Well this life can be such a devil

[originalchump]

Who: Gadreel Gale Shurley and YOU!
Where: The Shurley Bros residence, the animal shelter, and probably some bar
When: Oct 24-28
Rating: TBD, PG to start
Summary: Gale Shurley isn't exactly pleased with his life, but he's about to find out it could be a lot worse.
The Story:

Oct 24th-26th
The evening of the 24th happens like most of his evenings do. Once he has an awkward dinner with his son, he cracks a diet soda and tries to relax for a little while before he heads to sleep. This time, however, he makes a special effort to try and flag down Caston for a conversation.

Waking up on the 25th, for Gale Shurley, feels a lot like waking up from some sort of coma. He feels a little more alive, less like the mindless zombie he was yesterday. He resolves that he's going to try to mend things with at least one of his older brothers, and a recent drop-off at the clinic gives him the perfect opportunity. He heads over to Luke's place once he's finished his shift, the large snake coiled around his arms. When he returns home, he has more questions than he has answers.

The 26th is a more difficult day at work than he's had in years. A young girl comes in with a kitten too young to have left its mother, a weak thing that will obviously not survive. The girl looks at him with wide, bright eyes ... and when he takes the kitten in his hands, the creature lets out a sigh of relief. It calms, and it looks -- stronger. Despite his first instincts, the kitten improves throughout the day. This phenomenon repeats itself several times, and Gale swears he catches the image of wings in his shadow more times than he can count. More disturbing, however, is the blood that he feels is drenching his hands...the images of his hand on his son's face in a touch that is far from gentle.

It's easy enough that night to key in a text message to Damien. He needs a drink, and a friend who isn't going to be too judgemental of him. Damien's never really been the sort to think badly of anyone, even if it's because he thinks he has no room to judge.

Oct 27th
The images of him taking the life of his son have become too much to bear. Instead of heading to work, Gale heads to a quiet spot in town to grab a cup of coffee and think ... but he eventually sends a text to Daniel, asking him to meet him at the diner.

The boy deserved the truth, didn't he?

Comments

[first_demon]

"That's what I mean." She said, revealing far more than she had intended to. Delving more into this than she had wanted. "Everything was going right, everything was becoming perfect." Lilith frowned, trying to mask her features, but failing.

Her gaze swept over him, searching for signs of his pain, though knowing it was all internal. "I understand. This isn't going to be easy to forget. Some of us have made connections that we didn't expect. Felt things that we didn't think we could." She thought of Lily, the girl she thought was her daughter. She had loved her deeply. She had viewed her as her treasure. Now there was an empty hole inside.

"You're worried about Kevin?"

[originalchump]

It should have been his first clue that something was wrong, how well things had been going for him. Still, he can't say that he disagrees with Lilith - he nods tightly. "But it was not real. No matter how it may have felt." There, he could reveal a little to her as well. There was no harm in it, really. She had seen more of him, after all, somewhat literally.

"It was a bad enough thing to have killed the prophet. To now have layered such confusion on top of that offense is..." He wrinkles his nose, "Distasteful." Although he understood that he was not to blame, he couldn't help but notice that he was the common denominator in making people miserable much of the time...except for Lilith, it would seem.

"I also worry about you." He searched her face, brows knitted together. "Perhaps there are some things worth not forgetting. Feelings, as you say.

Or the girl who was your daughter."

[first_demon]

"Nothing was real?" She asked him, feeling a tightening in her throat. It was something that she didn't want to seem weak in asking. She had been alone for much of her life, relying completely on herself and the mask that she had adopted to make others believe that she was strong. Only Lucifer, but he knew how deeply he affected her.

"Yes, that is painful to consider. Rather than end his life, you helped give him life and took care of him. You were friends, family. It's something, I think that you might have missed." She hazards, knowing the angels weren't exactly the most accepting. "Have you spoken to him?"

Lilith flinched, "Worried about me? I had everything before I woke up. I had broken away from Luke--Lucifer, I had found my own path and acceptance, I had a life and...a love. Now I'm," she looked down at herself in disgust, "this!" Her face was pained. "She is not the same child and I know that if I held onto her, I would only corrupt and destroy what I loved in her."

[originalchump]

"The memories that were given to us were planted," he amends quickly, meeting her gaze with his immediately after her first question. He doesn't want her to think that he regrets what he did, in the situation that they were in.

...he is surprised to find that is true, and the things that she is saying are also true.

"I would not know where to being speaking to him. I think -- I will give him some time before the subject is breached." The moment that she flinches away from him, he takes an instinctive step forward -- it may come off as aggressive, with the speed that he moves, but he is in fact reaching a hand toward her.

"And how do you know?" His voice is gentle, and he sets his hand on her shoulder if she'll let him. "You advise me to speak to Kevin Tran, but you will not take the same chance on this girl?" He swallows thickly. "There is no reason that you cannot be as free from my brother here as you were only a few days ago, if you are willing to try."

[first_demon]

She stares up into his eyes, seeing what he was so intent to impart. He didn't regret it and, oddly, she didn't either. What they shared had brought her happiness. It wasn't something she wanted to let go of, even if she was afraid to chase after it.

"That is probably for the best," Lilith said, nodding in agreement. "It's never wise to push the line." His instinct was astute and she admired his ability to analyze the situation. It was a rare quality, especially in angels, as they were so disconnected from humans.

He steps forward, catching her off guard. But before she can pull back further, he placed his hand on her shoulder, stilling her at once by the gentle gesture. She wanted the affection, the sign of warmth, but also feared it.

"Because I know myself. I am nothing good and I know that if I am given something precious, I will ruin it in the end." She doesn't want to, but somehow, she knows it is inevitable. His words cause her to take a sharp intake of breath. "I don't know if it is possible. I want to-" she admitted to him, placing her hand on his arm. "I do want to."

[originalchump]

He's made enough of the same sort of mistakes in his life that he's finally starting to learn from them. He's trying to let go of the anger that had driven him to Metatron's side, and to act as he feels their Father would like them to ... but that doesn't mean it isn't difficult.

He wants to tell her sternly that the rest of her life depends on being away from Lucifer and his influence, but -- he'd fallen to it as well, so who was he to say such things? There isn't much that he can say.

"Then you must try. I will help you, as I can." He hopes that although his smile is sad, tinged with the bitterness it always is, it might help. "It is all that any of us can do."

[first_demon]

"Redemption for a demon? I thought I would need to have humanity to do that." She says with a small hint of sarcasm. But she is grateful for his aid, as well as his concern. He wanted to make her better and she sensed he wasn't doing it for selfish reasons. He knew what it was to be under Lucifer's thumb.

"You became a better angel then the rest of them. I don't think you realize how...pure you've become." So much so that she had the same fear towards him that she did towards the child.

"You are everything that I would want to find in Heaven."

[originalchump]

"You flatter me. I have as much blood on my hands as many demons that I have known," he counters easily, shifting back so that he can cross his arms over his chest. "And more than that, much of it is of my brethren. I still have much to atone for."

Her words were kind, but he could not truly believe them. Not now, when there were still so many people here whose lives he had ruined. In some ways, her redemption would aid him in his -- perhaps that was selfish.

[first_demon]

"All angels have blood on their hands. They blame you for something that seems to have been destined from the beginning. They go on and on about everything leading to this point, but punish you for a mistake? How many have others made? How many have done worse than you?"

Part of her felt protective of him, feeling the same sense of concern for him that she had for Crowley. Back in their early years, at least. Now they had outgrown each other. Meanwhile, she had shifted her concern and interest onto a candidate that was both unwise and outside of her kind.

"So now we go back to how everything was before. To how we were before, forgetting things said and shared. Is that possible?"

[originalchump]

Lilith wasn't the only one feeling as if their current choice of 'people to help' was more than a little foolish. If he brought Lilith up to the Winchester brothers, he can only imagine how they might react -- Sam may be able to be reasoned with, but given their history -- perhaps not.

"It would be a fool's game to forget everything that happened in that town," he admits with a glance down to the ground, brows furrowed. "You are right -- there are good lessons there, amongst the other strange things." Without knowing the natural tendencies of her body, Lilith had been taking care of a little girl. That was hopeful in and of itself.

"Thinking too long on what the other angels have done was part of my problem. It is difficult, yearning for their approval while knowing they may never forgive me. It has made me -- bitter."

[first_demon]

"Were you happy at the end of those days?" She asked him directly, afraid of his rejection and eventual disdain. Though he was right, she had cared for a chil. She had loved. It couldn't have been false. Not all of it.

He may not be bitter, but she was on his behalf. "You are better than me then." She said softly. It was a true statement, never mind his sins. He was above her.

[originalchump]

He doesn't believe it's fair to lie to her, no matter what awkwardness it might bring -- so he nods.

"I was happy. Content." He's suddenly glad he isn't touching her any longer, because she won't be able to feel his palms sweat. So few of the touches he'd had in the last millennia had been pleasant ... the memories were good ones, regardless of the circumstances.

"Perhaps. I have been heartened by speaking to Sam Winchester, here -- he seems to be willing to give me another chance."

[first_demon]

She chooses to take a risk instead, reaching out to caress his cheek and give him a bit of that tenderness. It was dangerous, especially as he could smite her instantly. Certain angels would always have the upper hand and he was among them.

The mention of Sam makes her smile. She had used him worse than Gadreel, deceiving him and his brother. Even using Ruby in the process. There was still pride in her ability to outwit the brothers. It wasn't easy and she had outfoxed them. Wisely, she kept this to herself.

"Sam forgave you? How gracious. He is more open minded than Dean."

[originalchump]

"I believe he has experienced more of the confusion that comes with being rejected for something you are than Dean."

He's been inside Sam's mind; he knows many of the things that she did to him, and it nearly makes him stiffen under her touch. She is a demon, he needs to remind himself, but she has acted well in this place.

How could he judge someone on their past actions and not expect the same treatment himself? It was ludicrous.

"Perhaps Dean will just take more convincing."

[first_demon]

"I somehow doubt Dean will ever view demons as anything but disgusting. Or angels as anything more than cruel. His life is sometimes so black and white, but I imagine that is how he prefers it. Life is simplistic thatt way and he isn't left with questions of morality."

She pulls away, finding a perfect red rose within the garden. Gently, she plucked it, smelling it lightly.

"Perhaps Sam could speak to Kevin first? Sam knows how to empathize."

[originalchump]

He did not know much about what the Mark of Cain would do to Dean, but he couldn't help but think it might at least put things into perspective. Gadreel shrugs, watching her move throughout the garden.

"It may not be a bad idea. If nothing else, I am sure Sam speaking to him will help Kevin."

[first_demon]

Lilith nods, finding a white rose as well. It was still in the process of opening, but beautiful and without blemish. She glanced behind her at him, considering so much of what he said since he arrived here as well. And what they shared.

"And you? Do you brood over it all alone?"

[originalchump]

"There was a time I did not." He thinks about his camaraderie with Abner, about the way the other man had comforted him ... and about the look in his eye when he murdered the angel and his vessel.

He hasn't told anyone else about that death. Perhaps sharing it would be beneficial.

"But that time is over. The one friend that I had in all of Heaven -- he died at my hand. At Metatron's behest."

[first_demon]

"I don't know anything about what happened after my death. If you want someone to impart this knowledge to, you have it in me. I am not a likely candidate, but I shall not judge you." She said, going back to him, offering him the red rose.

"Who did Metatron have you kill?" Aside from Kevin, but she won't raise that matter, not now. Her hands trace over his own, looking down at the flower thoughtfully.

"You bear it all alone now?"

[originalchump]

It is bizarrely comforting to know that she likely will not judge him, if only because she has done the same and worse than him.

He takes the rose between his fingers delicately, glancing down at the flower.

"Any of the angels that did not join him when they were asked. And -- Thaddeus, the prison torturer. I think that death was supposed to endear me to Metatron." And the death -- it had felt good at the time, but it had driven him to think he was doing the right thing.

[first_demon]

She could remember Dean's glee at finally to turning the blade on a victim. The day the tortures stopped. It was a way to gain loyalty, to give the victim a place to focus their rage. Violence once honed, could be channeled under the right hands.

"You relished that moment." She guessed. "It is a source of your fears. That you could be a monster. She understood. It was how she started as well. She was expected to be a monster, so became one.

[originalchump]

He shouldn't be surprised that she knows exactly what he was feeling in that moment. She's been through the same, if what people tell her about demons is true. He nods, running his thumb over a thorn on the rose until it brought bright red blood to the surface.

"I should have questioned it. There was no reason for Thaddeus to be in the way of Metatron's plans -- but I wanted so badly to make him suffer for what he had done."

[first_demon]

"Rage and hate are entryways to corruption. It's why demons feed on it and make deals with those in pain. Megatron knew your weakness. It is what tactician does. He wanted you to be vulnerable. It was about his aims. You could have been anyone. Even Castiel."

She watched the blood, curious and drawn. What did angel blood taste like?

"He was foolish. He let his emotions fuel his plan. In this, you must be detached. Uncaring about it all. You make less mistakes."

[originalchump]

You might want to keep that particular curiosity to yourself, Lilith. He sighs, though, the drop of blood welling on his thumb the easiest thing for him to focus on.

It is true -- Metatron had tricked Castiel, in fact, even if he hasn't shared that knowledge with anyone here who might not know. That doesn't make him feel all that much better, though.

"That is the part that is easier said than done -- and I do not know if being truly uncaring will bring me to the correct path. Most things must be tempered by compassion."

[first_demon]

"Show me compassion and I may agree. I have never experienced in my life. Not from Heaven or Hell. I only know corruption and cruelty. It was what I was made for. Show me." There is a hint of bitterness in her voice. it had been a word she heard so often, but never experienced. How fortunate the angels must feel to experience it.

"Metatron needed you though, in one way. You were stronger in many ways, including in faith."