[Open] Let's go in the garden...

[perennialpetals]

Who: Rose Quartz and YOU ✿
Where: The gardens
When: Backdated to before the Sleeping Curse Event
Rating: G or PG is my best guess
Summary: Rose is in her element and makin' it grow, whilst trying to keep her mind off of the festered problems between her and Amethyst/Pearl.
The Story:

Of late, this particularly large and pink woman has spent most of her time keeping to the corners of the mansion and the grounds, studying the lifeforms there, both sentient and non. Rose was never one to be entirely opposed to socializing, though of late, her mind had been plagued with concern. Namely, in regard to Amethyst... and especially Pearl. There were obvious bridges burned by her choice to give birth to her son, an exchange that was paid with the price of her very existence. There was damage that she could no longer be ignorant to here in Wonderland, where -once again- she was herself and her comrades were present. There was much work to be done, and only time could begin to truly heal those wounds. Amethyst had been far more upfront about some of those issues, but Pearl? It was subdued, but Rose had no doubts that it would eventually drift to the surface.

And anticipation is an awful thing.

It was that very discomfort which initially lead to her venturing out into the gardens nightly. "Breathing" life into plants was one of Rose's handful of special powers, and helping the bushes, shrubs, and trees to grow and bloom brought a particular peace of mind and spirit. Until today, she hadn't run into anyone, simply tending to and helping the plants to sprout and rise up strong while no one was paying attention.

Today, she was doing much of the same, except this time, she was the inattentive one. A song spills from her lips as she tends to a tomato plant, and over the course of a the song, the small sprout grows tall and strong, buds opening up to reveal yellow flowers.

What a show that would be if anyone were to stumble upon the scene.

Comments

[beyourrock]

Pearl felt as though a spotlight was set upon her form. Feeling the weight of those four words settling into her shoulders. Rose could read her like a book, like Steven could when she was in her lowest of moments. She stares down at her hands, which grip into tighter fists. Her brow furrowing.

This wasn't just some casual question.

She's quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time. If she ran, Rose would follow. And she couldn't stay quiet forever. Rose would press. She was always so caring, wanting Gems and organics alike to share their feelings. For Pearl? It was how she was made. To keep feelings and opinions to herself. She isn't used to expressing herself. Especially with what transpired between them.

Finally, she speaks. Quiet. Hoarse.

"You... never told me you had a lion."

[perennialpetals]

"I didn't tell anyone I had Lion."

Rose admits, her own brow furrowed as she looks at her lap, her dark eyes pensive. Scared. Expressions she hadn't worn since that last battle which claimed so many Gem lives.

"But... he's a different story. Just... a means of giving Steven what little material objects I had," she adds on slowly, honestly. "I...I should have told you. Told the other Gems. I just... wanted Steven to find Lion only when he was ready, and him alone."

The quiet rings like heavy bells, the silent bass looming. Rose is once again quiet, and this time, she needs the moments, as uncomfortable as they are, to swallow her pride.

"There are.... more things I should have told you, even if I didn't tell the others. I'm... not perfect. I panic. I worry. Far more than I ever let on for the sake of those around me, to keep them feeling safe, happy. Sometimes, those decisions were necessary for the rebellion... sometimes it was only because I was too weak."

There's another pause, shorter this time.

"Pearl, I'm so sorry."

[beyourrock]

Pearl purses her lips.

"So you didn't trust me." She says, her voice as sharp as her many swords in her arsenal. She doesn't look at her, anger shaking her small frame, tears bubbling to the surface.

"You thought if you told me, the whole rebellion would fall. Is that it?" She shakes her head furiously as she stands up, taking a few steps away from her. Shoulders hunched up to her ears, hands still in tight fists.

"You told me everything! I was your confidant! Did you think I would jeporadize the war? Did you think I was some kind of liability? Is that all we were to you?!"

She chokes back a sob as tears fall freely down her cheeks.

"And yet you tossed everything away for him."

[perennialpetals]

"It's not, like that, it's...!" Rose starts to protest, and forces herself to stop. All of this is hard to hear. It's hard to be accused of so many things, things that Rose is only partially in the right for. No, she deserved this. She hurt Pearl in so many ways, and now it's all coming to a head.

When Rose continues, it's softly again, just as guilty as before.

"I made difficult decisions that would have hurt you and anyone else who knew. The rebellion could have fallen had anyone known before. And... I was scared of losing you. Terrified, right down to the deepest facet. But... it doesn't excuse that I didn't tell you afterwards."

She looks up at Pearl with teary eyes, speaking volumes of apologies without a single sound.

"It had nothing to do with trusting you, and everything to do with not being able to trust my own judgement enough. I was the liability. Looking back, I guess that could even be said about Greg.... We both know it was never 'the plan' that I fell in love with him," she says, her voice so quiet that that it's hardly above a whisper. Her eyes return to being downcast, a tear breaking free. "On the battlefield, I'm strong. I make the hard decisions because that's what a leader does. But in matters of the -figurative- heart... I'm so weak, Pearl. I'm sorry."

Quickly, her thick fingers wipe the tears from her eyes, her mass of hair hopefully blocking the scene.

[beyourrock]

"I followed you, without a second thought. I dedicated my life to you, Rose! You're strong in so many ways, don't you see?! I still mourn your passing to this day. All because you were scared, you didn't want to tell me?!"

Pearl turns to face her. Brows knitted in anger despite the tears that ran freely down her cheeks, dripping to the ground with soft patters.

"You couldn't stop yourself. I thought he'd be like all the other humans you 'played' with. A passing novelty. Time and time again. But he-- I should have known... I should have known...!"

She lifts a balled up fist, as if to strike something, before her fist comes down , loosening into an open hand, which covers her face, trying to wipe away tears. A sob escapes her.

"I should have known that it would be a matter of time in which someone else shined brighter to you."

A pause as she recollects herself.

"...What did he have? What did he have in which I couldn't give you?" After so many years of dedication. Loyalty. Devotion.

[perennialpetals]

"Acceptance that -all those millennia ago- the person I chose to become... is flawed. And making me feel like it was okay that I wasn't perfect."

There's no hesitation in her answer, despite the quiet and somber tone. Admittedly, she had grown very little as an individual post-rebellion, and rapidly grew and learned while with Greg. But that's neither here nor there at the moment. That was a result of the relationship, not a driving factor. Rose continues, gentleness and vulnerability strong in her voice despite the low volume.

"And he didn't shine brighter than you. No one ever has, at least not in my eyes. By Gem standards, Greg was dull. He didn't accomplish much, he wasn't strong, his goals initially changed like a switch... but what he freely gave was understanding, all without judgement, even when I only told him a fraction of what we, as the Crystal Gems, had done. Even less of what I had done alone. And... I learned through him that Gems aren't the only complex beings in the universe, and it gave me an entirely new perspective on the human race. I'll always find them novel on the surface, but they're so much like us beneath the crust.

"No other human had done that, and we were on Earth while they still dwelt in caves. So no, you couldn't have known. I couldn't have, either."

She draws her knees up to her chest, covering her Gem. Finally, she looks back up at Pearl, her insides suddenly feeling like pure iron upon the sight.

"Pearl, it isn't a matter of black and white. It's not because I didn't -or don't- love you. I do. Nothing will ever change that. It's not even that you couldn't have done that and more, given time and incentive. Greg was just... the first. Ever. And that wisdom and kindness came from a being who only lives as long as a blink of a Gem's eye. I got in too deep before I could even back out... and I was too happy and he was too happy not to see it through."

And even if she wanted to, at that time in their lives, Pearl wouldn't have had that level of acceptance; she clearly still didn't, denying Rose's own claims about herself. Leaving Greg and that healthy relationship would have ruined him... and Rose as well. After everything that she had done in the name of Earth, good and bad, it was nice to be accepted for both, not just the former, and then loved despite both.

[beyourrock]

Pearl lowers her gaze, and her face darkens as she listens to her words. He was her first. Her first to accept her. Everything she had done? Was for naught. It didn't matter. None of it did. She mad the ultimate sacrificed for someone who accepted her.

Her shoulders hunch again. And her foot stomps into the ground, creating a small crater in the shape of it. Causing the ground around her to tremble lightly.

"I've heard enough." She lifts her head, tears still falling. "I knew where I stood when I saw you dancing with him, Rose. I even fought against him for your affections. You knew I was trying to. I could see the way you looked at him."

Exhaustion starts to settle into her features. "He was special. I was not. I didn't give enough. Even though I poofed countless times for you...!!" She laughs weakly looking down at the small crater bitterly.

"In the end I was just a Pearl to you. Chasing humans without a second thought. And me? Easily disposable."

[perennialpetals]

"Love is hard work and a process... it was no different for Greg and I. By the time we realized what we were, the bond was already cast. But that never meant I didn't care about you or stopped caring. I just, I--- I was selfish. I admit that. I wanted to experience what it was like to be a normal "woman", and I wanted to everything Greg had to offer ---and please don't take that to mean Steven; that's a separate decision entirely."

However, Rose stops herself, and instead starts to listen carefully, watching her own hands tremble as they rest in her lap. Her first instinct is to yell back, to keep fighting what Pearl has been saying. However, arguing over feelings won't get them anywhere.

Instead, she forces herself to swallow her pride yet again, giving her best attempt to offer the listening skills and understanding Greg had given her. It's admittedly hard to distance herself enough to decipher Pearl's upset, and Rose is too overwhelmed to do it effectively, but at the very least, one realization is made.

"All of that... is what you're scared of, isn't it, Pearl?"

Propping her hands on her legs, she uses them to support her as she stands up, her form looming once again. She forces herself to take a deep breath, not for the benefit of oxygen, but to help calm her, to give her a count of quiet and thoughtfulness to lengthen the thought within herself.

"Because, Pearl... you might be saying such awful things about yourself, but I haven't. Not once. Not ever."

And frankly, the insinuation that Rose would think so little of Pearl after everything they've been through, after the ins and outs of love their shared... it's insulted. It's debasing. It makes Rose feel like her throat is clenched, and despite physically not needing air, it gives her a vague feeling of choking.

[beyourrock]

Pearl feels that form looming over her. She tries her best to ignore it. Instead she stands a bit taller, and looks away from Rose. Her body is still tense as she stands there, emotions still running high in her chest and mind. Her chest ached. Was it right for her to feel this way? Was it selfish? Afterall, Rose was happy. That was most important here. But her heart till hurt. Years of emotion coming to a head.

She lifts her hands, clutching them over her chest.

"What was I supposed to think when there are so many things you haven't told me? What was I supposed to feel when you fell in love with him? Of course I was happy that he made you happy. But... I saw that I couldn't. I thought, for so long, for so many years. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Differently?"

She lifts her head, staring up at her with glistening pale blue eyes, her form trembling. "What was I supposed to think?"

[perennialpetals]

"It's not that you didn't make me happy. You did. Do. Greg, he was just... different. I'm trying so hard to explain it better, but..." How can you catch a wave upon the sand? The words are fleeting, despite their heartfelt softness and the pain etched along their edges.

Tentatively, Rose side glance over to Pearl, too much conflicting emotion pulling her thoughts and verbal desires every which way, some for the better, and some for the worse. It's like a battle to keep clear minded, to hold back from reacting purely on the emotion of the moment, but by the skin of her teeth, Rose manages as best she can.

"And... maybe instead of thinking, assuming, you could listen."

Another uncomfortably long pause echos through the garden.

Practically a whisper, she finally admits, "Like I need to learn as well."

[beyourrock]

Pearl was the most emotional of the Crystal Gems. She would never admit it aloud. When her emotions ran high, there was no filter. Nothing for her to fall back on. A soundboard. She bottled it up. Garnet and Amethyst could never understand what went through Pearl's head. She... assumed anyways.

Pearl's arms grow limp, her fingers uncurling as her head lowers. She... silently nods, despite the tears running down her face still. Willing herself to try and stop crying. To stop trembling.

She is right, she thinks. Here she was going on rambling off her raw emotions.

[perennialpetals]

It's... too hard to just keep to herself. It should be easy to say they'll talk again soon, to walk away and deal with this hurricane of a mess later, but as Rose gets a better look at Pearl, she can't. It feels like magnets are pushing her away from everywhere but where Pearl stands, her guilty conscience too loud and demanding to ignore.

Quietly, tentatively, Rose extends a hand and gingerly places it on Pearl's shoulder; the touch is light enough that Pearl can easily shirk out of it, should she choose.

"And Pearl...? I... I'm so sorry for everything, for all the pain it's caused you. I'm so sorry I never stopped to ask and listen enough. I really do mean it," she says, soft, gentle, but remorseful. "I don't... I don't want to lose you anymore than I did back when our rebellion consisted of the two of us, and I'm just as terrified now as then, but I know what I've done, so if you need space, just give the word."

[beyourrock]

Pearl stands under her hand for a moment. Not meeting her gaze. While the touch is gentle, it's a heavy weight on her. That familiar warm hand. That gentle voice.

The smaller Gem gently moves her shoulder away from her hand, taking a wide step back. She inhales deeply, trying to calm herself. To keep her emotions in check. Her lips purse into a thin line before she turns her back to Rose.

"I need time." she speaks quietly, "I need time to reflect."

What now? What will be? What will happen to them? Was it even possible now? Pearl could only feel a wall rising up around herself. To protect herself.

Pearl stands for a moment to let that set in. Before she lifts her head, erect, to head back where she came. Leaving teardrops in the grass in her wake.

[perennialpetals]

"Alright," Rose responds, contemplative, concerned, but without any further pressing. Her hand easily falls back to her side, her Gem heavy in her form as she solemnly watches Pearl walk away.

The urge to yell out 'take care' or 'I'll see you soon' or anything to add a positive end is strong, but... Rose can't help but feel like after everything, it wouldn't feel sincere, the wrong words spoken for the right reasons of worry and care.

She feels too heavy with emotion, sitting back down, knees to her chest, burying her own face into her dress. A few, silent tears of her own are shed, unaware of her power causing tiny white flowers to grow in the grass where Pearl's had fallen.