speak gently to the erring

[circlejerked]

Who: Anders (circlejerked), Robyn Cousland (heroica), and Nathaniel Howe (noble_son).
Where: Room three, fourth floor.
When: March 4th.
Rating: PG.
Summary: The Thedosian Wardens come together to investigate a new lead on Wonderland. Also known as: a cautionary tale in what not to do with a powerful artifact.
The Story:



<sub>[It's time for Wonderland's Wardens to have a meeting.

How did Anders come to this conclusion? The minute he stepped out of the shower that morning and saw that a tiny, delicate-looking locket on his table--a permanent fixture these past few months--was sitting wide open, front panel flicked open as if my an invisible hand, he knew it was going to be one of those days.

Making a national crisis out of jewelry like an Orlesian desperate to fit five diamonds on their specially-handcrafted diamond ring instead of four isn't his usual style, but when said locket had originally belonged to the Duchess, whose exact words as she'd handed it over had been "it will open when it is ready"...

... Under those circumstances, well, having a crazy lady's magical, mysterious locket suddenly sitting open on his coffee table raises a few questions. Just a few.

Thus, private messages go out, one for Nathaniel, and one for Robyn, inviting them up to his room after breakfast. (He's not so cruel he'd expect anyone to ponder riddles before they've had their coffee.) When they arrive at Anders' snugly appointed apartment, subtly sprinkled with the kind of simple charm afford to Fereldan farming cottages or the like, they'll find him in an armchair with the locket still in its place on a corner of the table in front of him, next to a bookmarked novel and a bowl of incense.

Embossed with a flower design on the lid, the locket might not look like much at first glance--until you consider the small golden key sitting inside it with a note tied to it that reads Eat me.

Wonderland symbolism, gotta love it.]</sub>

Bet you're wondering why I called you here. Come on in, make yourself at home.

_{[He may have neglected to bring up the locket until now. So there's that.]}

Comments

/steps in first

[noble_son]

[Nathaniel might have considered facing this kind of thing before coffee, though it would entirely depend on the contents of the message and exactly how urgent Anders sounded at the time. He does not, however, resent the fact that he was allowed to wake up first.

As he seated himself he doesn't really know why he's here, but Anders had managed to sound serious enough while telling him absolutely nothing that he didn't just ignore the message entirely.]

'Wondering' is a word for it, Anders. [He says, only then noticing the locket. It doesn't register as anything particularly notable, until he sees the writing on the label.]

Have you got yourself into some kind of trouble?

[heroica]

Is everything all right? [ Robyn presses immediately after Anders' question. Her eyes follow to the locket, to its shape and words, and brows shadow her eyes in an expression of guarded curiosity.

It isn't unusual for the three of them to meet, but this is clearly related to the object set out in plain view, or else she's being presumptive. Oren, who trails her nearly everywhere, is lying on the floor with his tongue lolling out, waiting expectantly for some kind of treat. ]

Nothing too dire, I hope?

[circlejerked]

<sub>[Feminine-looking pendants aren't generally to Anders' taste; he'd be gratified to know visitors to his humble abode pick up on the fact that it's neither a fashion accessory of choice, nor a part of the room décor. (A cat toy, maybe, but that's a stretch.)

What it has been in the past is an eyesore, and what it is now is a riddle wrapped in an enigma, possibly coated in some ulcer-inducing Wonderland magic that makes people break out in polka dots for all Anders knows.]</sub>

It's a relief to know that if I were in dire trouble and able to text you, you'd both come running.

_{[He'll file that information away for the next time he's being axe murdered.]}

Nothing so immediately alarming, don't worry. But I do have a confession to make--did I ever tell you that headless Duchess woman rewarded me for a service I did for her? _{[No, he hadn't, thinking he'd bring it up when he knew more about it, which is apparently going to be today. It makes it a rather rhetorical question, and Anders moves on, using the incense bowl to nudge the locket into the center of the table without touching it directly.]} It was locked up tighter than the queen's jewels all this time, and then this morning it was like this.

Seemed like a good time to mention it.

[noble_son]

Where would we be without you. [Nathaniel says dryly, making it very hard to tell if he's being sarcastic or not. When most of what you say sounds like you're trying very hard to seem like you mean it sincerely, such things do become a struggle.

At the further explanation, though, he does straighten up in his seat and a frown settles on his face.]

You know, that does sound like something you should have brought up sooner, but I can see how it might have slipped your mind.

[... And that is sarcasm.]

[heroica]

You did something for her? [ It isn't accusatory, and her tone is instead curious. Robyn looks from the locket to Anders, brows raising. ] I hope it wasn't anything too taxing.

[ Obviously he'd made it out fine, but if she'd thought to reward him...

Something about this doesn't sit quite right with the Warden. ]

It was locked up until today, when it suddenly opened. [ She repeats, now looking back to the object. ] Could it be that the enchantment keeping it shut wore off? - Or, is it the opposite, and today is just when it was meant to... activate?

[ Maker, they're never going to get answers from a piece of jewelry, however magical. ]

If only we had a mage here to consult. [ Robyn says lightly, lip twitching upward at a smile. ]

[circlejerked]

It's because I tipped her off to the location of the Queen of Heart's chambers that time the mirrors reversed. _{[That, in response to Robyn's question.]} And it's because I am a mage that I've been looking into it. As much as I'd have liked to see you try to crack it open with a knife, Nathaniel, tripping magical defenses tends to end with singed eyebrows at the bare minimum.

<sub>[Anders sniffs for effect, despite not really being offended by their reasonable points. Oh ye of little faith, the both of you. It's not like he put it in a drawer and forgot about it--he has been monitoring it.

... Granted, sometimes it's seemed like a dead end research project, mostly lying inert and unreactive. Until today. It's why the locket suddenly opening like a clam is so unexpected after months of nothing, and Maker only knows what it's capable of, making him a tad reluctant to touch it with his bare hands. Just... in case.

Can never be too careful with mysterious lockets.]</sub>

She told me, and I quote, "Give it time to get acquainted with you, it will open when it's ready." _{[And he does a fair impersonation of the Duchess' voice, if he does say so himself.]} Whatever that means. Now you know about as much as I know.

[noble_son]

You couldn't have paid me enough to try. Stabbing magical artifacts with knives never goes well for the person holding the blade.

[Honestly, Anders. Potential for singed eyebrows aside, it might have been nice to know that someone they cared about was holding a potentially dangerous magical item in his personal quarters.

Nathaniel sits up slightly and leans forward to get a better look at the trinket, not daring to touch it but placing his hands flat on the table. In the past few years he's had the chance to become uncomfortably acquainted with magic on a level he hadn't thought possible when he was roaming the Free Marches... and he's never trusted it.]

One of us is going to have to touch it, unless you intend on doing nothing. [He indicates the key.]

In my experience, keys open doors. But which one does this one open?

[heroica]

Which is why we're all lucky Anders had the mind to not try and stab it. [ Thankfully, they aren't an entirely hopeless group. ] And keys open more than doors, Nathaniel.

[ Locks are for chests and windows and manacles, too, after all. ]

I suppose the senior Warden should touch it. [ Robyn says after a pause, with an amused smile. ] Of course, that's difficult to determine, given that we're all from different years, and -

[ In a horrifying moment that no one could have possibly seen coming, Oren, who followed Robyn wherever she went, more or less, slurps up the locket and swallows it whole.

It has the potential to be more terrifying than staring down the actual archdemon, and her heart drops into her stomach. ]

Oren - No!

[circlejerked]

_{[Everyone's a critic.]}

Just a hunch, but the conspicuous tag saying "eat me" makes me feel like she intended it to be eaten.

_{[With the way Wonderland operates, a door to the intestinal tract is more likely than a key to a physical door. The former is the right shade of eccentric, the latter boringly logical.]}

There are tests to run, of course. I'll do what I can to discern if there's any reason to--

<sub>[He's about to continue his sentence with worry, but he barely starts to form the word before he registers movement, and the dog, up until now passed out on Anders' floor and seemingly content to mimic the inanimate quality of furniture, rears up.

There's no reason to worry, it's just a mabari, mabari occasionally use their legs to move around. It probably saw one of his cats, or has to pee, or--

His lips are still fitted around the vowel as the dog leans into the table, takes the locket in teeth as calm as you please, and performs the magician's trick of making it disappear while Anders' mouth is still curved in an 'o'. Oh. Oh, that's not good.]</sub>

[noble_son]

[He almost sees it coming and makes a half aborted attempt to stop it that ends with him bruising his shin against the leg of the table and little else.

As it is, he has much the same expression on his face as Anders does, save for the near-comical curvature of lips hanging on a vowel. He keeps wide eyes on the dog and slowly slides his chair backwards by about half a foot.]

Well, [Nathaniel says, sounding part nervous and part like he really, really wants to laugh but can't remember how to go about it.]

That certainly wasn't part of the plan.

[heroica]

[ There is a long, horrified silence. Robyn recovers eventually from the stun to lunge for the dog's collar, but Oren, with a decidedly un-mabari-like grace, slips from her grasp and trots to the door. Then, in a twist of the bizarre, he jumps to brace himself against it using his front paws, dips one down to press the knob so it opens, and then trots out into the halls.

The Hero of Ferelden can only stare in building confusion for another moment. ]

I - [ She begins, cutting off sharply, blinking. ] ... I'm so sorry, Anders, I... honestly have no idea what's just happened.

[ Does anyone?? Please enlighten her!! ]

[circlejerked]

_{[Anders turns to the other two. First things first--]}

I had nothing to do with that. If he croaks, it's not my fault.

<sub>[Responsibility-shirking out of the way, Anders can't think of anything better to do besides stay right where he is, still numb with the abrupt ludicrousness of the travesty that just occurred. The dog ate my homework is a hackneyed expression, it's not supposed to happen in real life. And yet.

To his continued profound disbelief, Robyn tries to step into the mabari's path, and when she does the dog ducks and paws the door open with utter aplomb.]</sub>

You never mentioned he could do that. _{[He throws out a hand in the direction the dog turns.]} Well, stop him! He's getting away with the evidence!

[noble_son]

[He doesn't need to say out loud that something very weird is going on - mabari are smart, but not so smart that they can just open doors without even seeming like they need to think about it.

Nathaniel scrambles from his chair but the dog is already long gone, heading down the corridor with an impressive level of focused determination.]

That's-- [He glances to Robyn.] Robyn?

[Help them out, here. That's your dog.]

[heroica]

It's no one's fault. [ She's quick to assure them, no matter how distracted she is. The Warden glances between the two men, mind working fast, but whatever she's thinking, she dismisses it with a rapid shake of her head. ]

I'll go after him. [ Robyn states, sighing shortly. ] Anders, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let him come.

[ Or she should have known that he might try and eat anything in his path. Calen was never so bad, she thinks, wistfully. ]

Maybe someone ought to warn the rest of the residents, in case...

[ In case the locket products some ill-effects, maybe? Puts anyone in danger? ]

[circlejerked]

_{[Standing, Anders grabs up his staff from where it rests against the wall and hurries around the table. They can't have a mabarai running around with magical artifacts in its stomach.]}

Come on! We have to catch that key thief before he--I don't know, turns into another pig for the Duchess to play dress-up with.

_{[Andraste's tits, what a day to be alive.]}

Let's go!

[noble_son]

Maker forbid. [Nathaniel mutters to himself as he sets off quickly down the hall. He doesn't draw a weapon - no need to alarm Robyn any more than she is likely already alarmed - but he does take the stairs down to the next floor several at a time.

If he wasn't so light on his feet, he would definitely trip over himself.]

I can put a warning out, if you think it necessary.

[heroica]

You may need to! [ she calls over her shoulder, coming to a halt soon after. The dog seems to have vanished, perplexingly, and the Warden pauses to catch her breath. ]

Do you see him? [ She asks the others, glancing quickly around the halls. Robyn utters a frustrated groan, and then: ] We should split up and report in if anyone can get a hold on him.

[ He's still a mabari, and is therefore both strong and quick. Now, apparently, he's also gained some level of intelligence. ]

[circlejerked]

<sub>[Just where in the Maker's green earth had that mutt run off to?

Long legs and a healthy survival instinct make Anders a fast sprinter in his own right, but by the time they make it to the staircase, it's nothing but empty corridors on either side, and an empty staircase above and below.]</sub>

It's just a dog. How far could he have gotten?

_{[Unless he's turned invisible. Or gained super speed. When the Duchess of all people gives you a solid metal object with instructions to eat it, anything seems possible, and Anders resists the urge to rub his hand over his face. What's done is done; no use regretting the fact now. They have to find that damn dog before they can think about anything else.]}

All right. Nathaniel--why don't you keep going down? I can go up. Robyn, how about covering the halls? He's probably puking it up in a corner somewhere, isn't that what dogs do?

_{[Honestly, if any house pet is puking up what they've ate in a corner, nine times out of ten it's probably going to be a cat, but dogs aren't exempt from ruining carpets.]}

[noble_son]

We can only hope. [Nathaniel grimaces slightly at the thought, not anticipating that eventuality with any kind of pleasure, and takes the first few steps down. A dog smart enough to open a door can't be all that smart, surely?]

I don't hold much hope in capturing him should we find him. [He says then, glancing back over his shoulder.]

Is there a plan? I doubt I could hurt him, but I wouldn't want to damage myself, either.

should we wrap?

[heroica]

Maker, I don't - I've never had this particular problem. [ Robyn replies, half-amused, half-strained. ] ... If you can trap him somewhere, that... would be ideal. He won't hurt you. [ She adds, quickly, mostly confident. ]

We should go. [ She stresses. ] Before he gets into any more trouble...