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entrancelogs2016-08-01 12:01 am
- jjba: giorno giovanna,
- jjba: trish una,
- marvel: steve rogers,
- penny dreadful: victor frankenstein,
- supernatural: jo harvelle,
- teen wolf: lydia martin,
- the originals: freya mikaelson,
- the vampire diaries: bonnie bennett,
- the vampire diaries: damon salvatore,
- the vampire diaries: elena gilbert,
- the vampire diaries: rebekah mikaelson
call yourself a living girl.
where | the entrance hall + around.
when | throughout august.
rating | tba? prose + brackets equally welcome.
summary | elena returns from her canon update. then there is a catch-all post for the month of august. then there is a literary question. give me everything.
the story |
[ a young woman stands in the middle of your entrance hall, eway.
she is decked out in formal wear, and for a beat or two, looks very confused. a dozen tiny pieces of her heart, all of them belonging to wonderland, start falling back into place. it is with effort elena shakes off a sense of displacement. months went by where she could not, for the life of her, remember this place. months.
in mystic falls, that's several lifetimes.
elena turns in place, almost lightheaded with an overwhelming feeling. she's heard the stories. she's listened to other people's experiences. wonderland is a revolving door: with every swivel, people come, and then they go.
and sometimes they come back again.
don't mind the girl in the ball gown storming the proverbial castle. the mansion is eerily quiet, and she needs to make sure she isn't the only one left standing. ]
[ it doesn't take long for elena to pick up where she left off. sure, life back home is a roller coaster and then some, but when is it not? life doesn't stop, and neither does elena. she refuses to wallow. refuses to linger on what she can't change—yet. throughout the month, she settles back into some kind of routine. she jogs every morning, bright and early. she stops by the coffee shop afterward for her daily fix. every other evening, she hits the gym; there's a sandbag with her name on it, and elena pummels it with more skill than she used to.
you can thank alaric saltzman (and faith lehane) for that last one.
bump into her during any and all of these instances. alternatively, feel free to ask ella to write abettermore specific starter for your character. ♥ ]
[ okay, so she keeps busy. elena is a busy bee if there ever was one. if she isn't doing her nancy drew thing in hopes of uncovering wonderland's secrets, she's checking in on her loved ones, helping evelyn at the library, or preparing herself for wonderland's upcoming events. but her trip back home has left her restless and somewhat uneasy.
it means sleep is hard to come by.
it means elena is at the library, curled up on her favorite brown leather chair, with a shawl at her feet. she turns her device on and activates the text feature, addressing any and all night owls still awake. ]
Does anyone have any book recommendations? I'm not picky with genres, as long as the writer has something interesting to say. [ in lieu of her network post, there is always stumbling on her at the library proper. she'll be roaming the stacks in search of her next read. ]
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she lifts her eyes slowly as he walks over to her. doesn't tear her gaze away from his frame as their distance is erased.
at the end of the day, everyone has it wrong. elena isn't what damon can't have. damon is what elena can never have. can never choose. nor save, nor fix, nor want. or shake. (admit it, damon. you wouldn't know what to do if she gave back everything that you've placed in her hands. they would be scalding yours.) ]
I think ... it would be wrong if you did. [ she should be mad at him. she's still mad at him, isn't she? hating him has never come naturally to her when it should, and she tried for a very long time to remain unforgiving and unmoved. it shouldn't be so simple. (it will always be this complicated.) ]
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it's because he wants her to choose it too like he did, like he has, like he will whether or not she ever changes her mind on that part. damon smiles, shaking his head then]
No. It wouldn't be wrong. [she can be mad at him. she can hate him. she can fight him with all her might, but it wouldn't be wrong, and she knows it. he knows it too. it's not wrong. it's right. it's just... not right now
a moment he has never lived but one he feels regardless]
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whether she damns them both by saying it aloud or never breathes a word of it until the day she dies, the weight is shared. (You and I ... we have something -- ) there aren't any illusions in this dark space they share. but she knows what comes tomorrow and the day after that.
he wants them to be real, and this moment is too real. ]
I love Stefan.
[ she says it like fact. like a truth she's known and always will. she says it like battle armor. ]
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like a truth that will always be. regardless. true with his father, true with katherine, true with elena, an endless symphony of truth that he hates to hear. he is not enough, and he has always known that. he's always known he is the monster long before he became a vampire.
sharp edges sinking in. his jaw locks, and he looks away from her, far away from her without saying a word in response.
he doesn't look at her again even as he reaches his hand out to tug her toward his bed now that she has finished the glass.]
You should get some sleep.
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this moment reminds her too much of the ball, and a dance he has yet to live; it reminds her too much of how she'll blurt out razor-sharp words that she knows are going to hurt him, only to regret them after they've already left her. it's not that she's said something neither of them already knew. it's no startling revelation, no life-altering epiphany. but it was meant to wound, to keep them both from teetering on the brink of something she is not ready to admit.
elena does not object this time around. she lets herself be tugged, and it doesn't take long for her to pass out. when she awakens hours and hours later, she's in her own room, light filtering softly through the window. and then there is damon, sitting in that very same bay window, his device in hand.
voice scratchy, sleep lingering: ] Damon?
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it doesn't mean he is prepared for the video of elena gilbert taking out a zombie. she didn't mention this to him, not that he is surprised she didn't. it's terrifying to watch in the same instance it's elena as hell, beautiful as hell, sexy as hell. fighting to survive, running. she takes out a zombie and she keeps running.
warrior queen. his gaze drifts up from the device, looking over at her.]
You took out a zombie.
[it's said softly from his spot by the window. he doesn't move. he hadn't been sitting on the bed because he didn't want to wake her, because he wanted space after her words.
at least he didn't go running off to sleep with an original this time.]no subject
[ her voice trails off, gaze landing on the device once more. oh.
right. look, she is still waking up. her thoughts are slow to gather. pushing her hair off her face, elena blinks what's left of her sleepiness and straightens up into a seated position. a smirk curves low on her lips the more she looks at him. with the vaguest hint of pride: ]
I did.
[ it doesn't sound unlike that time she reminded him i saved your life. ] I told you there's a lot you missed out on. [ not that he necessarily wanted to be around for zombies. wonderland's been relatively tame in comparison since. ]
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as he shuts the video down, the videos, all the replies too. she survived, and he can see that, but it was still close, and it's hard to wrap his head around the fact he might not have been here for that.]
Apparently so... you being all warrior princess with a bunch of zombies. [or at least this one zombie right in the middle of the rest.] Fighting with whatever you can get your hands on.
Sounds like you. More than a little dangerous... You were looking for Bonnie.
[obviously. elena will put herself in danger looking for those she considers to be her own, to be hers.]
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it's an admission of sorts, but she is also remembering. the panic, the worry, how desperate she'd felt. the death policy of this place doesn't change a single thing when danger keeps closing in on you. ] We were separated right before it all started. I couldn't find her and she couldn't find me. Sometimes that worries her.
[ magic isn't the be all and end all. at least, not bonnie's magic. not here in wonderland. bonnie never likes feeling helpless.
and honestly, neither does elena. she grabs the glass of water and takes a small sip. ]
A friend of mine, Angel, helped me as I looked. [ ahem. ]
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damon will do anything to save elena. always.]
...Angel. [he makes a little face as he shifts where he's seated.] Right, I met him. Talked to him at least. He mentioned you.
Vampire who is so open about being one to help garner... trust.
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[ elena straightens in place at the admission.
she lightly rolls her eyes, and laughs off damon's derision. ] It's his way of controlling how someone finds out in a place that likes to air your dirty laundry when you least expect it. Surprisingly, it works for him more often than not. [ elena is used to keeping things a secret. to protect those who are ignorant. to protect those who carry those secrets. she's guarded them fiercely, but in wonderland, it doesn't always pay off.
different rules. ]
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[damon makes a face more when she straightens in place at the admission. HE KNOWS THE BROODY MCBROOD HAIR REMINDS HIM OF STEFAN BUT DO NOT FALL FOR HIS WHIMS, ELENA!!!!!]
He mentioned it's his way of getting people to trust him better, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I've tried it. I don't know how well it works. [but damon did the thing here a couple of times and then pfft. people at least don't react like monster!!! pitchfork!!!! torches!!! here, but still. he doesn't know how much trust was created.
he breathes out between his teeth]
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[ gosh.
then again, it really shouldn't be a surprise. wonderland is only so big. at some point, paths are going to cross. elena shuffles out of the bed, and joins him at the bay window. any lingering awkwardness from last night flying out the window at his next admission. ]
Wait, what? You've told people you're a vampire? [ damon's been making friends???? his version of friend, in any case?? ] Who?
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[damon huffs a bit as he leans back. no, angel found him on his arrival day to speak to him and talk about elena. huffs. he leans back against the window, and he is definitely not acknowledging what she said last night. not acknowledging awkwardness either as he takes a drink from the glass beside him
it's bourbon. no one was surprised]
Just two people. I was testing out the theory. [he narrows his gaze in her direction] Some asshole named Alex and some poor innocent mage soul named Jowan.
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she does purse her lips in exasperation, a fitting response to his own huffy expression. eventually it relents, in favor of watching him. she rarely lets herself do so more than necessary, but her eyes wander now: from his hand as it holds the glass of bourbon, to his face as he answers her.
neither of those names sound familiar to her, and elena is a fairly social creature. hm. ]
How did they take it?
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Surprisingly well.
One knew Angel so he'd already gotten the I'm a vampire speech. Guess it worked for him with trust. [and they're both trash so they get along pretty well.] The other one apparently thinks I'm his friend... who believes in him.
[Don't ask how that one happened.]
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and it hurts a little, but she also knows that she deserves it. her expression softens, not that he'll be able to tell. damon's been such a terrible person. he's hurt so many people. he's hurt himself, more than he's been hurt by others, and then some.
and still, something in her keeps hoping: she wants to believe in this man. ]
Is that really such a bad thing?
[ for someone to think that damon is his friend? for believing that he could be? ]
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she was one of the first to believe in him, to tell him to be better when he's always known he is not. better.]
It's just going to lead to disappointment.
Believing someone shouldn't be tortured by themselves or someone else for what they are doesn't make me someone's friend. [and if jowan hadn't mentioned the torture part, damon might have killed him right then and there
for daring to believe that damon was anything more than the monster with teeth.]
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[ her voice trails off.
this is what he does. she knows it's what he does. and in a way, it's confirmation that her choice not to embrace this feeling isn't the wrong one; that lashing out, proving he is the worst, not even trying to see beyond that, would lead to nothing but destruction at the first bump. she sees it as proof.
it doesn't mean she isn't sorry, in a sense. ]
About last night—
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he was a human piece of shit, and now- now it's unrepentant. now he's no longer a victim being terrible in the midst of circumstances. he makes his own circumstances. and now he shoves himself up to his feet, shaking his head as he walks away from her without looking back.]
You love Stefan, Elena. There's nothing about that I don't already know so go ahead and retreat to your safe little cocoon where you can act like you don't look at me when you think I'm not looking, like you don't think and feel there's something between us because that's easier.
Because that's fine. Because I am what I am, and as long as I am what I am, you can brush this off. We both know-
[a hundred million words, all the words the mirror ever said to him flash through his head right about now. the only reason you are close to her-
the only reason.
he is terrible, he is insecure, he is unable to stop himself at all.
damon salvatore has never had anyone to blame for his hurt and his pain but himself from the very start (and how ever he lashes out, he knows that).]
We both know if Stefan was here... We wouldn't get to be us at all. So don't try to bring it up now like you have anything to say when you said it all last night, and I get it and that's that, and if you didn't fucking notice, I was here anyway.
[as if he has any right to demand to be noticed for doing the bare minimum, for not recklessly destroying things because he's hurt.
he doesn't. he knows that too. he looks back at her once, and only once, and then he leaves before she can reply, before she can say all the things they both already know]
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so much of their understanding is born out of the things they do not say. it rests in the dark moments no one else can see.
when morning comes, she can put them away in a drawer no one sees.
she doesn't know how one night can blow that all apart, but it did. the words are out in the open now. elena can't not acknowledge them anymore; not when he's confronting her like this. she swallows with difficulty, her throat lodging with all the responses that get stuck there. she'd scream them out if she knew how.
a warmth gathers in her eyes, suddenly and with intensity, and she blinks it back as he walks past her. for the life of her, she can't think of a single thing to say, not even his name. it's almost ironic that she once wanted to be a novelist. his words are a weapon, and every single one of them hits their mark.
elena turns in place, looking at the door he's since closed.
a hand splays in her stomach, and she lowers herself back down to the bay window. her other hand lifts to grab hold of a locket that's no longer around her neck. a habit she hasn't entirely done away with. her fingers curve around her throat instead.
oh. ]