+ Guilt Runs Deep

[vitaelamorte]

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

Comments

Georgia | ota | cw for blood, zombie bite death, implied adopted sibling incest

[choosetruth]

Georgia's sitting in a bathrobe staring at her computer screen. The room is dark, lit only by computer screens and some white light drifting in from the door. Behind her stands Shaun. Reading over her shoulder.

"George?" he says.

"Yeah?"

"You owe me twenty bucks."

"Yeah," she says, and stands up and throws her arms around his neck joyfully. Shaun grabs her and whirls her around the room.

"WE GOT THE JOB!"

The scene glitches for a moment. They're still whirling around joyfully but now they're in a bloodstained barn, the smell of bleach heavy in the air. Then they're back in their room.

Shaun holds out a hand. "Pay up."

George points at the door. “Get out. There’s about to be nudity, and you’ll just complicate things.”

“Finally, adult content! Should I turn the webcams on? We can have a front-page feed in less than five—” He ducks as George throws her pocket recorder at his head, not missing a beat. “—minutes. I’ll go get some nicer clothes on. You can call Buffy.” Behind him, through the door that connects their rooms, is the scene of a car accident. A woman with curly blond hair is on the road, covered in blood, taking a blood test with lights that flash red and green and red and green.

“Out,” George says, fighting not to smile.

He walks backwards through the door between their rooms. “Wear a skirt, and I’ll release you from your debts.” He closes the door.

Georgia's room shifts again and she's back at her computer typing. The words scroll across the screen.

Shaun I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I didn’t mean it I would take it all back if I could but I can’t I cant I I I I I I I all fading words going cant do this cant Shaun please Shaun please I love you I love you I always you know I Shaun please cant hold on everything jfdh cant do this jhjnfbnnnn mmm have to my name my name is Shaun I love you Shaun please gngn please SHOOT ME SHAUN SHOOT ME N—

There's the sound of a gunshot, and the scene resets.

[beatupgrass]

Rocket's been here before. He feels like he's seen the inside of Georgia's head and her memories so often that they might as well be his own. Those words on the screen are so familiar and they stab at him and he has to look away. The gunshot makes him flinch even though he's never so much as recoiled from the sound of a gun going off before.

He waits until the scene resets, until Shaun has exited the room and then, heavily, he says, "Georgie?"

Starlight | ota

[truefriendship]

There's a crowd gathered around Starlight in the midst of a little town. Everypony besides her is washed out, colorful, but not as brightly colored as Starlight is. They also all have stark black equal signs on their flanks where a cutie mark would usually be. And they're smiling. Big, happy smiles that don't quite reach their eyes.

Starlight looks different too. In addition to having the same equal sign cutie mark, she has bangs, and a certain poise and confidence she's since lost. This is a pony who knows she's right, even when she's wrong.

A yellow Pegasus pony steps out of the house they've gathered in front of. "Um, Starlight?" Fluttershy says. "I think we might have one more friend joining us today." Behind her, Twilight Sparkle, a purple Alicorn with wings and a horn steps out.

The crowd gasps. Starlight Glimmer steps towards her. "Is this true?"

Twilight steps forward hesitantly. "I-I think so. But I just want to be sure. If I agree to leave my cutie mark in the vault, I'll really be happier?"

Starlight gestures at the other ponies with a hoof. "Just look around! Equality has given us more happiness than you've ever known!"

Twilight nods. "And you wouldn't let me just live here in the village with my old cutie mark?"

"Out of the question," Starlight says. "A pony with a different cutie mark in our midst would destroy our entire philosophy. We are all equal here!"

"Then how do you explain this?!" Fluttershy, who while they were talking has quietly flown above Starlight, dumps a bucket of water on Starlight.

Starlight jumps away, but a drip still catches her. She glares up at the other pony. "I knew you couldn't be trusted!"

Another pony notices a bit of color hiding through and rubs her cutie mark with a rag.

Starlight leaps away, hiding her flank with her tail. "No! Get away!"

It's too late. The other ponies have seen, and they're gasping, staring at her.

Starlight starts to back away. "Wha... What are you looking at?! They're the problem, not me!"

The accusations start to roll in, coming from all sides. "How could you?"

"You said cutie marks were evil! You said special talents led to pain and heartache!"

"They do! Don't you see?! Look at them!" She points at Twilight and Fluttershy, and the other ponies that have stepped out behind them.

"Then why?" one of the other ponies says. "Why did you take ours and not give up your own?"

"I..." Starlight glances around, then steps forward, fear melting into anger in the blink of an eye. "I had to, you fools! How could I collect your cutie marks without my magic?!"

"But the staff has all the magic we need!" Another pony says.

Starlight scoffs. "The staff is a piece of wood I found in the desert! It's my magic that makes all this possible! You'd all still be living your miserable lives thinking you're better than everypony else if it weren't for my magical abilities!" She steps forward, eyes narrowed, slamming a hoof into the ground. "I brought you friendship! I brought you equality! I created harmony!""

You lied to us!" Says another pony.

Starlight backs off a little, anger sliding a little. "So what? E-Everything else I said is true! The only way to be happy is if we're all equal!"

"Except for you."

Twilight steps forward. "Everypony has unique talents and gifts, and when we share them with each other, that's how rea—"

Starlight turns towards her and snaps. "QUIET!"

One of the other ponies looks at her seriously. "You can't have a cutie mark, Starlight! Either we're all equal, or none of us are!"

Starlight looks around. Everyone's turned against her. They're stepping in closer and closer, crowding her. She raises a magical shield and presses them all away, then takes off running.

[Or just watch it!]

[bibliocorn]

Sunburst has always been aware of what Starlight did. Hell, when they first reconnected again and finally fessed up to their respective pasts- she spilt this herself. It's brought up a lot amongst her friends, often joking or occasionally praising her on how far she's come since those dark days. So in a way, he always knew about this. About what she'd done.

Seeing it, however, is a whole other matter entirely. It doesn't help that he knows his actions lead her down this road. Into this way of thinking. In his time in Wonderland, he's been able to forgive himself for that, a little. But Starlight herself? Well, that's a whole other mess. He runs off after her, as best he can.

"Starlight, wait! This isn't-" well, he doesn't know what it isn't, but he can hazard a guess at what it is. "I think it's Wonderland? You- you remember Wonderland, right?"

Stan Pines | OTA

[charlastan]

[Every loop starts the same, in media res. Stan stands there and holds Ford's journal in his hands, and Ford looks at him desperately. The inactive portal looms behind him.

"I have something to ask of you. Remember our plans to sail around the world on a boat?"

Stan looks out of place in the scene. He's holding the journal just like he did thirty years ago, but instead of looking like a disheveled young man who'd fallen on hard times, he just looks like himself - classic suit and fez, and thirty years older than the Ford he's standing in front of. And even though Stan knows how this goes, and knows exactly how it plays out, he can feel himself smiling anyway as though he doesn't. That one bit of hope always flickers, and then immediately gets snuffed out.

"Take this book, get on a boat, and sail as far away as you can! To the edge of the Earth! Bury it where no one can find it!"

And there it is. Stan knows how this goes but he's still trapped in the motions. He grips the Journal tightly.]

That's it? You finally wanna see me after ten years, and it's to tell me to get as far away from you as possible!?

[Ford pleads with him - "Stanley, you don't understand what I'm up against! What I've been through!" and Stan yells back.]

No, no. You don't understand what I've been through! I've been to prison in three different countries! I once had to chew my way out of the trunk of a car! You think you've got problems? I've got a mullet, Stanford! Meanwhile, where have you been? Living it up in your fancy house in the woods! Selfishly hoarding your college money, because you only care about yourself!

[And it's all downhill from there. Stan nearly burns the journal to ashes, moving entirely against his will at this point, and the two of them grapple and kick and punch each other exactly the way they did thirty years ago. Stan knows when each punch is coming, every kick, but he can't make himself dodge.

He screams and sees white when he's kicked into the burning hot console, and and he's branded every single time.

He always slugs him. The portal always turns on. And then Stan, unable to stop himself, always shoves Ford. And Ford always rises up.

"Stanley! Stanley, do something! STANLEY!"

But Stan never knew what to do, even with the journal. The portal flashes, and Ford is gone. His glasses clatter to the ground. And Stan, knowing it's useless, runs up and pounds the portal with his fists.]

Stanford, come back! I-I didn't mean it! [He tries the lever behind him, but it's no use.] I just got him back! I can't lose him again!

[He screams out Ford's name, but it's hopeless. Ford can't hear him.

And from what he's figured out in the last hundred cycles, he has approximately ten seconds before the whole thing resets - ten seconds to look around for anything that might be able to make him stop reliving the same moment over and over and over. He's running out of ideas though, so he runs over and desperately feels the wall for something that might give.]

This is stupid! Ford's alive! I just saw him two months ago! LET ME OUTTA HERE!

[He hits his fists against the wall, but it does nothing. He can feel the now familiar tug of Wonderland pulling him backwards and resetting the moment and he shakes his head.]

Nonono, I-I almost got it! Just gimme ten more seconds and I'll--!

[He'll be standing there, holding Ford's journal in hand as Ford looks at him desperately.

"I have something to ask of you. Remember our plans to sail around the world on a boat?"]

1/2

[powerofmabel]

[And then the door gets kicked open.

Mabel doesn't waste any time, it seems, when it comes to her Grunkle being in possible danger, though the fact that she's stepping into the Mystery Shack's basement and not Stan's usual room makes her freeze right in the doorway, forcing Dipper to essentially slam into her since she was supposed to be dashing forwards.]

Stan?!

Rocket | ota

[beatupgrass]

You know you really shouldn't talk to your captain that way, Quill.


[This is the fifth time, and he still says it. The scene is set on a spaceship, crowded with people, and yet it can always hold more. On one side, close to the pods, stands a rugged man with a scar and a teenage tree playing a video game and not paying any attention. On the other side are other individuals, colorful and varied and all looking at Rocket with mixed emotions. The man he's speaking to- Quill- looks downright irritated.

Rocket gets into the pod with Thor and Groot, and leaves.

The scene resets to the beginning, and this time when Rocket presents his idea, he tries to change it.]

Look, we don't even need that extra pod. We'll get another from Kraglin or something. Let him go.

[But even as he's saying it, he still turns around and gets into the pod without question, as if everything he's saying might be off-script, but the script moves on as if he had still declared them all morons and abandoned them. Quill still looks at him judgmentally and lays into him, and nothing can change it.

The scene resets. Rocket looks a little more harried and panicked this time.]

Okay, but like the Collector has a ton of weapons, so maybe you should try shopping around first before you commit to this whole Nidavellir thing.

[They're all still judging him, not hearing what he's actually saying, only what he said before. The last words he said to them before he ended up on Earth. He still, almost in a trance, gets into that pod.

The scene resets.

And resets.

And resets.

And every time Rocket gets into that pod, and every time he knows he's going to end up on Earth alone when the Snap happens, completely unaware of what happened to the rest of his team. Every fucking time.]

[krmvgivv]

[Dipper's been to a few of these now, but they don't stop being awful. This one... this one it's hard to see where it goes. Getting into a pod isn't really bad on the same scale as, say, pushing your brother into a portal or... actually it's right about on the same level as not loving all your stuffed animals. But this is Rocket, not Mabel, and he suspects there's more that he's not seeing.]

Rocket? You okay, dude?

Lapis Lazuli, ota, any format, the usual

[ssmisery]

Lapis has found herself on a beach amidst the burning wreckage of a crashed spaceship. And even at the start of the first iteration, before she looked, she knew instantly where she was, and who was looming behind her.

The scene plays out as it always did. Jasper wants to fuse. She wants the two of them to join together, mind and body, and she wants to use their shared power to destroy Steven, the Crystal Gems, and perhaps indirectly the Earth. And Lapis doesn't even want to be NEAR her, let alone that, but she already tried to run. As always, she's trapped.

So she agrees, just not for the reasons Jasper expects. She offers her hand and Jasper seizes her by the wrist instead. Lapis allows that rough handling to lead her through a cursory dance. They come together. Then she fights. In that newly shared mind and body, she holds them together and separate simultaneously, forcing Jasper down so that she can maintain just the right parts of herself. The water powers are Lapis's, so she drags them into the ocean and pins them under its weight to stay. Forever, as far as she's concerned; they can suffer together alone in the darkest depths of that miserable planet, and let that be the end of it.

Of course, in reality that wasn't the end of anything. The Lapis now knows better. All she did was make everything so much worse and so much harder, cause damage that will never fully go away. It never mattered whether Jasper deserved it or whether she could have found another way. At the time, she knows, it felt good.

It also certainly isn't the end of anything now because now she just reappears back on the beach to do it again. This is the actual worst event! But however horrified and terrified and disgusted and deeply, deeply furious she may be at reliving her own actions, it doesn't matter. Of course she can't stop doing the same thing as before, over and over, of course she can't: it's what happened. It's part of her, and she'll always, always be the same person who chose it.

[slapfight]

When this occurred, Peridot was in an escape pod that landed somewhere just outside Beach City and fleeing for her life to try and get into contact with Yellow Diamond. What she knows of this moment has just been talked about in vague terms. She's never ... watched it.

If she had a stomach, it would be churning. She lacks the figurative language to really define what it's like to see Lapis's wrist grabbed again and again by Jasper's grasping fist. Every time Jasper turns to the Crystal Gems (Peridot among them where she never was before, blending in with them seamlessly) and leers at them before the fusion takes proper shape, it fills her with such a strange sense of disgust. And it grows stronger the more she watches, uncertain of what to do, until finally, in a blind panic, she breaks and rushes out onto the beach just before Lapis extends her hand.

And before Jasper can take it, Peridot grabs it instead, shaking a bit because if this is real then she's just put her back to Jasper and she is going to get pulverized into the sand, but she can't just stand back and watch. She has to do something, and this is what she does. No turning back down. "Lapis, stop."

Mabel Pines } ota

[powerofmabel]

[You might think to yourself- what does Mabel Pines have to feel guilty about? Well, there's a long list, actually, but the problem is she's worked a lot of the worst offenders between having been in Wonderland for so long and having had Wonderland throw them at her.

And yet she's trapped all the same, though you might easily not suspect it since when you walk into the room she shares with Dipper, it's just... Their room.

The difference is Mabel is sitting on her bed surrounded on all sides by stuffed animals, and all of them are looking up at her with plastic eyes filled with big, sloppy cartoonish tears.]

No, No! I didn't mean it! I love all of you, equally! Please don't cry!

[Look not everyone's hell has to be dramatic. Geez.]

[bibliocorn]

Sunburst has been doing his gosh darn best to help his friends out of this mess. He's not exactly the best at pep talks and convincing people not to hate themselves, but he figures he should probably try. He was bracing himself for something pretty awful in the Pines twin's room. He's pretty sure they've gone through some awful stuff.

...So he's really cautious when he steps into this. What if the toys are sentient? What if there's a curse? What if they're her friends, turned into toys? Who can tell?!!!! He steps forward carefully, clearing his throat.

"Um. Mabel? Are... are you okay?"

Wirt | OTA

[singloversing]

[Wirt's weekend is...surprisingly ordinary?

He's been bracing himself, of course. The treacle girls showed up on the network, so something is going, and probably something bad based on how they were talking. He's always been awful at guessing events, but maybe they'll have to compulsively tell the truth?

So far, he hasn't noticed anything though. His room is normal. He feels normal. Or is this one of those events where Wonderland makes him feel like he's acting normally when he's actually being super weird? He probably wouldn't know, but...everything feels the way he remembers it. The only thing that seems all that different is that Wonderland is a little quieter. There don't seem to be as many people around.

He can easily be found in his room, in the library, or in the kitchen. He's certainly not trapped anywhere, but he also doesn't seem to know yet that something's happening at all. It's just an ordinary day as far as he's concerned.]

1/2

[krmvgivv]

[Dipper knows Wirt's got major anxiety that crops up at the least convenient times. That means as soon as he's helped Mabel break out of her loop, they charge to Wirt's room as fast as they can. Which is pretty fast since they're neighbors.]

WIRT! [Dipper crashes through the door.] It's not real! Wonderland's just messing with you!

[...huh, Wirt's guiltiest memory looks pretty much like a normal day. Is he unaffected or is his anxiety just that strong?]

Kokichi Oma | OTA | CW: Strangulation, talk of death, Danganronpa V3 spoilers

[shslliar]

[Once you enter Kokichi’s room, you are suddenly transported to a virtual winter wonderland! Specifically, you’re now a chibi avatar in a virtual mansion with a bunch of virtual chibi students… Kokichi’s classmates, judging by the fact Kokichi himself is there. A wild haired student in a suit, apparently named “Gonta” if the guy’s speaking in third person for some reason, promises to make sure Kokichi doesn’t cause any trouble.]

Gonta, you’re so sweet… But I knew you’d say that.

[What Kokichi tells him next varies, depending on when you got here. For the first few loops, he’ll begrudgingly call him his bodygaurd and lead him outside. Then he tells Gonta he should go look for that “secret to the outside world” with the rest of the group. Then he tries to get him to go check on someone he called Iruma-chan instead, and at one point he attempts to drag the boy in the black striped school uniform with him! But it always ends the same, Gonta invariably follows Kokichi outside where a strange flashlight is hidden, he always gets exposed to the harsh memory from the light, and no matter how hard Kokichi tries…

The next scene is on the roof. Kokichi’s waiting out in the open when a girl in pink enters the scene.

This must be Iruma-chan.

“S-So you figured it out,” she stammers, gripping the hammer behind her back even harder, “But there’s nothing you can do. You… Can’t resist me. I made sure of it when I programmed your settings.”

Kokichi doesn’t respond. His avatar doesn’t have a mouth, but his eyes look angry and his face is tinged blue. He made a cheeky remark the first time, but now…

“I-I’m sorry, you should just give up. This is… My only chance.” Iruma-chan starts stepping closer, clutching her weapon, nearly choking on her words. “I have no choice but to do this… My inventions will change the world… They’ll make the world a better place! It’s my duty as a genius inventor! S-So, I can’t afford to die here--”

And yet she did. All at once, Gonta rushes behind her from around the corner, wraps a good length of unbreakable toilet paper around her neck, and strangled her.

“S-Sorry!” Gonta cries as Iruma-chan’s avatar began to twitch and flail, “Gonta so sorry!”]

…

[Kokichi glances at the ground as he walks past them to lock the door Iruma-chan entered through.]

No, Gonta. I should be apologizing.

[Poor Kokichi sounds like a war veteran as tears begin to bubble in his eyes.] All I wanted was to end that vicious cycle of misery, but all I did was made it worse…

[Gonta looks up at Kokichi. His grip slacked, and Iruma-chan’s body hit the floor. “Huh…? But… But Kokichi said we had plan to-”]

It’s not gonna work! [Kokichi spat, the blue tint turning red to reflect his mood.] Your stupid crossed wires are gonna make you forget everything! They’ll know it was you!

[Kokichi slumps with his back against the door.] Damnit… Why wouldn’t Monokuma just execute the dumb avatar! You’re totally different from the real Gonta! Better yet, WHY DIDN’T HE JUST KILL ME FOR THIS?! Why…!

[Kokichi sniffled, grabbing at his right arm for a second before putting his hand where the mouth should be. Gonta hesitantly walks up to him and gently puts a hand on his shoulder…

Kokichi couldn’t look his friend in the eye.

“Gonta… Not really sure what Kokichi talking about… But Gonta forgives you.”]

. . .

[“Kokichi just wanna help, right?”]

. . . [Kokichi brushes Gonta’s hand away, glaring at the floor… And the evidence.]

Gonta, can you just go downstairs and talk to everyone else? I’ll take care of the body.

[Nothing changed. In a couple of minutes, everyone logged out except Kokichi and the scene reset. The exact same crime, over and over no matter how hard Kokichi tried to stop it. Eventually, he gave up entirely and lingered in the salon of the mansion while a generic black avatar seamlessly took his place. Everything that’s said and done can be heard through the whole sim, and it’s just as painful.]

. . . Stupid event…

[bibliocorn]

Kokichi isn't exactly Sunburst's favourite person in the mansion. Once he realises who's memory he's stepped into, a small, spiteful part of him almost wants to turn and walk away. He doesn't though- because as obnoxious as he finds Kokichi, he is still just a kid. And as evidenced by the scene playing in front of him, a kid who's been through an awful lot.

He's not sure if he can help. He's not even sure if Kokichi would accept his help. Their last conversation didn't exactly go all that well. All the same, once the memory is done, he moves to sit near Kokichi, watching the sim play out again.

"So. That's... well. That's a thing."

Louis | OTA | Spoilers for TWDG S4E3

[teamfun]

You step from one mansion into the room of another. This one is a little more modern than Wonderland's mansion, but it's no less decadent. The people who live here are clearly very well off. Louis can be found, sitting on a fancy couch, typing away on a laptop. If you come in here for the first cycle of the memory, you can see him glancing around, recognition mixed with confusion flashing across his features.

"I- what? How the fuck am I-"

His fingers move of his own accord, though- he hit the enter key and for a few moments there's silence. Louis, brought out of his confusion, stares at the screen, brows raising as he realises exactly what the fuck is going on.

"Oh...oh shit. No no no NOPE. This is not fucking happening. No."

Whatever isn't fucking happening however clearly is- there's a woman's yell from somewhere else in the building- angry, hurt. Louis pales at the sound. Back then, he'd revelled in it but now it's like having ice water dropped on him. After that, though, the memory resets, and the whole terrible business starts again.

Perhaps you catch him on later cycles of the memory, of him trying his goddamn best to stop it from happening. Trying to throw the laptop out of the way, trying to get up and move away from it, ell even hastily trying to type something else into it after he sends whatever it is he's sending to make that heartbroken yell happen. Get close enough and you might see he has an email open, sending a bunch of files to 'Mom'. Perhaps you catch him on the third day, where he's accepted he can't get out of this and he's just going to relive this bullshit over and over and over again. He's considerably more despondent then, his usual Louis-Brand chipper attitude gone. There's are no smiles, no jokes. He bearly even acknowledges you've come into the room at all. He just stares, pained, at the screen while his fingers betray him, sending that goddamn email and breaking his mother's heart. Over and over again.

Later cycles!

[singloversing]

It takes Wirt what he feels like is an embarrassingly long time to learn what's going on with the event, and he's still a little baffled that he wasn't trapped by one of these rooms himself. He's definitely felt guilty about a lot of things, but knowing that he's not trapped by it...it should probably be a relief, but it's just too strange to him. However, it explains where everyone he hasn't been seeing around the mansion is - they're all trapped in their rooms, re-living their guilt over and over again.

To be honest, he doesn't expect to find Louis in his room. Louis doesn't strike him as someone who would be so guilt-ridden that an event like this would snag him. If Wirt isn't trapped his own guilt, then surely Louis is fine. But...the fact that he isn't at any of his usual haunts worries him enough for him to check.

He's probably fine. Wirt's going to get there and either Louis will be there and laugh a little that he was worried, or the room will be empty and Louis will be somewhere else. Maybe he's running around trying to rescue people from their guilt, or maybe he's just not in other places when Wirt's there.

Wirt knocks on the door. There's no answer, and his stomach sinks.

"Alright. ...Alright, he said you could come by whenever," Wirt says to himself. "This is technically whenever, so...I-I'm going to just open it, and it'll be empty, and he'll be somewhere else."

With that, he gently opens the door and steps inside...and there's another mansion in there. Definitely another mansion. The decor is different and even though it's not a style he recognizes, he knows enough to know it's not a new room in the mansion they've been living in. And...there's Louis, in the middle of it all, looking more freaked out than Wirt's ever seen him.

"...Louis?"

Grendel | OTA CW for talk of prostitution

[oneagainstall]

Gren's room is the trusty Trip Trap, the dive-iest dive bar the Bronx has to offer. It's never an especially happy place, but right now it's downright hostile. You'll walk right in on Grendel grappling with a tall, bald guy with a beard. Despite only having the one arm, Gren seems to be holding his own, until a dishevelled man gets between them, forcing them apart.

"What more do you want?" asks the bald guy of Gren, angry- but mostly tired. "What else can I fucking say here?"

"I don't want anything from you, Woody," Gren snaps back- for sure angry, but there's a betrayal quietly lurking under his tone, for those who know him enough t catch it. "I want there to be a big, black hole where your fat, dumb fuckin' ass used to be!"

"I absolutely cannot babysit you dumbasses right now!" the dishevelled man practically growls. "So end whatever this is so we can move past it."

"Oh, I forgot, you haven't heard the news," Gren turns his attention to the other man, while Woody drops his gaze to the floor. "This walkin' lardcake was paying Holly's sister to let him fuck her! Behind all our backs. And Holly had to find out going through allllllll of his sister's shit. What fun that must have been! Trick after trick of this fat ass and Lily. "

"I didn't plan for that alright? Our thing...whatever it was, it wasn't a big deal," Woody speaks again, then turns to the other man, worried. "It wasn't! I[ I never fucked her when she was Snow. I didn't know nothing about that."

"No," interjects Gren, jabbing a finger at Woody's chest. "But you knew Holly would flip out, and you knew for a damn good fuckin' reason."

Something seems to break in Woody. For a moment, he looks crestfallen- then he scowls again, shoving against Gren as he stalks to the door.

"You know what? Fuck this. I don't need this shit."

Gren look surprised- like he wasn't expecting angrily pushing against the guy would eventually turn out this way. But his own expression hardens just as quick.

"Oh yeah, that's it, now you're teary-eyed," he sneers to Woody's retreating form. "You were always such a lowlife. I don't know why I never realised it 'til now. What'd you think about this fuckin' loser, Sheriff?"

"He can think whatever he wants," replies Woody. "I don't give a shit."

"Naw, that's okay, 'cause I'll tell you what he thinks," it seems Gren getting the last word in is still true even in the past. "He thinks you have to pay chicks to touch your fat, hairy ass. That's what he thinks!"

What the sheriff actually thinks is lost to the sands of time as the memory fades. Gren glances around himself, finally realising something is wrong. Actually in charge of himself again for a few moments before the memory resets. Which, of course, he spends glowering at the goddamn spot Woody had just been standing in.

"Oh, you've got to be fuckin' kidding me with this bullshit."

And then, of course, the memory resets. And every time, Gren pushes one of his last remaining friends out of his life forever. Fun times, fun times.

[twirlier]

Going to find Gren and stepping into a familiar building that she's seen before is positively terrifying. Before she even realizes that things aren't the same, for a brief and tiny moment she remembers that time when she and Gren had first become connected to one another as friends. When she hadn't been willing to let Gren go on hurting in this place, wallowing in his pain of losing.

Wondering how they ended up here again, how he had slipped back to suffering in this way, when the words come to her. The loudness, the anger, the words. Holly. Lily.

"Oh. Oh nonono," she murmurs, ducking back as this man, this Woody, came storming towards her. "Oh Gren" she sighs, shaking her head. Then, before she can say anything, it starts again. "Noooo."

Watching him go through this again, seeing Wonderland screwing with him again, and hating this. Hating they can do this to him. And realizing a part of her wishes he never had to go through this, but she is caught between caring about him, wanting him in her life, and seeing him facing this once more.

This time when it resets though, Misty rushes forward. "Gren? Please, tell me you know who I am," she says, hoping to catch him before it starts over again. Even if she only has a moment.

river be kind for i've been here before | for kol (and maybe klaus/close cr)

[deathlessness]

It starts with a girl. Two girls, actually. One Freya is aware of at the start, and one she is not, but both of them are important in their own way.

Not that you would realize that upon first entering Freya's room. If you want to be technical, it starts with an earthquake, a rolling force that shudders through the Quarter and leaves Freya and Vincent grasping the sides of the table in front of them. They had been hard at work, intent on fixing a problem that both of them were used to create. Cami's body is barely cold on the bed only a few floors above them, and while Freya and Vincent do not agree on much, they are bound in this. Lucien Castle needs to be destroyed for what he did to Cami, and whatever it takes, they will find a way to do it.

They're debating possibilities, shooting down some and considering others, when Vincent gets a phone call.

Enter girl number two.

The scene skips an hour or so later and Kol and Marcel are pleading for Davina's life, begging for their help in saving her. Elijah tries brush them off, saying they don't have time and that Freya needs to focus on the problem at hand, but Klaus intervenes, insisting they do everything they can. The distraction doesn't particularly bother her, Davina was an ally, and Kol loved her, if he wished for her help in saving her than she will happily give it - in fact, it's probably better to have a Harvest witch on your side, for better or worse.

She gives the command for Vincent to begin the consecration, the spell begins, and not long after, Davina Claire appears. She's a child, honestly, and trapped in this circle that keeps her safe from what the afterlife has waiting for her, she looks even more the child she is, terrified of what's waiting for her and hoping that soon she can return to the life she loves.

(But she was already dead, wasn't she, Freya? You knew the moment she appeared in that circle what you had to do, even as much as you claim you didn't want to do it. It was a decision that was just as calculated as it was merciful, and you never intended to save her life.

After all, you only ever truly protect what's yours, and Davina was never yours.)

The loop doesn't allow her to bask in her brother's relief, in Marcel's gratitude, and skips instead to that very realization, the moment she pulls Elijah aside and conveys every inch of it. How she needs the ancestor's magic in order to stop Lucien. How it's the only solution they have, but they would lose Davina in the process. Elijah points out the damage they would do, but even then, he's not scandalized by the prospect. It's all a very calculated game of risk - are the gains worth what it would cost them? Is losing Marcel and Kol worth the lives of their family, of people who had lived for a thousand years and the destruction that Lucien would do to everyone in between?

(It is worth it. It's always worth it. While a thousand years is a concept that you always claim to understand, you haven't really had always and forever? You've had chance and happenstance, lingering on the outside of your family looking in, waiting for the moment when you'd truly be able to reveal yourself, be one of them, be part of them. They've had always and forever, but you've had barely two years, and it's not enough time.

It's one young girl who's already dead, versus the lives of the people you love the most, and you play along while Elijah calls Klaus, letting Klaus make the decision, and listening to him make the wrong one.

Young girls aren't worth much to you. You were a young girl once, chewed up and spat out by the world, as it is wont to do. Some survive and some don't. One young girl means nothing in the face of family, acceptance and belonging. It means nothing when weighed against Klaus's life, Hayley's life.

They're your family. And your family always comes first, no matter who gets destroyed in the process.)

The loop skips and Klaus isn't answering his phone. Freya and Elijah make the choice together, knowing that it needs to be done. They can't lose more people they love. Hope can't lose her parents. Lucien will destroy them both without a second thought. This time it isn't a brother commanding her to use her magic despite her objections, this is cool and calculating, and a lie they tell themselves when they decide that it's the only way. The scene unfolds at a breakneck pace with no moments to stop, to rethink.

(Davina's screams still ring on your ears, don't they? On the nights where you feel like you're more of a failure than most, when events drag you down further than you wish to go, and you can't drink away the demons, you hear the cries of Davina Claire, the way she begs for you to stop, to save her, to keep her safe, just like you promised. You hear the snap of Marcel's neck when it starts to seem like he's getting the upper hand.

And you remember the rush of power as the magic of the ancestors slips into your hands, and you throw away the thing that got you there like she's something used.

In all the handringing, in all the consultations with Klaus and Hayley, did you ever think to ask Davina? Harvest Girl, Regent, Strix witch - she knew the value of hard choices and power plays. She would have understood the end goal, the importance of destroying the person who destroyed someone she loved, of taking the Ancestors chief weapon off the table.

Or do you just want to believe that because it helps you sleep better at night?)

The loop doesn't let Freya revel in the victories. It skips the moment of victory, of allowing her to save her brother and Hayley and watching Lucien die as a result. It doesn't give her the comfort of her being able to wrestle these things as Hope looks on, showing how much Klaus truly has changed, even if Freya doesn't have the means to contextualize it.

Instead, she goes back to where she began, standing in a room in the Abattoir with Vincent as he stands over the sleeping body of Aurora de Martel, and shows as Vincent reminds her of what she is, in the most succinct terms he knows how. Her heart may beat and her lungs may breathe but she sucks the life of everything around her. After all, the Mikaelsons are a family of vampires.

(And you already knew that too, didn't you? Maybe that's the truth of it, really - you're too afraid to love something human because humans are far too fragile. The humans you love die because you're not strong enough to save them, because your protection is a double edged sword. Your hands were born with blood on them, because that's what it means to be a Mikaelson.)

That moment is both her greatest shame and her greatest failure, for missing what Vincent did right under her nose, but this isn't about that. Marcel is someone else's guilt to mine. Davina is Freya's.

And then the loop starts over again.

After the first loop, Freya simply looks confused, like she's met with a case of deja vu. By the twentieth, it's starting to sink in, and while she tries to find ways to change the course of things, it's more about anger than actual remorse.

By the hundredth, her face is tracked with tears as her hand reaches for Davina's of her own accord, and there's nothing she can do to hold herself back.

"I'm sorry," she whispers as Davina falls away, her hands a glow with power and she fights the urge to collapse from the weight of it. "I'm so sorry."

[poppycock]

He never blamed her.

Of course she must know, but regardless, this loop is not about his guilt, his anger, his loss. But he didn't. Watching the events unfold just as he remembers them, just as he's lived them, only reminds him of the terror and desperation during those few weeks. The grief: his own, and how it had submerged him, drove him, steered him. The reluctance to lose Kol and Marcel might have seemed merciful, and perhaps it was. He didn't want those he loved to suffer as he was. He also didn't want to lose them too.

That's why he could never blame her.

Choked, glancing down as Freya whispers her remorse and unable to let this continue, Klaus surges forward to take her arm with gentle firmness, to spin her around as Davina falls back with a scream. "Freya," he says, in that quiet, unyielding tone, eyes bright and pleading with hers. "Stop this."

Jolyne Kujo | ota

[uncoils]

[It's always the same, Jolyne and her father escape the visitation room, and she argues with his awkward attempts at being her dad. It doesn't help that he seems more concerned about the compact she's carrying than her. But years of frustration at being Jotaro Kujo's daughter boil over and she throws the thing at him, yelling about all the times he wasn't there for her and ending with...]

If it's so damn precious then take it yourself!

[And she would give a lot right now to take those words back because while they've been arguing, one of the guards takes a shot at Jolyne with a silenced pistol. And the weirdest thing happens, all of a sudden, her dad is in front of her like he teleported, his Stand punching away the bullets, or trying to, he still gets shot a few times. Then this thing shows up and with a swipe, removes what appear to be a pair of CDs from Jotaro's head. It might look nonsensical, but with that swipe, Jotaro's memories and ability to use his Stand are removed.]

You...you're hurt.

[Jolyne tries to talk to her dad, begging him to tell her what happened to him. But he doesn't answer, instead telling her he's always loved her before passing out. And hearing her father, who she's always figured didn't care at all say that just adds extra guilt on top of everything else. But if anyone was expecting to see what happens with the shooter and the weird DNA mummy guy, they'll be disappointed as the scene loops back to the start here.]

[entreats]

[ At first Ange mostly feels awkward watching this. It's not even that weird anymore to suddenly be dumped into the middle of this, considering she's already experienced it before during this weekend and dumping people into random places is Wonderland's favourite activity, but it's.. still awkward. Because this feels like she's suddenly looking in on an extremely private moment, even if it's not exactly Ange's own choice to be here.

But then it goes from watching awkward family drama to something more high stakes - Ange is genuinely surprised when that.. thing appears, and then another thing, and then everything suddenly goes real weird. And that's coming from someone who's used to a world with huge buff goat butlers.

And then it starts again.

It leaves Ange baffled for a moment. She even looks kind of unsure and surprised still when she speaks up rather than seeming totally emotionless again. If she's going to stay silent, it'll just happen all over again, right? ]

Jolyne. [ Look, she doesn't care if you're trying to argue with someone here, time for an intervention!! ] Hey, Jolyne!

Claire Fraser | OTA | tw: infant death

[beautifullies]

[ This isn’t what she ever thought would come back to haunt her, but always, always in her heart, she’s carried a specific guilt. Claire knows in her logical mind that she isn’t dying. That she is in Wonderland, but beyond that, there’s nothing but pain and emptiness as she sits up and begins to panic, boiling with fever. ]

Where is my baby? I want my baby, bring me my baby!

[ She yells it over and over again, pale, clammy, a mix of French and English until an elderly Reverend Mother brings over a tiny wrapped bundle. Now, Claire looks over this tiny, born too soon child of hers and feels pain burst and bloom in her chest. It was her fault; her fault her body failed her. She’d chased after Jamie and put her past (future) husband in front of their growing family. It was her fault, all of it, and now all that she can do is cradle what was never to be to her chest. Anyone who walks in at the beginning of the memory will not be able to calm Claire or speak to her, truly, until her child is placed in her arms.

Mid-memory, Claire sings to her daughter but will stop to speak with anyone who walks in. She might try to get you to hold her child. But in the end, she has to give her baby back and she cries, pressing kisses to her face. The memory loops as Claire breaks down into tears, pain and grief and guilt making her body shake with sobs. ]

[1743]

[ He doesn't tell Claire, but he dreams of Faith often. Through his own foolish actions, Jamie had been robbed of the chance to ever even see her face. That was the punishment he'd earned for his sins, though. He'd left his wife alone when she needed him most, and they'd lost their child because of it. All he's had through these long years was the faint outline of a face to call upon in the safety of dreams, where he can see her and not really lose her, where she exists somewhere peacefully, where she can be as happy as his mind commands her to be.

His dreams echo with the softness of her laughter, and when he wakes some mornings, his skin is still warm from her breath because he'd imagined her falling asleep against his shoulder as he carried her from the dewy meadows home to Lallybroch. In his dreams, his child, gone so long now, calls the sun to the sky and turns on the stars at night for him before she leaves again, safe as just a memory in his heart. That's the one comfort he has, that he can keep her safe inside him, always.

But Wonderland proves to be cruel indeed again, and he's forced to watch what he'd missed before: the death of his child, and the near-death of his wife. He hadn't known Claire was this close to dying, and it turns his stomach to knots to see her face gone so pale, the specter of death over her. It's real enough and terrifying enough that he finds himself begging them (people who can't hear or see him) to save his wife. It's when she breaks down into sobs that Jamie collapses to the ground himself, tears in his eyes, knowing his wife suffered through this alone.

In a broken whisper, he utters her name. ]

Claire...

Barbie | ota | cw for mass murder, bullet wounds, war zone

[theenforcer]

The first time the scene opens up Barbie has no idea what is going on for a moment. He has nightmares all the time of this, of his unit opening fire on another unit, thinking they're insurgents and ending up slaughtering all but one member of another unit from the United States Army that was there doing their job just as his unit is. The first time he marvels for a moment at how real his rifle feels, the memory of the heat, the sun beating down on them so intense and so real. The first time he falls for it, his own guilt making him relive this moment often enough that it's not surprising, not in the least.

Then it restarts just as his commanding officer is realizing what has happened, just as the lone survivor of the other unit is captured by the actual insurgents in the region.

"What the fuck?!"

And that's when he realizing what's going on, and Wonderland has struck again.

"NO! CEASE FIRE! LOWER YOUR WEAPONS!"

Despite his screaming, despite Barbie trying to stop his unit, it happens again, and everyone before them dies but one single woman taken hostage before they can save her.

Even though he knows it's fruitless, he tries over and over again to stop the killing, to save those that signed up to protect others from dying at the hands of a special forces unit that had thought they were doing the same.

There are times when bullets hit Barbie that hadn't when he had been there. It doesn't stop him though from raising his rifle, from knowing that his bullets take lives that he's meant to be helping. Even with his eyes closed tight, or screaming for everyone to hold their fire, he still raises his rifle and fires.

No matter that he practically screams himself hoarse, that he's sobbing and can't see those that he had targeted when it had truly happened in the Afghanistan desert.

[thereporter]

Although he had told her about this, seeing it happen makes Julia sick to her stomach. She watches the first couple of times, safely away from the bullets and shouting. Once Barbie begins to break down, however, she can't hold it back anymore, and she runs to him. Grabbing him by the shoulders, she forces him to look at her, doing her best to stay calm in the chaos.

"Barbie! Barbie, look at me."

Natasha Romanoff | OTA | violence, death, child abuse?

[outstandingbalance]

There are more than two dozen girls in the transport, all of them around the same age. Twelve or thirteen, maybe. They’re crowded into hard bench seats and sit under the watchful eye of several armed chaperones, but they don’t seem unhappy. For so many girls their age (children, really), they’re subdued, but they still murmur among themselves. They still smile. Some of them tell stories or share gossip to pass the time as the armored vehicle trundles on, while others watch out the narrow windows at the scruffy tundra that rolls past, and still others nap, leaning together shoulder to shoulder.

They've been at this for a while, hours or more, but only for a few minutes left.

A moment later, the transport slows and lumbers to a stop. The adults spring into motion,, barking orders for the girls to stand, to exit, line up outside. No, not there. Further back.

They obey, some more hesitantly than others. None of them are dressed for the weather. It’s not winter yet, but it’s late enough in the year for the sun to be cool and pale, the cold much too extreme for the light jackets the girls wear. The wind cuts right through them. A few girls hug themselves against the bite. Others try to stand straight and stoic, anticipating that this is their next test.

Once they have more or less settled into position, one of the chaperones, a woman with blond hair and angular features, stands on the back of their transport. She drops a backpack on the churned up ground, letting it fall over two meters to the icy mud. The other adults hang out of the doors or take position on top, rifles trained on the class.

"This kit includes a parka and one pair of snow boots. A sleeping roll. One week’s worth of rations." She speaks, barely raising her voice to be heard over the wind and the distance. Her right hand comes up and she points over the vast, barren expanse roughly back the way they came. "The nearest settlement is two weeks on foot in this direction."

That is all she says.. She watches her charges a few seconds more, watches as confusion sets in on some faces, horror on others, and on a precious few, grim determination. Those are the faces she looks at the longest. Then she disappears back inside the vehicle, and it lurches back into motion.

They never even turned off the engine.

Two lookouts keep their guns leveled as they leave the girls behind, making sure none of them try to catch up with them as they depart. None do.

Instead a girl starts to run toward the pack. She’s determined, but she isn’t smart, and as soon as she makes her move, two others pounce on her. As though cued, the rest of them burst into action. A few hesitate to fight, pulling their punches. They don’t last long as their sharper peers take advantage of the situation.

What follows is grim. They’re all of them trained. They know how to fight, and their instincts have been honed for this. There’s no weapons among them, but that doesn’t matter. They’re strangled. They’re beaten. Their heads as bashed against rocks. Some lay on the ground, still alive but ignored, incapacitated and left to die of exposure or be picked at by animals. Their numbers dwindle quickly, every girl alive standing in the way of every other girl’s chance at survival.

In the end, there’s only one left.

The way she limps to the gear, hefts it, then limps on, following the path of the transport’s tracks is anything but victorious.

Before she's shrunk away into the distance, the memory begins again.

[captain_america]

Once Steve was able to shake off his own hell he heads out to check on Natasha. He doesn’t know her entire story, but he knows enough. Bits and pieces she has told him or alluded to over the years. Signs of trust she gives him when the story is relevant or she just wants to share for reasons that are usually her own and he doesn’t pry. So he has a vague idea of what her he’ll kight look like and he doesn’t want her to face that alone. Things she might not want him to see but she’s his best friend and he won’t leave her to face it alone.

He pushes the door to her room open and pokes his head in seeing the memory start from the beginning. He walks in closing the door behind him and watches silently. He recognizes what he’s looking at- she mentioned this during the whole accord debacle. She didn’t want them to turn into this- and in a way they had. He had. Fighting each other- he left Tony broken and bleeding in Siberia. But this isn’t about him, it’s about Natasha.

The sole survivor who is limping towards the gear.

“You didn’t have a choice.” He’s not sure if that’s what she wants to hear- he’s not even sure if he believes it. But she’s so young there, what choice did she have but to fight for her own survival?

Nageki Fujishiro | OTA | death, suicidal wishes, Hatoful spoilers

[mourning_ghost]

Once again, Nageki finds himself in the underground labs.

At first, he thinks that he's still dreaming. Dr. Isa, the chukar partridge, can't be seen behind the large mirror where Nageki knows he is. The doctor is no doubt scribbling on his clipboard. On the opposite end of the room from Nageki, the doors swoosh open and a human is pushed in.

Nageki closes his eyes as the human approaches him. Only a few moments later he hears the all to predictable gasping for breath and then a thud as the human falls to the floor. When Nageki looks, the human reaches towards Nageki as if expecting help. He doesn't know that Nageki's presence in the room is the only reason that he is dying. If Nageki attempted to help, he'd probably only hasten the humans death. So Nageki closes his eyes again, lays down in his bed, and pulls the covers over his head. He doesn't want to see this. Every death shaves away at his heart, bit by bit.

It feels like an eternity before the workers arrive to haul the corpse away, excitedly talking about their plans for the night as though none of this bothers them all at. It probably doesn't.

The workers leave and the memory begins again.

[entreats]

By now Ange is at least somewhat aware enough of what's going on that it's not surprising to find herself in this place, even if she may not know all the specific details behind this event. And seeing Nageki quickly establishes that this is his.. memory, or weird guilt dream world, or whatever it's supposed to be.

The human being pushed in momentarily distracts her though. This place seems to be some sort of lab, and she guesses she could imagine reasons for Nageki - or anyone - to be here. But.. why would they just randomly push a human into his room? That human doesn't even look like a doctor or anything, and--

Well, then they fall down. And are pretty obviously dying, despite there being no visible cause of death as far as she can see. Is that person just having a heart attack? But then why does Nageki look so miserable?

She's none the wiser when the memory repeats, but what she does know is that she's not just going to stand there and watch this a few times. Instead she approaches Nageki.

"Hey!" Her voice is raised a bit compared to usually, but it's mostly since there's some actual emotion in it. Yes, that is indeed a rare hint of concern. She swallows down the urge to ask what's even going on here, and instead asks-- "Are you okay?"

chloe decker | ota

[thevulnerability]

[ In a perfect world, Chloe wouldn't be here.

Not even a perfect world. In her world, in the place where things made sense to her (most of the times), where the lines between right and wrong were more clear, where she doesn't cross them.

She bound for Heaven in her world, but Wonderland has strayed her towards Hell.

Chloe's hellscape will be familiar to anyone who has been in Wonderland for more than three months. It's the Harvest Event from the year before. A chilly, rural scene, vaguely haunting but not particularly memorable, at least for most people. Except for the interaction she has with the bloodied man chained to the post. That was memorable for Chloe.

At first, she is just going through the motions, unaware of what is happening. Once it begins to sink in, once she has been through the cycle a few times, awareness dawns on her--Lucifer had told her about this or, at least, something similar--and regardless of whether or not the Hell from her world has truly found its way into Wonderland, Chloe believes this is what she deserves. ]

Tell me what you're really trying to do here and I'll consider letting you go.

[ She doesn't mean it. She never meant it. ]

You'd rather trust monsters. How long do you have until they turn on you?

[ She doesn't know who she was, then. The woman who turned into the very monsters she didn't believe in. ]

Good luck. I hope the monsters you're so afraid of don't eat you.

[ She leaves him. She always leaves him. Even when she tries to change it, tries to untie him, to talk more sense into him, to talk sense into herself, it ends the same way. And each time it resets the guilt embeds deeper into her, so deeply ingrained that she doesn't know who she is anymore without it. ]

[poppycock]

You'd rather trust monsters. How long do you have until they turn on you?

( he was concerned.

it only took a trip into freya's rooms to get a sense of what might be plaguing the rest of the mansion, the oh-so helpful network message notwithstanding. as to his own guilt, he cannot countenance it; perhaps he doesn't have enough of it to matter. perhaps he's had too much to go around. regardless, when he strolls into chloe's rooms, his eyes falling upon a scenario he has only heard about from chloe herself, he's not surprised.

nor does the doctor's warning surprise him either. some might call it prophetic.

his throat tightens; he shifts on his feet.

he collects himself as chloe stands. )

We might, you know.

{Guilt reminds you to try better next time | Cisco Ramon | OTA

[thisismadfreaky]

This room starts out innocently enough, Cisco with a toothbrush in his mouth-- and when he's done with the task, there's a message on the mirror. it won't be long now. I hope you talk less. He frowns at it, the whole thing eerily familiar. Like maybe he's lived this before. He's lost enough in his thoughts that he doesn't realize he's moving in some kind of auto-pilot mode, scrawling his own message back. What does that mean? What follows is practically a montage of moments over the course of weeks, with Cisco, always in secret, talking to an unnamed and never seen Mirror. And as each clip plays through, Cisco realizes with a sickening clarity what's happening. What do you think our world is like? I guess I kinda picture everything in reverse, or like a negative photograph. The whole thing comes off very sketchy and secretive, and as the moments continue on, and he realizes that there is no chance of stopping it or changing the course, he feels himself slipping further back into the place he had been at the time-- Scared, paranoid, desperate. What's it like to have parents? Mine weren't as bad as they could've been ... but they played favorites ... Being ignored and pushed aside isn't the best feeling. sometimes it can feel like that for us ... it can be lonely when nobody's willing to listen. Sympathy for the devil is a real thing. And with someone as openly emotional as Cisco, it can be all too easy to get under his skin and into his heart, with the right little nudges. Things like that stick with him, and then his feelings spill all over everything and take over every ounce of logic and common sense he has. Things seem to escalate eventually, with a new warning: Your Caitlin ... She's not the right one. She had a trip home...things changed. But she's still Caitlin. she didn't go home ... that's when they switched. Tell her I'll find a way to get her back. As if corroborating that particular story, another short-clipped message, this time in feminine handwriting says I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I'm working on it. Just don't give up. Please. His heart aches the same way it had when this played out in real time, during his last stay in Wonderland. Fear for his best friend's safety claws at him, but he knows this isn't any more real now than it ever was then. Another shift leaves Cisco sitting at his (old) workstation in the (former) physics lab. Calculations appear from nowhere across chrome pieces on his table, some parts doubled over in ink darker than others, to show a specific set of changes to the originals and he pales as he stares at it, far too familiar to ever forget. "No," he mutters, shaking his head. "Not this. I'm past this." He doesn't even know, exactly, what the event's parameters are-- just every certainty that there is one, and this is it, and it's making him repeat horrors of his past, for some unknown reason. The scene shifts to another moment in the lab, others that occupy the space busy, while not quite at anything like a bustling pace, as Cisco slips in, apparently unnoticed. But it's easy to ignore the presence of a trusted ally in a place he's expected to be found at any given time, isn't it? Fitz is distinctly missing from the scene, but no one else around at the time seems concerned as Cisco slides up to a computer and taps out a few minor, but hugely impacting, changes to a few of the calculations on the screen. He leaves seconds later, no one ever any the wiser-- nor worried in the least. There's another skip and this time, the lab is alive with energy, final checks are being called off among them before Cisco turns to Fitz, "Ready?" Fitz is found hunched over a desk, staring at a few different monitors that are lined up, different data points displayed across each screen. "Think smallscale. We just want to make sure it works--" Suddenly, the blue-white portal is open in the doorway they'd constructed to contain the energy. Cisco is nowhere to be found, and there is a montage of scenes around the mansion with Mirrors pouring onto the Real Side, leaving chaos, damage, and destruction in their wake. The first cycle is met with a well of confusion, no understanding of what's really happening, or more importantly, why he's suddenly reliving these moments again. But as it repeats again and again and again, realization dawns. He thinks maybe the goal is to fix it, somehow. Getting a do-over isn't really the kind of thing that seems possible, but it does sound probably to the way Wonderland works at times. Cisco tries, over and over to change things-- He smudges the corrected calculations, in hopes he won't remember it later when he needs it and that he won't be able to make the changes. He tries to walk out of the lab and go literally anywhere else in the mansion, only to find himself walking back in seconds later. He tries to type a message for Fitz to find during the final checks later. CHECK THE CALCULATIONS. THEY'RE WRONG. IT'S MY FAULT. I'M SORRY. But still, no matter what effort he puts in to make things go differently, he's only faced with Fitz reminding him to go smallscale, the portal being opened, and havock being released on Wonderland for a lie he--and his too trusting, too squishy heart--allowed himself to believe. He tries different things in iteration after iteration, but in the end, he gives up, gives in. It's with a heavy heart that he quietly admits, "It's a fixed point in this reality... I- I can't change it." and lets his forced-autopilot take over, watching helplessly as it all continues to happen over and over again.

[hypoxic]

[The doctor has been curious about this moment since his arrival. He's heard about it in whispers and half-truths, as well as some sensational network posts around the time. Watching it happen up close is something else entirely. It fills in blanks that were otherwise left undocumented. It makes him come in close, interrupting Cisco while he's at work at a computer terminal.]

That's the missing piece. You're Inhuman and he was helping you hide your status.

[Typical, really. It makes him want to vomit.]

closed to caroline. towards the end of the event.

[poppycock]

( he could certainly use a drink after these few long days. perhaps an entire bottle or two. they do, in fact, have many, as is simply the mikaelson way. the first thing klaus does upon entering he and caroline's rooms is head for the drink cart to liberally pour himself a tumbler of scotch.

he downs half of it, letting the alcohol slide down his throat and seep into his veins. he hears the familiar tapping of caroline's footsteps and takes the liberty of pouring a generous one for her. )

[persevere]

[She looks, for lack of a better word, exhausted.

She pushes the door open, silently relieved that he's already here and not caught up in whatever other hideousness is still going on behind closed doors. He's even already poured a drink for her.

She steps over to take it from him.]

Have I ever told you that you're a lifesaver?

[Just don't judge her when she reaches into the drink cart to grab a bottle, put it to her lips to drink straight out of it, before replacing it and heading over with her glass to rather ungracefully have a seat with a heavy sigh.]

Josuke Higashikata | ota | cw for death

[hairdont]

[The loop itself starts innocuously enough. A teenage boy playing a (dated) video game, and eventually getting a game over. As the words flash almost ominously on the television screen, Josuke's attention is drawn towards a small bottle of water.]

Huh? [Grabbing the bottle, he starts... talking to it.] Hey... Stop hiding like like! Hello? Heelloooo?

[And then he starts shaking it violently. An incoherent, inhuman scream comes from the bottle and upon closer inspection, the water has turned into a small creature.]

Good, good! You're still here!

[An old man enters the room and... points a gun to Josuke's head? And starts grilling him about why he's at home instead of school, and soon enough they're having a conversation about the news report on the tv - about a serial killer. Josuke moves to the window and has a conversation with someone unseen, and the bottle of water changes into a bottle of cognac.

While Josuke is talking, his grandfather pours himself a drink and after swallowing, he collapses to the floor with blood starting to pour from his mouth and eyes. A scuffle breaks out and while the small blue creature is left incapacitated, Josuke attempts to... bring his grandfather back to life.

Naturally, it doesn't work. Despite his best efforts to convince himself his grandpa is just playing another trick, the old man remains gone.

The loop resets.

As the loops continue, Josuke tries his hardest to stop himself from shaking the bottle, from antagonising Angelo and getting his grandfather killed. Despite his anguished screams at himself, at Wonderland, at everything, nothing ever changes and his grandfather dies again. And again.]

[beautifullies]

[ Claire can't pretend to understand the bulk of it all as she watches the loop of a memory. Now that she's out of her own, she checks on friends, on people she's close to, and Josuke was a scheduled stop. What she does understand is death and blame and of course, being stuck in it. ]

Josuke.

[ She kneels, expecting to find pain; her memory had been so real, but of course, it wasn't, not really. She has no idea how aware of her he's going to be, if he'll know somewhere in the back of his mind that this is an event or if he'll even recognize her. ]

Dan Palmer | OTA

[thecourier]

[The sun is shining from a clear, azure-blue sky. It's hot - oppressively hot, for anyone not used to the way the sun bakes down on the desert in excess of 120 degrees Fahrenheit - but the man walking towards the pass between the mountains rising ahead of him seems unbothered by the temperature. His steps are light, the steps of a man finally heading home, and he carries a small package that he idly passes from one hand to the other.

A radio hangs from his belt, crackling out a lazy tune, and he walks.

In time, he finds the shade of the foothills, the shelter of the pass as the mountains rise up on each side of him. A cool breeze blows through the corridor, the air faintly chilled by its freedom from the sun, and a Dan Palmer younger by almost ten years pulls the cap from his head and fans his face with it.

His steps take him through the pass, and to a high ridge on the other side. From it, a sprawling settlement can be seen in the distance, the movement of people and small specks of light in the slowly gathering dusk. Dan smiles, his shoulders relaxing just so, a gentle fondness in his expression as he sets off down the ridge.

Then, drifting on the warming breeze, the high, wailing sound of sirens. Dan's steps falter, and he stops only a few metres from the passage behind him. A few strangely shaped clouds of dust and dirt rise into the air, from silo-shaped structures placed between the buildings, and--]

... What..? Shit-- Shit.

[The package in his hand is beeping. He rips it open, finding a small, black box with a red light flashing. Dan throws the thing to the ground, breaks it into pieces with his heel, but it's too late.

A dozen or more nuclear warheads detonate, but they never make it out of the silos. The ground shakes and heaves upwards, blasting earth and rock turned semi-molten high into the air, and Dan can do nothing but turn tail and run.

He makes it fifty feet back into the pass before the blast-wave lifts him from his feet and throws him forwards, and every last atom of oxygen is ripped out of his lungs. It's so dark, so suddenly, and the air which had seemed so open despite the heat becomes close and heavy.

Dan fights to get his breath back. Fights to stand, to run, scrambling across the ground like a drunkard unable to find his feet. He loses his way in the dark, scratching his arm and hand as he uses the wall to keep moving forwards. Complete darkness envelops the mountain pass, and then--

The sun is shining from a clear, azure-blue sky.]

[theenforcer]

[The heat is a kind of heat that Barbie is used to. Years in Afghanistan and the Middle East taught him to handle the heat as well as his childhood had taught him to cope with the cold. Spying a shape ahead, fairly certain it's someone he talked to in that damn sex motel, Barbie hurries his step to try and catch up with him.

All he can think about is what the hell is Wonderland thinking, and where's Julia. For once she's the last thought that should be on his mind. He hasn't even gotten halfway through the pass when he suddenly the ground behind him rumbles and there's a sound and it's familiar and terrifying and wrong all at the same time and Barbie doesn't have a chance to run. Seeing Dan coming back towards him, knowing he needs to turn, to turn, and then the world goes black.

There's a sound in his throat, a yell, a shout, and maybe a prayer, and then the sun is brilliant overhead and the word catches in his throat and he's closer to Dan now, and still making that horrific sound as his mind realizes what his gut had known the moment the land began to rumble.

Choking back the sound, rushing forward towards the other man.]

Emiel Regis Rohellec Terzieff-Godefroy | OTA

[mandrakes]

[He's watching from the sidelines as a man in armour, with white hair and a silver sword, fights a monstrous creature in the overgrown courtyard of a long-ruined castle. It's night, but he follows every movement keenly, every slash, every swing of claws and the glint of the wicked-sharp sword. The first-drawn blood hits him like a wave, his resolve against it already weakened by recent exploits, and he grips the top of a nearby wall so firmly that the stone crumbles to dust beneath his hand.

Regis is already injured. He's healing quickly, but his aching body shows multiple bruises cycling quickly through the black-blue-green-yellow of healing to leave no sign that they were ever there at all. The battle before him escalates, the creature being fought pushed to such heights of rage that it knows nothing but the desire to destroy. He sways on his feet, back and forth, torn between helping (ah, but helping whom?) and turning away.

The white-haired man emerges victorious, leaving the creature crumpled, bleeding and broken on the ground. Broken, but not dead. No, already the bones are realigning, the flesh knitting together, the severed pieces pulling back together with the magic that keeps them alive - keeps them all alive - until certain conditions are met.

He moves forwards. The witcher is reaching for his sword again, but Regis raises a hand to stop him.]

Leave him to me. Begone. [There's a protest, but--] I insist.

[His friend - a good friend, to trust him so readily - leaves without looking back. Regis looks down on the creature crawling helpless on the ground in front of him. Helpless only now, only like this, and not for much longer.

He won't stop. He'll never stop. Not until there's nothing left here to destroy.]

... I'm sorry. [Regis says, and his features twist into far more feral, bestial ones as his hands are suddenly tipped with sharp, eight-inch claws. He surges forwards, ripping the throat out of the other vampire, claws sinking in and teeth tearing into flesh again and again...

Until it's done, and the mangled, brutalised shape of a dead man is all that remains. Regis falls to his knees in grief, in guilt, leaning forwards and pressing his hand into the blood-soaked dirt as nausea floods through him.

It begins again, and Regis knows there is no way to save Dettlaff. He always knows.]

((a handy video!))

Shaun Mason | OTA cw: death

[adaptiveimmunities]

Shaun is standing in a stairwell with two other men and two women. They all look pale and terrified, and one of the women is swearing continually under her breath.

One of the men squares his shoulder and looks at Shaun. "Boss..."
"No."

"Yes."

"There's got to be another option."

There isn’t. You know that. You have to let him. It's George's voice, though she's not really a part of this scene. the only person who seems to have heard her is Shaun.

"I can delay the lockdown. Not forever, but long enough."

Shaun shakes his head. "No. There's got to be—"

"There's not." It's the other man speaking, the one who'd been silent until now. Shaun turns toward him. "The computers in the apartment are wired into the building's security systems. They can't be controlled remotely, but they work just fine if you're tapped directly into the cable. He can do it. But only if he does it from up there."

"Do you know what you’re asking me to do? You're asking me to let him kill himself."

"I'm asking you to let me do my job." His voice is quiet. "I didn't become an Irwin because I wanted to live a long and happy life, boss. I sure as shit didn't stay with this site because I thought it was going to be a cushy job. The math's pretty simple. It’s me or it's everybody. Pick one."

The argument continues for a few more moments, but they are all clearly running out of time as sirens and flashing red lights get more and more intense. Finally, the party splits. One man heads back up the stairs and the rest proceed to a parking garage. Shaun puts on a helmet and swings his leg over a motorcycle before pausing to look into a camera. A voice comes through the speakers in the helmet. "Move it or lose it, boss. You've got ten minutes at most before the fire rains down."

"Don't you dare move into my head after you die, you fucker. I's crowded enough in here."

"Boss?"

"Open the doors."

The doors open and Shaun guns the engine of the bike, attracting the attention of a nearby pack of zombies waiting just outside the doors. He takes off, and the van carrying the others follows. About six minutes later, a massive explosion lights up the night sky. He pulls over, turning to watch. Eventually, he takes sunglasses out from a case clipped to the handlebars of the bike and puts them on so that he can keep watching.

"All right, George. Now what?"

There is no answer.

[Loop.]

1/2

[krmvgivv]

[Dipper and Mabel aren't snooping. It's worth going around and checking on people, especially people they know are kind of messed up, since they might be able to break them free. They're good at that.

Also, admittedly. he might be a little curious.

But the reality of Shaun's zombie nightmare life is still enough to stun him into silence for a minute. He reaches for Mabel's hand.]

Wow.

[His voice is quieter than usual. It's... hard to find words for that many people dying.]

Brianna Randall | OTA

[givingback]

The first day of Brianna's loop, she can't stand the words coming out of her mouth but she also can't control them. Facing her mother, the day Claire tried to tell her about time travel and Jamie.

"So, how long have you been cooking up this story?"

"I know it must sound crazy, but--"

"Did you really think I would swallow this fairy tale? Do you think I'm still five years old?"

"It is not a fairy tale, Bree."

"The man I grew up with, who loved me for 20 years, isn't my father. My real father is some 6'3" redheaded guy in a kilt from the 18th century? What is wrong with you?"

"Listen to me. Frank was your father in every way that matters except one. He didn't make you, Jamie and I did. You're just like him. Your hair, your mannerisms. Oh, he would have loved you and raised you if it hadn't been for--"

"For the Battle of Culloden? Oh, my God, stop."

"It's true, here. Look at this. The deed to Lallybroch. Claire Beauchamp Fraser, it's my maiden name, my signature!"

"Just admit it! Admit that you are not a perfect person. Own up to the fact that you fucked someone else while you were married to daddy, just like a million other bored housewives."

"I was not bored, and what Jamie and I had was a hell of a lot more than fucking! He was the love of my life!"

"...Why are you doing this?"

"Bree, I'm doing this because it's the truth."

"Only two people know what the truth really is. And one of them is dead. Too bad it wasn't you."

Every loop after that, Brianna tries so hard to cover her mouth, to turn her back, to not say those things. But each and every time the knife to her mother's heart happens and the look on her face is devastating. She'd said those things and meant them in the moment, but she would do anything to take them back now. Especially knowing what she does, that if she can't warn them, then at some point her mother and Jamie both are going to die.

By the third day she says the words through sobs, trying to apologize right on the heels of it but the memory loops too quickly for her to get an apology out or a reaction to one. Seeing herself that way, truly, she's never loather herself more.

[ooc: for reference, the video. ]

{Oh, darling, don't you know, words wound straight down into a soul?

[itchtokill]

"Mothers, awful creatures sometimes, aren't they?" Comes a new voice from his chosen spot, draped far too casually across a seat in the room. "At least, mine always was. Always lying and murdering her children. Truly horrible wench, honestly." "Yours, though," He sits up a bit more properly, sets his feet on the ground and leans across his knees to stare up at the girl, a finger pointed in her direction. "Your Mum is practically a saint."

Garrett Hawke | OTA | cw for death, turning a person into a frankenstein's monster-esque creature

[bloodmagics]

[You hear it before you see it - the sounds of battle, magic being flung, swords clashing against demon flesh, cries of pain. Drawing closer, you find Hawke and several companions - an elf, a dwarf and a redhaired woman - fighting demons and undead. When the last one finally falls, stilted footsteps approach Hawke from behind and draw his attention.]

-- Mother!

[The woman collapses into his arms, dressed in a torn wedding dress and with noticeable injuries and stitches in the strangest places - the most noticeable at her neck, attaching her head to body that wasn't hers. The elvish woman explains that 'his' magic was the only thing keeping her alive as Hawke cradles his dying mother in his arms. 'I knew you would come,' she says.]

Don't move, mother. We'll find a way to...

['Shh, don't fret, darling. That man would have kept me trapped in here. But now... I'm free. I get to see Bethany again... and your father. But you'll be here alone.'

Hawke looks away, unable to bring himself to meet his mother's eyes.]

I'll be fine, mother.

['My little boy has become so strong. I love you. You've always made me so proud.'

The woman's head rolls back and Hawke clutches her body in his grief.

The scene fades out and resets.

No matter how many times the loop resets, it plays out the exact same way. Hawke knows he cannot change any of it; they arrived too late to save Leandra, but that's exactly why he's trapped in it.]

[beautifullies]

[ Her knowledge of how gutting the guilt feels has her checking on everyone she cares about now, now that she's broken free of her own guilt and gotten to Bree.

That's why she finds Hawke and she watches the loop, trying to wrap her mind around what she's seeing. A child losing a parent, and she closes her eyes for a moment, making her way toward him. She's afraid of him rebelling against sobriety again and speaks quietly. ]

You aren't alone, Hawke.