Steve Rogers / Captain America (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
assembles) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entrancelogs2014-10-25 12:49 pm
assembles) wrote in entrancelogs2014-10-25 12:49 pm
all that we've amassed [SEMI-CLOSED]
Who: Steve Rogers David Roberts and visitors
Where: Storybrooke, Maine
When: 10/24 - 10/28
Rating: R (warning for discussion of terminal illness/death)
Summary: When the kid who was always picking fights instead of leaving well enough alone grows into a man who no longer has the strength to fight even his own body, who comes to see him? (Replies will come frompreserum.)
The Story:
October 24th:
David doesn't get much in the way of visitors. There's James, James' cousin, and Virginia. The latter two really only come because they know him by proxy, through James, but he appreciates their efforts even so. Then there are the two volunteers, sweet girls who don't seem to worry much about how he might infect them too.
TB is a disease that's largely been controlled in this day and age, but that doesn't matter much for someone who's got such a battered immune system. It's really no surprise -- in fact, it's almost poetic given that David's mother died from this same illness. It was probably only a matter of time.
Sometimes David wishes that he could have gotten a few more years of being relatively healthy, at least enough that he could get around on his own and wasn't stuck in his bed. Now his prognosis hangs over him like a shroud, and he feels it every time that James shows up with his sad smile and his weary eyes.
If only David could have given him a few more years where they might have been happy. Instead, the clock is ticking down faster than either of them can accept, and when David isn't sleeping, he feels like he's got a vice tightened around in his chest, waiting to crush the life out of him.
They visit him because they want to ease his pain, but what he really hopes is that somehow he can return the favor.
October 25th-26th:
Like with almost any illness, there are good days and bad days. There are days where David can't stop coughing, where he stains napkin after napkin with blood. Then there are other days where he can sit up and get three whole meals down and there's some actual color in his face.
This is more than just good, though. David wakes up and his body isn't completely wracked with pain. He actually thinks that he might be able to get out of bed and take a walk around the ward, but he gets the feeling that his nurses might faint from shock if that happened.
He can't be getting better. He's been told time and time again that there's no hope for him. But it sure is nice to pretend when he can.
October 27th-28th:
In most cases, regaining your true self's memories would be a good thing. But it's a little more difficult when Steve has two sets of them to sift through. He can tell which is the real set, and it's not like it's difficult to choose between them when one of them involves him being Captain America and saving the world multiples times, while the other involves him wasting away in a hospital bed.
Even though he's got his memories back, though, his body is still frail and he can't go too far without falling into a coughing fit. It's going to wear off, it has to, but enduring it for the rest of this event is going to be an exercise in patience.
Not to mention he's still got memories of growing up in this town, of getting into the same sort of back alley fights he did in Brooklyn -- but also of going to prom with Bucky, of watching him become successful in his chosen field while David deteriorated more and more.
He's relieved, of course, that this life is the fake one, but for right now it's all real enough to him that part of him is still scared that he won't live through this.
He can't leave James -- Bucky behind. It doesn't matter what world they're in or what life they're living, he's sick of them being separated.
Where: Storybrooke, Maine
When: 10/24 - 10/28
Rating: R (warning for discussion of terminal illness/death)
Summary: When the kid who was always picking fights instead of leaving well enough alone grows into a man who no longer has the strength to fight even his own body, who comes to see him? (Replies will come from
preserum.)The Story:
October 24th:
David doesn't get much in the way of visitors. There's James, James' cousin, and Virginia. The latter two really only come because they know him by proxy, through James, but he appreciates their efforts even so. Then there are the two volunteers, sweet girls who don't seem to worry much about how he might infect them too.
TB is a disease that's largely been controlled in this day and age, but that doesn't matter much for someone who's got such a battered immune system. It's really no surprise -- in fact, it's almost poetic given that David's mother died from this same illness. It was probably only a matter of time.
Sometimes David wishes that he could have gotten a few more years of being relatively healthy, at least enough that he could get around on his own and wasn't stuck in his bed. Now his prognosis hangs over him like a shroud, and he feels it every time that James shows up with his sad smile and his weary eyes.
If only David could have given him a few more years where they might have been happy. Instead, the clock is ticking down faster than either of them can accept, and when David isn't sleeping, he feels like he's got a vice tightened around in his chest, waiting to crush the life out of him.
They visit him because they want to ease his pain, but what he really hopes is that somehow he can return the favor.
October 25th-26th:
Like with almost any illness, there are good days and bad days. There are days where David can't stop coughing, where he stains napkin after napkin with blood. Then there are other days where he can sit up and get three whole meals down and there's some actual color in his face.
This is more than just good, though. David wakes up and his body isn't completely wracked with pain. He actually thinks that he might be able to get out of bed and take a walk around the ward, but he gets the feeling that his nurses might faint from shock if that happened.
He can't be getting better. He's been told time and time again that there's no hope for him. But it sure is nice to pretend when he can.
October 27th-28th:
In most cases, regaining your true self's memories would be a good thing. But it's a little more difficult when Steve has two sets of them to sift through. He can tell which is the real set, and it's not like it's difficult to choose between them when one of them involves him being Captain America and saving the world multiples times, while the other involves him wasting away in a hospital bed.
Even though he's got his memories back, though, his body is still frail and he can't go too far without falling into a coughing fit. It's going to wear off, it has to, but enduring it for the rest of this event is going to be an exercise in patience.
Not to mention he's still got memories of growing up in this town, of getting into the same sort of back alley fights he did in Brooklyn -- but also of going to prom with Bucky, of watching him become successful in his chosen field while David deteriorated more and more.
He's relieved, of course, that this life is the fake one, but for right now it's all real enough to him that part of him is still scared that he won't live through this.
He can't leave James -- Bucky behind. It doesn't matter what world they're in or what life they're living, he's sick of them being separated.
25th
Coming down the hallway, he greets the nurses with an easy smile, one hand in his jacket pocket zipped all the way to his neck while the other holds onto a soda fountain cup. Those he knows get a friendly question about their day, how their shift's going, if any crotchety patients need a little sugar to dispel their vinegar attitude, but they firmly insist his kind of "patient care" will never be needed here. Guess it'd look pretty bad if he started bullying old farts who had to shit in a bag. Some of them quickly ask where his mask is, but he pulls it out of his back pocket and assures him or her he'll put it on before he gets to his friend's room.
Steve's door is open and he peeks in to see if the poor guy is conscious or not. Looks like it's everyone's lucky day! "Knock-knock," he mimics to get Dave's attention, slipping in and closing the door just a little so the nurses can't see just quite what they are about in here. He came this far with it, he isn't going to let staff take it away.
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Today, though, he's on an upswing. His chest still has that constant burn from the infection, but it's not so bad that he's coughing every two seconds.
So when he hears a familiar voice at the door, Steve glances over from the meal set in front of him and actually manages a smile. "Hey," he says, his voice hoarse but not as quiet as it has been on worse days. "Do you have your mask on?"
He doesn't just ask Bucky. Everyone who comes to see him has to wear one. It makes him nervous enough that James' cousin comes by -- if he got him sick, he doesn't even know what he would do. Bucky's always been a difficult kid, enough to make James want to rip his hair out at times, but he's got a good heart. It's not like he has to come see David as often as he does. David certainly never asked him to, but he usually shows up at least once a week.
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Carefully pushing one of the monitors back against the wall beside Dave, Bucky puts the bag on a small bedside table that isn't really meant for such things, but whatever. He would find the little food tray in a second. A burger and half a box of fries are pulled out from the the crumpled bag, and Bucky doesn't even have the shame to flush when he says, " Some of your fries accidentally fell out... into my mouth? Sooo, yeah..."
The drink he put in arm's reach while he went to find something better than a bedside table. It's bad enough bringing in greasy food, the last thing he needs is Dave getting ketchup all over the sheets and the nurses thinking he's had a turn for the worst. "Here," he says once he's found it. It's put over his friend's lap where a mighty mess can be made without repercussions.
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The pure grease smell that emanates from that bag, on the other hand... David's mouth immediately starts to water. It's not always easy for him to get food down, and sometimes he only eats half of whatever Bucky brings him, but he feels strong enough today that he might be able to scarf it all down. The nurses don't approve of him going off of the meal regimen they have set out for him, but the fact is that he's dead either way. If he can enjoy a good burger here and there, he may as well.
When Bucky admits what happened to half of the fries, David laughs -- though that almost instantly turns into a cough. And then another. He hunches over slightly, but his hand shoots out to grab for the drink Bucky brought him. Even though it's soda and not water, it still helps. "It's fine," he eventually says, and then leans back so Bucky can set the tray on his lap. "Thanks as always, but..." Maybe he shouldn't say anything, but how can he not? "I hope you bought this with something other than Monopoly money."
It's not like he can keep Bucky's secrets for him, not when James will no doubt come by to visit him later in the day. He feels bad ratting him out, but Bucky shouldn't make his life harder by engaging in petty theft just for the heck of it.
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He tries not to blink or sigh, but inevitably the kid turns his head like he's caught someone passing by the door. "I used real money." Bucky tries to sound offended, but it's hard to when even the real money had been someone else's. He can't keep a job to save his life, so an income is right out of the question. It isn't that he's disobedient to authority--Sure, he is, but there are underlying reasons. He had enjoyed his time in ROTC until the rest of the jagged pieces of his life infected his wounds and made him nothing more than a quitter like every other sad sack of shit around here. Every day Bucky is just so angry, at himself, at the people around him, at the short stick he'd pulled for this life. He knows no better than to take what he deserves. And he deserves a lot after these seventeen years.
"You better eat that before the fries go cold and crappy. There's no higher crime than lettin' fries go to waste."
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Bucky's reply gives him away in about two seconds flat. The fact that he glances away when he answers indicates that if he'd looked David face-on when he answered, some of his guilt might have been obvious in his face. He used real money, but not his own money, and that's the whole problem here.
The food may smell amazing, but it's a little more difficult to stomach eating it when David knows where it came from. He sighs and slowly pulls his hand up to rub at the back of his head. "I appreciate you bringing me food, I really do, but I don't want it if you had to steal to get it." He'll eat it this time because the damage has already been done, but if Bucky does this again then he'll have to refuse it.
He grabs for a fry and gnaws on it as he fixes Bucky with a concerned look. "You know you could ask James for help, right?" He would give Bucky enough money to live on, at least.
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When the subject changes to his cousin, Buck does his best to keep the derision out of his puff of a laugh. It's not for Frosty, exactly, he just... He doesn't like talking about it. "Right, cause he doesn't have enough to deal with everyday. He lets me crash sometimes, that's all I need..."
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"It doesn't work that way," he says, tilting his head down slightly. "They earned that money. It belongs to them."
David's not sure what issue Bucky has with asking James for help, and while it may not be his business given that it's between family, he's always wondered about it. Is it just that Bucky has too much pride to accept help from someone? Well, David has some idea of what that's like. He used to be the same way, until his body made it impossible for him to go it alone.
"Why not just move in with him?" It's not like David is taking up the extra space there anymore.
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"Dave..." Bucky looks at the man like he just shit himself. "Have you met us? We can't be in the same room for ten minutes without yelling... Living together seems like a new circle of Hell."
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"Maybe you just need to get used to each other," he says with a shrug as he picks up the burger and finally takes a bite. He's silent for a good long while as he enjoys the explosion of taste that's such an immense difference from the bland food the hospital gives him.
"He's not that hard to be around, is he?" David realizes that he may be biased. Just a little.
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"I dunno guess it depends on what angle you're lookin' from." He tried not to be an ass and make innuendos, but Dave set him up so perfectly! But he grows serious soon eough since the man asked a question and Bucky'll answer it. "We're too much alike in all the wrong ways... The two of you temper each other. He and I are gasoline on a fire, making it worse." It's a beautiful sight when their goals are the same, but with Frosty being a cop and all that doesn't happen as often as it did when he was a kid.
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The only regret he has is that it's caused this entire mess with his illness to be all the more painful.
"I guess so," he admits after Bucky explains. "But I'm sure he just wants what's best for you." It's something Bucky might understand once he's a little older, but for the moment he's going to have to find his own way. David just wants that way to not involve theft and other petty crimes. James may not always be able to protect Bucky from the arm of the law, and the last thing he needs is a family member ending up behind bars.
David coughs and tries to wash the tight feeling away with some fries and soda. Once he's got it under control, he eyes Bucky again. "Just remember, he's got a lot on his plate already. If you end up arrested or sent to a facility, it's gonna take a toll."
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"Yeah I know," Bucky relents, because there's really no way to fight that. He gets it on some level--No, he gets it on all levels, it's just his reaction to it is what some would consider immature. But he does consider not dumping himself on the guy as the best for both of them. No one ever asks God to please send them an orphaned asshole to raise on top of the rest of their complicated lives.
He can at least promise the prison thing, though. He would be eaten alive looking the way he does. Fuuuck that!
Stuffing his hands back into his pockets, a comfortable silence comes between them. Usually Bucky's pretty good with small talk and running off on tangents that no one really cares about but himself; Dave never seems to stop him, though. He'll listen to anything, which is pretty nice. Today, though, he feels off his game. He'll try anyway... Bucky can't deal with silence for too long if it's got no purpose.
"You seem pretty good today. Think this is the longest conversation we've had in awhile..."
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Granted, Bucky's probably not used to getting this much resistance from David. He would have before his illness got so bad, but these days it's difficult for him to say too much before the coughing starts. Bucky's noticed that it's not like that today. David nods and one side of his mouth curls up into a smile.
"Yeah, this is one of the better days I've had in... months." It makes him eager for whenever James comes by, because they'll be able to have a real conversation and no doubt it will help James' mood a little to see him like this.
"I know sometimes you come by and I'm asleep or... or I start coughing and can't stop, or you have to get the nurse for me. I just wanted you to know I appreciate it. All of it." Even the food, though he'd appreciate it more if it wasn't stolen. David takes another bite of the burger and then slides back down into his bed to enjoy the sensation of having a full stomach.
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"Of course, man," he says, like the thought should never have come across his mind. He's happy to help, despite all evidence to the contrary. Beside Dave, he pulls a hand out from his jacket and nudges him in the shoulder. "We're bros." He kind of hopes that's obvious. Bucky doesn't get along with a lot of people readily. He may be all smiles and easygoing attitude, but it flips on a dime without much effort.
Dave, though, he's never pushed him to anger or violence. They've argued, but because they are both stubborn to the bone. This last day or so, he's felt that soundly about the guy. He's part of the family, even if the family is tiny and completely cat-spitting crazy. He has to be crazy, too, to want in it.
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He smiles and nods. "Bros" isn't quite the word that he'd use. If anything, he's an honorary cousin to Bucky, but he gets the idea.
David balls up the wrappings from his lunch and dumps it into the trash can next to his bed. "So, what else is on the agenda for today?" Probably nothing good, which is part of the reason why David wants to ask. But his life is about as boring as it can get, so he likes to live vicariously through others.
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"I dunno, thought I'd just hang out here 'til you got tired or tired of me. Either one." Or until James gets off duty and clogs this place up with enough gay to have Bucky gagging.
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Not that he doesn't enjoy Bucky's presence here too. It's just different. Still, if Bucky's happy to hang around here instead of taking the town by storm, then David will do all he can to chat with him for most of the day.
"That works for me. I'm not the best conversationalist these days, but..." He shrugs. There's never anything to talk about, never any exciting news, not when he's bedridden. "I'm sure you have plenty of stories."