entrancelogs | {Trying to pull ahead, I'm always chasing time

Who: Cisco Ramon & YOU
Where: Various
When: The rest of July
Rating: TBD will update for warnings.
Summary: Cisco is trying social things again. Sort of. Sometimes. With varied success?
The Story:

The last several weeks have been...a slow move toward progress. Cisco is still not great, maybe, but he's certainly improved from where he was a month ago. He's not relying so heavily on the presence of other people now, easing into more social things because even shaken at his worst, Cisco can only stand to isolate the way he has been for so long. He craves interactions with people, even if some part of him is still trying to convince him that he doesn't deserve it. That will be an uphill battle he'll be fighting for awhile to come yet. But he's at a place where he can push it aside and start compartmentalizing and move on. This isn't a new process, exactly, he's used that skill for a long time, but it became much more necessary as part of Team Flash. There is always another disaster waiting around the corner to prepare for, and people need them to be ready and 'on', always. It means their own problems don't always get dealt with, and their emotions get shoved aside, but people are saved because of it, so the bad outweighs the good.

The difference here, has been...he has had time to sit with everything that happened. Think it over, feel what he feels. And honestly? It helps. A lot. He's used the journaling techniques Cam i had taught him a lot, and sometimes that alone helps more than anything else. Just a stream of consciousness dropped into a notebook that no one else ever sees, or even knows about. The journal gets a little more use on days he finds messages scrawled across a mirror to tell him how worthless and pathetic he is. He hasn't responded to any of them, but words like that stick to him like glue and bury themselves into his skin. Even when he reminds himself it isn't true, the idea lingers in the back of his mind.

Slowly and carefully, Cisco is easing his way back into a normal routine of sorts, though. Nearly daily morning stops at the coffee shop have begun again. Sometimes he just grabs the coffee and carries on, other times he hangs around and reads or sketches ideas for things he might eventually get around to creating one day. When it feels safe to make things again, when the fear of what he might do with some of those things if they were to exist outside of the steel trap of his mind subsides to allow him to do more than sketch and scribble notes down on paper. He can be found in the kitchen on more than one occasion, making various recipes his grandmother taught him. Usually, he makes enough for extra if anyone wants to chow down or in the library, browsing in both fiction and non-fiction titles; sci-fi or engineering books, mostly. On a rare day or two, he might even be found in the music room, strumming a soft tune on a guitar.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

After a long moment, she dares to ask a question. "When you hear music... what instrument helps you relax? Makes you happy?"

Music that makes him relaxed? He considers that for a moment. "Flutes and violins are nice...and pianos." There's an almost bittersweet irony in that last answer that she wouldn't catch, but is all too apparent to him.

"Flute... violin... piano." Mikan repeats for her memory. "Then... then I'm going to try all three."

He looks like he might say something, or that he might decide against that thing all together. But in the end he does say, "I could...help you with the piano. I mean-- a-a little. I'm not...that great or anything, but I know some basic stuff." He just wasn't a prodigy like Dante and he's exceptionally self-conscious about that.

Mikan blinks, and then dares to take a single step forward. "R-Really? I don't want to be a bother! I-I'd really appreciate it... but I don't want to be a burden..." She kept going back and forth between the two, unable to decide for herself.

"Yeah," he nods, smiling a little. "You're not a burden for wanting to learn new things, Mikan." He can understand feeling that way, though, which is probably why it doesn't really bother him much when she flip-flops between being excited about the possibility, and also worried about overstepping her bounds.

"Plus, I wouldn't offer if it would be a problem." he assures her with a small smile, nodding his head in the direction of the piano, hoping she'll follow him over.

Hesitating... Hesitating...

But then she begins to walk forward, her head lowered in gratitude. "Th-thank you very much... this is very kind of you. Is there any way I can repay you for your generosity?"

He leaves a space for her to sit with him as he sits on the bench in front of the piano. "Oh, uh-- I don't know." Now who's awkward. He just genuinely wants to help her out, and maybe get a distraction out of it for awhile. He definitely hadn't anticipated or expected any kind of compensation for his efforts. "You don't really...have to do anything. I don't mind hanging put and helping."

"If you say so..." But the offer would remain open no matter how long or how long this took. She gulped. "Wh-where should we begin?"

He smiles and sets his fingers on the piano keys, slowly going over each note as he plays it, and explaining the repitition of them all the way down. "It's a lot to remember at first, but practice makes it easier," he assures her.

Mikan nods silently, trying to memorize it. At first glance, it didn't seem too difficult. Once he finishes, she slowly begins to do the same notes herself - and when I say slow, I mean SSSSSLLLLOWWWWWW.

"Um..."

He smiles a little and nods, "You'll get it," he positions his hands back on the keys, and says each note as he plays through them. "C...D...E..." He telegraphs his movements before he does it, but he positions her hands on the keys. "You try."

Now if she was operating on his heart or performing a routine physical exam, Mikan would have no issue about the two of them touching each other. But this was DIFFERENT. She makes a tiny "eep!" sound as their hands touch, but she tries to obey his orders. "Ah, um, eh... C-C-C..."

"Sorry..." he bites his lip when she startles and he pulls his hands back into his lap. He hadn't meant to spook her or cross boundaries, he just meant to help her. He smiles in what he hopes is an encouraging manner as she goes through the first couple of notes. "See, you're getting it."

"No, it's my fault!" Mikan begins to flail. "I'm still not used to holding hands when it's not an emergency." She then bowed her head a slow as possible for her apology. "I'll try to calm down, I swear!"

"It's okay, I swear." He assures her with a small smile, waving off the so-called fault with one hand. "Just relax, everything's fine. Let's try again." This time, he plays each note along with her, on another part of the piano.

Mikan nods, this time not choosing to say anything lest she embarrass herself. She copied it note for note, finger by finger, each one meticulously slow.

Amazingly enough, she began to smile.

Cisco can't help grinning a bit himself. She was getting it, and he taught her and that was a great feeling in and of itself. He goes through them with her again a few more times before stopping. "It's fun, right?" Because that was more important than perfection.

He considers it for a moment and offers, "If you want, I can probably get some beginners sheet music from the closets and we can put it together in a song next time."

"It is fun." Mikan repeats, a little in disbelief. She didn't think she'd be enjoying herself this much, or messing things up this little. She offered him an appreciative, albeit still nervous, smile. He really wanted to do a 'next time'! Wow!

"If it's not a bother... Y-you're a really good teacher."

"It's definitely not a bother." He assures her with a smile. The compliment puts him on an awkward edge, because he's awfully self-conscious about this sort of thing thanks to his brother. Also, he's just sort of bad at taking compliments anyway.

The smile he gives her this time is almost sheepish, "Thanks."

"N-No, thank you!" Again, Mikan bows her head as low as she can. "If there is ever anything I can do for you, just say the word! I mean it! It's a promise!" Otherwise, it felt almost unfair.

Cisco isn't quite sure how to handle her over-exuberance of her own thanks, but he just grins and looks awfully appreciative overall. "I will absolutely keep that in mind." He nods a little.

{Trying to pull ahead, I'm always chasing time

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