entrancelogs | I'm trying not to sleep

Who: Clara & anyone! (totally open)
Where: Around the mansion
When: The week after the shadow event
Rating: TBA
Summary: When you have a terrible shadow event, it's time to stay busy to forget about it
The Story: Clara is beyond humiliated.

She's lost a great deal of her pride, she's fractured almost every single relationship she's formed in her time here, and she's at a loss as to what she needs to do to make herself feel better. So the best solution in her mind is simply not to think about it and stay busy. She can't act like any of the things her shadow said never happened, of course, but she doesn't have to linger on it. There's too much hurt there for her, and it's best to just build up some walls on the inside and close it off and away. And sleep? Forget about it, there's way too much time to have thoughts loiter on everything that went wrong, or have pesky dreams slip in, and that's definitely not something she wants to have happen.

On Tuesday, she has plans with both Luke and Owen, and despite not being up to her usual spirited nature she's grateful for the chance to interact with the both of them without shadows present.

On Wednesday, she thinks she has self-defense lessons but also spends a good portion of the day sprawled out in the sun at the beach. She's not usually a beach dweller and she doesn't usually sunbathe, but she thinks it's the perfect place to read through some Jules Verne. Journey to the Center of the Earth was a childhood favorite, and it makes her feel safe and nostalgic so she's grateful that the library has a copy on hand just waiting for her.

On Thursday, she spends her time out in the gardens, working on both drawing and painting. Her lessons with Whale have left her eager to continue practicing, working on a drawing of white roses which she has every intention of painting red by the end of the day. If someone happens across her, she's more than likely to grab hold of them and convince them to pose for her so she can attempt a more complicated subject.

Friday finds Clara holed up in the library, a stack of books on space piled up around her. She's sitting cross legged on the floor, and the pile of books towers above her, constantly wobbling as if they're about to topple at any given second. There's fiction, non-fiction, and even some picture books at her side. She started the day out reading for research but now has an old, worn copy of The Little Prince in hand. It brings back memories of her mother, and those are always good to hold onto when she's having a difficult time.

The rest of the weekend is spent either at the swimming pool or her room. The pool she's never really used before, so it's nice to just float around and stare up at nothing in particular. It's a funny feeling, just aimlessly floating, doing nothing for hours on end. She almost feels guilty for it, but it's a nice break from being cooped up in the library. When she's in her room she's working on painting her walls, trying to complete constellations for the night sky she's painted across every single wall. She's not much of an artist, but this has given her something to do in her time here, and the project is almost complete. There's even a little TARDIS painted right up above her bed.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Dunno if it was appropriate just now." Especially not with Athos right nearby, able to see and hear everything. But she understands why it happened, and is grateful it did, despite the fact she's got quite a bit weighing heavy on her mind.

"What sort of timing were you waiting for, exactly?" Both eyebrows arch as she looks up at him, almost confused as she tries to figure it out on her own. She knows there've been plenty of times where this could've happened but didn't, leading her to believe he wasn't necessarily interested.

"Yes, I'm not sure of that either." He looks sheepish enough about it, really. And he didn't know Athos was there! He doesn't know the man's schedule, for Christ's sake. He shrugs at the question.

"I'm not sure. I suppose a time when I was at least more than a little bit sure that you wouldn't slap me in the face?" Though he wasn't all that sure it wouldn't happen this time around either.

"But now, I don't know, it's not as if I have much to lose by doing it now, right?" But that's a lie and he knows it is. He had everything to lose with her, and still does. He could have, conceivably, been friends with her if the nature of their relationship had never changed, but now he's not sure. He'll try, no matter what happens, though. There's always that to count on.

"I don't know that I'd go that far." In the moment, the risks weren't weighed as she normally would have. But now that said moment is over, she doesn't regret it. There's always that, at least. But they both still have plenty to lose, and she bites at her lower lip to keep from vocalizing the thought.

"Also. When a girl is laying in your bed and staring over at you, begging you to take her out riding? She probably won't slap you in the face if you attempt to kiss her." She laughs, because she thinks that it was obvious, something that stuck out like a big chin. But she supposes that her behavior can be a bit mystifying at times, so she doesn't hold it against him for any longer than about thirty seconds.

It's nice to hear that she feels at least somewhat the same, at least that's what he gets from what she's said. He hopes he's not reading too far into it. He seems to be doing that a lot lately. Though perhaps not so much today...

He scoffs and looks away, embarrassed, but she doesn't need to know that. He remembers that moment well. He'd been ready to kiss her then too, but it seemed too inappropriate, even for him. "I was attempting to maintain some sense of propriety," he says, grinning at her. He runs a thumb over her knuckles, and brings her hand to his mouth to kiss them.

Why can't they just stay in the woods forever again? It seems like a good enough plan right now.

"I suppose I can't fault you for that."

There's a stretch of silence after, in which she wants to make him think she's actually put out by his doing so and she does entirely fault him, but the facade quickly crumbles into a coy smile. It's entirely amusing to her how he can act so confident and sure of himself and everything he's doing up until this moment, and now he's reduced to embarrassment and uncertainty. It's quite endearing, enough so that she brings their hands up to rest over her heart, so he can really get a feel for the effect he has on her. Her chest is still pounding, heart racing.

"Propriety's thrown out the window now, though?"

"Well, we are in the middle of the woods," he says, laughing gently. He can feel her heartbeat under their hands, and it's racing, it's been racing, just as his has since he kissed her. The silence doesn't bother him much, because he's gotten pretty good at being able to tell when she's teasing, and he's still in a bit of a daze, so there's that.

"Hard to be properly proper outdoors." He shrugs and gives her hand a squeeze. "Though I do expect we'll have to return sometime."

She sighs in disappointment at that, because she knows it and was thinking it herself, but she doesn't want to head back yet. "We can now, if you'd like." She offers, offering him a bright smile to counter that sigh.

"Or, we could just walk. No having to worry about being properly proper, or heading back inside. Just us, outdoors."

"A walk is what we came out for originally," he says with a nod, carefully not mentioning how that plan was foiled. But still, the day is young, and it's pleasant and there's not an awful event for once, so a walk would be nice.

"Should we go farther into the woods or back the other direction?"

"That depends. Do you think there's anything out there that might find us?" People or things that go grr and have fangs or anything of the sort are included in that question. She hasn't been out here that often, but people have told her there are things lurking, that it's not safe. So she's a bit skeptical of moving further inside. But she trusts D'Artagnan to protect the both of them, so perhaps she's just worrying for the sake of worrying.

He raise an eyebrow and makes a sort of contemplative face into the woods. He's certainly never met anything in the woods, but he's never been in very deep either. He's heard stories of people getting lost in there and losing a life. He doesn't want that to happen to him. Or her. Or the both of them.

He's not one to find romance in mutual death.

"I'm not sure, though I do know it's possible to go too far in and not find your way out, which isn't desirable either. We could travel in this general area?"

"General area sounds brilliant." It's an easy decision, and she pulls away from him entirely so she can take the lead. She flashes him a grin over her shoulder, laughing in amusement as she waits for him to follow before getting too far ahead. When he follows, she takes him by the hand once again, and drags him off to spend the rest of the afternoon getting quite purposefully lost among the trees.

I'm trying not to sleep

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