entrancelogs | (open) there's miles between what we say and what we mean

Entry tags:

(open) there's miles between what we say and what we mean

Who: Stefan Salvatore and you!!
Where: All over the mansion
When: The month of December
Rating: PG
Summary: Stefan's rediscovering himself - and probably setting himself up for failure in the process. Also includes a couple of closed starters.

The Story:
a) press start to continue (open to all!)

[After hanging out with Elena in the Youth Center, Stefan drops by later to peruse their video game selection. He can't remember if he likes them. He also can't remember if he hates them. So he's going through the entire selection - one by one - and wasting almost an entire day in here, keeping copious notes on each genre and what he likes and what he doesn't. His notes grow progressively messier and more tea-stained as the day grows on.

> FARMING SIMULATION: hard pass. girls are hard to please. also what the hell is a blue feather???
> RHYTHM GAMES: okay?? maybe??
> BEAT 'EM UPS: bring them on.
> CITY BUILDER: VERY HARD PASS.

If he's not actively wasting his entire immortal existence in front of a screen, he's alternatively exploring the Chapel, kneeling down and murmuring a broken, quiet prayer to whoever might be listening.

He's not terribly sure of what he's saying, but he stops every now and then, just to gauge how he feels. It's hard for him to tell.

Or maybe you've caught him in the kitchen, with a whole assortment of snacks and beverages. Once again, there's copious notes, and he's scribbling down how he feels. Soda's okay, orange juice is decent, but he sure can't say he likes chocolate milk (blasphemy).

He's gonna be all around Wonderland this month, trying out things new and old, so even if you don't catch him here, give him a wildcard and see what sticks.]

b) you get in your own way (closed to Cami)

[Stefan's tired of pretending that he's okay.

He can't give himself advice when he's stuck in an eternal rut, and he sure can't find inner wisdom in his diary entries. He'd picked up a new one, while he was browsing his closet, and the whole thing feels so hollow.

He's not the old Stefan. He can't pour out his entire heart, and he sure can't see a point in keeping a permanent record. He can, however, see the point in seeking therapy - in seeking an outside, uninvolved third party for said guidance.

So he makes his way towards the Therapy Office and takes a deep breath as he knocks on the door. Out of habit, because he keeps forgetting that he's a vampire:] Um, hello? Is anyone there?

c) apple pie in the sky hopes (closed to Barry)

[After their first successful coffee shop visit, Stefan's determined to master the secret to decent closet pie.

So he's invited Barry to visit his bedroom and teach him the secrets of pie whispering. Pizza pie whispering? Either way, this is a mystery he's determined to unlock, and he'll do the Frank Hardy thing to uncover this treasure trove.

He leans back on his bed, with his back pressed against the wall,] So how does this go? Is there a specific combination or phrase I should be thinking of?

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[ allen — it's a name that no longer belongs to thawne-pretending-to-be-wells, but it still pulls him up short for just a nano second. he settles, though; the tone's all wrong. for starters, stefan doesn't speak as though he's whispering and he'll always be thankful for that. ]

I have a feeling you're just saying that to make me feel better, [ his brow's arched as his expression remains amused and yet suspicious all the same. ] so I'm going to take it. [ he reaches for a slice of pizza, holds his other hand underneath it like it'll somehow drop or place crumbs everywhere, and throws his head back and takes a bite. ]

[ mind you, he's doing this without so much as realising, because he's talking (without so much as a breath between eating and speaking and making two statements at once): ] It makes me feel good about myself. Oh my god this is good pizza.

[Stefan flashes Barry a smile that is the picture of young innocence. He's a sweet angel. What is that suspicion for? Because he summoned up a magnificent pizza pie??]

You'd better. [He laughs, taking a bite himself. As soon as he swallows it down (which is fast, bc he's a vampire):] Oh holy shit, yeah. This is the real stuff.

[He nudges the rest of the pie Barry's way, as if to gently say that he can have the rest. Stefan certainly doesn't need any more.]

Edited 2016-12-28 05:52 (UTC)

[ yes???? ]

[ giving barry the rest of the pie is almost like giving him a wedding ring. if you like it then give it the majority of the pizza pie, because now he's going to do his best not to scoff it down like it's oxygen and he's in desperate need of it. learning how to take his time and also not reveal there's something slightly abnormal about him is going to take some work. ]

[ he takes another piece and eats, talking with his mouth full: ] You should ask for some drinks. I think that's where Wonderland can probably poison you if it wants to, and it's how you determine if you're awesome at closet-asking.

[Fortunately, Stefan doesn't think too much of it yet. Maybe Barry saved his appetite for their grand pizza pie experiment! In which case, Stefan's kind of flattered. He had been expecting more than a few duds.]

What kind of drinks? The alcoholic kind?

[He laughs, rising to his feet and calling out as he heads towards the closet,] If so, I'll need to see your ID first.

[ barry makes a show of patting himself down, raising his empty hands in the air. ] I left it in my wallet back home. [ he looks up at stefan as he makes a grab for another slice of pizza pie, immediately tipping his head back and dropping it into his mouth. he looks at stefan then, and mumbles, ] Raincheck?

[He glances over his shoulder, humming thoughtfully as he pretends to seriously consider this...]

Next time, then.

[Stefan reaches into the closet, pulling out a few cans of soda - the regular sugary-sweet, the fruit-flavored kinds, European lemonade (???), and one cherry-flavored and vanilla Coke. He'll hold them up for inspection as he comes over, though he's not sure he succeeded.]

So... pass? fail? Maybe think twice about asking the closet on my own?

Did you want any of that? [ barry laughs, shaking his head. for someone who often suffers from thinking too quickly on occasion and jumbling words when he's not paying attention, he has better luck at asking the closet for things than someone who's got a better handle of slowing themselves down. ]

[ he holds his hand out for one of the cans. ] Let's try it. It's bad to waste things. Sure Wonderland's into recycling.

Nope. [Stefan's grin is downright cheeky as he sets them on the ground. His thoughts aren't necessarily speedy so much as discombobulated, as if he's stuck between remembering and not-remembering.] I actually wanted water.

[He reaches over for a European lemonade, all fizzy and Sprite-like...]

Worst-case scenario, we could always give it back and see what it deems us worthy of.

[ even though the drink isn't one that stefan had intended to get, barry still likes it. perhaps that's a downside to having a metabolism that needs refuelling almost every hour — he's stopped being picky with his foods and drinks. ]

[ with his head tipped back, barry has to remember to swallow before he shakes his head, pulling the can away from his lips when he looks to stefan. ] No, no. We need to keep this all for science. How else can you do an experiment if you lose the results?

[ barry looks around, shifting slightly where he sits as though he's on something. ] Ask the closet for a notebook and pen. We've got to write all this stuff down.

Sure. Is it just me, or does everything turn back into an experiment with you?

[First the mindscape, then the teal deer, now closet pie. Stefan's starting to wonder if he should take some science classes to stay on Barry's level. His voice's light, though, as he turns back to the closet and pulls out a notebook and pen.

He always pulls out some form of a leather-bound journal, along with a expensive-looking fountain pen. Stefan's a stickler for older ways; why rely on technology when a pen and paper will do just as well?

Returning to his friend, he'll hand it over with a simple:] Does this work well enough?

Edited 2017-01-14 20:33 (UTC)

[ barry takes the journal, flipping it over. with a purse of his lips, he assesses the cover and then shrugs his shoulders. ] It'll have to do. Would've been better with a prettier colour. [ #geny. barry was hoping for an angry bird. ]

[ opening the journal, he begins to write: dates the top right hand corner, titles it "Closet Experiment #1", writes two headings of "Wishful Thinking" and "Actual Reality" and then begins a quick dot list of what they've wished for with a line attaching it to what they ended up with. ]

You can keep track of everything you wish for. We can ask for the same thing, see if the closet gives it back to us. [ he places that pen in between the pages to mark where he's begun to write the day's journey. when he places it on the ground, it closes, the cover a little too light to stay open without pages weighing it down. ]

[ he smiles, a little sheepish, ] I am a fan of experiments, but maybe this will help you with remembering things.

[Professor Allen certainly knows how to impart a lesson. Stefan mulls it over – as far as experiments in memory go, this is harmless. There are no preconceived notions or imposed ideas; rather, this could help him figure out why he can't ask the closet for what he wants. He can't ask for things from home. (Nor would he want to. He's not that gloomy guy anymore.)

He would, however, like to receive what he's asking for. This journal could determine if he's truly scatterbrained, or if the closet can't read his mind the way it can everyone else's.]

Thank you. It definitely could. [He flops down beside Barry, opening the journal and peering at the pages again.] Or at the very least, get me to master the art of asking when you're not around.

You've got to book in advance. My schedule's getting pretty demanding.

[ it's not exactly true. back home, it would've; being the flash meant he'd have to whisk off at a moment's notice to go save a cat from a tree or prevent a cat from tormenting innocent people. in wonderland, he wasn't really needed, and so his flimsy excuses weren't being exercised here. ]

[ barry stretches, letting his arms extend above his head as he feels that restlessness inevitably begin to crawl under his skin. ] I don't know much about memories, but I do know it helps to keep track of things. [ he looks to the journal in stefan's hands, gesturing to it with a sweep of his hand. ] You might be able to ask someone from home about anything that sticks with you that you can't figure out the reason why it feels familiar.

[ and then he's off his legs and moving a little closer to the closet. ]

[Someone from home . . .

Stefan grows quiet, tracing a finger over the dots Barry had drawn. For someone with so many companions, he sure doesn't think he can trust them. His brother, maybe. Caroline or Katherine would be far more likely to give him the answers he sought.]

Maybe, [he agrees, a little too late.] I liked keeping track of things too, or uh, I used to. I had a whole bookshelf full of journals in my room. One for every year in my life, or more, if it had been particularly eventful.

[Stefan may only look seventeen, but he carries himself as if he were far, far older. He sure doesn't feel seventeen, even without the burden of his memories.]

What're you gonna get?

[ over his shoulder: ] I really want a cupcake.

[ kneeling before the closet, barry looks at it, noticing how it looks like any ordinary closet. he knows it's practically bottomless, with its wishes it can grant without any hiccups and those that it likes to mess with. there's a scraping sound along the floor as he's asked for a small plate, and then he pushes said plate further inside of the closet. ] Closet, I know we've had our differences, but do me a solid and give me a good cupcake, please.

[ when barry pulls back, he has, on a small plate, two cupcakes, designed to celebrate the flash. ]

[ pulling back, he smiles, and, on his knees, moves back to stefan, offering him a cupcake. ] It never hurts to keep track of things. Maybe in six months from now you'll want to look back and see how you progressed. Time stops for no one unless you make it.

[Time also stops for the immortal. This, Stefan keeps to himself as he accepts the cupcake. He gets the sentiment well enough: he can't dwell on a past he can't remember, nor can he dwell about those lingering, broken pieces forever.

He may feel stuck, but this journal would prove him otherwise, should he diligently choose to write in it.

Huh. In a way, Barry's figured him out without actually knowing it. Stefan can't quite help grinning as he inhales that first bite. Mm, it's good.]

I know I will. I used to be the kind of person who wrote down every little thing, no matter how small, and you know? Now that I'm really thinking about it? That's a quality I'd like to keep.

[ despite pacing himself, he devours the cupcake like it's oxygen and he's been starved. unwrapping the wrapper from around the base of another, he's almost putting that into his mouth before he's finished properly chewing and even swallows. ]

Your life's what you make of it. [ he swallows, then looks down at the icing on his cupcake. ] Just because someone tells you you're going to do something, or you used to do something, doesn't mean it's who you are or who you should be.

[ what incredible advice for barry allen, boy wonder and time travelling speedster, to give. how many times has he been spoiled on his future? how many times has he felt like a slave to it? it's why he's always run back to the past; it's there he can easily see where things have gone wrong and try to fix it, instead of remaining in the present and dealing. ]

[ if only he ever ran toward his own advice than away from it. ]

[ with his mouth full, ] — Should write this down. Win.

[Solid advice, too. Stefan should brush aside those preconceived notions and seize the traits that make sense to him. He's been given the opportunity of a lifetime. He's effectively a blank slate that can hum an entire Madonna album (thanks, Silas), but still one that can interact with the world anew.

Pulling out a pencil, he carefully writes down on the next row, in ornate cursive that betrays his true age - ]

Lighting bolt cupcakes? [He taps his pencil against the paper.] Was that what you thought of when you got these?

[They're cute, and look a little like a bullseye when he squints, but he has zero idea of the emblem or its significance.]

[ barry knows he has to answer this one carefully, so it takes him a very short moment. ]

Yes.

[ he looks to them and figures there's no harm in calling them what they are. though dustin had been the first person to receive the flash cupcakes from himself and had then discovered his true identity, there's no sharp knife in stefan's hand as there had been in dustin's. they're not trapped in the middle of an event where stefan's viewing him as the enemy. ]

[ with a bright smile, ] They're Flash cupcakes. They're named after a superhero in my city. [ he glances down at them, then adds, ] The Flash.

Huh. [Stefan scratches out 'lighting bolt' and writes 'The Flash.' Even if his gaze is momentarily diverted, he can't hide his amusement. He wouldn't have pegged Barry as a superhero fan.] So the lighting bolt's his emblem.

[A symbol of hope, too, if he remembers his comic books. The hero swoops in and saves the day from the criminals who threaten to ruin the peace. Once again, the day is saved thanks to the mighty Flash!

It sounds... nice, actually. Even if the guy wears a mask or a cowl, people are allowed to openly acknowledge his presence. Stefan's curiosity is officially piqued, and he even closes the journal so he can better look at Barry.]

He must be a pretty cool guy to get cupcakes designed after him.

[ barry tries to keep his cool. cat grant had a sharp eye for stories and a talent for knowing when someone was trying to overcompensate and hide something. he'd underestimated the communications mogul by a long mile. but he'd learned a lesson that day in national city — stop being so damn obvious about the flash. ]

[ so he tries to implement that lesson now, without so much as a course guide. ]

[ he shrugs his shoulders and tries to downplay it. ]

I guess. I mean ... He's got a drink named after him at Jitters, and I'm pretty sure he's got a figurine in the works ... [ his tone embodies the but whatever flippancy he can never quite sell. barry allen cares too much to be as nonchalant as he wishes to be. so, he preoccupies himself with taking a bite out of a cupcake, then he offers stefan one by holding the plate on the open palm of his hand. mouth full: ] Want one?

[If Barry weren't a fan - or at the very least, someone who liked that emblem's design - he wouldn't have wished up cupcakes. Stefan doesn't point this out. Not everyone wants to be reminded of their hero worship, and for all he knows, this Flash guy could be skulking around Wonderland.

(He sure hopes not. Poor Barry probably wouldn't know how to handle meeting his hero.)

Stefan's smile only grows wider as he sets the notebook aside and reaches out for the other cupcake.] Don't mind if I do.

[He bites right in, intent on savoring every moment. Stefan normally doesn't care for dessert, but the buttercream and the moist, sweet cupcake reminds him of more than sugar. It'll forever remind him of perfect pie, and friendship, and intangible things he can't find inside those enormous closet walls.

This, as Barry said, was a total win.]

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(open) there's miles between what we say and what we mean

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