entrancelogs | [open] a little taste of hypocrisy and i'm left in the wake of my mistake

I'd have to write it first.

( damon makes a face, cause like hell is that going to happen. he leans against the bar, meeting her gaze then as if he's searching for... something. he gets it though. she needs this. having one's emotions back on after a period of having them flipped off? self-reflection is the last thing that anyone wants,

and he has been picking up a lot of the slack lately. )

You can have your extra shifts. Maybe you can even create an I'm sorry cocktail in case anyone comes in you want to apologize to.

( he spent so much of his life refusing to apologize. he'd made himself into what he was, made himself into a monster so he would never have to be weak again. he understands now it's actually freeing. to say the words. even if it's hard for him to do that still. )

I'm just...not gonna hold my breath then.

[Yeah, she didn't expect it to happen anyway. All the better for her.]

I'm sticking to doing most of that, you know, in person. Like a mature adult?

[She gives him a knowing look, though at least it's more teasing than actually serious. She's lived through some of Damon's growth back home, and there are the things he said at her mother's funeral.

And now she has those Wonderland memories too.]

I'm just apologizing to you in the form of those days off that I promised you and then flaked on due to unforeseen circumstances.

( Damon shakes his head with a light smirk in her direction. He's aware she's now the person who has lived the most other than him. There's still more she hasn't lived, but she's gone through more than Elena even. It's strange to him to think of how much still waits.

It never really stops in Mystic Falls. Does it? He maintains his light smirk though. )

Never heard of it.

( Being a mature adult, apologizing in person. It doesn't mean it's really easy for him to be apologized to by Caroline given their history, but he gets she needs it so for that reason, he shrugs off his own feelings. )

I have been working a lot lately so I'll take it. Just no major changes without letting me know first. ( He points a finger in her direction. Damon's a control freak sometimes, and this bar is what he's afraid he will never have back in Mystic Falls. )

[She does need it; it's important to her. She likes being strong, not letting other people push her around, not being a victim. That doesn't mean she wants people to hate her, to be afraid of her.

Not that Damon would ever be afraid of her, not like that. But she's actually come to care what he thinks. He doesn't have room to judge her, but she tried to hurt Elena. If there was anything she'd be okay with him holding against her, it's that.]

Wouldn't dream of it. It's your place, not mine.

( Honestly, Elena did not get into details about just how bad and close the fight got or he might have ended up holding it against Caroline some, ahem. It's the one thing Damon will hold against people until the end of time.

Damon lifts an eyebrow at her at her easy response. )

You really do feel contrite, blondie.

( There's a long pause. )

I meant what I said before too... when you're ready.

( He can give that to her. The last memory he has of her mother, alive. )

[Yeah. She really does.

Still, his words make her chest still. She's quiet for a moment, doesn't realize she's holding her breath.],/small>

...I thought maybe you were just saying that. You know, to hit my triggers or whatever.

( Damon swallows and then stares down at his own hands. He ruined his own mother's death all over again, and he told her to rot- he said she got what she deserved. And as angry as he was at his mother, he regretted those final words ultimately.

And she never- Well, he understands what it is like to not have that closure because he messed up his own, and Caroline's mother was actually a beautiful and good person. taken from this world too soon. )

No, I knew I wasn't going to be able to. Nothing I said then was about that.

( It was more things for her to remember when it mattered again. )

I meant it.

[She should have been there, and she wasn't. Not in the way she wanted to be. She never really got to say goodbye.

Her lips press together as her shoulders square and she steps a little closer.]

Well, I have time if you do.

( Damon meets her gaze then, breathing in and then out, before he nods. He moves over to the doors that lead into the bar. He locks them, because he doesn't want anyone walking in on them during any of this. )

I have time.

Choose a chair.

[Anxiety and anticipation stirs in her stomach, and she finds herself taking a cleansing breath in and out as she watches Damon walk to the doors and lock them.

She nods, pressing her lips together as she walks over to a nearby table, pulling out the chair completely and having a seat. She doesn't cross her legs, instead laying her palms flat on her thighs, before taking another breath and closing her eyes as she settles into the seat.

She's going to see her Mom. That's all that matters.]

( Damon sits across from her. There aren't words sometimes. Words could not possibly do those last and final moments with Liz any kind of justice, and so he's grateful as a vampire, he doesn't have to try to describe it. He reaches across the table and rests his hands over her own. Some moments it's impossible to forget- some moments become a part of them so intrinsically that they're tied in from one day to the next.

He closes his eyes too.

Then he gives the memory to her fully, wholly, reliving it in the same moment. He really hasn't since it happened, because it's far easier to avoid than to feel the weight of it as it crashes down.

There's this grief. There's this missing spot inside of him, which will always belong to Liz. No matter what else happens. No matter where else he goes. No matter how much time has passed. No one is ever going to take her spot in his life like no one- absolutely no one could ever take her place as Caroline's mother in her whole life.

And what a wonderful mother she was, what a beautiful person. In her final moment, she worried about her daughter, she challenged Damon to be better, she faced her fate with bravery.

It happens to the best of them. They're the ones who die too soon. They're the ones who feel too much pain, and he'll always be angry that she was taken from this world too soon while so many others lived on. )

[She sucks in a visible breath as the darkness shifts into the color of his memory; she stands in the room, watching them talk, and her eyes catch the sight of her mother's face and don't leave.

She looks so sick, yet comfortable, or as comfortable as anyone dying of cancer can be. She watches as she chuckles, as she cries, as she speaks about her. She wants to tell her she's wrong, that she's just as special, even more so, but she knows her Mom won't hear her.

She listens to the things Damon says to her, how they calm her in those final moments, how her Mom manages to smile.

Caroline doesn't even feel herself start to cry silently; she only realizes once the first tears start to drop from her jaw, as she finally releases a single, quiet sob.

When she comes out of it, she's still crying, rivers running gently down her face, but she's also smiling. Her grip on his hands are tight, as if she's clinging to him, to this memory he has of his mother that she can now carry too. Her breath is shaky as she exhales, her voice a determined whisper.]

Thank you.

[Not just for sharing this with her, but for what he did for her Mom.

He'd made sure she wasn't alone.]

( damon does not say anything at first as the memory fades. in fact, he can't even manage a you're welcome. somehow it doesn't seem right. it's not like he did anything beyond the very basic, and it's not like he doesn't owe her plenty for- for a lot of things. he's never unaware of the pain created from his hands. he just doesn't revel in it anymore (use it as an excuse, armor himself as if it somehow keeps him from being who he had been. from taking on that role of a victim again if he were the monster instead ).

he only ends up nodding in response to acknowledge that it meant something to her that he gave her this memory and that he was there with her mother in the end. damon's grateful for the very same- he's grateful that liz didn't have to be alone even if he understands how deeply caroline wanted to be there in her last conscious moments.

and she deserved to be there.

he understands that now too. the importance of saying goodbye.

damon turns his hand in her own, squeezing it gently, before he pushes himself up to his feet slowly to give her some time to herself. )

[open] a little taste of hypocrisy and i'm left in the wake of my mistake

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/flings self into a pit of fire as i weep

/flings myself in after you

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