entrancelogs | + Guilt Runs Deep

+ Guilt Runs Deep

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

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Things between her and Kol were never really the same after that day.

True, they managed to be family - five years forced into a bubble will do that to you, you have to learn to get along or you'll kill each other - but the bond and excitement that was there in the beginning would never be recovered. Kol left almost as soon as the situation with Klaus was resolved, and she doubts that he ever looked back.

She feels his hand on her shoulder and she doesn't resist the urge to lean back into him, to selfishly take that support, and as Davina disappears, she swallows hard.

"She didn't deserve that."

Kol may not be the best option for something like this. He doesn't really regret things like this. Hasn't for centuries and probably wouldn't remember how if someone asked him to try. But for Freya's sake? He'd do a lot out of his usual capacity.

"Maybe not," he'll relent that much, at least. Not everyone who's died at the hands of his family necessarily deserved it. But that doesn't mean that the end didn't justify the means, either. "But what other choice did you have? Out family's lives were at stake." And that was everything for a Mikaelson. Family above all, always.

"I could have asked her."

Freya Mikaelson, so big on other people's choices when it came to Cami, couldn't run the risk of Davina not wanting to take the risk. Of being willing to risk herself if it meant that the person who had killed Cami would be dead. Of guaranteeing that the ancestors wouldn't get their way somehow.

"I gave her hope and instead of letting her make the choice I just ripped it away from her."

"Do you really think she would have done it? Made herself our sacrifice?" He can't wrap his head around that. Who has ever cared enough about any Mikaelson to put their life on the line for the lot of them? And this is the bird he's meant to fall for? What on earth does she see in him at all?

"If she made the wrong choice, you would have lost what's yours. You'd missed out....on so much time with all of us already, how could you risk losing out on it forever?" That is to say: He understands why she would choose the awful thing, if it meant saving the rest of them.

She has an argument prepared, how it wouldn't be about helping the Mikaelsons - it would be about avenging Cami, the woman who Davina loved and didn't get to say goodbye to. The ancestors had taken enough from them, part of Freya wanted to hope that she would see the value in it, the destruction that would come as a result of Lucien continuing to rampage through New Orleans.

She knows its all wishful thinking, hopes based on Freya trying to make herself feel better rather than the true fears of a dying girl, but Davina was no ordinary French Quarter witch. In the two years she'd known her, she had made decisions that surprised Freya every day. Things could have been different.

But all of that is sidelined by the fact that Kol is the first person who actually understood. He says those words and she only feels the knife twist deeper, because this kind of absolution coming from him is all she wanted for the longest time, and while she and Kol had managed to find something of a working relationship, it was never the same.

There's a chance that he could go home any moment, and everything would change. But there's gratitude on her face now as he recognizes the thing she would never say.

"Not a lot of people understood that. Including you."

"Well, I suppose at the time, I was a lot more-- emotional about it." Still a thing he can't quite fathom or wrap his head around. Him, of all people, falling for some girl. And of course she's a witch. But still. "But the me you've got in front of you has a very different perspective right now." One that largely boils down to 'Family above all', in all the ways that count or matter.

He takes a few steps closer, closing the space between them, reaching to wrap his fingers around hers. "Sister, whatever decisions we make, however misguided or awful those choices may be at times, it's always, always going to trace back to each other. Family is the only thing we've ever had... and you," He manages a weak, soft smile, free hand sliding up to rest on top of their already linked hands. "you didn't even get that much. You deserve it. You do." He doesn't waste even a second before tugging her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. "Whatever time there's left with us, you deserve it."

Maybe it won't absolve her of her guilt, but even if it helps marginally, Kol will be fine enough with that.

And honestly, it helps.

As she leans in to the hug, the edges of the memory start to fade, almost as though Kol's understanding was what she needed more than the ability to forgive herself. She knows that eventually this is going to change - that one day he will remember Davina, and the actions of his sister will be much more callous, but for now, Freya will selfishly take what she can get.

Maybe it's not the right thing to do, but she's grateful all the same.

"Thank you."

He's glad to see that, in some way at least, it's helping. There's an obvious sort of fade at the edges of the memory, like it's going away, maybe. But Kol doesn't let go of her, because he thinks she needs this, and she should set the pace of it, and when it ends. "Anything for you, sister."

He may not know her as well as he should, and they may end up fractured further in the future, but right now... he'd treat her no different than Rebekah. She's his sister, and that's all that matters.

"For you too."

And she means it, desperately. Anything for her brother, anything for his life, anything for his happiness. She knows it doesn't always seem like it, but she would rather Kol be alive to hate her than dead and gone forever.

She pulls back to look at him. "You mean so much to me. I hope you remember that."

"Family first, always." That was the Mikaelson family way, after all. Nothing got in the way of family, anyone or anything that did ended up very, very dead.

He smiles as she looks up at him, "I couldn't forget if I tried, sister."

"Good." She takes a deep breath. "Now, I don't know about you, but I could use a drink."

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+ Guilt Runs Deep

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