[He gives Alphys a bit of a wink.]

You know you love it though! Life wouldn't be as fun without me around to shake things up!

[Also he knows you love to look at his ass. He's not blind, Alphys.]

He'll be the safest little bot that has ever existed. Nothing less than the best for my son!

[Said son starts to mess with his hair, parting it and braiding it and messing it up as much as he can. Mettaton reaches up and plucks him off his head, as Mini-Metta makes loud, indignant beeps.]

I should probably take this little one back to my room. It's past his bedtime.

[Kids have bedtimes, right? He distinctly remembers this sort of line in shows.]