Ianto Jones (
torchwoodteaboy) wrote in
entrancelogs2013-10-22 12:08 am
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Who: Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness
Where: Their room,
When: Evening of October 21st
Rating: PG-13? (Will change if necessary)
Summary: There's something that Ianto's been meaning to tell Jack. Something he's been putting off for months now, because he just can't seem to find the right moment. How do you break the news that you're dead to someone you love, after all?
The Story:
Ianto has been meaning to tell Jack about his future for a while now. He knows that it's been over a month since he'd gone to Clara and Martha for advice on whether or not he should, and if so how. Over a month since he spoke to Owen and came to the conclusion that he would need to do it himself, or else risk something terrible happening with Wonderland itself breaking the news to him. Now it looks as though Wonderland isn't what he would need to worry about at all, but its inhabitants, what with the Doctor appearing. He knows that the Time Lord is from the future. He knows that he knows what happens, and whether he's promised to keep quiet on the matter or not, he doesn't trust it. It's now or never, he tells himself, and the thought of it slipping out in a conversation with the Doctor rather than coming from Ianto himself is the only thing that's keeping him from running for the hills as he sits on the sofa in their room and waits for Jack to return that evening.
He hasn't called Jack back early. The other man might still be out exploring with the Doctor, or perhaps he's off on some other adventure of his own making. He didn't want to cut off the other man's fun, not for this. Not with this news. But it means that he's been left waiting. Ianto's a pretty patient man, but he's starting to fidget in his seat, a million different 'what if' scenarios starting to play through his head as he does.
Where: Their room,
When: Evening of October 21st
Rating: PG-13? (Will change if necessary)
Summary: There's something that Ianto's been meaning to tell Jack. Something he's been putting off for months now, because he just can't seem to find the right moment. How do you break the news that you're dead to someone you love, after all?
The Story:
Ianto has been meaning to tell Jack about his future for a while now. He knows that it's been over a month since he'd gone to Clara and Martha for advice on whether or not he should, and if so how. Over a month since he spoke to Owen and came to the conclusion that he would need to do it himself, or else risk something terrible happening with Wonderland itself breaking the news to him. Now it looks as though Wonderland isn't what he would need to worry about at all, but its inhabitants, what with the Doctor appearing. He knows that the Time Lord is from the future. He knows that he knows what happens, and whether he's promised to keep quiet on the matter or not, he doesn't trust it. It's now or never, he tells himself, and the thought of it slipping out in a conversation with the Doctor rather than coming from Ianto himself is the only thing that's keeping him from running for the hills as he sits on the sofa in their room and waits for Jack to return that evening.
He hasn't called Jack back early. The other man might still be out exploring with the Doctor, or perhaps he's off on some other adventure of his own making. He didn't want to cut off the other man's fun, not for this. Not with this news. But it means that he's been left waiting. Ianto's a pretty patient man, but he's starting to fidget in his seat, a million different 'what if' scenarios starting to play through his head as he does.

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He can save Ianto. He will.
"What building? What were we doing there, and who released the toxin?" Because he hasn't missed the 'we' in Ianto's words. He knows what that means. That he and Ianto both died. That in some future, Ianto's future, he had to watch his lover die, and then die himself, with the knowledge that Ianto would be gone when he revived. That, too, he refuses. Denies.
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He shakes his head at the other man, his voice rough and low when he manages to speak again. "You can't," he says.
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There's a disconnect. A flash of- something. And then- his voice is steel. Cold. And suddenly he's shaking, with some raw emotion he can't place, can't process, and his hand pulls back. He pushes up from the couch, smooth, and steps back, turns away.
"I can. I won't be trapped here forever; when I get back, I need to know what happened. It's the only way to prevent it. The only way to save you." There's a bite to his tone, something warm, no, hot building within him. For Ianto to refuse to tell him, to believe him... There's another shudder, that runs down the full length of his body, but it's the only visible movement. He remains facing away, statue still, and when he speaks again, it's an almost venomous command. "Tell me, and I can change the future."
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"Don't," Ianto says, sitting forward in his seat, running his hands over his face, feeling the loss of the other man's presence beside him like a void. "Stop. If you keep talking about saving me, I'll actually believe you, and then when you disappear again and forget about all of this and I'll have to go through it all over again, or worse, when you disappear and come back after the fact and blame yourself for my death, for not being able to save me, for not being able to change it, to stop anything..." He shakes his head. "It will kill me, Jack. I can't."
He looks back up to Jack, defiant against the other man's commanding tone. "You blamed yourself, last time. Why the hell do you think it took me so long to tell you now? You blamed yourself, it ate at you until you lost yourself to the guilt, and it wasn't your fault, Jack, it wasn't your fault. The Hub, the 456, my death. None of it." It isn't until the words are out of his mouth that Ianto realizes what he's said, how much he's said. An ice-cold dread settles in his stomach as he forces himself to meet the other man's eyes. Shit.
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It's a white hot thrill. He fans it, lets it burst into full force flames, because anger- anger is better than the alternative. Especially when Ianto continues, and suddenly there's a name, an achingly familiar species, and the wash of terror that floods through him is matched only with the second flicker of fire at the reminder that this is the secret he's been harboring for three damn months.
"Don't you dare," Jack snarls in return, and his eyes are ablaze as he meets the other man's eyes dead on, "presume to lay this at my feet. Don't you dare try to pin this on something I can't even remember. I have no control over that, and you damn well know it, Ianto. And you sure as hell know that I would never leave you if I had a choice, would never erase one single memory of the time we've had together. If you're going to make judgement calls about me based on something I can't control or remember-"
He breaks off, just barely, because the next words out of his mouth- they aren't pretty. They are damning. Destructive. And he is seething, his chest rising and falling with his sudden anger, fists clenching, and behind the blaze in his eyes is something ice cold.
"I don't need you to tell me what happened to find out."
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Ianto can't help that last comment, the way it's aimed to sting. There are emotions fighting underneath their argument that Ianto's only just realizing he has. This isn't how he expected things to go in the least. He really hadn't prepared himself for anything even close to their current interaction. More than anything, Ianto just wants Jack to hold him, to be there for him now, not making promises about the future that may or may not happen in the long run. But there they are. And apparently he's reacting so badly that Jack's even threatening to go to other sources for the information. He can't help but laugh a little bitterly at that. "If you're talking about going to the Doctor, don't bother. Apparently beyond being your little 'tag-along', he doesn't even remember who I am, never mind what happened to me. Good to know that I have such a high standing, after everything." He bites back a comment about so much for not being able to forget him. He may be upset, and he may be a little angry, but he's not vindictive. Of course, that doesn't mean that he has a complete control on everything that's coming out of his mouth, right now.
"So what, Jack," Ianto bites out, continuing, "you're allowed to get upset at me for making a judgment call based on a memory of something that happened, but I'm not allowed to question a decision you make that could possibly erase everything I've done, everything I remember for the last 5 months? That could possibly erase my existence entirely, and or worse, create another version of myself to live the life that I'll never get? Is that what you want, Jack? God knows it's what you're headed for. I'd still be stuck here but you'd have him, happy and none-the-wiser, which I guess is all that matters in the end, is it?"
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"The Doctor's not the only one who knows," he growled back coldly. Martha knew, Jack was certain of that, and he was willing to bet Owen would know too, possibly even Clara.
He stepped forward, then, closer to where Ianto sat still on the sofa, and stared down at him, something dark in his eyes. Because even as something within him flinched at the younger man's words, even knowing that changing his future could and would erase what Ianto had experienced after his death- Ianto wouldn't remember any of it, nothing of his time here, nothing about their time together in Wonderland, nothing about the horrors, and laughter, and Welsh puppies, and friends- at least he would be alive. Because the thought of a world with Ianto dead, no matter how much he knew it would happen eventually, the thought of it happening now, in such a short time...
"Do you want to die, Ianto?" he spit out as he towered over his seated form. "Because if you're done, if you have zero desire to live, if you'd rather be a cold corpse buried in the ground than living, and breathing, and alive..." Than be with Jack... He stopped. Inhaled deeply, shudderingly. And his jaw steeled, his lips thinned. "Then you damn well better tell me now."
It wouldn't stop him, but if Ianto would rather be dead than with Jack, he'd leave now. He would not let Ianto stop him.
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"Do you honestly believe that I would ever choose death over more time with you? Over even getting one single bloody day more? Fuck, Jack...!" Ianto swore, spitting the anger and the pain he was feeling back in the other man's face. "I would give anything for things to have gone differently. But they didn't, and they won't, and I will not let you destroy the universe just to get me back! This place," he motions around to their room, indicating Wonderland itself, "the people I have here? They're all that I have left." He meets the other man's eyes from honestly not that far away, blue eyes full of ice and pain. "All that I'll ever have again, with any of them. With you. For something you supposedly value so highly, you're awfully eager to sacrifice it for a goal that you know that you can't achieve," he bites out.
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And if it is... universe be damned, Jack will unfix it.
"I'm saving you, whether you like it or not." His eyes flash, meeting the look in Ianto's eyes unflinchingly, with a hard look of his own. "No matter what it takes. If it means I have to make some sacrifices to do that, then so be it."
He will sacrifice almost anything, anyone, to save the man before him.
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And so he shakes his head, the look in his eyes pained and raw, and there's probably no way he can mask the tears at this point. "You keep going down this path and you're as good as killing me yourself," he grinds out, his voice low and rough, with edges sharp as broken glass. And without another word, Ianto turns on his heel and walks out of the room, their room, the sound of the door shutting behind him loud in the void he leaves behind.