Alice Kruger ▶ Remi Briggs ▶ Jane ▶ Jane Weller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
endingpoint) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entrancelogs2017-12-01 03:07 pm
endingpoint) wrote in entrancelogs2017-12-01 03:07 pm
Entry tags:
we laughed at the darkness (OTA)
Who: Jane Doe, you
Where: various
When: through the month of December
Rating: PG-PG-13 possibly
Summary: Jane hasn't left her room since she got back. Very short network post included.
Note: She may seem antisocial but she's not. New CR may take her mind off of things, and close CR might get to hear the whole story.
The Story:
[ On Monday morning, there is a short, to the point text post that goes out: ]
The tattoo parlor is closed until further notice. Sorry for the inconvenience.
[ Once that's done, Jane has to decide if she actually wants to leave the room. She hasn't since their rooms changed back after the last event, she's just moved from living room to bedroom, alternating. She can deal with everything that happened, the bounty on her head, leaving Kurt for two years to keep him and his daughter safe. What she hasn't been able to cope with well at all has been knowing that she had a daughter eighteen years ago. Jane was a teenager, but she can't remember it. She can't remember being pregnant or giving birth. Cant remember holding her daughter or memorizing her face.
All Jane knows is that she hadn't wanted to give up her child if the intel she has is to be trusted. Which means Shepherd forced Jane - then Remi - to give up her infant. But the real problem is, can she trust anything? Can she trust a man who was a master forger, someone who worked for her mother and was in her pocket? How can she know her brother isn't manipulating her, trying to make her feel something that isn't real?
How could she forget something as intimate as her child growing inside of her?
Kurt's trying to help, he's trying to soothe, but it can feel suffocating and like it's just too much at times. She knows he means well, but there are times she has to get out of the room. He can't help her, not with this, so she does begin to leave the room periodically. She goes to the bar that's quietest, not the one run by Lucifer, and not the one Sarah works at, and nurses bourbon for hours. Some days, Jane sits on the beach for long periods of time, even with the chill in the air wearing only a hoodie and pants, arms wrapped around her knees, holding herself. She doesn't feel like sparring or sketching, so wherever she goes, she's simply, quiet. The library helps with that too, to sit and be still, not even necessarily doing anything important. She can wander there and look at interesting things, let something else occupy her mind for a while.
There is one night, late, that she goes to the roof and sits, and cries. Nothing loud, nothing gut-wrenching. Just quiet tears of grief and anger, of not knowing what to believe. Of knowing once again, her life has been violated and it's either the truth or a sick mind game her brother is playing.
Eventually, though, she always goes home to Kurt, quietly slipping into bed whether it's a normal time for sleeping or not. ]
Where: various
When: through the month of December
Rating: PG-PG-13 possibly
Summary: Jane hasn't left her room since she got back. Very short network post included.
Note: She may seem antisocial but she's not. New CR may take her mind off of things, and close CR might get to hear the whole story.
The Story:
[ On Monday morning, there is a short, to the point text post that goes out: ]
The tattoo parlor is closed until further notice. Sorry for the inconvenience.
[ Once that's done, Jane has to decide if she actually wants to leave the room. She hasn't since their rooms changed back after the last event, she's just moved from living room to bedroom, alternating. She can deal with everything that happened, the bounty on her head, leaving Kurt for two years to keep him and his daughter safe. What she hasn't been able to cope with well at all has been knowing that she had a daughter eighteen years ago. Jane was a teenager, but she can't remember it. She can't remember being pregnant or giving birth. Cant remember holding her daughter or memorizing her face.
All Jane knows is that she hadn't wanted to give up her child if the intel she has is to be trusted. Which means Shepherd forced Jane - then Remi - to give up her infant. But the real problem is, can she trust anything? Can she trust a man who was a master forger, someone who worked for her mother and was in her pocket? How can she know her brother isn't manipulating her, trying to make her feel something that isn't real?
How could she forget something as intimate as her child growing inside of her?
Kurt's trying to help, he's trying to soothe, but it can feel suffocating and like it's just too much at times. She knows he means well, but there are times she has to get out of the room. He can't help her, not with this, so she does begin to leave the room periodically. She goes to the bar that's quietest, not the one run by Lucifer, and not the one Sarah works at, and nurses bourbon for hours. Some days, Jane sits on the beach for long periods of time, even with the chill in the air wearing only a hoodie and pants, arms wrapped around her knees, holding herself. She doesn't feel like sparring or sketching, so wherever she goes, she's simply, quiet. The library helps with that too, to sit and be still, not even necessarily doing anything important. She can wander there and look at interesting things, let something else occupy her mind for a while.
There is one night, late, that she goes to the roof and sits, and cries. Nothing loud, nothing gut-wrenching. Just quiet tears of grief and anger, of not knowing what to believe. Of knowing once again, her life has been violated and it's either the truth or a sick mind game her brother is playing.
Eventually, though, she always goes home to Kurt, quietly slipping into bed whether it's a normal time for sleeping or not. ]
no subject
There wasn't a place to get a good haircut in Nepal, so...
[ She's dropping hints, she wants to talk, but all of it everything is so much. She doesn't know how to start, and she never wants to start going on when someone was possibly just trying to be polite and maybe doesn't want to know how hard her life sucks. ]
I might cut it now. We'll see.
[ For now, she likes the way it feels when Kurt runs his fingers through it. ]
no subject
[Life tends to suck. He's here for whatever she'd like to share with him.]
no subject
[ She doesn't clarify if that's answer to one question or the other, and now she draws her knees to her chest. For a few long minutes she's quiet, then lets out a sigh that's so soft it gets lost even on the gentle sound of the waves against the sand. ]
I was on the run. A bounty was on my head. Kurt's life, his daughter's...were both in danger. So I left.
no subject
[He doesn't trouble her with eye contact; that might just make her feel worse.]
It's never easy to disappear. I hope you'll be presented with the opportunity to come back from it.
no subject
[ She swallows heavily, blinking quickly to void any threatening tears. ]
My life is a mess. And I don't know if it's better to be here right now or if that's a coward's way of feeling.
no subject
[He understands complicated.]
Maybe things are just differently messy. They each present their own challenges, but they might not need to be ranked.
no subject
And then Jane actually went back. ]
Maybe. At least here it's...
[ She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. ]
At least I'm not the primary target over and over again. Wonderland isn't focused on only tearing me down.
[ No one should have to suffer by being her, but at least it isn't just her. ]
no subject
You're right. Here, we're a team. And we do what we can to help one another until our opportunity arises.
no subject
[ She frowns a little. ]
But that's probably considered running. Except I didn't exactly choose to run here.
[ And she wouldn't have run at home. But since she's here, well, she'll call it what it is. She wants to avoid confronting her past for as long as possible. ]
no subject
[ his tone grows soft, contemplative. ]
When we're in a rough spot, all we can with for sometimes is a way to make time stand still. Wonderland can be seductive in that way. ... and then There are the people who have nothing to even go back to.
But we should all have the ability to choose. At least, I think so.
no subject
[ She does, truly. Wonderland and everything it entails should be optional. ]
I guess if there was a choice this place wouldn't even exist. Who'd choose to come to a place that has to kill us to thrive?
[ Probably no one. No one sane, anyway. ]
I have Kurt to go home to, it's just...being with him puts him in danger. Puts his daughter in danger. And I don't know how to not be constantly afraid of something happening because of me.