entrancelogs | + Guilt Runs Deep

+ Guilt Runs Deep

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

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Once again, Nageki finds himself in the underground labs.

At first, he thinks that he's still dreaming. Dr. Isa, the chukar partridge, can't be seen behind the large mirror where Nageki knows he is. The doctor is no doubt scribbling on his clipboard. On the opposite end of the room from Nageki, the doors swoosh open and a human is pushed in.

Nageki closes his eyes as the human approaches him. Only a few moments later he hears the all to predictable gasping for breath and then a thud as the human falls to the floor. When Nageki looks, the human reaches towards Nageki as if expecting help. He doesn't know that Nageki's presence in the room is the only reason that he is dying. If Nageki attempted to help, he'd probably only hasten the humans death. So Nageki closes his eyes again, lays down in his bed, and pulls the covers over his head. He doesn't want to see this. Every death shaves away at his heart, bit by bit.

It feels like an eternity before the workers arrive to haul the corpse away, excitedly talking about their plans for the night as though none of this bothers them all at. It probably doesn't.

The workers leave and the memory begins again.

By now Ange is at least somewhat aware enough of what's going on that it's not surprising to find herself in this place, even if she may not know all the specific details behind this event. And seeing Nageki quickly establishes that this is his.. memory, or weird guilt dream world, or whatever it's supposed to be.

The human being pushed in momentarily distracts her though. This place seems to be some sort of lab, and she guesses she could imagine reasons for Nageki - or anyone - to be here. But.. why would they just randomly push a human into his room? That human doesn't even look like a doctor or anything, and--

Well, then they fall down. And are pretty obviously dying, despite there being no visible cause of death as far as she can see. Is that person just having a heart attack? But then why does Nageki look so miserable?

She's none the wiser when the memory repeats, but what she does know is that she's not just going to stand there and watch this a few times. Instead she approaches Nageki.

"Hey!" Her voice is raised a bit compared to usually, but it's mostly since there's some actual emotion in it. Yes, that is indeed a rare hint of concern. She swallows down the urge to ask what's even going on here, and instead asks-- "Are you okay?"

There's only one way Nageki would ever answer such a question.

"Yeah." His voice is carefully monotone, revealing nothing of his feelings. He sits up and carefully looks around to see if anything is different (carefully avoiding looking at the corpse now on the ground), but only sees Ange. "How did you get in?"

The workers - both of them rock doves - enter again to drag the body away. Nageki can't even remember if that human was male or female.

She's doubting that answer a bit here. Not even just because of him drawing the covers over him like that earlier, but just since this situation doesn't seem like one where anyone is "okay".

.. well, aside from those weird.. lab birds? Whatever they are. They seem awfully casual about hauling off corpses.

"Magic." It's kind of a dry and deadpan answer, but also not entirely a lie. Wonderland probably uses magic for these kinds of things, right. "That's not the important part though. What's more important is getting you out of here."

Nageki shakes his head. "I can't leave."

At least she isn't affected by the memory. The last thing Nageki wants is for this to hurt someone he's friends with.

Ange points over at the rock doves that are leaving while dragging the body along.

"Because of those guys?"

She knows it's not really as much about literal escape as much as it's about figurative escape here, but it's kind of hard to figure out how to help Nageki without understanding the situation here.. and asking about what's going on too directly probably will just be awkward. So she figures asking that is a good first step.

"Sometimes. I was a patient here, after all. They were supposed to help make me better." Other times the reset moves him back to the bed. Or he'll reach the door and just be unable to go further.

Edited 2019-02-27 17:20 (UTC)

"They don't look like they're helping." After all, what good could people dropping dead in front of Nageki do? That seems like the opposite of what a cure is supposed to be. Besides, this doesn't exactly seem like a friendly hospital for any patient... Or a hospital at all.

".. you know, you're the only one who can break out of here. And I don't mean that in a "go ahead and run for the door" sort of way."

"..." Nageki drags the blanket closer to him again. "Then... how do I break out, Ms. Ushiromiya?"

She's not sure if it'll work as well if she just tells him plainly what to do. And she sure doesn't want to trap Nageki forever in.. whatever place this is. She's not cruel enough for that. So she frowns for a moment, deep in thought about how to put this into words, before speaking on.

"Well.. How do you feel about this situation?"

"I..." He's annoyed that Ange avoids answering his question, but her question likely has something to do with leaving. He swallows his immediate harsh retort and answers as truthfully as he can. "I wish... I could apologize. They might have lived if it wasn't for me."

So those humans are dropping dead like that because of him? It's still phrased in a way that's vague enough that it could mean anything, and Ange sure isn't going to fish for an exact explanation. Better to focus on the matter at hand for now.

"Then why don't you try apologizing? Even if it's just a memory, you still have the chance to do it now."

Doesn't the second sentence answer the first? He can't see how apologizing to a memory would do anything.

"They aren't real, Miss Ushiromiya."

"It's about the idea."

Honestly, it would be hypocritical to fault him for giving that answer of all things, since that's literally what Ange herself might have said if she were in his shoes right now. But it still feels kind of counterproductive to what she's trying to do here.

"It's not as if you'd be able to apologize to the real deal either way, right?" 'Since they're dead' being the implication here, but she's not cruel enough to rub that in by saying it out loud.

Edited 2019-03-08 21:13 (UTC)

"..." It would be possible if Wonderland brought one of them here post-death. The chances of that happening are incredibly loe, though. He'll apologize if Ange thinks it will help.

He turns to the human who is choking on the ground. His beak open and closes a few times.

"I... didn't want this to happen. I'm sorry and... I hope that I can make it up you in our next lives."

This is so awkward. Ange is super glad for the fact she has a great pokerface, because she can't be the one looking awkward here when it's her idea in the first place. But the sight of Nageki apologizing to a human who is literally dying on the floor.. It's definitely awkward.

But she clears her throat, doing her best to find some words to say.

"So.. did that help? Even a bit?" Obviously aimed at Nageki. It doesn't seem like there's any saving that dying human at this point (which she's trying real hard to not look at right now, thanks.)

Nageki is surprised to find that he does feel a little better. Apologizing out loud, expressing his desire to fix things out loud, even if it is fruitless, does seem to help. So he nods.

Well, at least that's one good thing right there. It seems like she's getting something right. Maybe she just has to push a little bit more in that direction in order to get rid of more of that guilt.

".. What kind of person do you think you'd want to be in your next life?" Since he said he'd want to make up for it during that life.

The answer is easy.

"I want to help the ones I care about rather than be the one who always needs help."

He wants to work alongside his family and friends and help them overcome whatever struggles they face, the way his family did for him.

"Then you will be." It's a little too optimistic by Ange's own standards, but she'd feel bad saying anythi9ng else in this situation. It'd be unproductive too. "That kind of determination can't be beaten."

"So.. just try to focus on that. The good you can do in the future, rather than the bad in the past that can't be changed anyway."

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+ Guilt Runs Deep

Nageki Fujishiro | OTA | death, suicidal wishes, Hatoful spoilers

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