[Open] If you are the dealer

[oneagainstall]

Who: Gren and you
Where: The entrance hall, then ALL the bars
When: 13th March
Rating: PG13/R for threats of violence and swearing. So much swearing.
Summary: A one armed monster dressed as a human walks into a magical mansion. Hijinks ensue. (Will match format)
The Story:

[The Entrance Hall]

[Gren has had a shitty-ass week. What with one of his friends being murdered, getting shot in the face and having his arm ripped off again- it's not been a super fun happy time for him. Sure, his injuries have mostly healed (well, except for the arm, but there's nothing that's getting done about that) but he's still pretty goddamn tired. The absolute last thing he needed was to find himself in a strange building.

Briefly, he thought it might be some hidden annex of the Woodlands- maybe he zoned out and took a wrong turn or something. That place was a fucking labyrinth at the best of times. But no...no there were too many mundies around. Something was desperately wrong here, and he was in no mood to deal with this bullshit. He stands there, for a moment, staring around him with his (seemingly) one functioning eye, before snarling and turning, grabbing whichever poor soul happens to be within arm's reach- gripping them tightly by their shoulder and hoisting them nearer.]

Just what in the fuck is goin' on here?

[All the bars]

[Gren eventually realises there's bars in this fucking hellhole and he heads straight for them. For the rest of the night, he moves through them, trying them out for size. To be the perfect watering hole for him, they need to be the perfect balance of quiet and dive. Somewhere most other people would take one look at and move on as quickly as possible. He doubts he'll get exactly that, but then there is only one Trip Trap. He'll just have to live with what he can get.

He can be found at various points at the night, sitting on a bar stool, whiskey nearby- staring at the pamphlet explaining where he is, finding it more and more insane the more he re-reads it. Wonderland is gone. It got swept up in the Adversary's takeover just like the rest of the Homelands did. Hell, he knows for a fact the fucking Tweedles aren't little girls- not unless they're wearing glamours. He wouldn't put that past those sick fucks, honestly.

He tends to not engage in conversation, certainly not when he's settling down for a long night of drinking. But he's in a place that's not what everyone thinks it is, and it's getting under his skin. So, he'll turn to whoever has come close enough to his chosen corner, tapping the pamphlet with his index finger.]

So. Are we supposed to just buy this fuckin' Wonderland spiel or what? I'm not the only one that sees it's bullshit, right?

Comments

[choosetruth]

That's where you are. Or a pretty convincing facsimile. Anyone you meet here is just as trapped as you are.

[oneagainstall]

[If there's one thing Gren knows for absolutely goddamn fucking certain, it's that this is not Wonderland. Wonderland is gone assimilated into the Adversary's forces just like the rest of the Homelands. ]

Seriously? That's the fuckin' sell they give us? Wonderland?

[A facsimile though, that, that might make more sense. ]

And even if it was a fake, why would anyone want to copy this batshit fuckin' freakshow?

[There's literally hundreds of worlds better than Wonderland. ]

[choosetruth]

Well, you know the first rule of Wonderland, right? [She gestures to the mansion at large.] It doesn't make sense.

[oneagainstall]

[He leans away to peer through the door, squinting, taking in the outside and appraising it. That...that's the problem, right there. It makes too much sense. The fact the building isn't full of tiny doors or upside down or there's no flowers dancing around in the garden- that all suggests this isn't what people think it is.

Also the not-conquered part. That's a big part. ]

If you say so, lady. Seems pretty fuckin' orderly out there. Can't see no Cheshire Cat, or the Hatter anyway. They not coming out to play?

[He keeps his tone sarcastic, but he genuinely wants to know if they're around. Then, and only then, can he establish if they're Fables or if this is...something else. ]

[choosetruth]

Cheshire Cat'll come out at some point. If there's a Hatter here, I haven't met them. [She tugs her phone out fo her pocket, then hesitates.] You comfortable with digital, or should I get you paper reading materials?

[oneagainstall]

So we got a Wonderland with no Hatter? The fuck is that about? What about Alice?

[More proof it can't be real. ]

...Digital? What? Like one a computer?

[That...probably answers her question. ]

[choosetruth]

[SIGH of course. This couldn't be easy, could it?]

There are hard copies in the library. Follow me.

[Without waiting to see if he listens, she starts walking off.]

[oneagainstall]

[He considers just...walking the fuck away- but he really needs to know what this Wonderland deal is. He needs to know if he's going to run into any Wonderlanders- especially the Tweedles. He'd rather be in the know before any of that shit happened.

So, with a gruff sigh, he follows her. ]

Fine.

[choosetruth]

[She walks briskly, not turning to talk to him. When they reach the library, she snags two pamphlets and hands them to him.]

This'll fill you in on the basics.

[oneagainstall]

[He takes them, squinting at the last one. ]

...Is this drawn in fuckin' crayon?

[He probably means thank you. ]

[choosetruth]

[......she could explain that it was made by children and point out that it's pretty reliable despite that. But where's the fun in that? Instead she just looks at him, stone faced as always.]

Yes.

[oneagainstall]

[Gren's mouth opens and closes for a moment, trying to find a right comeback and struggling. Of course, there were child Fables who were perfectly capable- but then, they weren't really children, were they? More...eternal beings who happened to look like children. ]

You gonna give me a fuckin' papier-mâché map to go with it?

[choosetruth]

If the medium offends you that much, you're welcome to wander around in ignorance. I wouldn't choose it myself, but plenty of people do.

[oneagainstall]

Excuse me for expecting a document genuinely handed out to fuckin' newcomers to not be written by goddamn six year olds.

[They are blatantly not six, but Gren is going to fall back on his usual douchebaggery for this.]

[choosetruth]

[She just stares at him through her sunglasses and says nothing. She can wait until he's done being a douchebag.]

[oneagainstall]

[She's going to be waiting a good long time. ]

Right. Well, thanks a fucking lot. I'm gonna go read this shit now and squint past the fuckin' tiny tot doodles.

[choosetruth]

[She reaches to snatch it back from him.]

Don't put yourself out on my account. I wouldn't want you to strain something.

[They aren't her drawings, and she doesn't even have that much emotional attachment to the kid who did draw them, though Shaun likes her. But he's being a dick. If he wants the incredibly thorough informational pamphlet, he can ask nicely. Or at least admit he wants it anyway.]

[oneagainstall]

[He scowls as she snatches the pamphlet away. He will absolutely not ask for it back, though, hell no. He's decided this is the current hill he will die on and that is that. ]

Fine, what the fuck ever. I'll figure shit out myself, thanks for nothing.