( it feels like jagged pieces of broken mirror remain stuck in his throat when he tries to swallow past it to speak, to explain with the words which had been on the tip of his tongue a moment ago. about what has been thrown in his face over the last five years, about what he's learned and why he's learned it, about making the right choices, about trying to not let her down. no matter what. she's already gone to bed and turned away from him.
he's aware he screwed this up too.
his eyes burn, and his stomach twists up so terribly he's certain he'll be sick with it. he doesn't know that he's ever known self loathing quite as powerfully as he did over the past three years. sometimes it feels like he can never quite tear the phoenix stone from him. maybe he was never supposed to. he stares at her form as she's turned away from him, and an ache builds in his expression as he reaches out to rest his hand against her leg.
he shoves himself to his feet, walking into his own room, to the nearest mirror. the conversation is short, painful, eye opening. and his stomach doesn't stop twisting around with terrible self-loathing.
he walks back into their room, studying elena as she lies there in bed, and then he sinks down beside her in it, curling up with his arm winding around her waist. his heart beating too fast. he's not going to sleep tonight, but at least he can hold on tightly to her. )
/basically writes a giant fic
he's aware he screwed this up too.
his eyes burn, and his stomach twists up so terribly he's certain he'll be sick with it. he doesn't know that he's ever known self loathing quite as powerfully as he did over the past three years. sometimes it feels like he can never quite tear the phoenix stone from him. maybe he was never supposed to. he stares at her form as she's turned away from him, and an ache builds in his expression as he reaches out to rest his hand against her leg.
he shoves himself to his feet, walking into his own room, to the nearest mirror. the conversation is short, painful, eye opening. and his stomach doesn't stop twisting around with terrible self-loathing.
he walks back into their room, studying elena as she lies there in bed, and then he sinks down beside her in it, curling up with his arm winding around her waist. his heart beating too fast. he's not going to sleep tonight, but at least he can hold on tightly to her. )