entrancelogs | + Guilt Runs Deep

+ Guilt Runs Deep

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

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"It doesn't. Just means you go somewhere else and cause the same trouble," she says, making a face. "Least I figure I would have. I did in town, which is where I was practically living the summer before I came here."

Much as she talks about loving her dad and brothers, there's a reason Wendy adjusted so well to Wonderland and hasn't complained. It's her first time having her own room and her own things and her own life that didn't mean hiding away from home, or dealing with the madness of said home.

"Is there, I mean... You could find them, right?" She fears he can't, and given his world he may have no idea one way or another.

"You just have more people watching over you to try and prevent aforementioned trouble," Louis considers. "Well. Up until the world ends and they all ditch you to die, anyway."

Because he will never, ever forgive the staff at Ericson's for what they did. They were all just kids and they'd been left for dead. They'd made it very clear, even before the dead started walking, that the kids there would never amount to much of anything. Their actions were just worse than their words, eventually.

"No," there's a horrible finality to his words. "Travelling out there is like...Jesus, it's like suicide. You got other people trying to kill you, you got walkers trying to kill you, you've got to be able to find food and water and shelter... travelling for any long distance is near impossible. Clem managed it, but she's a fucking badass and I am...absolutely not that."

He'd be dead in a couple days. He was saved by Ericson's walls. By the fact they had a means to get food and water. That it was far away from other people. Out there? He wouldn't have lasted at all.

"I honestly don't even know if they're still alive. Same goes for them and me," he shrugs. "It's the same for all of us in the school. We just kind of...accepted that was that. All I can do is hope they got somewhere safe and carried on surviving."

She winces at that, still trying to make sense of that. Even at the worst, none of the adults she trusted had ever abandoned them. Not even Mr Pines and he was the first to tell you that he's selfish, except he isn't. Not like that. Not to leave kids to die.

"Well... you're here now," she says, giving a nod as she moves closer to him. "And you know what? We're not the people we were back home. I'm not. I'm not even close to that girl that broke things because she was bored, or knew that two guys liked me and yet ignored it and pretended I didn't know." Because she couldn't not know how Dipper felt, and now their friendship was something else entirely but it wasn't that.

"I know a lot of people hate this place and they were cheated by it but some of us? I think for some of us it lets us have another life," she says, nodding because she's never put this into words. Not outside of her own head in the late night hours when she has too much time alone and too much time to think. "You're one of the best friends I've ever had, Louis. Even in this short time. You and Kokichi? You're like... No, it's not like. You're my family. I've always been surrounded by brothers," she says, laughing softly.

"And whoever you were there and then? It's not the Louis I know. He's not even the Louis you know," she points out. "The world changes and you changed with it. I bet they wouldn't care what you did then if they knew now you were alive, and all you had done and could do, and the man you are. I'd bet they'd be proud of you," she says, sincere in her tones and sentiment. "I know I am."

Louis has never forgiven Ericson's staff for leaving them to die. None of them were great kids- they were all in Ericson's for a reason. The staff were always ready to tell them they were bad people, and they were- but none of them deserved that. To just be abandoned to die. It had been terrifying. If Marlon hadn't stepped up, if Ms. Martin hadn't been the only adult to stay...they probably wouldn't have made it.

"That doesn't sound like you," his brows knit together- Wendy has always been a badass, to be sure, but willing cruelty isn't a part of her repertoire, but... "though I guess that's kinda your point."

His smile softens as she continues to speak- in spite of the nightmare repeating itself around them over and over. She's right, of course. This place affords them a whole other life. One without having to fight to survive every single damn day. He's no stranger to found family- his whole group back home is that. But he has people like that here now, too. And they mean the whole damn world to him.

"You're family to me too, Wends. Seriously. I'm proud to be your obviously funniest brother," he can't help but throw a little lightheartedness in there, it's a habit. "But you're great. Really."

His smile fades into a wince as he hears his mother's anguished cry again. Wendy is right. He knows this, deep down. He knows that he's not that person any more. That he's worked really damn hard to become a better person. One that wouldn't hurt anyone if he could help it. He tries to keep his vindictive days in the past...but the guilt remains. The fear that he could end up that way again.

"I nearly slipped back into that you know," he hasn't said this to anyone, but it slips out anyway, his gaze drifting downwards. "Clem's been taking care of this kid, AJ? There was...a big fucking mess and AJ killed my best friend- who was threatening them before I helped talk him down. I was...really angry with them after that. Helped kick them out of the school, said some really nasty things to them both."

Clem forgave him for that, beyond all reason. She forgave him and then they got closer and...well. But Louis hasn't really forgiven himself. It was a reminder that he could still be that person, if he wasn't careful.

"I'm trying to be better...but I gotta be careful. In case I backslide back," he doesn't really see the natural reaction of grief for what it was- still he manages a smile. "...Thank you, though. I... I hope you're right."

She smiles at that, nodding because it's true. "Not here. Not with the things I've learned from people here. Nathaniel? Would have my ass if I acted like that here, and he should," she says, believing that in ways she never did before coming to this place. "But that's what me and my friends did. You would not believe what happened in a convenience store once. It was... unreal."

And yet she knows ghost are real and never doubts that again.

She laughs at that. "Well, obviously. You're the funny one, and Kokichi is the mastermind, and I'm obviously the muscle," she teases, grinning at that. Though it fades instantly the moment she hears that sound, wincing as she moves in closer, leaning her shoulder against Louis'.

"It's not real, you know. It's happened and it's over. This is just Wonderland trying to hurt you. All you can do is accept you'll do better."

Pausing before she wraps an arm around his shoulder, hugging him into against her for a moment, one armed.

"We don't change overnight, Louis. We don't become better just because we say so. Now we know, right? You and me. So I can help. I can watch over you and make sure you're okay." Because she needs him to be okay. Now and in general. "Make sure it doesn't happen again. Okay? We can make sure everything is okay."

For all of them.

"Why, did you rob and/or set fire to it?" look, it's been literal years since he's seen one, he's going by what he vaguely remembers of teens hanging around outside them- and possibly from half-remembered TV shows. "Or are we talking Spooky Gravit Falls Brand Unreal Bullshit?"

Because it could be either way, from what he's learned of her world.

"You are so the muscle. You could absolutely kick all our asses if you wanted to," which is basically the tagline of every girl he's ever got close to, his smile fades though..because honestly, this sucks so much. "Yeah...I know. But it's a very impressive recreation."

Everything is exactly how he remembered it. How things were when he had it good. And now...well, now there isn't even electricity any more, let alone laptops to use it with. He stares down at it, at the words appearing on the screen, and lets out a shuddery breath, leaning against her.

"That sounds like a fair deal to me," he replies, trying and failing to keep his voice from cracking, he offers a weak smile. "Promise you'll slap me if I start doing that shit again?"

"Gravity Falls spooky," she says with a nod. "Ghosts that tried to kill us all," she admits, looking a bit pale talking about it. "Dipper saved us that night," she says, glancing away and then back.

Still giving him a bit of a smile at that, knowing that in the end, it is pretty true. She was trained for that, even if he carries a chair leg with nails in it and kills zombies regularly. Here, where he doesn't have to do that, it's different.

"Oh trust me, I will totally hit you," she says, nudging him. "If you promise the same if I start acting like that kind of teenager. I don't want to be that Wendy again." It's part of her fears about going home, besides losing them all. It's losing the woman she's becoming.

"Oooooof course. Murder ghosts, silly me for not thinking of those," still, it clearly shook her. "Well...glad he did. And sorry you had to deal with murder ghosts. That sounds pretty shitty."

Sometimes, he thinks he prefers the zombie thing. At least that's predictable. He knows how to deal with walkers. This shit? This is all kinds of messy.

"You're a good friend, Wends," his tone is light, but he means every word. "And sure. I'll stop you from being Douchey Wendy, you stop me from being Douchey Louis. Sounds like the perfect plan."

"Old people murder ghosts," she adds, nodding sagely. "Who hated teenagers. There's a reason this place just feels like home without my siblings," she admits, chuckling softly as she shrugs her shoulders. "Thanks though. I appreciate it. I think it's kind of honestly why I just take the weird things in stride. It's these that make me wonder."

Like why she has so little of these things to bother her. Has she missed out on things? Is it because Dipper is right and she's fictional? She knows it might be that but no way to really prove it.

"I try. I like the person I'm being here," she admits. "Friends and everything else. I'm glad for it," she says, not really having not said it to others, or that she hopes that somehow some of it sticks if she gets sent back home.

"Old people murder ghosts who hated teenagers sounds like the worst kind of murder ghosts," he shivers theatrically. "Yeesh. Heeby jeeby central. That's a damn good reason to be able to deal with weird shit well."

Finding out that you're fictional is a whole other can of worms that Louis is absolutely not interested in going through. Nope. No thanks. Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

"Well, for it's worth? I think you're doing awesome at it. You're great, Wends. A plus friend."

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+ Guilt Runs Deep

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