know that can't last forever.
She's surprised when Michonne shows up, but just listens as she explains the weeklong estrangement. ]
I know better. Trust me. [ Though Andrea hadn't left her at Woodbury, she'd pushed her away. She's not blameless in what happened. But she knows better than to ever let go of her again. ] Whatever this is, it's a second chance, and I'm holding onto that - you - like hell.
no subject
[She isn't sure if she's earned that, but Andrea isn't wrong in her assessment of Michonne. The anger from Woodbury doesn't even register anymore. She'd do anything to take it back, and here, she can - sort of. She can let it go, have this with Andrea now and forget about the bullshit. All she wants is to be able to go inside and start everything over again.]