(Closed) I'll be your crying shoulder

[sheriffwolf]

Who: Bigby Wolf (sheriffwolf) and Mary Margaret (cinnamonie)
Where: Bigby's Room (Second Floor, 207)
When: October 9th
Rating: PG
Summary: After a series of text messages, Mary Margaret comes by Bigby's room for a shoulder to cry on.
The Story:



[Bigby was in the middle of returning Mary Margaret's text, worry making him anxious when he heard the knock at his door. Puzzled, he walked over and opened his door, a bit surprised to see her so quickly. He scanned her face, trying to get an idea of why she was here as he stepped back, letting her walk into his room.]

Hi. Um, come on in.

[His room had little in the way of decorations. There was a small, cot sized bed on the corner next to a large table by a single window. A large, worn reclining chair sat opposite a rabbit eared television, an over flowing ashtray on a table nearby. It's clear from the indentations on the chair that Bigby sleeps in that as opposed to the bed which is really only there for emergencies. A small kitchenette is set up across the room with a large coffee pot and even more ashtrays and crumpled cigarette boxes. For as much as Bigby loves to eat, you wouldn't be able to tell from his room. It's more of a place where someone comes to sleep rather than spend a lot of time in. The scent of stale cigarettes hangs in the air - it's clear his room is not really meant for company and his cheeks flush a bit at the fact he didn't have a chance to pick up.

He rushes around, picking up the overflowing ash trays and dumps them in the trash can, opening the window as he passes to let some fresh air in.]

Can I make you some coffee?

Comments

[cinnamonie]

[ mary margaret feels a bit foolish, with how she rushes to bigby's room. foolish, for how she doesn't even wait for a reply. foolish, for how she really has no right to be here, to ask him for this at all. she doesn't want to dump this on him, but the reality of the situation came down to the fact she really had no one else. ruby would have been who she would have turned to, if the situation were different, but with how things are with emma and the fact derek is part of the problem, mary margaret just wants to get away. get away somewhere she feels safe, where there are no expectations of her, where she can just...be.

which is why she goes to find bigby.

because truth be told, she would have gone wherever it was he had been. out in the gardens, down in the dining room, it really didn't matter so much as long as she wasn't alone. as long as she could finally let herself relax and not worry about how it comes across to the other person there.

( she thinks about how she misses charming, but pushes the thought away before it churns her stomach too much )

the door opens and she looks up, face pale and fallen. she tries for a simple, apologetic smile but even then it barely holds as he opens the door for her to walk in. she steps inside, eyes scanning the room quickly and feeling fairly content with how it's just about exactly as she imagined it, down to the chair and tv set. she takes a few steps inside, standing a bit awkwardly in the middle of the room as she watches him rush around, finding that she doesn't have the energy to even tell him not to bother, that it was fine. instead, she lets her eyes wander, looking almost surprised when he asks her for coffee and shaking her head a little quickly at it. ]

No I'm- no coffee is fine, thank you though.

[sheriffwolf]

[He fills the coffee pot with water and pours it into the machine, turning the red light on. Bigby has coffee ready to go for all occasions. All it takes is a bit of water and a flip of the switch and soon the warm, bitter smell of coffee over powers the stale cigarettes. He can see she's upset and he wants to go over and hug her but he holds back, deciding to put his hand on her shoulder instead.]

Why don't you take a seat? I've some folding chairs in the closet. It might not look like much but that chair is a hell of a lot more comfortable than most I've slept in before.

[He motions for her to take the chair before moving over to the closet and grabbing a chair out of it, pulling it over to her. He prepares himself for the worst, since that's really the only thing he can expect given the way she looks so sad.]

What's on your mind?

[cinnamonie]

[ he's right when he says the coffee overpowers the cigarettes, and she's partially glad for it. only partially, because the smell of cigarettes in a way reminds her entirely too much of bigby, and therefore actually ends up relaxing her a bit. but the coffee is a nice touch, something for her to watch him doing while she stands there and zones out a little.

or at least enough that she almost jumps when his hand settles on her shoulder, nodding when he mentions the chair and going to sit - almost gingerly - along the edge. her eyes go to her lap, where her hand fidget a bit with the hem of her shirt, suddenly unable to look at him as he brings a chair to sit by her. ]

I'm sorry to bother you like this. I know you're probably busy and- [ she sounds two seconds from tears, her voice shaking and her eyes hot. she has to stop herself, then, because this is embarrassing, this is not snow white, so she takes a breath to steady herself and looks up, forcing a weak smile that says as much as she's trying to hide. ] Derek and Stiles went home.

[sheriffwolf]

[The names are only vaguely familiar to Bigby but he knows enough to see that they meant a lot to her. Her grief is palatable and he reaches out to take her hands, holding them gently in his. He's never been very good with comfort but with her, it's important enough that he tries more than normal. He slides his thumb over the back of her hand, a soft touch that he hopes is welcomed.]

I'm not busy and you're never a bother. I'm sorry, I have to ask. Are you certain they went home? They haven't been... I mean, no one hurt them, did they?

[He has to ask. Bigby knows that Wonderland takes people without warning but he's never seen it before. He needs to know that it's Wonderland and not someone running around making people vanish.]

[cinnamonie]

[ even as he says she's not a bother, mary margaret feels that guilty weight hang on to her shoulders, her head. she shouldn't be pushing her grief off on him, shouldn't have just showed up at his room with very little warning, hadn't imposed on him like she was just because she was strong enough to deal with this on her own.

instead, he grabs her hands and she just about falls apart, that stubborn tether that's holding her together at all slowly starting to unravel. she doesn't sob, but there's a puff of air that is pretty darn close that leaves her, her hands tightening around his fingers as she shakes her head. ]

No, their names aren't- [ her voice just nearly cracks and she stops it, taking a breath to try and calm herself down a little more but feeling the hot pressure in her eyes. ] Their names aren't on the network. They've definitely gone home. I just...

[ she means to continue that with 'i don't know if they're coming back', but it's that moment that she can't really hold it all back. her shoulders hunch over a little more as she holds onto his hands, tears falling from her eyes even as she closes them. the loss that fills her chest is immeasurable, feels too real and too sudden to equate to anything but losing family. because, in many ways, they had been her's. before she knew she'd been lacking it, and even after.

the only moment close enough, though different and more intense is too many ways for her to go into, would have been the hours after she gave birth to emma. when she had to hand her off to charming, and lay in bed. knowing what she'd done, what it would lead to.

there was no agency for her to play a role in this time, but the sharp pain is all the same. ]

I didn't know to say goodbye.

[sheriffwolf]

[Bigby can feel a mixture of emotions as she breaks down in front of him. He wants to gather her into his arms, to hold her tight as she cries, to kiss her tears away and try to chase whatever sadness has settled in her chest. He wants to tear apart this place that has caused her so much grief, to find the two boys if only so she could tell them goodbye. He wants to do all of that and yet he knows it's not his place.

He slides his right hand up her arm, brushing her hair from her face and leans his head down, pressing his forehead against her own.]

I'm sure they know how much you care about them. Wonderland doesn't give us any warning but something tells me that no matter where they are, they know. There's a reason we're all here. And maybe we don't consciously remember our time here when we go home, but I refuse to believe that nothing here stays with us. We change here - the people we meet change us. And you... you change people for the better. That has to count for something.

You might not have had a chance to say goodbye but they know. That's what I have faith in.

[cinnamonie]

[ she'd never admit it, not even to herself, but she craves the touch. craves that feeling of having someone hold her, like her mother used to. like charming did. the grief is more than she can handle on her own, but she is too stubborn to let herself admit it. instead, mary margaret will be the princess she needs to be, will force herself to hold this in and hold herself together, despite how it only takes being in the same room as bigby to want to lean into it.

his hand moves from her hand up her arm, to brush her hair away from her face, and she can't help the way it helps. can't help how it feels just a bit easier to breathe. he leans his forehead against her's and she leans back into him, eyes still closed like if maybe she keeps them closed for long enough she can ignore the tears that are falling down her cheeks.

i'm sure they know how much you care about them pulls something between a laugh and a sob from her, the hand he let go of moving to wipe at her cheeks. this is embarrassing, this is impossible, she shouldn't be here at all yet she can't pull herself away from the urge she has to lean into him. ]

It's stupid, I know. People go home all the time, everyone has lost someone they love, I just- [ another laugh, and she has to pull herself away from him, to pull back her hands to clear her cheeks of the tears. it pains her, somewhere deep down, somewhere she doesn't want to admit to, that she has to pull herself away from him. that part screaming for his touch, for the safety his arms would give if she just let herself fall into them, but she takes a breath instead. keeps wiping at her face because maybe, if she pushes hard enough the tears will stop.

I might never see them again. [ that's the worst of it, really. what has to doubling over with her face in her hands, tears falling too fast to stop. her breaths are wracked with sobs, one, then two, before she can bring herself to speak again. ] They're not from my world, and even if they do come back they might not remember and I-

[ there's another laugh here, like before, as she sits back up. ]

I'm sorry, I'm a mess, you shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm not normally like this.

[sheriffwolf]

[She pulls away from him but he can sense the conflict inside of her. He admires her for her strength, but even strong people cry - he knows that. When the emotions overwhelm her and she sobs again, he can't fight the own urge he has to hold her in his arms.

There have only been a handful of people Bigby has ever shown any sort of physical affection towards. His attempt to wrap his arms around her is clumsy but he manages to inch forward in his chair and curl his arms around her shoulder, pulling her close to his chest. He squeezes her gently, wishing he could take the worst of the pain away from her.]

I lost my mother when I was a pup. [He whispers to her.] When she died, I stayed with her to protect her body from scavengers. My brothers left me behind and mocked my tears. My grief turned to rage and I vowed to become stronger than everything in my path.

Tears aren't a sign of weakness, Snow. You should never apologize for crying. It's cowards who hide their grief and use it for revenge.