+ Guilt Runs Deep

[vitaelamorte]

Who: Everyone!
Where: The Mansion
When: Feb 23-25
Rating: Please warn in top level subject lines for potential triggers/NSFW
Summary: Various residents are trapped in their own guilt, watching their guiltiest memory play on a loop.
The Story:

Welcome to the gathering post for the event. Please see the plotting post for more information + the bulletin board link. Have fun!

Comments

[ssmisery]

Lapis is completely unmoving during the hug, which is at least better than pushing away even if it's sorta like hugging a mannequin. That's definitely something she can't really appreciate right now; she understands the gesture, but viscerally it feels like she doesn't. Again, very frustrating. But that too is kind of a summary of this whole thing.

"Peridot," she says, still quietly, but now because she also has to struggle to figure out the words she wants to say. Well, besides an obvious one or two. "Thank you. This, and... you help me so much. You're always helping me, and I'm..."

Never going to be able to repay it. Not even always able to accept it gracefully.

Going to keep having these things happen, all this drama and messy unsolvable problems, going to keep on needing to be bailed out.

Nothing like you.

Not worth it, maybe. But she doesn't get to decide that.

It's frustrating. Because she knows, she does, that Peridot doesn't care. But maybe someone SHOULD. Maybe she does. Her fists tighten.

She has no idea how to end that sentence, ultimately. Peridot already knows perfectly well what she is, and other than the frustration she could dredge up more of, Lapis just feels hollowed-out. The only thing she can see how to accomplish right now is more arguing in the circles she already ceded. "Let's get out of here."

[slapfight]

Peridot pulls back a bit, canting her head and looking a bit like she's autofilling various endings to that sentence somewhere behind her shaded eyes, and none of them are what Lapis is thinking, and to find that out would probably baffle her and set the situation back on its axis to revolve in circles again.

She casts guilt aside like a tool she doesn't need anymore. Already it's filed away neatly with Homeworld sensibilities and casual gem classism- these feelings I have for these things I've done don't matter to me and shouldn't matter to anyone else.

Lapis does not have a brain that files things away neatly. Lapis's brain is a tempest in a teapot, scattering baggage and guilt every which way, but there's just not enough room to hurl it so far that she can't find it again. They'll be here again. They've only stopped this Hell.

Peridot doesn't care. The scene fades and they're back in the barn with only the memory that were storms here once. It still tastes like salty sea air and the ground still feels gritty under her feet, and she makes a face. All the words she could have said before are abruptly replaced with mild disdain as she looks at their room. "We're... probably going to have to borrow another room for the weekend. The barn is a little... unfortunate right now."