+ Guilt Runs Deep

[vitaelamorte]

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

Comments

[jamminshield]

Steven answers her with a soft nod.

"Right. ...No matter what you think of her, that doesn't change what you did." He says that softly. "And it doesn't change that you're improving, either. Every step is an important one. No one can change completely all at once! ...Unless you shapeshift, but that's different." He realizes he should probably just stop talking.

[ssmisery]

"I just don't know how to make peace with this. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to deal with Jasper, and now even if I wanted to... it's too late. This isn't real."

The real Jasper is in a bubble in Steven's basement. In another monster. What Malachite did to her has already reached its miserable conclusion, and while Lapis would just as soon never see her again, it's a sick feeling to know there will never even be the option of any more closure than that.

Still... maybe it does help, talking about it. Giving words to things she usually tries not to think about. It at least makes them look a bit more manageable. There's no fanfare, but Lapis's feet move and she begins to turn away from the fake Jasper of the past. It's hesitant, but it's progress. "But I don't want to keep doing this to myself either. I don't want to keep feeling like I have to." She gives Steven a tight, distant look. "You always make it easier."

Jasper makes no attempt to stop her or move after her, and really, maybe she's already defeated. She has no power over anyone here beyond what they give her. Regardless, Lapis isn't gone yet, nor Steven, and like a machine following its program, Jasper is still trying as long as she has anything available to try. And suddenly, she too is addressing Steven. "You always take her side. I never got the kind of chances you gave her. But you know as much as anyone that I deserved better, don't you" -- and there are melodramatic finger quotes here -- "'Rose?'"

[jamminshield]

Steven looks towards Lapis as she speaks. The hint of a soft smile forms when she mentions that he makes it easier. That's one good thing, at least. As long as he's helping her in some way...

"Just think of it as one step at a time. You don't have to feel like you're making peace with the whole thing all at once..."

But of course Jasper still persists, and now that she's actually talking to Steven, he frowns as he takes a step back. Being addressed as Rose now comes with an extra sting, amplified by the finger quotes.

"That... that's not true! I wanted to help you too, really. But things just didn't work out that way..."

[ssmisery]

Lapis frowns at both of them. When they learned the truth about Steven's mother, 'what does this mean for Jasper' was certainly the farthest thought from her mind, but... Pink Diamond's actions had such far-reaching effects for pretty much everyone ever, it's true. And maybe she can't bring herself to feel bad for Jasper, but Lapis understands her, frankly, better than she'd like. If the real finger-quotes-Rose were actually here, there might even be some kind of a point to be made.

But she's not, so it doesn't change anything now. This is only a phantom trying to spread blame and shame however it can; turning against Steven only makes that more clear. "It wasn't your fault. None of it was," Lapis says to him quiety.

That's the kind of thing that's easier to say to someone else than yourself, but saying it at all still makes it seem clearer and perhaps more applicable. So actually Phantom Jasper's last gasp was counterproductive, if anything. Well, how do you move on from something that's part of you? There's a lot that neither of them can fully address, in the end, here and now and by themselves. So it may be that she's not exactly done with this, and maybe Steven isn't either, for his part. But maybe that's no reason to sit here stewing in it either.

Lapis gives a long sigh, looking over the burning beach, and then turns to Steven fully. She can't quite smile at him, she's pretty darn drained and this is gonna need some recovery time, but she can't keep being overwhelmed by this nightmare either. It's too fake and too pointless. "I think I can go now," she says.

[jamminshield]

Steven had almost stumbled and gotten caught up by his own feelings of guilt. But luckily Lapis's words snapped him out of it. Not only did it help to hear that from Lapis, but it helped him to re-focus on her instead of the fake Jasper.

And as Lapis gives her final answer, Steven looks at her with a weary smile and extends a small hand.

"Then let's bust this popsicle stand."

[ssmisery]

"I have no idea what that means," Lapis says blandly. There's never a bad time to keep a running joke going. A moment later, though, she takes the hand -- it can't last long, she's going to need some serious alone time with a strong personal bubble after all this, but the gesture exists and is good. And, more gently, she adds, "Thank you."

Steven just keeps doing this kind of thing for her, man.

[jamminshield]

It's pretty much the answer that he expected, and it brings some more fondness to his smile.

As she takes his hand and thanks him, he answers softly, "I'm just glad I could help." He knows this isn't the end of Lapis's personal problems, but pulling her away from the cycle of Malachite feels like a significant step. And most importantly, it's putting a stop to Lapis's immediate suffering!

With that, leading Lapis by the hand, he turns back the way he came.