[OPEN] this ONE WEIRD TRICK to losing your will to live

[fulllifeconsequences]

Who: Chara, Mirror Chara, anyone
Where: Mirrorside tearooms, the gardens
When: 5/15 - 5/20
Rating: PG for potential dissociation/unreality, references to suicide
Summary: It's funny when the mirror is more sure its real than you are, isn't it?
The Story:

[A - Real side, among the flowers]

Frisk isn't here.

It's a realization that pulls all the breath out of them, and it feels like they never quite inhale again. Like without their other half, they're nothing but a ghost, a held breath wandering without meaning. They know that death on the other side is... it's different. It's for real. They also know that Frisk was willing, once, to cooperate with their mirror. To find a way to the other side. They know that if Frisk isn't on this side, if they've gone somewhere Chara can't follow, that - that nothing is holding them back now. That the solemn oath to follow Frisk if death takes them means nothing if Chara can't reach them. That if Frisk was willing to trust in and protect their mirror once, Chara can never be sure that they won't do it again. That they won't resist that temptation.

They know they have no control over what happens next.

They know they might never see Frisk again.

Chara sits in the gardens, not knowing anywhere else to go. No mirror crossing over, nobody to lead them to the Rabbit Hole. So all they do is... they just sit among the flowers. Breathe. Try not to think too hard about what the last thing they may have ever said to Frisk would be - it certainly wasn't "goodbye" or "I love you" or anything poetic and real. Try not to fixate on seeing if this is the moment they forget, if some kind of omniscient force is going to purge their memory despite all their safeguards, all their determination to always remember.

Try to focus on what they can do, at least.

For now, that's nothing more than ripping petals off of flowers one by one, counting over and over and over.


[B - Mirrorside, time for tea - replies coming from undetermined]

To tell the truth, the mirror... they sort of wish they'd been brave enough to cross over. To give everyone on the real side, the happy side, to - to give them a chance to see. To realize that they could have a better Chara, one who's nice, one who's never irrational, one who only has kind things to say about them. To maybe... they know it's impossible, but they still - it's nice to dream. To fantasize about escape. About slipping into another world where people want you around, where you're never useless or stupid or in the way, where you're useful. If they crossed over, then they'd surely meet people who'd be their friend. Who'd want to keep them. Who'd know that maybe this Chara was just born on the wrong side, and everyone would be happier if they could live on the side where nice people live, and the bad one can live on the mean side.

But they aren't brave enough. They know they'd never have the guts to hunt anyone down. They know they'd never have the nerve it takes to steal or vandalize or harm.

So they just... ha ha, they settle for what they get. They can still be useful here. There are some reals stranded here, after all, and they must be scared. Must be feeling helpless and lost. They could all, Chara's sure, use a friend right about now. So Chara... they can be that friend. They rove from one tearoom to the next, carrying a basket of snacks and first aid kits, doing their best to be the kind of person who answers a call for help. Someone out there must need them. Someone must want them, surely.

They just have to look hard enough.

Comments

[undetermined]

Shepard's one of the ones who's instantly recognizable as different from her Mirror. Not just through little flourishes like equipping a weapon or wearing a scarf, but because the changes are... gosh, they're really not subtle, are they? The scars and the red eyes, they make her mirror self kind of... well, a little scary. But not like Chara's judging! Chara's not like their Real. Chara won't scorn humans. Chara won't make an enemy out of anyone. It's just different, that's all.

But - ha ha - that... that's sort of a tangent, huh? They're not focusing on what's at hand.

"Yes!" They blurt eagerly. "That's me. Don't worry, I'm not the bad one," they quickly offer, reassuringly. There's nothing to be gained from pretending to be their Real. "I'm here to help. Miss... er, Commander? Shepard? Miss Commander?" It's too familiar to just use her surname like the real Chara does, isn't it? Disrespectful to address an adult that way. Use their titles. "I've got, um... I prepared some things to help reals like you out, so you don't have to be scared of me! I'm on your side, really!"

[normandysbest]

Shepard remembers, very vaguely, talking to Chara's mirror- almost a year ago now. She barely knew them then, couldn't see much different to this one other than that they actually spoke to her. But now it feels like the changes are painted all over their face; the off-step posture, the juggling of unsure words, the almost begging for forgiveness from their own life.

She idly wonders what it's like, over here. What they face. But if she gets too wrapped up in that, she'll lose her focus here.

"Shepard is fine. You don't need to worry about being so formal." She gestures for them to come in. "I'm not gonna attack you or anything. I'm not in need of much right now, but you don't have to run off."

[undetermined]

"Of course you're not gonna attack me," they blurt, incredulously. "You're a Real. You're not like the people here. And I'm not like my Real, remember? I'm not going to doubt and snap at you just for existing." They tack a laugh in at the tail end of that, because maybe she'll laugh, too. It is ridiculous, the way their Real acts, right? It doesn't make any sense. It's a little ingrateful, even, to reward people giving them attention with doubt and hostility, right?

"Besides, I'm - I'm sure that I can be useful," Chara insists. "I know that you don't need much, but everybody needs something, don't they? And whatever it is, I can be it, or get it for you, I bet. Even if it's small, or dumb, or wasteful. I'm kind of all three of those just naturally, ha ha. I'm here to help people like you, so... you know. Don't feel shy about asking."

[normandysbest]

It... kind of hurts her heart a bit, hearing them talk about themselves like that. Looks like Chara, but doesn't act like them at all. Searching for purpose. Begging for use. Like a thing.

She's entertained notions of Chara growing, feeling better, growing up like a normal kid. But not like this. Never like this.

"It's alright. You don't need to do anything for me- take a break. We can talk, if you want." Talk, she says, as if she has any idea what to say, as if he mind isn't already whirring with trying to somehow help. "Take a load off. Seriously. I'm pretty good at taking care of myself."

[undetermined]

"But that's the - I mean, I won't be pushy, I promise, if that's what you really want, but... you shouldn't have to take care of yourself all the time. You're on your own in a strange, grey world, and you don't know if you can trust all these people who look just like people you care about. That's... anyone would be out of their element, you know? If I didn't live this every day, I'd probably be pretty scared."

They set the basked down on a table, sort of shuffle awkwardly in place. Don't know what to do with themselves if they aren't doing anything useful. Don't really even know if they've got any right to take up space like this if they can't even help her in the least.

"It's... it isn't weakness if you aren't self-sufficient 100% of the time, you know," they venture timidly. "It's not weakness if you just - if you humour a stupid kid for a bit, ha ha. I know that helping people you like makes you feel good, but... it's the same for me. I don't, um, I don't really get to be around people who don't hate me a whole lot. I'd... I'd like it if I could feel I'm not a total burden for... um, well, never mind. That's kind of getting selfish, isn't it? Whatever you want, I'll stick with that."

[normandysbest]

She doesn't want to push them into a corner, force them into her levels of comfort. It's obvious they're trying to do something nice-- or something that will make them feel better-- so she relents.

"No-- you know, you came in here with something, you should do it. I shouldn't take that from you. Show me what you've brought, alright?" She's not as good with this touch-and-go, having anyone dote on her, but that's what they want. She should let them.

Sometimes there's comfort in an assigned role, in having a purpose given to you. She knows that more than most.

"I'm pretty used to being out of my element. But it's nice to see a friendly face."