It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

[vitaelamorte]

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: Friday October 27th - Tuesday October 31st
Rating: PG-13, warn if you're gonna go higher!
Summary: A catch all for the Horrible Memory Truth Event!
The Story:

For the duration of this event, everyone's entire room will be replaced with a memory playing on loop. They will likely recognize the moment as soon as they see it – it is a moment they remember as the worst moment of their entire lives. It could be a memory from home or something that happened in Wonderland. Lengths of the memories will vary, but they will find that these are not memories they can merely watch – they can step into these memories and attempt to make changes to them, and the memories will be long enough that they have time to make changes (though no more than 24 hours). However, anyone who tries will find that it is futile. No matter what you do or how hard you try, the outcome is always exactly the same somehow. No changes you make will prevent that horrible outcome. It just happens over and over and over again no matter what you do.

On top of that, perhaps complicating any attempts to make changes, everyone will be forced to be honest for the duration of the event. No lies or half-truths are allowed, and filters will be gone for the entire five days. If something bothers someone then they will blurt it out, regardless of whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, and no one will be able to simply keep quiet when they have something to say. They must be truthful and honest with every word they say.

This is a catch-all log for all of your Worst Memory needs! Please mark your threads clearly in the subject line with your character's name and Room Number + Floor for character rooms, or just location if you're making a top level for a public place in the mansion (like the tea rooms or the kitchen) so people can see if there's already a thread available. And here's the plot post if you need it!

Have fun!

Comments

[shorthair]

( This isn't anything she wants to talk about, but she doesn't have a choice like they don't. She chews and swallows. She wonders how many people any of them have killed. Her list is high. It'll just get higher. She breaks her chocolate bar in her hands. ) Most humans don't kill people at least not- not in my world before it turned to shit with walkers- zombies. There were murders but my parents never-

( They never killed anyone, and if they had, they would have gone to jail like Lee was on his way to jail when walkers happened then he didn't have to go to jail anymore. )

The first two times I killed someone, it was the hardest shit I've ever had to do, but my world's fucked up. You kill to survive. You grow up or you die.

The last time I killed someone, it- it was really hard too, because someone I cared about was about to kill someone else I cared about, but sometimes it is- sometimes it is easy. Sometimes it gets easy. I'm afraid it'll get easy for me.

( It has to, doesn't it? )

[postictal]

I am.

[It’s torn from his throat before he can even consider it. Right in front of Sans. Right in front of Clem.]

I killed Alex. I kept - I didn’t want to, I didn’t, and I told him I knew how to help! I wanted to. God, I - I didn’t want to kill him. I didn’t want to kill anyone who ended up dead because I brought that thing into their lives.

[He doesn’t want to say it. God, he doesn’t. But out it rushes anyway, hot and leaden. Clem’s right. He doesn’t ever want it to get easy. But he knows - knows eventually, it will, assuming it hasn’t already.]

And you know what, Jay?

So did you.

[burntvideocassette]

Look, I know, alright? I know. [Jay starts to pace.] She wouldn't have gotten involved if it wasn't for me. Alex made that one real clear.

[He didn't stop at her, did he? He was so sorry that he dragged Tim in, too, and the viewers, and anybody else he could find.]

["Sometimes, it gets easy."]

But that's why...I couldn't just leave it, Tim! There was someone--there were people out there who were--were dangerous, and the people who weren't had to know, or they'd just get picked off even easier!

[punful]

[Sometimes it gets easy.]

[That's LOVE. He knows. He knows what that looks like. Remembers a haunted look on Frisk's face, those few times that there was only--one. One, or two. Enough to get to LV 2, maybe 3. Enough to ruin the ending.]

[He remembers thinking, who gets to LV 2 on accident?]

[He knows better now. It's not that simple. It's not even remotely that simple. It doesn't...ruin the ending, because these are worlds without Resets. There isn't an ending. There's just the future, everpresent on the horizon. And he can't remember what that's like. Even now, two years later, he's still waiting for it to happen again, because it will. It absolutely will. No one stays in Wonderland forever.]

[There were certain absolutes that are gone now.]

[Tim. Clem. And he's met other people here, people with a bit of LV under their belt, and it's--still completely foreign to him, how that can just happen. But it can. Different worlds, different rules. Are Tim and Clem irredeemable because of it?]

[Was Frisk irredeemable for a mistake?]

[He'll never get used to it, he thinks. Having his foundation torn out from under him.]

[Only that's hypocritical, isn't it? It's not a foundation if you're willing to excavate it yourself under the right circumstances. You can't call it some pillar of your being unless there's absolutely zero chance that you'll ever knock it down.]

it was hypocritical for me to even ask. considering what i've--i'm not even from that timeline, but it still--if the rest of them think it counts, if the mere capacity for it counts, then--then i'm--

[He can't, no. This has nothing to do with him, this is between Tim and Jay, this is something he had no business knowing about, and it would just make things about him, would be ridiculous to even say, but--]

[But Wonderland won't listen to any of his usual excuses or rationalizations.]

i guess we're all murderers.

[shorthair]

( Clementine hasn't thought of it like that before. She's never used that word for herself. Murderer. What's the difference between killing someone to survive, killing to protect someone, and just killing to kill? It has to be- Does there have to be? Maybe she is a murderer too.

Maybe that's the only word for it even if the reasoning changes.

She killed most people to protect herself or someone else. She killed Lee so he wouldn't turn into a walker, but with Carver, she stayed back to watch Kenny kill him. He had to die or he'd keep coming after them all, but he didn't have to die the way Kenny did it and she stayed to watch.

Why? Because she wanted to face the reality of it. She couldn't sweep it under the rug. )

Except for Jay.

( He shouted he wasn't a murderer so it must be true or he must at least believe it to be true. She's not sure how this whole thing works, and it doesn't matter. She's back to eating chocolate, sinking into a seat. )

[postictal]

[All of them.]

[Clem, who must have killed dozens of walkers. Does that count? It’s the apocalypse- people are gonna die one way or another, huh? And Sans, who has apparently committed those same transgressions. Tim stares between the trio of them all with his mouth half-open until finally he straightens.]

[What the hell does this say about any of them?]

So what’s that mean for all of us?

[burntvideocassette]

[All murderers, except for Jay.]

[If Tim had been just a little slower, if Jay's grip on the knife had been just a little tighter, that might not be the case. He remembers how it felt. He remembers wanting Tim to bleed.]

[And he has an idea, stitched together from Sunday school admonitions, from the sensation of drowning, from the ring of blood dripping from Alex's forehead.]

I don't wanna be that--that asshole, but...what if that's why we're here?

[punful]

[He sits down again too. Standing is such a pain. No time for it. No energy for it.]

i dunno if i want to think of wonderland as...punishment. as hell. my brother's here.

[shorthair]

It's a lot better than where I'm from too.

( She pops more chocolate into her mouth as she glances at Sans when he sits. )

If it's punishment, it's not a very good at being punishment.

[postictal]

I don't think it is.

[He shakes his head, and - belatedly, there's something that spills out between clenched teeth and hunched shoulders.]

Especially since I never died. [No matter how much he wished it had been him, instead of everyone else. Him, instead of Alex, instead of Jay, instead of Brian, instead of anyone who deserved to walk away from the hell he made for them.]

[burntvideocassette]

[They all disagree, and they've all got reasons that make sense. Jay's not sure if he's relieved there's reasons to believe they're not literally in hell, or disappointed that he's got to throw out another theory. Or hypothesis or whatever.]

[And then Tim keeps talking.]

[He never died.]

[He killed Alex, and he survived.]

[He got out. In the end, someone got out.]

[The realization hits with a surge of conflicting emotions: relief--god, mostly relief--shot through with offense and a thin streak of jealousy. Someone got out, even if it wasn't Jay in the end, and Tim kept it a secret for months. It's just like the tape, just like the hospital, just like every single thing Tim knew that could've helped them.]

Why didn't you tell me?

[His voice climbs higher, more urgent, because this is his chance, this is finally his chance.]

Tim, did anybody else make it out?

[punful]

[Sans shakes his head.] it's just some kind of pocket dimension. it might be alive, it might be sentient. those are the sorts of things i'm not sure we can know.

[Monsters don't have much of a concept of Hell to begin with. No more than there's any real afterlife. You live on in whatever has your dust, and that's about it.]

[Tim keeps talking, and Sans sort of forgot that was the sort of thing that needed stating or clarifying. That people just show up here, having died. The way his brother did, twice in a row. He nods again, slowly, but then Jay answers.]

[And apparently, it's news.]

[Sans stays quiet, looking between them. There's a sudden tension that he can't really put a name to, not unless he wants to ask about what Jay means, and what all happened to the two of them back home. And he won't ask. He doesn't want to know.]

[shorthair]

( Clementine stays quiet too since she's only half aware of what's even being talked about. She'll just pull her knees up to her chest, eating her chocolate.

Seems like a good way to handle this situation when she wouldn't want any information that's not freely given, when she hasn't lived the lives they're describing. She's lived her own, but it's so far removed, and the threats were always obvious. She's glad Sans is here too. )

[postictal]

You never asked. You just figured you knew that’s how it was, just like you always do.

[That’s no fucking excuse. He knows that. It’s just that by the time he realized that was the conclusion Jay had drawn, it was too late to correct him. Too late to mention it without losing what little progress they made. Too late to avoid questions like this, that have Tim doing what he’s best at, and the only thing he can think of to do.]

[He bolts.]

[Don’t stop him now, because he’s tearing the door open and getting the hell out while he still can.]

[burntvideocassette]

Tim, wait!

[Isn’t it just like Tim, to be so scared of a simple goddamn question that he’d rather bolt? This is Jay’s one chance to get the truth. Last time, Tim could just refuse to speak, but this time? This time, he has to keep talking. He has to tell Jay what’s going on, he has to—]

[Jay makes it as far as the door before he freezes.]

[Wind it back. Remember.]

[He remembers his hands wound around Tim’s neck, Tim backing away, Tim splayed across the leaves, unable to escape. A knife in Jay’s hand, the blood seeping through Tim’s shirt, liar, liar, liar—]

[This isn’t right.]

[He didn’t used to do this, did he?]

[Gripping the doorframe, Jay looks back at the others, for...for advice, guidance, instructions, something. Jay doesn’t know what to do.]

[punful]

[Tim Flees.]

[Sans climbs very slowly back to his feet as Jay starts after him.]

jay. don't.

[Jay stops at the doorframe even before Sans said anything. He goes to the door himself and looks out to see if he can spot Tim, but the other man is already gone. Sans sighs. It's exactly what he would have done if confronted with a question he simply refused to answer--though of course Sans would have taken a shortcut.]

just...let him be for awhile. i don't really know what's going on with you two, but...this event's already a nightmare. just give him some time, yeah?

[shorthair]

Leave him be.

The truth is a weapon sometimes. ( It's why people keep their secrets. It's why finding out the truth isn't always freeing. It's why telling the truth in the wrong moment can only put someone in more danger.

She's seen it happen again and again.

If he doesn't want to answer, he shouldn't have to. )

It's okay.

( to let it go. )

[burntvideocassette]

[Leave him be.]

[He does. He stands there at the door, still gripping the frame, still rooted to the spot. He lets Tim go.]

[It's wrong. He shouldn't give up this easily. He'd be dead if he gave up this easily. He's making a mistake. This is how the case dies; this is how he gets months switching hotel to hotel to hotel aimlessly while he knows they're one step ahead. He knows they're watching. He's losing ground. He can see the messages piling up, scolding him for letting Tim run. They need answers. They need answers, and who is he to place Tim's comfort over the needs of hundreds of thousands of others?]

[This used to be easy. It used to make sense. Package of zipties and a flipknife. You'll make him talk.]

[He's got the camera. The liar didn't steal it away this time.]

[His eyes dart along the corners of the theater. Too much room, and yet not enough. It's not right. It's not right.]

[He's got his eyes, but he seems to have lost his voice. There's a network here, but no good way to broadcast. The archive's useless, and he's useless without the archive.]

I need the channel.

[Does that make sense? He's sure it does.]

Tim's not important to me right now.

[punful]

[Sans leans back against the doorframe next to Jay, letting his eyesockets slide closed. This has all gone to shit in record time.]

i'm tired.

[He has no idea what Jay means by "channel," and he doesn't care. If he wants the TV, he can have it.]

i'm...gonna go see how much of this event i can sleep through. let's, uh. maybe see if we can do this again in the future. if we all don't hate each other by the time this is over.

[With that, without waiting for an answer from Jay--who seems pretty out of it, anyway--Sans gives Clem a parting nod, and leaves.]

[shorthair]

( Clem nods back to Sans even as she folds her arms across her chest to survey Jay now with a wary look since she- she doesn't know what he's even talking about.

She considers leaving. She thinks maybe she should, maybe she'll just make this worse since she doesn't know how to do any of this, but she's at least got to make sure of- of something before she heads through that door. )

...Jay?

[burntvideocassette]

[Sans is gone now, too. Running out of chances, running out of time to...to what?]

[He hears Clementine say his name, and he twists to face her, holding the camera up over his eyes. Fallible human things.]

Hm?

[She's small. Could be overpowered if necessary, as long as she doesn't have a weapon.]

[He doesn't think she has a weapon. She's not moving like she wants to hurt, and she doesn't have any secrets. None useful to him, anyway.]

[Jay blinks.]

Does it feel cold in here to you?

[shorthair]

( Clementine doesn't know what the hell is going on, but she recognizes the shift has gotten worse. She's always armed with multiple weapons.

There's never a time in her life she doesn't have a weapon on her even when she's sleeping.

She doesn't know what's happening, but her guard's up immediately in any situation where she's confused especially when another person is involved, because people are unpredictable. This is even more unpredictable than normal. She takes a step back and then another, making her way to the exit. She's always self serving in that sense. She cares until it threatens. Her expression shifts to something guarded. )

No.

What the hell's going on with you?

[burntvideocassette]

[She steps back, closer to the door, ready to run. She's scared.]

[Don't be scared, please.]

[She asks, and he has to answer.]

I'm not sure. Doesn't feel right. You're not...you're not who I'm looking for.

[shorthair]

( There's a pause then.

Clementine stays near the door. Her arms folded across her chest. )

You're looking for someone specific.

( It's less of a question, more of a statement. She has no idea who he might be looking for. It hardly sounds like Jay even knows. )

Are you okay?

[burntvideocassette]

[He stares at her image on the viewfinder. Is he okay?]

[The event steps in. Reluctantly, he shakes his head.]

Feels better. But feels like something's gone weird to make it that way, because I'm not...used to better.

[He slurs slightly when he speaks, though his movements are quick and precise.]

I'm looking for, for what Tim knows. 'Cause he's a liar, but not right now. [His eyes dart to the door, and the camera follows.]