entrancelogs | oh, dinna fash, lad. i'll remember you } OPEN + CLOSED

Claire had told him once that she'd been haunted by the memory of him for the twenty years they'd been parted. That had been true enough for him as well, but the pain ran so deep that to say her memory haunted him isn't nearly enough to convey the magnitude and depth of his pain. He'd known, or been sure of it anyway, that she'd made it to Frank, that their bairn was born hale and happy. He couldn't have begun to fathom what Claire's life would actually look like with Frank, and he certainly hated pondering it even for a moment because he couldn't bear the thought of anyone else touching or kissing his wife.

But he had faith that she was well, that she was loved. He carried the memory of her everyday as a comfort, but it hurt to breathe when he thought of her as well. He may as well have been dead, but she would have wanted him to live, and that was what kept him going through the long, very dark days and nights that made up his ensuing years without her.

Then she'd returned, and it was the greatest gift he could have ever imagined. They'd had to figure out how to be together again, after so much time apart, but their love held true as it always had. It had changed, matured, but it was just as strong as ever. And now, he finally had the chance to make a home for his wife, his family, in a place that already had his heart. The future was uncertain, save for the surety of imminent war, but he couldn't be happier regardless.

He goes to sleep with his wife, in their makeshift dwelling near where he's building their home, and when he wakes, he finds himself on a familiar patch of grass. He's worried for a moment when Claire isn't safely draped across his chest, but as he stands and looks around, it's quickly clear to him that he's returned to Wonderland. He's in the gardens, a place he knows he's likely to find Claire if she's not in their room, her clinic, or elsewhere. By perfect timing, perhaps, he sees her at a distance, crouched over her herbs, and he has to simply watch her for a moment, his heart swelling with love at the sight of her. But his arms already ache to hold her again and he calls out to her.

"Sassenach!"

Edited 2018-12-01 23:42 (UTC)

She's been trying to occupy her day because if she stays in that room she might burst.

Claire has no idea if the timing is such that he'll return to the exact moment he left, but as the day wears on it seems that might be the case; he disappeared in the middle of the night and there still isn't any sign of him. Which means she's in for a very long night indeed, waiting up for him, so, for now, she tells Bree she's going to the gardens and tries to get some fresh air and remember how to breathe.

She's inspecting her basil plant when she hears his strong, sure voice call out to her. Standing upright, she can't quite make him out (damn nearsightedness, and she hasn't put aside that small part of her vanity yet to request glasses from the closet) but she can tell by his posture, he's older. When he was nearly thirty years her junior he was still her husband, but oh, not the same. Not the same husband who'd ached with twenty years of loss then fought for his marriage with her, or the same one who nearly drowned with her in the ocean. But this is Jamie now, aged, with her in every way.

"Jamie!"

Her basket is abandoned and she breaks out into a smile as she runs to him, holding her skirts and then, once she's close enough, throwing her arms around his neck and letting him catch her weight as she wraps around him, closing her eyes tightly. When she nuzzles her nose into the crook of his neck he smells of smoke and pine and everything familiar but she has to pull back, grasp his face and then kiss him as if it's been another twenty years gone. God, even a week without him was enough to make her heart feel less than whole again.

Edited 2018-12-01 23:59 (UTC)

"Claire," he breathes her own name against her lips as they kiss, and his arms engulf her so securely that he lifts her off her feet slightly before setting her back down again. He laughs in pure joy, and though for him, he hadn't been separated from her at all, he knows she's endured his absence here for a time.

"I'm verra happy indeed to see you. I canna fathom returning to this place wi'out ye here." Stroking her cheek now, he kisses her forehead. "Was I gone a long time?"

It felt like an eternity, being separated from him, but she strokes his cheeks, shaking her head. "No, no, only a week," she assures him, needing to kiss his lips again. Then, she pulls back to look at him, trying to see if he's more or less whole, if anything's happened to him.

"Twenty years for you," she breathes out, knowing. There's more white in his hair, and she slides her hand behind his neck, unable to find purchase in his curls because they're pulled back. "Or longer?" she asks him, searching his eyes.

He's hale and happy, with a light shining in his eyes. He's in love, with her, with their life, with everything they're building together. "Aye. A bit more than twenty now, but we've been together since you returned, Claire." If he recalls when he was here last, her memories stopped at them being shipwrecked and arriving in the Colonies.

"We've land now, in the colony of North Carolina." For a moment, he looks down, taking her hand which bears his ring still, and though he won't tell her of what happened, it's comforting to simply stroke his thumb over that silver band that was stolen from her. Then he tugs that hand to his lips, kissing that finger, then her palm before pressing her hand to his heart. "I'm building a home for you, Claire."

A home.

She looks at him and can't help the tears that blur her vision for a moment, so much so that she can't speak. They'd dreamed of home, and for a while, Lallybroch was going to be it. Full of bairns and joy and laughter.

It was never meant to be.

Then they tried, in Paris, but so many terrible things happened there, they lost their child there, that it could never be home again. She had a home in Boston with Frank and he'd had a home in Edinburgh at the brothel, but for both of them, it wasn't home. There were never any roots anywhere for them. So, when he says he's building them one, that they're in a place where their love can grow into something that's theirs forever, she can't help but want to cry. She didn't die, he didn't, and he's building them a home.

"Do you know, Jamie Fraser," she says when she can finally speak again, lacing their fingers together now but keeping their hands between their bodies. "That we could live in a stable with animals and it would be home as long as you were with me?"

She needs him to know, that her heart never needed a place. It just needed him.

His heart feels light at the thought that they have a place together, land and eventually a home just for them. After so long, they've finally built a life together, truly. The only thing missing was Brianna, but they clung to the happiness they had regardless.

When she speaks, he smiles knowingly because the words are familiar and comforting. Kissing her knuckles again, he nuzzles her cheek.

"Aye, Sassenach. And yer heart is my home."

She smiles at him so brightly and kisses his lips now, winding her arms around his neck. "God, I'm so glad you're back," she breathes out, kissing him again, then again. Then, she smiles softly as she nuzzles his cheek now in return.

"You still haven't shaved. You took my request to heart."

"Well, when ye kiss me as you do when I havena shaved, it's enough incentive to stray from the razor," he grins against her lips, kissing her again in return. He glances towards the mansion, then back to Claire. "Our daughter's here still?" He holds his breath, waiting for the answer, afraid that something may have changed in the short time he was away.

"She's still here," Claire says quickly to reassure him. "She's here, and she was maybe more upset than I was when she realized you were gone."

Not really, no one was more upset than Claire, but it was a significant amount. "She was afraid the two of you would have to start over again already."

"My wee lass," he breathes out, with so much tenderness and love in his voice, finally letting out the tense breath he'd been holding. "I've ached to have her in my arms for so long, Claire. And now, here, I'm granted that small mercy."

Edited 2018-12-02 04:41 (UTC)

Claire knows this is all he wants, to have his daughter, to be able to hold onto her, gaze upon her and know that she's his.

It isn't fair, it will never be fair, that Jamie has never held either of his daughters, at least at home. So here, at least, there's something.

"We have time, here," she says softly. "We have enough time." She finds his lips and kisses him tenderly, then again and again.

"Aye. That we do," he murmurs softly, nuzzling her cheek before kissing her again. Then he just runs his fingers through her hair so lovingly, breathing her in despite having just held her in his arms but an hour ago.

"Come, Sassenach," he murmurs, kissing both her hands. "We should return to our room. Our home, here."

"That's a good idea, Jamie Fraser," she murmurs. "Because I've missed you. Very much," she murmurs. "But I need my basket first," Claire says with a smile, nuzzling the side of his nose with her own.

"Aye. I'll fetch it," he offers, kissing just the tip of her nose tenderly before grabbing the basket for her. Then he offers her his arm, leading her back to the mansion.

"Before my mind is too preoccupied," he smiles over at her. "Fergus, Marsali, Ian. They survived the shipwreck, Claire. That was...the last ye'd remembered, aye?"

For a second, she feels like her knees might buckle. She'd thought they were lost to the sea, and hearing that they're safe is such a relief that she has to pause for a second, closing her eyes. At his question, she nods, but has one of her own.

"'Survived' but are they all right?"

"They're well," he smiles broadly. "More than well, Claire. We're to be grandparents," he breathes out, tugging her hand to his lips.

Whatever she was expecting to hear, it wasn't that, and her eyes widen, filling with new, bright, happy tears. "Marsali..."

She laughs in sheer joy at the idea, and once, maybe, it would have filled her with a twinge of aching, knowing she would never be there for Bree's first child. But Bree is coming to them, and everyone, all of them, will be together.

"Jamie, we're finally getting everything we always wanted," she whispers, voice breaking a little.

"All that we deserve, Sassenach," he smiles with so much joy at her, kissing her. He couldn't have possibly imagined that his life would be filled in such a way, even just a year ago. That Claire returned to him at all was the most incredible blessing, but that life - though not without its obstacles before them - also continued to give them so much was truly a miracle from the Almighty. Brianna coming back to them is the height of their joy, and though he'll always worry about his daughter being stuck in the past, out of place and time, he's so happy that their family will be together at last.

oh, dinna fash, lad. i'll remember you } OPEN + CLOSED

CLOSED for Claire

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