entrancelogs | [Closed] I really can't do the song lyrics thing to save my life

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[Closed] I really can't do the song lyrics thing to save my life

Who: Ryoko and Kaneki
Where: The kitchen
When: 12/9
Rating: PG-13 for talk of dying
Summary: Kaneki died for Ryoko back in Quor'toth
The Story:
It had taken Kaneki several days after the event ended to gather himself to do much of anything. It wasn't his first death, but it was the first in a long time, and it had been more jarring than he remembered. The circumstances also bore some thinking over and a little bit of research.

Ryoko had called him by name while he was fighting the demonic creatures in Quor'toth, and there was no way she'd have known it. Maybe if she'd had her notebook with her and had looked through it for someone with his description, but not without it. Then there'd been the change in her voice...something disingenuine about the way she said something. Something that wasn't as confused or as scared as it probably should have been.

He'd almost missed it. He probably should have, given the circumstances, but he'd gotten used to being deceived by other ghouls and had become alert to even small changes in demeanor. He wanted to ask her about it, to see if she still remembered what had happened. He didn't have high hopes.

Eventually finding her in the kitchen - luckily with her notebook on hand - he approaches a bit slowly, feeling wary. He tells himself he doesn't need to be, but he still can't shake the feeling..

"Ryoko-chan? Do you have a little time to talk to me?"

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Meanwhile, Ryoko absolutely doesn't have Quor'toth on her mind at all. She doesn't remember it happening. Her notebook says it did happen, but it's over, nothing of note's written in there, so it may as well have had nothing to do with her at all.

What did have something to do with her was trying to figure out what she was doing here. She wanted something from the kitchens, but can't remember what it was. And of course she didn't write it down. Oh well, she'll just figure that one out later.

Yup, that can definitely wait. Because for now, she's just going to give Kaneki a look. It's not a look of confusion, so much as it's this mixture of curiosity and alarm. She's not used to people calling her by name here, at least she doesn't remember if she is. But especially not used to people she's never seen before! Or in this case doesn't remember seeing before.

"...you know my name? Have we met?"

That makes him pause. She'd known his name during the event, at least for a moment. Maybe it was just the stress or danger or whatever at the time that made her remember?

For some reason, he doubts it.

"We have. My name's Kaneki." He points at her notebook. "I should be in there." He hopes.

And that expression gives way to one of suspicion because how does he know about her notebook? They could've met before, that's true, but she better check just to make sure. There's something fishy about people who look as normal as he does. Not that she can explain why she feels that way, she just does.

“Let's see...Kaneki, Kaneki...oh!”

She almost drops the thing out of surprise when she finds the page. Turns out he was right.

“You are in here! I'm sorry for thinking you were up to something. Um, what did you want to talk about?”

She's just trying to gloss over the fact that she was suspicious, sorry apparent friend! She's just not used to people calling her by name.

Kaneki recognizes her suspicion and supposes he can't blame her, if she can't remember him. He doesn't remember her reacting to him in the same way when they've talked before - then again, one of those times, she started the conversation, and the other time demonic mole rats were trying to kill her.

"Don't worry about it." He offers her a small smile, though it's a bit strained. This whole situation is starting to feel more complex than it had before. "I wanted to ask you about the last event. About what you remember from it."

[That's right, there were way more pressing issues during that event than someone knowing her name. Not that she remembers them, but still! Things like that certainly take priority. Those are way more suspicious than normal people in her book. Or...would be if that was actually written down in her book somewhere.]

That's right we had an event recently.

[She'll just flip through her book, and let's see.]

It says here we went to a horrible place with...

[Her eyes widen a little bit reading over her own words.]

Monsters? Really? But that's all I wrote down. So nothing happened like last time.

[She happened to see the page about dying during the Neverland event while she was looking, but it's okay. No one died this time around, otherwise she would've written it down...right?]

[Well, it's a relief she remembered long enough to write that much down, though it still makes him wonder about her memory. She'd have had to remember long enough to find her notebook and put it down on paper.

Maybe he's being overly suspicious.

More importantly, it seems like she wasn't hurt during the event. She'd probably have written it down if she had been.]

It's...not quite true that nothing happened.

[He doesn't know about last time, but this time... How to explain...]

I died during the event. I wanted to make sure you were alright.

[Among other things. Now that he's said it out loud, though, he feels quite guilty that his suspicions over her memory overrode wanting to make sure she was okay.]

...um.

[She looks at a loss as to what to say here because well...she knows what to say, but it's probably not what Kaneki wants to hear.]

I'm sorry.

[“But that has nothing to do with me” would be the rest of that sentence, but she doesn't say it, instead distracted by the fact that something smells like it's burning from the oven.]

Oh! Who left that in there?

[...she did. So she'll run over there to try and salvage what's left of her meal. Mercifully, she remembered to put pot holders on before sticking her hands in there.]

Um, I died too. During one of the events, it's not fun. I don't remember it, but I know it couldn't have been, so I really am sorry that happened to you. But I'm okay, I don't think anything happened to me.

That's a relief...

[He winces, remembering what Angel told him about that event. Sure it wasn't him who ate her, but...at the same time, it was.]

Do you need help with that?

[He moves closer to her. He can cook a bit, even if he can't eat any of it now, so he might be able to help some.]

[She's a bit too busy with the oven to notice Kaneki wincing and even if she had? Well, that's got nothing to do with her. Angel didn't mention him being there so he wasn't there. It's as simple as that.]

If you could...I don't know who would leave something in there and just forget about it.

[...yeah who would've done that?]

And...can I ask you a question about what happened?

[Kaneki also grabs a pot holder to take the tray from her and set it down. It doesn't seem too burned.]

Do you want to eat it? ...Since someone left it, that is.

[Ryoko. It was Ryoko.]

Ah? Of course. What do you want to know?

In a second.

[If whoever it was just left this attempt at baking tonkatsu behind, then they shouldn't mind Ryoko eating it. Or something like that.]

But first, um...is there some reason you asked me specifically about the event? I didn't write anything down about you during the event, and you don't...

[How does she put this properly? It's a little awkward actually.]

I guess it could be checking up on everyone you know after events, but the network would be better for that.

[No, she gets the feeling there's something she's missing here. It's an easy to recognize feeling for her since she gets it a lot.]

Edited 2016-12-17 00:33 (UTC)

[At least the food won't go to waste.

He listens to her reasoning and it confirms that, though her memory is bad, she's far from hollow-minded. It's too bad that he can't remember what she told him her talent was.]

I came to see if you'd remember what happened. Why I died.

Why would I...

[She trails off thinking about it. If it's not in her notebook, it didn't happen. That's the attitude she's had for as long as she can remember. But if Kaneki's asking her what she remembers about what happened when he died, that means...

She doesn't want to think about what that means. She's sure her death was awful, and to have witnessed someone else's, that's not something she wants anything to do with.

And yet, it's something important. Something that happened to her that somehow escaped her notebook, so she has to ask...]

Was I...was I there?

[That food might go to waste after all because suddenly she's lost her appetite.]

Yeah. You were there.

[He pauses, thinking. To say "I died for you" would be accurate, but strange somehow. And it isn't what he's here to say. If he'd wanted it to be acknowledged that he'd died to save her...

Well, maybe part of him would like for that to be acknowledged, but, again, not why he's here.]

You called me by name when it was happening.

I see. I must've seen you and checked to see if you were in my notebook.

[She's not making excuses, that's the only thing that makes sense to her. Of course, she doesn't know she didn't have the notebook with her at the time.]

But then I would've written what happened down...at least I think I would have.

[This isn't adding up for her at all.]

[Of course, he has to point out what, to him, is obvious.]

You didn't have your notebook, Ryoko-chan.

[Furthermore:]

Even if you'd had your notebook, you wouldn't have had any time to check it.

But that's impossible. I can't remember anything without my notebook. And without treatment, I won't.

[This doesn't make any sense to her. Could she have really done that? Could she have remembered something?]

That's what I thought, too. But you did it.

[And honestly, he thinks that if she hadn't, he might have had a better chance at surviving that encounter. He's only a little bitter about that.]

Maybe it was a one time thing. But it might be a good thing, right?

[For a little while, she just turns the pages of her notebook in the hopes there'll be an answer there. There's no record of any treatments since she's come to Wonderland which makes sense. She has notes on Matsuda's treatment process sure, but they're incomprehensible to her, and she doesn't feel right asking anyone in Wonderland to make sense of them. Because what if something goes wrong? What if her condition worsens? And not just that, but some part of Ryoko hopes he shows up someday, and it wouldn't be right of her to go to someone else if that could happen.

But if she hasn't been treated, nothing new's happened, and she remembered something, what does that mean? Could Matsuda's treatments have had some sort of delayed effect? Or.....or....well, there's an ugly question at the end of that or, so Ryoko runs as far in the other direction from that.]

Could it have been the event? Um, I talked to someone once and they said that events can make you act differently. Could that be it?

[She doesn't know if it was that kind of event, but it's a simpler and more pleasant explanation than the alternative. In this case, anyway.]

Edited 2016-12-19 08:11 (UTC)

[It was possible, and it would be a nice explanation, Kaneki can agree with Ryoko on that. But while it was possible, he's pretty sure it's not probable. It wasn't that kind of event. Unless...]

I think that that event brought out the worst in us. Could...

[He's reluctant to continue that thought, because he wants to like Ryoko and think that she's as innocuous as she seems. But he also wants to know the truth. So he poses this question while trying to sound as tactful and sympathetic as he can.]

Could it be that the worst part of you has a better memory?

I don't think I have a worst part of me.

[She's very much of the opinion that with her what you see is what you get. And her notebook seems to validate that. After all, Matsuda told her she's always been like this, so if she had some worse part of her, it would've come up at some point...right?]

I know I've been told that I can annoying and kind of exist in my own little world, but if you made those things worse...it wouldn't help me remember, right?

[She's really at a loss here. Honestly, she's trying her hardest not to say that remembering his name has nothing to do with her because if she did remember then it's actually really important. It's just frustrating to her because if this happened, she doesn't remember it, and hearing about it now she can't make it fit in her head.]

I wish Matsuda was here, he could probably explain it.

[But he's not, so she's got nothing.]

Um, he's my doctor. I don't remember if I've mentioned him before or not.

[Kaneki doesn't remember if she has either. He raises his left hand to his chin.]

You must be right. I suppose we have to settle for that. But...

[He lowers his hand again and turns to put the somewhat burnt tonkatsu on a plate for her.]

Please write it down in your notebook, though. In case it's important later.

I will.

[Give her a second and...there, it's written down. Time will tell if it's important or not, but since it's in there, it's bound to come up again at some point.]

And thank you. For your help in here, and for telling me. I'm not happy it happened this way, believe me, but if I remembered something, then I'm glad someone told me.

I hope it will be helpful in the future.

[Kaneki offers her a smile along with a plate of tonkatsu.]

Would you like this? Since someone left it behind.

Thank you! I was just thinking I should make something for lunch!

[She'll happily accept the plate. But you know, she should really be polite, and ask a question.]

Would you like to join me? I don't mind sharing.

[Once she has the plate, Kaneki holds up his hands.]

No, it's okay. You enjoy all of it.

All right, I will! Thank you!

[And there goes any thoughts of worrying about her memories or anything like that because it's lunchtime. Of course, she'd meant to tell him to let her know if it ever happened again, but what do you know? She forgot.]

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[Closed] I really can't do the song lyrics thing to save my life

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