Alice Kruger ▶ Remi Briggs ▶ Jane ▶ Jane Weller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
endingpoint) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entrancelogs2017-12-01 03:07 pm
endingpoint) wrote in entrancelogs2017-12-01 03:07 pm
Entry tags:
we laughed at the darkness (OTA)
Who: Jane Doe, you
Where: various
When: through the month of December
Rating: PG-PG-13 possibly
Summary: Jane hasn't left her room since she got back. Very short network post included.
Note: She may seem antisocial but she's not. New CR may take her mind off of things, and close CR might get to hear the whole story.
The Story:
[ On Monday morning, there is a short, to the point text post that goes out: ]
The tattoo parlor is closed until further notice. Sorry for the inconvenience.
[ Once that's done, Jane has to decide if she actually wants to leave the room. She hasn't since their rooms changed back after the last event, she's just moved from living room to bedroom, alternating. She can deal with everything that happened, the bounty on her head, leaving Kurt for two years to keep him and his daughter safe. What she hasn't been able to cope with well at all has been knowing that she had a daughter eighteen years ago. Jane was a teenager, but she can't remember it. She can't remember being pregnant or giving birth. Cant remember holding her daughter or memorizing her face.
All Jane knows is that she hadn't wanted to give up her child if the intel she has is to be trusted. Which means Shepherd forced Jane - then Remi - to give up her infant. But the real problem is, can she trust anything? Can she trust a man who was a master forger, someone who worked for her mother and was in her pocket? How can she know her brother isn't manipulating her, trying to make her feel something that isn't real?
How could she forget something as intimate as her child growing inside of her?
Kurt's trying to help, he's trying to soothe, but it can feel suffocating and like it's just too much at times. She knows he means well, but there are times she has to get out of the room. He can't help her, not with this, so she does begin to leave the room periodically. She goes to the bar that's quietest, not the one run by Lucifer, and not the one Sarah works at, and nurses bourbon for hours. Some days, Jane sits on the beach for long periods of time, even with the chill in the air wearing only a hoodie and pants, arms wrapped around her knees, holding herself. She doesn't feel like sparring or sketching, so wherever she goes, she's simply, quiet. The library helps with that too, to sit and be still, not even necessarily doing anything important. She can wander there and look at interesting things, let something else occupy her mind for a while.
There is one night, late, that she goes to the roof and sits, and cries. Nothing loud, nothing gut-wrenching. Just quiet tears of grief and anger, of not knowing what to believe. Of knowing once again, her life has been violated and it's either the truth or a sick mind game her brother is playing.
Eventually, though, she always goes home to Kurt, quietly slipping into bed whether it's a normal time for sleeping or not. ]
Where: various
When: through the month of December
Rating: PG-PG-13 possibly
Summary: Jane hasn't left her room since she got back. Very short network post included.
Note: She may seem antisocial but she's not. New CR may take her mind off of things, and close CR might get to hear the whole story.
The Story:
[ On Monday morning, there is a short, to the point text post that goes out: ]
The tattoo parlor is closed until further notice. Sorry for the inconvenience.
[ Once that's done, Jane has to decide if she actually wants to leave the room. She hasn't since their rooms changed back after the last event, she's just moved from living room to bedroom, alternating. She can deal with everything that happened, the bounty on her head, leaving Kurt for two years to keep him and his daughter safe. What she hasn't been able to cope with well at all has been knowing that she had a daughter eighteen years ago. Jane was a teenager, but she can't remember it. She can't remember being pregnant or giving birth. Cant remember holding her daughter or memorizing her face.
All Jane knows is that she hadn't wanted to give up her child if the intel she has is to be trusted. Which means Shepherd forced Jane - then Remi - to give up her infant. But the real problem is, can she trust anything? Can she trust a man who was a master forger, someone who worked for her mother and was in her pocket? How can she know her brother isn't manipulating her, trying to make her feel something that isn't real?
How could she forget something as intimate as her child growing inside of her?
Kurt's trying to help, he's trying to soothe, but it can feel suffocating and like it's just too much at times. She knows he means well, but there are times she has to get out of the room. He can't help her, not with this, so she does begin to leave the room periodically. She goes to the bar that's quietest, not the one run by Lucifer, and not the one Sarah works at, and nurses bourbon for hours. Some days, Jane sits on the beach for long periods of time, even with the chill in the air wearing only a hoodie and pants, arms wrapped around her knees, holding herself. She doesn't feel like sparring or sketching, so wherever she goes, she's simply, quiet. The library helps with that too, to sit and be still, not even necessarily doing anything important. She can wander there and look at interesting things, let something else occupy her mind for a while.
There is one night, late, that she goes to the roof and sits, and cries. Nothing loud, nothing gut-wrenching. Just quiet tears of grief and anger, of not knowing what to believe. Of knowing once again, her life has been violated and it's either the truth or a sick mind game her brother is playing.
Eventually, though, she always goes home to Kurt, quietly slipping into bed whether it's a normal time for sleeping or not. ]
no subject
[ Sarah is actually dying to know, but she won't push too hard right now if Jane isn't ready to talk it out. ]
no subject
[ So, there it is. Jane gets up to pour herself a drink, needing it, bringing one to Sarah, too. ]
I don't know her name, I can't remember it happening. I can't remember anything.
no subject
Oh, Jane...I'm.
[ Sarah reaches out and wraps her arms around her again. ]
I know Shepherd was a monster. You know that, too.
no subject
[ Jane lets her cheek rest on Sarah's shoulder, not moving. ]
I don't think I fought for her. And I should have.
no subject
[ Sarah holds her tighter. ]
You were sixteen. And your mom was insane, how were you ever supposed to go up against her? She knew she had all the power. This isn't your fault. None of it is your fault.
no subject
I'm afraid of what it means if Roman knows about her. He hasn't made it a secret that he'll hurt anyone he has to in order to get to me. This is actually the first time I've been really glad you and Sawyer are in Portland. The further away from me you can get, the better.
no subject
no subject
[ Jane closes her eyes tightly. ]
It'll be my fault. Everything that's happened to him since we met is because of me.
no subject
[ Sarah's voice is firm when she says it, but still full of love. ]
Shepherd put Kurt's name on your back. None of this is your fault, so stop. You can sit here and think that and just be depressed, or you can realize that's not helping anyone or anything
no subject
I know that to make things okay, I have to...not let this affect me so much. There's nothing I can do about it here, anyway. All I'm doing now is breaking Kurt's heart.
no subject
You don't have to get over anything. But you'll survive. You just have to let Kurt do what he feels like he needs to. He broke down one time, I think...maybe something happened to you, I'm not sure. It was when I was dating Reade. Kurt came home and freaked out on me because he couldn't protect people the way he wanted to. He...said it took it out of him.
[ She pulls back to look at Jane now. ]
It's because he promised Taylor he'd protect her, you know that, right? He feels like he failed, so now he...has to make up for it by doing everything he can for us.
no subject
Actually, I mean...I always knew he felt guilty. But no. I didn't put that together in my head.
[ She lets out a soft breath, closing her eyes. ]
But you're right, it makes sense. He can't keep doing that to himself. No one can predict what's going to come out of my past. Not even me.
no subject
[ Sarah rubs her back one more time. ]
Want me to head out?
no subject
no subject
Of course. Whatever you need right now. Don't worry about asking for anything.
no subject