Well this life can be such a devil

[originalchump]

Who: Gadreel Gale Shurley and YOU!
Where: The Shurley Bros residence, the animal shelter, and probably some bar
When: Oct 24-28
Rating: TBD, PG to start
Summary: Gale Shurley isn't exactly pleased with his life, but he's about to find out it could be a lot worse.
The Story:

Oct 24th-26th
The evening of the 24th happens like most of his evenings do. Once he has an awkward dinner with his son, he cracks a diet soda and tries to relax for a little while before he heads to sleep. This time, however, he makes a special effort to try and flag down Caston for a conversation.

Waking up on the 25th, for Gale Shurley, feels a lot like waking up from some sort of coma. He feels a little more alive, less like the mindless zombie he was yesterday. He resolves that he's going to try to mend things with at least one of his older brothers, and a recent drop-off at the clinic gives him the perfect opportunity. He heads over to Luke's place once he's finished his shift, the large snake coiled around his arms. When he returns home, he has more questions than he has answers.

The 26th is a more difficult day at work than he's had in years. A young girl comes in with a kitten too young to have left its mother, a weak thing that will obviously not survive. The girl looks at him with wide, bright eyes ... and when he takes the kitten in his hands, the creature lets out a sigh of relief. It calms, and it looks -- stronger. Despite his first instincts, the kitten improves throughout the day. This phenomenon repeats itself several times, and Gale swears he catches the image of wings in his shadow more times than he can count. More disturbing, however, is the blood that he feels is drenching his hands...the images of his hand on his son's face in a touch that is far from gentle.

It's easy enough that night to key in a text message to Damien. He needs a drink, and a friend who isn't going to be too judgemental of him. Damien's never really been the sort to think badly of anyone, even if it's because he thinks he has no room to judge.

Oct 27th
The images of him taking the life of his son have become too much to bear. Instead of heading to work, Gale heads to a quiet spot in town to grab a cup of coffee and think ... but he eventually sends a text to Daniel, asking him to meet him at the diner.

The boy deserved the truth, didn't he?

Comments

[freewill]

It's true that Daniel could turn his back on Gale and never look back once he earned enough to support himself, but when will that be? Caston can't imagine that working for a tailor pays all that well, and in the years it takes to save up, no doubt he'll form some sort of attachment to Gale.

Though that doesn't seem to be the real issue here. It doesn't feel right, Gale says, and while it may be difficult to explain, Caston thinks that he understands.

He swallows his bite of food and then sets the burger down for a moment. "Our lives are relatively stable, but something is still missing. Is that what you mean?" Caston believes that pursuing his true career goals might help with that, but is he only trying to treat the symptom instead of the problem?

[originalchump]

It's encouraging to hear that Caston knows what he might be going through, even if he knows he sounds like he's whining.

"--Yes, I think that's closer to the truth." He takes another long sip of his drink, wondering if it's always tasted just a little bit off or if he's just been put off by the mood he's in.

"I feel that I am doing the best that I can with the way my life is right now, but it doesn't feel like enough." Like there's some other, bigger picture that he can't quite see.

[freewill]

The way Caston sees it, it's never going to feel like enough. They're never going to feel like enough, because ultimately they're failures in the eyes of their older brothers.

Caston has told himself time after time that there's no point in trying to measure himself by what Michael thinks of him. But ever since their father skipped out on them, Michael's opinion has come to mean more.

He takes another bite of food and muses quietly for a time, before eventually speaking up again.

"Give the turns your life has taken, I think you've made a good recovery." From being in jail to holding a steady job, and even taking care of a teenage son -- Gale's doing just fine, from Caston's perspective. "You're being hard on yourself."

[originalchump]

He's always felt the need for approval from all his brothers, but Caston is a good start. It does make him feel a little better, at least.

"I guess you're right." It isn't as if he feels like he's being a failure, exactly, as much as he feels like everything that he does will never be enough to erase his past. Gale finishes up his drink, tossing the can in the recycling.

"It doesn't stop how I feel, though." He shrugs his shoulders. "But thanks for talking with me, Cas. I appreciate it."

[freewill]

Caston accepted Gale back into his life despite his past actions, and even Michael and Luke will invite him over, though there is that underlying tension about the issue. Caston suspects that Gale's sentence was shortened in large part because of the sway Michael has over the courts, though he's not about to bring that up with it.

No doubt Gale already knows.

"I wish there was more I could do," he admits, "but I can hardly get my own life in order." Caston takes another bite of his burger and leans back in the chair, heaving out a sigh even as he chews.

"But you took in your full-grown son. Not many people would do that." Especially when Daniel is still angry and grieving to some extent.

[originalchump]

"He doesn't have anyone left to turn to." And despite having his own family, Castiel and Michael and Luke -- he felt somehow that he knew what it was like to be so desperately alone.

No doubt his sentence was greatly reduced by Michael's sway, and it's something that makes him feel all the more ashamed to not be living up to his brother's expectations. Still, Caston has always been good at making him feel a little better. His lips twitch into a small smile.

"People rely on you, too. I know I appreciate your being in my life."

[freewill]

It may be true that Daniel is here because it's his only option, but Gale still did a good thing by accepting him into his life. They've had some bumps in the road trying to figure out how they all fit together, but Caston doesn't mind having Daniel around.

The sudden compliment causes Caston to lower his head in embarrassment as he takes another bite of food. He never expected that Gale would be the family member he'd feel closest to, and that likely says a lot about him. But despite all of Gale's mistakes, he's a good person at heart.

"Thank you," he says after a pause. "The feeling is mutual. But you may be the only person who relies on me." Caston hadn't intended for it to be that way. His hope would be that he'd have students who relied on him, who he could help and teach, but that still feels like some pipe dream.

[originalchump]

"You've been the reason that I've been able to speak to Daniel as well as I have, though -- at least part of it." He half-smiles to Caston.

It's true, it's a strange thing that they're close now. It just feels like they've got more in common with each other than both of them have with their elder brothers.

He glances toward the exit of the apartment. "And maybe -- you're the reason I haven't given up on trying to figure out the rest of my life."

[freewill]

It's not often that anyone speaks to him this openly. It's not usually their family's way, to wear their emotions on their sleeve, and so Caston slowly sets down the small amount that's left of his burger as he processes Gale's words.

He hadn't realized he'd inspired anything like that in Gale, and he's not sure he's deserving of that credit either. Caston stares at Gale, dumbstruck.

"I... I'm glad to hear that, though I'm not sure that I'm worthy of those words," he admits. "But if you're ever in need of my support or advice, you should know that you'll have it."

[originalchump]

"And I would offer you the same, Caston." Although he isn't sure what it is that he can offer his brother. Caston has seemed much more eager to forget the past and try to focus on the positive than he has been able to do so far.

"For now, I -- think there's someone I should go and talk to." Lily, the girl who he's had in his mind for years. Maybe tonight will be the night he gets up the nerve to speak to her at length.

[freewill]

Caston nods. If there's anyone he might share his fears and doubts with, it would likely be Gale. Maybe Dean as well, if only because he's someone outside the family who has a different perspective on things, but that's about where Caston's circle of trust ends.

At Gale's decisive statement, Caston raises an eyebrow. "Who?" He picks up the remainder of his burger to finish it off, but his eyes remain on Gale, curious. It's not often that he expresses much interest in anyone other than his family, so Caston doesn't know what to expect.

[originalchump]

Gale busies himself with pulling on his jacket for a few moments in order to figure out exactly how to respond to that question. Saying 'Luke's on-and-off girlfriend' seems a little bit silly, but it would be the easiest way to make sure Caston didn't think he was speaking about someone else.

"Lily," he offers quietly, brows furrowed. He's certain he's spoken to Caston about the woman at least once, hedging upon the idea that perhaps their brother mistreated her. He smiles sheepishly.

[freewill]

It's not the first time that Gale's mentioned Lily, no, and Caston should have guessed that it would be her. It strikes him as overly complicated, given that Luke already has some kind of relationship with her, but his guess is that Gale wants to save her from that bad situation.

Luke is hardly the best choice for a significant other.

It isn't Caston's place to say whether it's a good or bad idea. The important thing is that Gale isn't letting his insecurities hold him back from what he wants to do. There's no saying if it will work out in his favor, but it's worth a try if nothing else.

Caston nods and stands to dump the wrappings from his meal into the trash. "Good luck."

[originalchump]

He knows that the situation is unnecessarily complicated, anyway. Mike and Luke have both more than once lectured him about the nature of his crush on Lily and how inappropriate it was.

Caston, at least, knows better than to beat a dead horse. Sometimes you can't exactly help the way you feel about someone.

He half-smiles, zipping his jacket up and pausing with his hand on the door knob.

"Thank you, Cas. I'll let you know how it goes." And with that, he pushes out into the cool evening air.