entrancelogs | [closed] Oh sister when I come to knock on your door, don't turn away you'll create sorrow

It wasn't but seconds later that she stepped out of the bathroom hall in a black tank top and jeans, drying her wet hair with a towel. She smiled and dropped the towel over the back of a chair. "Checking up on me, Lenny? What if I'd been indecent in here with Cisco?" She was teasing, looking to get a rise out of him. Was anyone good enough for his baby sister?

She did glance around him, almost expecting Mick to be with him. When he wasn't, she tipped her head questioningly. She hadn't been too keen on thinking about how long he'd spent apart from her. She let her teasing front drop. "Lenny, what's up?"

"Then he'd have to keep stuttering and blushing somewhere else." Obviously he wasn't exactly aiming to walk in on his sister doing anything indecent, but he wasn't that concerned. Not so quickly and with Cisco being the one option where there had been any lead-up. He suspected they'd have had to max out some relationship stats before Cisco could get past the phase of just becoming a useless mess around her.

As it was, he closed the door behind him, walking further in the room. "There's some things we have to discuss. Need to catch you up."

Lisa could imagine the look on poor Cisco's face. She also wondered whether Leo would even have to scare him off or if he'd just run on his own. Either way, Leonard was right in that they weren't anywhere near ready for that. She wasn't even really sure what they were, just yet, if he even wanted a 'them'. "So mean." She pouted slightly, but less dramatically than her usual.

"I'm a little old for the birds and the bees talk. And I think Mick already gave me that talk, right along with what he'd do to any bees that touched the bird." Humour was a defence mechanism that she wasn't ashamed of indulging.

She gestured for him to sit on the small couch off to the side. "I've got soup in the kitchenette." Okay, so magic food was a little weird for her. Even if the soup was still magic in origin, it just felt safer to heat it herself. "You hungry?"

"Very domestic of you." Leonard sat down on the couch's armrest, but she knew him. This shouldn't come as a surprise. More unconventional ways to sit were far from unusual for him.

For a few moments that he admitted were just biding time, he watched her. "Very domestic of you." The tease is gentle, for him almost soft. "Thanks. Not hungry."

There was no good way to do this, but maybe he could at least find a less terrible way. "You know people from the same place can end up here pulled from different times. I'm a bit ahead of Mick and you."

She's used to it. She'd actually be worried if he'd sat down like a normal house guest. She smiled at the quip, but didn't snark back. Instead, she slipped onto the couch, knees tucked under her, leaning back against the opposite arm rest.

Lisa would be lying if she said she wasn't actually a little worried about this conversation. Leonard was approaching her in a way that could only be described as delicate. None of his usual straight-to-the-point quirks. "Yeah." The fact that she was being somewhat reserved now gave away her nerves.

It wasn't too surprising than that Leonard pulled up one leg, his arm wrapping around it as he looked down at Lisa. He wished he knew how best to do this, but emotions weren't his forte and even if they were? There were no guidelines for something as messed up as this. Talking about his own death.

But he was aware that Lisa knew him, as well as anyone could. Better than anyone, perhaps bar Mick. Usually Leonard might be good at hiding his emotions, but with this and around Lisa? Not a chance. There was no need to prolong this, explanations could follow.

"The mission Mick and I went on? I don't make it."

It was almost so abrupt that the words didn't make sense to her ears. Her brain scrambled to put meaning to the words, but at the same time, it refused to accept what they meant, as a subconscious effort. But Lisa is stubborn, and no amount of psychological denial attempts her brain could toss at her would last long, but the struggle was plain on her face. Confusion knitted her brows before the gradual dawning of reality set in, taking her expression from pinched confusion to wide-eyed shock. By then, she almost looked like a child again.

"......what?" Her voice was quiet, lacking all its usual quirk and lustre. Her hands were clasped together in her lap, but her body felt suddenly like it was full of lead, heavy and cold. "That's... no. No." Her fingers tighten against eachother with such force, they tremble, white-knuckled. There was no way anyone got the drop on Lenny. He was too good. Plus, Mick wouldn't let them! She didn't know why her eyes were stinging until she had to blink rapidly to clear the gathering moisture from them.

"You're right here talking to me right now!" She reached out before she even realised what she was doing and grasped his jacket tight in one hand. Now, it was more than just her hands trembling. "This is bullshit, Lenny..." But her voice had lost strength and she was looking at him, begging him to tell her that wasn't what he meant. That she was overreacting.

While Leonard might often avoid physical contact, for once that was far from his mind. He just saw his little sister reach out to him in distress and at that moment it didn't matter whether she was thirty or three. He didn't pause to think, just slid onto the couch and pulled her close, both arms tightening around her as he began to stroke his hand through her hair, fingers getting tangled in it. For now he said nothing, because he couldn't say what she was hoping to hear. For once he couldn't give her the hope she was looking for.

All he could do is be here, while knowing that back where they're from, he wouldn't be and whenever she'd find out, she'd have to deal without him.

"I'm sorry, Lis." His voice was soft, because he struggled to keep it even, unable to hold his emotions back. "Sorry."

As soon as Leonard shifted, she was moving. When his arms moved around her, she fell against him, burying her face in his chest. She threw her arms around him, trembling, form shuddering with sobs that she tried to keep in. His apology broke her. It made it too real. Too painful. Try as she might, Lisa couldn't hold a strong front. Not now. She could take anything and everything in the world in stride... except this.

By now, Len's shirt would be damp with tears. To her credit, her barely controlled sobs were silent, apart from the occasional sniffle.

"...don't." She didn't want him to apologise. Like it was his fault. She knew he'd even feel guilty for dying, and her crying wasn't helping that any, she was sure. "Promise me," She bagan haltingly. "you won't leave. I'm not going back. Ever." Not that she had much of a choice, if Wonderland decided to cut her loose. But she wouldn't leave willingly.

"You know I can't promise that, Lisa." Leonard was still stroking her hair, shaking his head a little. He'd always been careful never to give her false hope, never to be the one who broke promises. There were only so many ways he could give her any sense of stability back then, so she had at least someone she could trust. "No one can control this place."

Not even him. Was his death something he should apologise for? Perhaps so. Rip had called it selfish not too recently, Mick suspected that it'd all been planned and neither of them were really wrong. He had known it was coming. He hadn't known that he'd ever have to be the one to tell his sister.

"We're here now. That's something." Mostly it was painful. But something, yes.

The stroking was calming, even if she wanted to fall apart, it kept her together. "You're okay knowing you're not in control? I won't accept it." She refused to let any magic pocket dimension tell her what she could and couldn't do. She wasn't raised to think that way. "We're no one's puppets." Lis insisted and sniffled, trying so hard to get herself under control. No one saw her cry. Lenny brought her up to be strong and she found out on her own that her tears only hurt Leo. She didn't need to be strong just for herself, but for Leonard.

"We'll fix it. We are here now and that's not just something. It's everything. We can... I don't know. We have to..." She swallowed thickly, a fresh torrent of tears spilling down her cheeks and into his shirt. Her hands balled into fists and she hugged him tighter as if letting loose now might just cause him to slip away from her.

"How...?" If one word ever sounded so broken... She lifted her head just enough to look up at him, hair falling all around her face. Vivid blue eyes were rimmed red, making them look even brighter.

Leonard reached out, carefully tucking her hair behind her ears, fingers getting lost as they combed through the beautiful locks. Her hair had always been beautiful and he remembered when she was young and they had heated arguments about whether she should have to brush it. A strange memory to come to mind, but here he was. Remembering so many things. He caught her eyes and wondered where he could even begin.

She looked so young at this moment, damn it all. "The Time Masters, they had something called the Oculus. They could use it to observe the time stream. Control, if they felt like it. They used it to manipulate us, for a long time." He lifts one shoulder a little, moving his hand so his palm is right against her cheek. "It had to be taken out."

She'd never told him, but she'd always been grateful for his careful care of her hair. When she was young, the tangles pulled. Brushing her hair had been a chore. The fingers catching in her hair brought back memories, but it didn't make this any easier. She met his gaze and had to remind herself that he was still here. She needed to hold it together for him.

So, Lisa listened and she managed to hold back her tears, brushing at her eyes. Of course he would, she thought. "I thought Rip was a Time Master." She queried, a little bitterly. "And what, you had to do it? You were expendable because you're the criminal on the team?" Anger. Yep. But it wasn't aimed at Leonard.

"No, Lis. I chose to do it." Leonard didn't say it to protect Rip, although he also didn't think the man deserved grief over that particular choice. Other things? Yes. "As for Rip, he's a rogue Time Master. Didn't agree with their methods." Which should lay things out for her, but it obviously didn't explain all the circumstances. Why had he chosen to die?

He hadn't, not really. He had chosen for others to live. "The Oculus predicted that one of our team mates wouldn't make it. So that one originally planned on standing there to destroy it. Mick disagreed with that decision. And I couldn't let Mick die." As simple as that, when he said it this way, but obviously it was far more complex. Obviously it didn't mean that he weighed Mick's death against his own and decided which mattered more. He couldn't let the man he loved die. There was that simplicity buried there too.

Lisa closed her eyes. She listened and she tried to picture it. She tried to see Mick putting himself in someone else's place. Whoever they were, they must've made an impression on the arsonist. He wasn't one to get so easily attached, especially at the expense of his own life. And of course, Leonard wouldn't let Mick get himself killed, because he was Leonard. Everyone thought he was such a terrible person. A criminal. Lisa knew better.

"It's not fair, Lenny." That was all she could manage. Because it wasn't. It was selfish of her. She didn't want to lose Mick either, but really, what more could she say? There was no way to fix it. It just wasn't fair. She lifted her shoulders close, insecurely. "What am I supposed to do without you...?"

"Ain't a thing like fair, Lisa. C'mon, sis, you knew that." Definitely a lesson they had both learned very early on. But this was different, he knew that. He wasn't pushing her to just get over it already. "You'll go on. You haven't needed me in a very long time."

He lifted his hand to preemptively cut off any protest. "I ain't saying you don't care for me. I ain't even saying I wasn't there for you." At least he'd tried. How well he'd done was debatable. "But you'll be fine. You're strong."

With his hand against her face again, he gently tilts her head back a little, leaning their foreheads together. "Stronger and smarter than I've ever been."

Leaning into the touch, she pouted when he cut off her protest. Jerk. He knew her too well. Still, he should know that she wouldn't be silenced that easily, either.

"Not actively needing you and knowing you're not there anymore is different." But his compliment defies the sorrow. Even with the tears in her eyes, a smile breaks across her lips, even if it is slightly bitter. "You're so full of shit." Despite the words, it's said endearingly.

"That ain't anything new." For a moment he spared a grin, his fingers dropping to her shoulder as he pulled back. He caught her eyes and there was still the hint of a smile. "Some things don't change."

Like him being anything other than impossible, as Iris West had become so fond of saying here. His expression became more serious again as he continued. "Mick's from before... I told you. He only just found out about it a few days ago. So, you know. I think he's still working through it too, in his way."

The smile seemed to settle more solidly. She collected herself, pulled back, out of his lap, but still stayed close enough to cling to him. She wasn't letting go just yet, dammit. Deal, Lenny.

"So, he's pissed." It wasn't a question. She knew Mick. And found out not I told was a very important distinction she picked up on. He wasn't just upset that Leonard was dead--had died to save him. Mick would be pissed that Lenny didn't tell him. "How'd he find out?" Which also explained why Leonard told her so quickly.

"Maya told him." He let out a sigh, lifting a hand to rub the side of his face and then wrap it around his upper arm, finally withdrawing a little more into his own space again. Obviously Maya telling Mick was not something he intended to happen and Leonard hated when things didn't go according to plan. Even with a lot less serious issues. "It's complicated."

Where did he start? Once more, there was a lot to tell that he didn't really want to let her know. "When Mick got here, he was angry with me. Rightfully so. I'd fucked up." An understatement. "I really fucked up with Mick, Lisa."

Lisa looked away for a moment. She's sure Maya didn't mean to cause trouble, but she can also just hear that conversation. "Sounds like." She agreed. "She didn't mean it, Lenny."

But when he continued, she was suddenly more interested in what he said next. Usually it was Mick who fucked up. Getting out of control with fire, the burns, blowing the job. He'd done it a few times, but he and Leonard always made up once Mick was back under control. "...how?"

"I know she didn't." He wasn't mad at Maya, that option didn't even occur to him. In fact, he'd apologised to Maya for even being in the position of knowing something Mick hadn't known yet.

The question Lisa asked brought up a whole host of other issues and there were only so many ways to give her the condensed version. "Mick got the idea that I changed my goals. He was probably right. He called me on it and I..." For a moment he trailed off, his mind back in Star City as he tried to decide how to explain what happened without sitting here for another hour. Finally he just offered a shrug. "I pulled rank. Knocked him out. He was pissed, I figured he'd get over it, but he tried to betray the team. Rip wanted me to take care of him."

Which obviously meant "kill", but he had no need to actually voice that. He knew Lisa would get it. "I didn't." Naturally. Mick meant a lot more to him than Rip would apparently ever be willing to grasp, just as most others on the ship failed to. "I left him somewhere to cool off and I planned to pick him back up right then after the mission. Time travel. But turns out, I didn't."

Since he knew that it was a lot of information all at once, he gave it some moments before he continued. "So you could say I had a heads up about not making it." Because he would have always, always come back for Mick. "That's the point Mick's from right now. Me abandoning him." Which should explain the anger he'd mentioned before. How he fucked up. There was more, but for now he left it at that, so Lisa could try and process.

Lisa absorbed this information, feeling a little numb all over again. She hated when they fought. It wasn't entirely uncommon for them to disagree, but she rarely witnessed Lenny pull rank on him. The rest of that made her feel almost cold. Mick could be a loose canon, but he must have been severely hurting to turn on Lenny. She didn't know how they felt about the rest of the team, but obviously, if Leo ditched Mick, then he cared enough for those people to protect them.

"Len..." Her tone was soft, conveying an empathy that she really showed no one else. She pulled back and sat up on her knees, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Deal with it, Leonard. She hugged him tight for a moment. "He'll cool off. He's Mick." She settled down beside him again and leaned her shoulder against his. Subtle contact, but she needed it still. "Is he gonna be okay? Back in your time, I mean. If you don't go back for him, is he just stranded?" Because, if Rip thinks Mick's dead, he wouldn't know to go back for him. Some Time Master... Couldn't even see that Len would never kill Mick.

"Mick's got every right to be pissed. Right now he can't even be that, cause he knows I don't make it." Nothing about this situation was ideal and even though they had ostensibly made up and both certainly wanted to achieve some kind of normalcy again, it was difficult. Fragile and insecure and a thousand other things that their relationship had never really been before, all with that underlying sadness and knowledge of futility. But he wasn't about to burden his sister with that kind of existential angst surrounding his relationship with his partner, especially given that there were still a lot of other things to catch her up on. Like her question now showed all too clearly.

"Nah. He ain't gonna be okay. The Time Masters get to him. Brainwash him. Torture him. He came out a different person, called Chronos. Trained to hunt us down, driven by revenge. It..." He paused, less to look for words and more because it hurt to talk about, as much as he clamped down on the emotion. The guilt was there, front and centre, and it should be. This was on him. Leonard leaned against Lisa in turn, moving his arm to wrap it around her, back to closer contact again. For her sake and perhaps for both their sake. "He broke through a lot of it, by the end. But it ain't ever gonna go away."

"Yeah, well. That's hardly a fair point to make." Because of the people in the entire multi-verse that cared about Leonard most, right now, the last thing either of them wanted to hear was that he didn't make it. Because they could be angry with him, they could even be so enraged that they hated him, but a world without him, even if it was a world in which you were angry with him, wasn't one either of them wanted to go back to.

Hearing he wasn't going to be okay seemed to drive that numbing feeling even further home. Her family consisted of Leonard and Mick. This was all one huge nightmare. None of this could be real... "...I wish you two hadn't gone on this mission." She finally says, feeling him lean into her and then his arm was around her. She felt her world threatening to shatter again. "So he doesn't even know that...? Does he know what happens? You said he's before that, right?" She reached up to hold onto his arm, clinging again. It was very much reminiscent of how Lenny would comfort her after Lewis lost his temper with her. Leonard was the one who dies. Leonard was the one who fought with Mick, and here they were. Leonard was comforting her? She was still just the pain-in-the-ass baby sister.

"He'll be okay here. You both will." Lisa insisted, forcing a confidence into her voice that she didn't 100% feel at the moment. She would make sure they were both happy, even if she had to start playing interference between them until things calmed down. Until they remembered how to function. "We don't dwell on the past, we learn from it. So learn, Lenny." Her tone wasn't harsh, but it was strong. And when she looked up at him to hopefully meet his eyes, her blue gaze was equally adamant.

"Oh, I've learned. I haven't died in months now." No, that kind of gallows humour was hardly going to be appreciated, so far he had yet to find anyone who took him joking about his death lightly. It was a way to deal, because giving in to the fear and sadness inside him, asking for that comfort that he was trying - presumably failing - to give Lisa, it wasn't ever going to be in the cards for him, it wasn't how he worked. Maybe if things were different with Mick, but they weren't. Futile to think about.

He met her eyes, lifting a hand to cup her face. Traces of tears and he hated them, once more having broken the promise he'd made to himself about keeping her from pain. "I told Mick what's gonna happen. You know as much as he does." That was important. "Mick was dangerous, when he was Chronos. Just... Keep that in mind. If he ever seems off to you here, stay clear. He might have gotten an update."

The small rush of air that left her wasn't quite a laugh, but it wasn't really a sigh either. It was something somewhere in between. "You're not funny." She muttered weakly. Too soon, Lenny. Even so, it hadn't exactly been lost to her either. She made the same quips in times of turmoil. Her features had softened with the joke. "How about you not die ever again, okay?" Well, you know what she means, Leonard.

There was that cold feeling again. Mick was dangerous. Mick's always been dangerous, but never towards her. That warning seemed heavy. She just nodded, knowing better than to argue when Leonard was this serious. "We'll be able to help him if he does, right? I mean, you helped him before..."

"I believe so." He hoped so, but there was no need to clarify that. He could sound a little more certain than he was for Lisa's sake, hardly much of a sacrifice. "But if that happens, I'll deal with him. I know how to talk to him. Besides, he's never wanted me dead."

Just suffering. Which was worse in every way, given it meant threatening Lisa, but there was no reason to get into that now. Instead he breathed out slowly and met Lisa's eyes. "Think telling you might've been the worst thing I've ever had to do." It was still the worst. This wasn't over and his fingers combed through her hair slowly. "But I'm glad to see you."

The assurance, even if it wasn't completely inspiring, did help. She seemed to relax even further when he said Mick didn't want him dead. Of course he didn't, this was Mick, after all. Even if he was broken. Mick and Len were forever, right? She'd believe that to her dying breath. Which worked in Leonard's favour, keeping her from questioning it further.

"I'm sorry." It was sincere and quiet. Telling her was the hardest thing he had to do and learning it was the hardest thing she'd ever have to do. She had no right to mope over it when it was Leonard who lost his life. He was the one who needed the comfort...

Lisa wrapped her arm around him and hugged him again, leaning her head against him. "I'm glad to see you too. And thank you for telling me. I'm so, so sorry, Lenny. I know that doesn't fix anything, but... I just... I am."

"I think all three of us really just need to hit the bar for a drink in the near future." Or thirty. Could you actually die of alcohol poisoning here?

"I'm fine, Lis. Ironically, I just gotta live with it." Not something that people usually had to do with their own deaths, but in this place Leonard knew that he was far from the only one. He wished he could say something to offer more comfort, but he had never been all that good at that part, at least in his own esteem. So all he could do is hold her, fingers buried in her hair gently massaging her scalp as he kept her close against him. "Sounds like a plan. Mick tends to be at least a few drinks ahead of everyone these days."

Which was a worry for another day, but what was he supposed to do? Tell him not to drown his sorrows in alcohol and food? Whatever coping method worked.

"That's a terrible joke." She muttered, emotionally drained. Right now, she could damn near fall asleep against him like she used to when she was little. The touch was familiar and soothing, Leonard was a safe presence--the safest presence she knew--and she was exhausted. So, if her eyes droop a little bit, forgive her.

To Lisa, they were always the prefect little family. They didn't need anyone else. They never had. Lisa, Len, and Mick were a very dynamic trio in and of themselves. But right now, they were so very broken. Mick, angry and hurt. Lisa, utterly gutted. And Leonard, watching the two people he cared about fall apart.

"Then we'll just have to catch up to him when we go."

[closed] Oh sister when I come to knock on your door, don't turn away you'll create sorrow

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