( open ) I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night

[hyperkinesia]

Who: Bruce Banner & YOU
Where: All around the mansion and the grounds
When: During the second half of August
Rating: PG13 for likely mentions of trauma and violence, will update if need be
Summary: Bruce slowly tries to cope with Wonderland, Ultron, Sokovia, and the mutant event. It doesn't always work well.
The Story:

[ Coping is a pretty word. But like a lot of complicated words, it's pretty on paper, with a clean cut description added at the front like a dictionary, explained just right. Here, this means that in the English language, and that's how it all works.

But it's not. Adapting words to reality makes it obvious just how some things can't be described with precision, how fallible language can be. Bruce finds himself at a loss as of late, lost between what he feels and what he thinks, what to do or say in face of the experiences he needs to work through.

By comparison, the mutant event really shouldn't have affected him that much. But then it does, because he was so put-together then, he had principles, a purpose, something he genuinely believed in and was willing to fight for. Now? Now he's back to normal. His normal, messed-up and lost self. Well— slightly better now, but does it make much of a difference? He's still completely out of sorts, and he doesn't mean just in Wonderland. He means in life overall. Like he doesn't entirely belong there, or anywhere.

He tries hard to cope, though. Just a pretty word, but he does. Mostly this means burying himself neck deep into science, work, whatever he can study in this place. When even that gets too frustrating and leads nowhere, he heads out for a walk around the mansion, tries to eat something— loses his appetite after a couple of bites but forces himself to finish anyway. Can't have him getting so hungry he'll lose his handle on himself.

The gardens are pretty but it all seems a little hollow to him, still he'll make his way there, sometimes walking one of the stray dogs currently being looked after by Sam and those who'd shown interest in helping. The beach is, by far, one of his favorite places, considering it's usually more deserted, and he finds himself the quietest and farthest spot to sit by himself, eyes fixed on the horizon.

In the meantime, he keeps an eye for familiar faces. People he knew during the mutant event, people he felt like he'd shaped a bond with. Some of them he does want to get to meet here, and the ones he'd had less than pleasant encounters with he also hopes to find. Even if there's one in particular he's keen on avoiding, but that's something to worry about later. Way later. ]

Comments

[hyperkinesia]

When don't I...

[ He sounds a little lazy when he speaks, his words slurring. He probably shouldn't even try to talk right now, honestly, as he'll just make himself look like an idiot sooner or later.

But that much is true. When hasn't Bruce looked tense, when hasn't he walked like he constantly carries the weight of the world on his shoulders? Granted, she probably means a different kind of tension, but still. ]

[widows_kiss]

I don't know, but I'm trying to find out.

[ There's a hint of teasing in her voice as she answers him, hands working their way down his back, just as thorough over every inch she moves to as she'd been at the start.

It's fine. She'd set out to relax him to the point of maybe falling asleep anyway. Maybe she should have started on the bed, but the couch is more than comfortable enough to sleep on. She's used it herself quite a few times when it and the fireplace had held more allure than the bed. ]

[hyperkinesia]

Well, if anyone can.

[ There's probably a second part to that sentence but it goes unsaid. That seems to be a trend with them. Thoughts half-shared, feelings half-confessed, conversations with only questions or only answers, gaps in dialogue they fill out in their own heads. Maybe they're too alike, or maybe they're not alike at all, but with Natasha it feels like he doesn't need to say everything. She just knows.

Between the bed and the couch he'd have picked the latter anyway, so this is for the best, really. Not like her bed doesn't seem comfortable but it's... complicated. Which is stupid because it's just a bed but that's what it is. Complicated. There's a vague sense of distance he insists on keeping even when it's virtually gone, and this is one of the things that will (not) keep it. Sleep on the couch. She sleeps on the bed. Provided he even falls asleep.

Things are looking that way, at least, and for one Bruce lowers his defenses and tries his best to simply enjoy her ministrations, the way knots of muscle are undone underneath the pressure of her fingers and hands. His breaths get longer and calmer, eyes closed, his back and arms feeling softer to the touch the longer she kneads them. ]

[widows_kiss]

[ It's fine, she knows what he means.

She doesn't answer out loud, because she hasn't missed the way he's gone lax, relaxation stealing over him and shifting into something else. It's only once his breathing evens out that she gentle withdraws her hands, reaching to drag her chenille throw up over his form as she carefully tucks him in. When not even that makes him stir, she gets up and leaves him to sleep with a soft, secretive smile, taking her book to bed to let him rest in peace on her couch. ]

[hyperkinesia]

[ He falls asleep surprisingly easily, especially considering how much he's been struggling to do it over the past few weeks. One of his last thoughts before he completely loses consciousness is that he's glad he didn't talk himself out of coming here, that he reached out and asked for her help.

He barely moves as she gets up and goes to her bed, in fact he barely moves for the whole night, only once to roll onto his side, and then there's nothing but silence and the even sound of his soft, slow breathing coming from his end of the room. The sun's just starting to creep up, the light bleeding dimly through the curtains, when he moves again.

Some sort of nightmare that gets him to wake up, although he doesn't startle like most people. His breath just halts as his eyes snap open, vision coming to focus and his surroundings replacing the vivid memories of the dream in one slow, steadying heartbeat. It takes him a few seconds to decide what to do, but when he does, he gets up quietly, leaving the blanket draped over the couch and making his way towards the door, hoping that if Natasha hears him (she probably has at this point), she'll just let him walk out of the room without saying anything. ]

[widows_kiss]

It's too early. Why are you sneaking?

[ Natasha's voice comes from the bed, still mildly sleepy although she hasn't otherwise moved from where she's curled up around a long pillow, eyes slitted to watch him in the dim morning light. ]

[hyperkinesia]

[ Oops. Damn it, Natasha. Not that it's a surprise that she heard him, he was just kind of hoping she'd let him slip away. ]

Sorry. [ Why is he apologizing? He doesn't even know. But it's probably for more than one thing. ] I woke up, so I... I didn't want to wake you.

[widows_kiss]

[ She lives to foil all your escape plans, Bruce, haven't you realized this yet? ]

Did you get enough sleep?

[ Look, she's already awake now. She pushes herself up into a sitting position, wearing a too-big tshirt that probably doesn't belong to her, the sheets pooled around her waist, hair tousled from sleep as she lifts a hand to brush it back from her face. ]

[hyperkinesia]

I did, actually.

[ Well, guess he's not really going anywhere after all. He steps over to a chair nearby instead and sits down, just because standing in the middle of her bedroom was bound to make him feel a little awkward. ]

Thank you. [ That much is, in fact, genuine. Even despite the nightmare. ] What about you?

[widows_kiss]

You're welcome. [ She answers him with a crooked smile, stretching slightly. ] And well enough. I'm glad you managed to rest, though. Would you like some breakfast? Or tea?

[hyperkinesia]

Well, breakfast was part of my daring escape plan. [ He says that in manner of apology, shoulders raising. ] So if you want to join me, I'm not opposed to it.

[widows_kiss]

[ She glances at the clock before sliding out of bed, revealing a pair of boxer shorts under the too-big t-shirt, dressed for comfort although perhaps a bit of an unexpected look on her. She's completely unselfconscious about it, however as she tugs her hair back into a loose knot and pads, barefoot, over to where he stands. ]

Breakfast sounds lovely. We might even have the kitchen all to ourselves, at this hour. If that's where you were heading?

[hyperkinesia]

[ Bruce, on the other hand, looks away from her, more out of habit than feeling like he's invading her privacy. His shoulders hunch instinctively when she steps closer, quickly shoving out of his head the question of who the clothes she's wearing belonged to. Not like it matters anyway. ]

Seemed like the place to go for breakfast. [ He still forgets he can get food just about anywhere in the mansion. The kitchen just lends an illusion of normalcy to it that he appreciates. ]

[widows_kiss]

There or the diner. Souji makes some amazing pancakes. [ She doesn't miss the way his gaze quickly darts away so, pushing a little more than she normally would, she comes to stand in front of him, crooked smile playing about her lips as she glances up into his face. ] I suppose it depends on what you're hungry for.

[hyperkinesia]

[ He pockets his hands as she steps closer, having nowhere to look but her when she steps closer. His smile is a little more strained but there's a hint of genuineness to it nonetheless. ]

Pancakes sound good. [ Bruce doesn't really have a sweet tooth but that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy something a little sweeter every once in a while. ]

[widows_kiss]

Don't they, though?

[ She sounds amused as she steps back again, giving him his space once more. ]

Let me get some pants, then we can go.

[hyperkinesia]

[ Bruce nods, gesturing somewhat awkwardly towards the door. ]

I'll just wait outside. [ And he won't run, promise. He just figures he can give her some privacy so she can get dressed and ready. ]