[OPEN] this ONE WEIRD TRICK to losing your will to live

[fulllifeconsequences]

Who: Chara, Mirror Chara, anyone
Where: Mirrorside tearooms, the gardens
When: 5/15 - 5/20
Rating: PG for potential dissociation/unreality, references to suicide
Summary: It's funny when the mirror is more sure its real than you are, isn't it?
The Story:

[A - Real side, among the flowers]

Frisk isn't here.

It's a realization that pulls all the breath out of them, and it feels like they never quite inhale again. Like without their other half, they're nothing but a ghost, a held breath wandering without meaning. They know that death on the other side is... it's different. It's for real. They also know that Frisk was willing, once, to cooperate with their mirror. To find a way to the other side. They know that if Frisk isn't on this side, if they've gone somewhere Chara can't follow, that - that nothing is holding them back now. That the solemn oath to follow Frisk if death takes them means nothing if Chara can't reach them. That if Frisk was willing to trust in and protect their mirror once, Chara can never be sure that they won't do it again. That they won't resist that temptation.

They know they have no control over what happens next.

They know they might never see Frisk again.

Chara sits in the gardens, not knowing anywhere else to go. No mirror crossing over, nobody to lead them to the Rabbit Hole. So all they do is... they just sit among the flowers. Breathe. Try not to think too hard about what the last thing they may have ever said to Frisk would be - it certainly wasn't "goodbye" or "I love you" or anything poetic and real. Try not to fixate on seeing if this is the moment they forget, if some kind of omniscient force is going to purge their memory despite all their safeguards, all their determination to always remember.

Try to focus on what they can do, at least.

For now, that's nothing more than ripping petals off of flowers one by one, counting over and over and over.


[B - Mirrorside, time for tea - replies coming from undetermined]

To tell the truth, the mirror... they sort of wish they'd been brave enough to cross over. To give everyone on the real side, the happy side, to - to give them a chance to see. To realize that they could have a better Chara, one who's nice, one who's never irrational, one who only has kind things to say about them. To maybe... they know it's impossible, but they still - it's nice to dream. To fantasize about escape. About slipping into another world where people want you around, where you're never useless or stupid or in the way, where you're useful. If they crossed over, then they'd surely meet people who'd be their friend. Who'd want to keep them. Who'd know that maybe this Chara was just born on the wrong side, and everyone would be happier if they could live on the side where nice people live, and the bad one can live on the mean side.

But they aren't brave enough. They know they'd never have the guts to hunt anyone down. They know they'd never have the nerve it takes to steal or vandalize or harm.

So they just... ha ha, they settle for what they get. They can still be useful here. There are some reals stranded here, after all, and they must be scared. Must be feeling helpless and lost. They could all, Chara's sure, use a friend right about now. So Chara... they can be that friend. They rove from one tearoom to the next, carrying a basket of snacks and first aid kits, doing their best to be the kind of person who answers a call for help. Someone out there must need them. Someone must want them, surely.

They just have to look hard enough.

Comments

B - Mirrorside with MIRROR ASGORE this is probably a mistake

[undynewhatsabishie]

"Hey, trashbaby," says someone in what can only be described as the voice of a tool as a door swings open KNOCK KNOCK IT'S KNUCKLES to a tea room and you find sitting inside of it (at least five beers in) one Asgore Dreemurr, Mirror-type version.

"What are you doing over here? Queenie said to get your ass out there and steal a thing from the other you. You done it yet?"

definitely a mistake

[undetermined]

"Oh! Um," Chara ventures, falteringly, holding their basket in front of them like it's equal parts offering up an excuse and holding up a shield.

"I know. I know we're supposed to, but I just... I don't have the nerve to do it alone, you know? I'll make everyone mad at me if I go and take something, and then... then they'll all hate me. They'll think I'm bad. I don't... I just want people to like me. I don't want to cause trouble. You know?"

It's got me involved, of course it is.

[undynewhatsabishie]

"What, you need somebody to hold your hand, walk you over, make sure you don't throw up or piss your pants?" Trashgore asks. "Red Queen'll be super bitchy if you don't nab something."

[undetermined]

They open their mouth, ready to say something like "I'm basically a baby, please don't make fun of me or do a swear in front of my infantile fragile ears," but - of course - their nerve fails them. They just think it to themselves, instead. Pretend they had the guts to stand up to a guy who could scrunch them up into a little basketball and slam-dunk them into a garbage can.

"Maybe? I don't - I just don't like doing things alone. I know that's what she wants me to do, but there's so much that could go wrong, and what if that's not what everybody else wants me to do, you know? If I die while I'm trying to do it, then what? I don't... think I'm important enough to remake, after all."

b!!!!

[determinedest]

With the library on Mirrorside established as something of a safe haven, they've been departing semi-regularly, moving in ever-widening circles about the mansion for any Reals that look lost, any Mirrors that didn't cross over. Not all the Mirrors are that bad, after all. They'd know.

They find one of them in a tearoom, which is, in retrospect, isn't very surprising. Chara always seems to end up drawn to places like that, quiet and tranquil. Like a kitchen.

It's...they know exactly which one they're talking to, too. Something wrenches in their gut, and the urge to reach through the glass and cry out for the Real Chara, scream themself hoarse, blazes down the back of their throat.

Swallow. Smile.

Move forward at a slow creep. They lack the Tunic and the Bat that sets their Mirror apart, but there's no reason to scare them, if they can help it.

"Chara?"

[undetermined]

They're not always as unfeeling and cold as their Real is; they can't lock themself completely behind a smile. A voice calls their name, and the series of reactions they go through is plain as day.

Alarm - Frisk must be back already, and that was so quick, and what did they take, and did they... oh, but wait. There are no familiar weapons or armor. They don't stride in with the uncaring confidence of someone who knows a room exists only for them and whatever they can get out of it. They approach like they're inching toward a startled bird.

Hope - just for a minute. At last... at last, Frisk's come for them, come to SAVE them, come to do everything they promised. Frisk must have been waiting and hoping for so long, too, and it must have been just as hard for them to bear! The excitement at meeting is - it's - they've never gotten their hopes up for much, but they'd believed in Frisk and every time they'd said they were friends, and now they...

They...

Start to notice the stiffness of Frisk's smile. The forced nature.

Like they weren't really what Frisk wanted to see.

But that's... ha ha, that's crazy, right? It must be all in their head. They smile and seize the ends of their sleeves and crinkle them up into a hopelessly rumpled mess, wringing and squeezing like they're the only lifeline Chara's got. They've been waiting all their life for this! They can't start doubting now! They'll never doubt Frisk!

"Frisk. I... I can hardly believe it's... you really came for me. You found me!"

[determinedest]

Some patina about their heart flakes and cracks at the sheer, unbridled scope of their relief, the way they can barely seem to believe that this Frisk is really - Frisk. Not merely a cruel copy, here to punish them for whatever crimes they presume they've committed.

"I'm glad you're here." In two ways, really. Chara - they can't imagine what they must be struggling to do now, maybe lost, maybe afraid, without the knowledge of what Frisk has committed themself to. Maybe panicked, without their Partner, not knowing if they've departed to renew that old plan they'd abandoned, unimpeded. But they know, full well, at least - Chara will never fall for the tricks Frisk's Mirror has to offer. They've beaten them before, and they can beat them again.

And the Mirror at least, isn't alone like this.

Maybe it's better like that.

"Are you...are you okay?" Frisk ventures softly, stepping forward with cautious, precise slowness. Measured steps. Never encroach. Never take someone off guard.

B! part one of the shepard saga

[normandysbest]

This is now the second time Shepard's been on the mirror side, and frankly, she doesn't like it any more than the first. The monochrome is messing with her head and the sudden travel meant there was no time for armor or weaponry, so she's stuck with her hands and her wit. Her mood is only further soured by the fact that she's stuck here; until her mirror crosses over, she has absolutely no choice but to keep her head down and try not to aggro anything bigger than her.

She's making one such attempt, holed up in a tearoom and scrolling through the network looking for updates on her phone, when the door opens, and...

Well, Shepard thinks she's met a pretty fair about of Chara's in her time here. She's fairly certain she can tell by now when they're not quite the one she knows.

"Chara?"

[undetermined]

Shepard's one of the ones who's instantly recognizable as different from her Mirror. Not just through little flourishes like equipping a weapon or wearing a scarf, but because the changes are... gosh, they're really not subtle, are they? The scars and the red eyes, they make her mirror self kind of... well, a little scary. But not like Chara's judging! Chara's not like their Real. Chara won't scorn humans. Chara won't make an enemy out of anyone. It's just different, that's all.

But - ha ha - that... that's sort of a tangent, huh? They're not focusing on what's at hand.

"Yes!" They blurt eagerly. "That's me. Don't worry, I'm not the bad one," they quickly offer, reassuringly. There's nothing to be gained from pretending to be their Real. "I'm here to help. Miss... er, Commander? Shepard? Miss Commander?" It's too familiar to just use her surname like the real Chara does, isn't it? Disrespectful to address an adult that way. Use their titles. "I've got, um... I prepared some things to help reals like you out, so you don't have to be scared of me! I'm on your side, really!"

[normandysbest]

Shepard remembers, very vaguely, talking to Chara's mirror- almost a year ago now. She barely knew them then, couldn't see much different to this one other than that they actually spoke to her. But now it feels like the changes are painted all over their face; the off-step posture, the juggling of unsure words, the almost begging for forgiveness from their own life.

She idly wonders what it's like, over here. What they face. But if she gets too wrapped up in that, she'll lose her focus here.

"Shepard is fine. You don't need to worry about being so formal." She gestures for them to come in. "I'm not gonna attack you or anything. I'm not in need of much right now, but you don't have to run off."

and now for A :V

[normandysworst]

Truth to be told, Shepard's mirror didn't think she'd make it over to the Real side at first. With people moving back and forth, and the Queen's orders, everything seemed too chaotic for her to want to go just about anywhere. But it occurs to her, in the chaos, she has less of a chance of standing out. The deep, cybernetics scars on her face make it nearly impossible to mistake her for her Real, and the mirror knows her counterpart has made a number of allies that would likely be none too happy to see her replaced.

It's the thought of the grounds that draws her out. The vibrant color, the gardens, the expanse to the ocean that the mirror side is lacking that gets her to cross. She wanders out there, enraptured by the color, and hardly even notices a kid in the flowerbed as her eyes drink in the scenery.

Quietly, she takes a seat at a nearby bench. She's still performing her duties. Still going to take something for the Queen. Just... not this second. Not when it's such a lovely day.

[fulllifeconsequences]

They're not so stupid as to let themselves become unwary. The slightest hint of an encounter has a rigid smile snapping onto their face, and they wheel around sharply like the quiet movement of settling on a bench was a vicious bloodthirsty pounce.

Shepard.

...Not Shepard.

So they don't relax.

The difference is obvious. Scars. Not so shocking, in truth, because she is a soldier. A veteran of wars. Someone who valued at least one scar enough to recreate it in her new body. The eyes are more surprising, because... ha. Because there's redness in them.

"What are you doing here?" They demand, because there's absolutely no point in padding it out with filler greetings or pointing out anything that they've both already realized is patently obvious.

[normandysworst]

She actually jumps a bit when they speak, which looks unnatural on her tough frame- to be skittish of the nearby voice of a child, no less- searches until she finds them, recognizes them instantly from her Real's interactions, from the times she cared to watch. They're very much alike. This Shepard still shares much of what draws her Real to them, but... she's not quite Determined enough anymore to keep that mantle running, now is she?

"I was allowed to go over, so I did." The tone to her voice seems the same, not tinged with robotics or mechanisms as it might have been assumed. "Don't get a lot of time out and about, didn't want to get in trouble with the Queen. Figured it's a win-win for me."

a.

[slapfight]

The entire thing has been a phenomenal waste of time as far as Peridot is concerned. She had wanted a chance to go over to the Mirror Side to do some investigating, but her Mirror remained elusive and not interested in whatever the hell was going on.

And so she sulks.

And ends up plopping down next to Chara without preamble. After observing their petal-ripping, she begins to imitate them with a puzzled expression. "...Is this supposed to be helping?"

Chara looks miserable too. She can only assume that's what all this flower murder is about.

[fulllifeconsequences]

They hardly spare her a glance at first - just enough acknowledgement to register this isn't a mirror or anyone hostile - until she speaks. Then they stop, look around at the flower petals scattered around them as if noticing what they're doing for the first time, fix them with a blank stare.

"Have you ever destroyed something and felt better after you did it?" They ask, as if it's a very wise question and they meant to be doing this all along. Because it is and they were, totally, one hundred percent, completely.

[slapfight]

"I once smashed a broken robonoid because it wasn't useful to me anymore. I didn't really feet anything about it." And she never gave that much thought, either. Granted, her days before the Crystal Gems can be described as a period of highly muted emotion. After she was stranded on Earth for awhile, the hysteria and the other feelings came.

"It's not very constructive..."

B, Mirrorside

[punful]

[He's, well. Not doing so great. Camping out in a tearoom, hiding like a child from the sort of things almost literally pulled from his nightmares. He's gotten away from Mirror Alphys, and Mettaton has...gone somewhere, but Sans is still stuck on this side. Still on the same side as her, until his Mirror switches back.]

[The best he can really do right now is just try to survive and try to stay sane. Neither are working too well.]

[And then someone walks into the tearoom, and for a moment he just panics, because it must be her.]

[But it's not. It's Chara. And god, the relief he feels is staggering, even if this is their Mirror. He's spoken to their Mirror, and they mostly just seemed quiet and troubled. Frisk seemed to think so as well, the times they've mentioned them.]

[Weird to think he'd be relieved at the sight of Chara.]

hey.

[His voice is startlingly hoarse, so he lowers it a bit.]

you. uh. real or mirror?

[undetermined]

[Oh! Here's another person who is instantly recognizable as Real. There's an obvious physical difference - this one doesn't have anything bolted onto his hand-bones - but it's a lot deeper than that. This one looks and sounds like he's frayed thin, holding on by nothing more than a silvery spider-web-thin thread, but he's upright and looking at them and speaking to them. That's more than Sans' mirror does, as far as they know. They don't really - they don't want to make an inconvenience of themself to Alphys, and she's so busy all the time with important work, and she'd be mad at Chara if they meddled, so...

Well. Anyway. This is the real Sans.]

Please, don't be scared. I'm not the real one. I'm not going to hurt you.

[They speak softly, soothingly, try to approach softly - and stop themselves a few feet away. Inside of the range of bones or blue magic or Something-Or-Other Blasters, but not within range of a knife or a pan or whatever barbaric repurposed instrument their Real has ever used. Set the basket down. Pull out a foil pouch of kool-aid, show it to him, prove they don't have anything dangerous or bad.]

You don't look so... um... you look like you could use a friend right about now. Are you thirsty? Hungry? Hurt? I can help you. I'm here to help.

[punful]

[They answer quietly, like they're trying to coax a small animal out of hiding. He must seem more pathetic than he thought.]

i'm not.

[He hasn't been scared of Chara in a long time. Not really. What happened in the lab was...well, there were extenuating circumstances.]

[They don't even really need to just come out and say it like that. It's obvious right away, from their posture, their tone, the way they move forward so quietly, like they're trying to take up as little room and make as little noise as possible--this has to be their Mirror. Chara isn't this...cautious, not with Sans. Not in the same context. Cautious, in the sense that they don't trust him, sure.]

[There's that feeling again, as they hold out the pouch of juice, that he's just some kind of small, skittish animal. For some reason he almost expects them to start making chirping sounds or something.]

[He sits up a bit more, eyeing the juice. When's the last time he ate anything, drank anything? She didn't let him eat. And Chara might just be bait of some kind. Keep him off guard with all this baffling kindness.]

[Honestly, though...he's desperate. Hungry, feeling like he's on the brink of something.]

[He leans forward and carefully takes the juice pouch.]

thank you. i...if you have any food or something...

b please!

[rlynotfeelinup2itrnsorry]

The ghost whips around nervously at the sound of the door. Through a mirror on the wall of the tearoom, their double is interrogating another potential traitor. They look at the basket and back to this Chara, hesitant to trust anyone on this side.

"uh.... hi..."

[undetermined]

"Oh, um, hello! Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," they blurt, backing up against the door as if ready to immediately undo their entrance entirely. It takes a second to gauge whether they're talking to a Mirror or not, but a quick glance over their transparent shoulder shows a view of the other side - and a ghost who's making suspicious demands of someone. That... okay. That must mean the one on this side is the Real. They don't think the Real would be quite as outspoken or mistrusting.

So they hold up their basket of goodies, put on a smile.

"Don't be scared," Chara starts. "I don't... have any ghost snacks or anything, but I'm here to help Reals like you out. I'm a friend, I promise. I'm not going to hurt anyone."

[rlynotfeelinup2itrnsorry]

They look at the human's face, then at the basket, then back at their face.

This has to be the other Chara. They know by now not to trust the mirrors. But this one…. Seems so nice….

“oh…. uh….. thank you….”

B!!!

[mettatonvevo]

Mettaton is in one of the tearooms, contemplating where to go next and what to do next when the door opens and he stands up from the couch, eyes wide and magic at the ready. His mirror had told him not to leave his room; that other mirrors on this side were dangerous. He may not have listened to the first part but he is deeply aware of the second.

It's a surprise to see who, exactly, walks in.

"...Chara?"

They're carrying a basket of snacks and first aid kits and it's such a baffling sight that Mettaton is momentarily speechless.

"What are you doing here?"

[undetermined]

It's harder to tell this Real and his Mirror apart, but that's more on purpose than anything. As far as they can tell, the Mettaton on this side isn't all that partial to the idea of his Real doing anything to set the two of them apart. It must be a great advantage for him on the other side, but here, it... they spend a second watching him, clutching the basket in silence, trying to guess if that surprise is because they haven't been doing what the other mirrors are doing and stealing and hunting and hurting, or if it's a lost and confused Real.

"I, uh, I just thought I could be more useful here if I..." they start, then give up, staring at him in utter bewilderment. "I'm sorry, I know it's a really stupid question, but... which one are you? The Mettaton from this side or the other one? You two are just like each other. You're not like other mirrors, you know? You're practically one person. So it's... I'm not very smart, or observant, so I can't really tell just by looking, ha ha."

[mettatonvevo]

Mettaton is quiet for a moment, taking in their body language and their words. It's an immediate red flag and a huge change from the last time he's seen them so this must be...

"You're their mirror. I see."

No derision, no judgement... not yet at least. His Chara is kind but guarded and the Queen of Hearts loves to change important aspects of someone when making a mirror. Will they be cruel then? Unyielding? His mirror's opinion of them had just been a flat "weak" but... he thinks that about a lot of people.

"Oh. No, no that isn't a stupid question at all. You're right, we're... very alike."

You're practically one person. There's something about those words that simultaneously excites him and fills him with an odd sense of dread. It's nice to know that someone noticed how close they are but it also feels...

"I'm what you would consider the Real. The other Mettaton is currently doing his job for the Queen. What are you doing?"