open; i got issues, but you got 'em too

[operation]

Who: grant ward + you
Where: all over wonderland
When: 3/22-3/26
Rating: pg for now
Summary: ward's done hiding. it's time to make some connections.
The Story:

[ It's a good thing Ward's always been highly adaptable. Waking up in Wonderland? No problem. Realizing this is his afterlife because there is no way he could have survived getting his chest crushed? Well, he's learning to deal with it. It's not like he wasn't ready for it all to be over anyways. He just wasn't going to go down without a fight.

What's it been now? A week since he arrived to this ridiculous place? Ward hasn't seen a lot of Wonderland just yet as he's been cooped up in his room mostly; licking his wounds, biding his time, doing some research. But hey, what a room. Four walls. Literally. He probably could have come up with something better, but it's not like he needs much anyways. It could have been worse. He could have woken up in a coffin. Yikes.

All dressed up in a leather jacket, comfortable jeans and a crisp white shirt, Grant Ward takes a good look at himself in the mirror and asks himself who he wants to be today. Because walking out that door is a big deal. He's about to start a brand new chapter in his life. He can do anything. Be anyone. And what does a dead man want?

Well, freedom's out of the question. So -- how about a walk around Wonderland? And maybe some company? Come on. Is that really too much to ask for? ]

Comments

[operation]

Think about it, Fitz. If I hadn't caught you spying, you wouldn't have ended up on the Bus with Simmons. And that stunt you pulled with that little device of yours? What did you think was going to happen? [ The way he sees it, these people, they just keep coming at him. It's not his fault he'd had to react. Every action has its consequences. And if you ask him, Fitz got the ball rolling all on his own. ]

You put yourself in danger. You put Simmons' life at risk. You did that. [ This really isn't how he had wanted this conversation to go, but it's not like it could have gone any other way. Not with their past. ] But it's okay. People make mistakes.

[hypoxic]

[He's thought all of these things. The ways in which he could have handled everything differently eat at him, gnawing in the middle of the night. They haunted every moment struggling through therapy. If he'd done something differently, he wouldn't have lost his speech. If he'd been better, Ward would have had a reason to stay at SHIELD. If he wasn't stupid enough to trust a traitor, they could have been prepared.

He can tell himself these things for hours, but he can't abide Grant Ward trying to absolve himself of guilt. It stirs his rush of emotions until they settle together and become raw fury.]

You don't -- you -- sanctimonious --

[There aren't words for it. Instead, his rush of fury manifests as motion. He lunges forward, to shove, and punch, and. And.

He's not thought through what comes after that, but it'll definitely start with shoving.]

[operation]

[ He always tries to be a few steps ahead of any ongoing conversation; likes to prepare himself with options a to z, which is why when Fitz try to... Well, he's not sure what the little guy's looking to achieve here aside from reacting and giving in to rage and every other kind of emotion. Not wanting to draw attention to himself, Ward simply grabs him by the shoulders, spins him around and shoves him into the nearest room. He knows this one is vacant and so's the next one -- he'd checked earlier. ]

Okay now. Calm down. [ He shoves at Fitz again, pushing him further into the room. ] We should have had this conversation here in the first place. My mistake. But look at you, starting the ball rolling again, Fitz. Why do you do this? [ See, Ward's not much for imagining things which is why he's trapped Fitz in a room with no windows. Casually, he leans against the door, sealing off the only available exit and keeping himself at a distance, hoping that makes him less of a threat. It's doubtful. ]

[hypoxic]

[He doesn't have a plan, and if he'd stopped to think at all, he'd know exactly how outclassed he is. For now, it's easier to let that awareness be swallowed up into the depths of his anguish. He's also not a fighter. His attempts at punches are wide and telegraphed. It's not a trained assault. It's just the physical embodiment of his pain.

Ward will have no trouble redirecting Fitz's momentum into closed quarters, where he'll stumble and linger out of arm's length, red-faced and breathing heavily already.]

No. You don't get to just -- you don't -- [His hands clench into fists, breath hissing from clenched teeth. Breathe. Slow down and communicate.]

You've hurt -- so many people.

[operation]

That's it. Let it all out. [ He's prepared to hear the facts. He's not hiding behind anything. What he's done? What he's had to do? They're not for nothing. Whether good or bad, there's a reason behind every single one of his actions. ]

Now when you say hurt, do you mean physically or emotionally? Is it the number of faceless goons I've had to put down because they were in the way? Or are we talking specifically about you, Fitz? [ They're all so upset, so angry at him. All these feelings, these emotions. He'd likely be in a state too if he hadn't been prepared. If Garrett had been right about one thing, it's that this is a weakness. ]

[hypoxic]

[Ward's got him trapped here. And even though he's a liar and a manipulator, he would always have stamina. If it was to be about endurance, Ward would outlast him. The imbalance of power feels overwhelming. There aren't any resources in this space, just four walls and--

--and a knob for a closet door.

He backs away to put more distance between them, keeping his eyes on Ward until he whips around pulling the door open and reaching inside it. And as his fingers tighten around the handle of a gun, he'll pull it out and hold it in Ward's direction, even though the trembling of his hands has the barrel wobbling in all directions.

Please be loaded. Please be loaded.]

I already told you -- we have nothing to talk about.

[operation]

[ Ward already has his own gun out, but he doesn't bother to hold it up, just keeps it at his waist, pointed in Fitz's direction. He's not planning on using it unless he's forced to. This is not how he'd hoped things would go, but he'd expected some trouble. ]

Fitz. [ He tries to direct the young man's attention to the gun he has pointing at him. If he takes the shot, it's not going to go down well -- clearly. Ward's accuracy is at a hundred percent and he doubts Fitz has mastered any kind of weapons training. ]

I don't want to have to hurt you. And I know you don't want to do this. [ The trembling hands, the panic in Fitz's voice -- it's enough to convince Ward that it's just one stupid, desperate move. Fitz doesn't have it in him to make that kill shot. Ward, on the other hand... ]

Remember that mission we were assigned to in South Ossetia? Where they said they needed a guy like you and a guy like me? [ After finding out that there would be no extraction, it surprised him when Fitz chose to stick around to disable the device. That willingness to sacrifice himself, that kind of loyalty is irreplaceable. ] I was impressed by your bravery. I still am.

But this? This isn't you.

[hypoxic]

You don't know who I am.

[Of course Fitz doesn't want this. He's never wanted any of this. Fieldwork was Jemma's idea. Fitz never saw any problems with the lab environment. But then again, if they'd stayed where they were, they would have been dead by now. It would have happened because of Ward and people like Ward, the kind who gored SHIELD from the inside out. He doesn't want to be in Wonderland at all. He doesn't want Ward to be here or be this close. There aren't enough options.

Ward brings up South Ossetia and it makes him want to retch. It was his first time in the field. Ward protected him, then. Made him feel safe. It was all lies. It's always lies. And it always works, because Ward knows every part of who Fitz is.

The gun stays where he's aimed it, unsteady and quivering.]

Has anyone talked to you about the way death works here yet?

[operation]

[ He knows enough to know that pulling the trigger isn't as easy for Fitz as it is for himself. There's options to be weighed. Pros and cons. Right and wrong. Morality's a bitch. And crossing the line between what you know and what you don't, that first step is tough. ]

It doesn't matter to me. I've got nothing to lose. [ The reason he'd turned out to be one of SHIELD and HYDRA's greatest assets is because he was a lone soldier with no real attachments; no one and nothing anyone could use against him. Capable of remaining fully focused on the mission at all times, he was willing to risk it all. Compared to the bigger picture, his life was always of little value.

Sure, he's always been big on survival tactics despite it all, but it came hand in hand with being prepared to stare death in the face. ]

You, on the other hand... [ He can't imagine the number of people Fitz here has gotten himself associated with. ] Naturally, I predicted I'd be in some kind of a predicament so I... rigged up a few explosives in and around the mansion. [ He didn't want to have to go through the trouble of having to say these things, but people keep forcing his hand. They make him do these unfortunate things. It's exhausting. ] If you put the gun down, I'll tell you where it is. You can be the hero. Save your friends. Or... you can let them know how you were responsible for blowing them up after they get put back together again.

[hypoxic]

[It's a bluff. And even if it's not a bluff, it's an impractical threat at best. A stunt like that puts the mansion in danger, and there's nothing this annoying dimension cares about more than keeping stable when inmates would attempt to destroy it.

Wonderland cares less about its people, though. The bricks and mortar will probably stay the same, but the people? ]

You get five.

[Ward's bluffing. Ward's a liar. He has to keep talking.]

You die and you feel it and then something drags you back and you get to do it again later. So -- if it's just once. Then it's a warning. You'll still have four more.

[It wouldn't be murder. It wouldn't be wrong.]

We don't know what happens after five times.

[Nobody should have to know.]

We could stop you -- from hurting the p-people here.

[They should stop him. (But what if he's not lying about explosives?) It's not murder (except it'll end in blood and a dead body just the same).

His face tightens, hot and bright red.]

[operation]

[ It's nice to know they've got five lives here. It doesn't mean they should be reckless with it. Actually -- he's not sure how he feels about the whole thing considering the fact he's standing here right now already feels like a goddamn fluke. He should be dead, but he's not. ]

Why the hell would I hurt anyone here? I don't even know these people. And you? [ Look at what he's done. He's gone right back to scaring Fitz. He's supposed to try to fix things between them, not make it worse. Ward decides to put his gun away. ] Fitz, if I wanted you dead -- you'd be dead. [ Like five minutes ago. ]

Look, the reason I approached you was... I don't know. I just wanted to talk. [ Honestly, he was glad to see a familiar face. Even if said familiar face is Fitz. Not exactly who he had hoped to see in this afterlife of his, but whatever. ] I know I trapped you in this room. But you were going to attract unwanted attention and I couldn't let that happen.

Now can you please just put the gun down?

[hypoxic]

You wouldn't plant bombs around people you don't want to kill.

[ It's come out harsher than he wanted it to. He's rubbish at hiding his anxiety around Ward, and it's all so much worse right now. He should just do it. Just blow a hole in his torso and get help to take care of the body. As Ward lowers his own gun, it would be easier still.

His finger is already on the trigger. All he'd have to do is squeeze down. He could help so many people by putting Ward down early. He could...

His hands tremble harder, rattling the pistol in his hands, until he lets it drop, unfired. ]

.... I'm not like you.

[operation]

[ He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until Fitz decides to drop the gun. Ward leans back, relaxing his stance somewhat, grateful he doesn't have to experience getting shot again so soon. Coulson had fired two shots at him on Maveth and that had hurt like hell. ]

You're not. It's a good thing, Fitz. [ He means it. The first time he ever killed someone -- hell, that kind of shit leaves a mark. Kind of like a bad stain that can't ever be removed. It darkens the soul. ] Why do you think as specialists we're thought to keep our emotions in check? To have everything compartmentalized? It's not an easy thing to do.

It's why I couldn't just put a bullet in you or Simmons. [ He'd gone against Garrett's orders in order to give them that fighting chance. ] You know Simmons tried to kill me too? Did she tell you that? [ Back when Coulson recruited him to help locate Skye. He'd been surprised by her actions. ] I could have shot her then too. But I didn't. I didn't lay a finger on her.

[hypoxic]

[ Ward is talking, but Fitz doesn't pay much attention to it. He had his chance to take the shot and he couldn't do it. He'd failed. He'd failed and now Ward is free to do whatever he wants. He'll kill everyone. Or something worse. It's all Fitz's fault. ]

... so what now?

[ more murder. More terror. More sleepless nights clutching Jemma close to him without being able to tell her why he won't go back to his own bed. ]

[operation]

What now? [ He's tired of constantly having to watch his back, but it's something he's going to have to do even while he's here in this afterlife of his thanks to Fitz being here. And Skye. And whoever else. He can't wait to meet them. /sarcasm ]

I told you. I'm not going to hurt you. Or your friends. Unless you give me a reason to. So. Don't. [ It's a friendly warning. ] Those bombs I planted? They're just a... safety precaution. Can't exactly blame me for that, right? A minute ago, you almost wanted to shoot me. [ He can't help that he has this automatic instinct to survive despite feeling like he has absolutely nothing to live for right now. ]

[hypoxic]

It wasn't just a minute ago.

[He doesn't have the nerve. He doesn't want to be a killer. And now if Ward goes out and hurts someone, that'll be on him.]

[operation]

Okay... [ He's never entirely sure how to respond to Fitz because he's such a special little character. ]

So how are you trapped in Wonderland? I mean, if anyone has a shot at figuring out a way to escape this place, I thought it'd be you. [ Not that Ward has any intention of leaving just yet considering he has no idea what's in store for him now that he's dead back home. Besides -- he's starting to think he might be able to have some fun here. ]

[hypoxic]

Your vote of confidence is noted.

[ His his eyes settle on a spot on the floor, head bent. He has a dozen theories about the state of this prison dimension amd what could be done to free everyone, but silence is his last remaining protest. He's died once to protect this research. He'll do it again if he to. ]

[operation]

Aw, come on, Fitz. Lighten up. [ He takes a step forward to pick up the gun Fitz had dropped and checks to see if it's loaded. ] What do you know? [ He points it right at the guy and presses the trigger. ] It's empty. [ Good thing Fitz here didn't try to take that shot. It would have been all for nothing. ]

Hey, you know what I kind of miss? The night-night gun.

[hypoxic]

[ when Ward retrieves the gun, Fitz swallows hard, teeth grinding together as he raised his palms in more formal surrender. What is Ward going to do now? Will he have the chance to earn Jemma before something happens there?

Would it be inhumane to look into adapting the TAHITI protocols here? What would ve the ethical means of dealing with someone like Ward?

He flinches when the barrel is turned against me, and that tension doesn't recede after the full, empty click. ]

... you want me to build you weapons? Is that what this is about?

[operation]

Well, that's an interesting idea. [ He puts the gun away and takes a step back again. ] But you've got me completely wrong. My HYDRA days are over. [ Just how many times did he have to quit that only to go back to it again after some goddamn tragedy? Not this time. ] If you haven't heard, I died. Kind of a bummer, but you were there.

[hypoxic]

[ This is the first anyone's thought to tell him about that. His eyes raise abruptly. Is this the things that Daisy doesn't want to talk to him about? The event that breaks their friendship and makes her think that he hates her? ]

I was there?

[ he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be latching on to anything Grant Ward says. ]

[operation]

Don't look so worried. You weren't the one to hammer the nail in my coffin. [ Ward points a finger to his chest. ] Coulson did. After he shot me -- twice, he crushed my chest in. And poof. I'm in Wonderland. [ Despite his casual tone, the whole thing has affected him deeply. He's been having trouble sleeping at night. It's going to take more than a few weeks or months for him to get over that nightmare. ]

[hypoxic]

[It's a lot of information at once. Something is going to happen, and it's going to be a big something. Is this what it takes to bring Jemma home?

It's all worth it, if this is how they manage to bring Jemma home.]

Sounds like you've done something to deserve it.

[His eyes narrow.]

Can't imagine what it must've been.

[operation]

Call it a pissing contest. [ Two sides of the same coin. Neither one of them was going to give up. ] Coulson came after me. I went after someone he cared deeply about. Seemed fair. [ He gets that Fitz is fishing for answers and likely has zero idea about Maveth and what HYDRA's after. Not that any of that matters here. Besides -- it wasn't like he purposely went after Rosalind. It had been a kill order from Malick after she'd found out about his connections to HYDRA. He did however take some personal satisfaction out of seeing Coulson suffer. The man deserved it. ]

Are you alone here? Or is Simmons with you? [ The two hardly ever separated. ]