entrancelogs | the lies we tell ourselves (closed)

Who: Michonne, Kurt Weller
Where: Bar
When: Aug 28
Rating: PG-13, could escalate. Talk of death, murder, murder-by-zombie
Summary: Kurt has some demons. Michonne does, too. So naturally: booze.
The Story:

When Michonne heads to the bar, it's after a day of being lazy with Andrea which isn't her MO. Usually, she's up early jogging on the beach, going to the gym, but sometimes she has to sit back and take stock of what she has because...damn it's good. There are still thing she needs to tell her, but the majority of it's come out already. She's not doing much right now that means leaving her alone; for equal parts needing to see her, to be sure she's safe, and just needing to soak up the fact that she's here. There's a book tonight, though, one Andrea can't put down, and with a kiss to her forehead, Michonne goes to see who's at the bar; there's always someone she knows and it's not a bad idea to check in after an event.

Sure enough, the profile of Kurt comes into view and she heads over, helps herself to two beers behind the bar, then sits beside him.

"You look like you're carrying the entire damn world on your shoulders," she observes, dressing her beer with salt and lime before taking a swig.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

His automatic reaction in situations like this is to disagree and tell her that he's fine. Those two words are on the tip of his tongue right now, but he stifles them purposely with a sip of his drink. She won't believe it, and he's done enough damage insisting he's fine.

"Just one small country," he deadpans, looking over at her.

"That's all? Shit, we can deal with that," she says. "You gonna talk or should we drink some more first?"

Apparently, either way, she's staying. He reminds her of Rick, carrying it all, not letting anyone help or hedge in on what he thinks is his burden to bear. Which is, of course, bullshit.

She was actually right the first time, but it's easier to deflect and minimize what he's going through. Plenty of people have it worse. Jane has it worse; she's the one who fucking died, as she pointed out to him. He had no right putting her through what he did.

"Another drink," he murmurs.

So, it's a heavy thing tonight. Michonne just nods, drinking in silence with him. She's not a pusher in this type of circumstance. For this, Kurt will talk in time, with enough booze. Especially because she's not going any damn where. After he finishes another drink, and she's finished the two beers in front of her, she reaches for the tequila over the bar.

Pouring them each a double shot, she doesn't toss it back, not yet. She waits.

The silence drags on for a long few moments because Kurt honestly isn't in any rush to purge his feelings on everything that happened. He wants to, but he's not the type to leap into it. For now, he enjoys his drink, sipping slowly and then looking right at her, tossing the shot back.

He sets the glass down then and clears his throat. "Jane died."

Michonne pauses because shit, she didn't expect to hear that, not by a long shot.

"Fuck. She came back, though?"

She doesn't mean it to say he shouldn't be upset, just that the last guy she knows of who died didn't.

"She came back," he breathes out, his voice a little unsteady at the memory. "I didn't leave her." There are plenty of gory details he's certainly not going to burden Michonne with. She's seen her share of horrors, too. She lost Andrea and that was in real life, where the dead can't come back.

First thing first. "Do you need anything? Does she? I...know what it's like. To come back, it's...she'll be okay. She's strong."

Michonne takes a deep breath and lets it out. No wonder he's drinking.

He appreciates the offer, even if nothing can really be done to help now. Nothing could have been done to help her then, either. Looking back on it, he's not sure how much he really helped her, but he was there. He was a presence. Maybe that meant something.

"I think she's coming back from it now," he says softly.

"Takes time. Coming back from something you're not supposed to."

Michonne's quiet now, thinking this over, clenching and unclenching her jaw, trying to figure out what Kurt needs right now.

"You keep seeing it. Don't you?" Doesn't matter how much he saw, he was at a minimum with her dead body.

He knows she understands that because she died here, too. She gets it. She also knows what it's like to watch someone you love die.

"Every night," he admits quietly. "You see it? Do you see it all the time? When you look at her..."

"Every night," she echoes. "I helped her hold the gun to her head." Michonne takes another shot then and lets out a breath.

"I don't just see her." It takes close to five minutes for Michonne to speak again. Only two other people know this in all of Wonderland - Steve Rogers and Regina Mills. Not even Andrea knows.

"I had a son. Andre. He was two when the world fell apart. I left him with his dad. We were with a group in a camp. Maybe about four, five months in. I left them to go on a supply run. He cried. Last thing I heard him say was 'mama stay.'" Michonne chokes on her next shot of tequila, letting out a ragged breath.

"Everything's so quiet when there's nothing, we heard the gunfire from a mile away. By the time we got back..." She can't even look at Kurt and it's clear that she believes if she'd been there she could have saved her son, if not all of them.

"The dead were still eating what was left of the camp. So I see my kid and his dad. Our friends. I see Andrea. I see a man beheading a friend with my katana while he was kneeling right beside me. Cold blooded murder."

She takes another shot, then pushes the bottle away.

"I tried to shut down after that."

He just lets her talk, because once she mentions having a son, he knows it can't be good. And if she's ready to talk about it, he doesn't want to stop her, not for a single moment.

"I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm so sorry," Kurt breathes out, looking so heartbroken for her.

Michonne's eyes close, wetting her lips and sniffling a little before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, looking at him.

"Your pain, how you felt when she died, you're always gonna carry that. It'll haunt you if you let it. But you can't let it keep you from realizing what this is, what kind of a second chance you have. She came back, Kurt. Jane's alive, she's here. And you still have a chance at home. If you love her, you'll realize what a goddamn gift you have."

the lies we tell ourselves (closed)

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