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Who: Zelena, Regina, and Rumple
Where: The hallway on the eighth floor
When: Today
Rating: PG or PG-13? I don't know, there's probably no horrible violence or anything, just crazy faces and drama.
Summary: Resolving the dagger stalemate in the most ridiculous way possible
The Story:

You know, Zelena had all this planned out. She'd take Regina's heart, wait a while to see if anyone was dumb enough to come after her, and then use the heart to take the dagger, use the dagger to get a brain, and then well, the last part of the puzzle should be so easy to obtain she doesn't even really have a plan for it.

But then Wonderland decided to be Wonderland, so instead she got to sit through a hot springs trip for a few days. Because that was exactly what she needed right now. So like with the Regina thing, forget planning, she's just going to strike now before Wonderland has the chance to be Wonderland again.

Which is why she'll just wait for him to venture out into the hallway (but far enough down it that she won't notice anyone sneaking in and out of her room) and then appear, with the dagger inside her pocket and Regina being dragged along with her because dammit, sis, you're helping if you want to keep breathing.

“I'd say surprise, but then again, we all saw this coming,” she says, taking the dagger out so she can shove it in his face if needed.

“So hand over your dagger while you still can. After all, no one here's stupid enough to think that you'd willingly spin me a brain at this point, so why bother playing nice?”

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You know, she's been thinking about today for a while and for all her planning and all the ways she envisioned it going down, none of them included “and then Rumple magically flung her and Regina down the hall.” And the way she sees it, the sooner this is all over, none of them ever will. Because even before she casts the curse and turns back time, if anyone asks about this, it didn't happen.

And as to what else she didn't see happening? Regina getting taking her dagger. That's not supposed to happen either. She's supposed to get Rumple's dagger and then be able to check both off her list. Not be standing her with a confused look while Regina menaces Rumple with the dagger.

That look of confusion only lasts for a moment though. Regina's heart quickly finds its way into her hand and she's about to crush it into dust before her sister can somehow team up with Rumple against her...but she stops once Regina commands Rumple. Not even remotely what she was expecting since today is just completely full of surprises.

So she'll just hang behind for the time being and watch where this goes. After all, if Regina thinks things are going her way, she'll just crush her heart. And if Rumple somehow gets the upper hand then she's um...going to teleport over there.

Away from here. And stay there forever. Because that's a plan, right?

The look of utter betrayal on Gold's face is borderline comical, given his relationship with Regina over the many, many years. He expects this sort of behavior from her mother, but he really assumed she was at least halfway smarter than that. Cora and Zelena didn't have long to live to regret what they did after trying (and succeeding) to control him.

The agonizing sensation of the dagger's pull on his heart makes him hiss and if he could grip his own dagger any tighter, he'd probably fuse flesh to metal. Unfortunately, though his will his strong, he was prepared to test his mettle against Zelena and Regina's just caught him off-balance.

He lowers the dagger slowly as he stands down, surprise turning into a dark scowl. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

If the situation were any different, say, Zelena wasn't part of it at all, she might have to laugh in his face. But far too much is on the line for her to really enjoy it. Not to say she isn't, but she's not showing it as much as he might expect. As it is, her face is a picture of barely contained surprise.

"You know exactly what Zelena is capable of doing when it comes to getting the dagger. I'm ending this before someone else gets hurt." Or before your son dies again.

It's a good thing Zelena's staying out of the way, because it means she can't see Regina's face. Or the fact she's currently giving Gold the same 'trust me' look she gives everyone in situations like this. Asking a lot? Definitely, especially when she remembers their conversation at the town line, even if it hasn't happened for Gold yet.

"Now, hand it over."

C'mon Gold, read the room.

That's right, she can't see Regina's face, but she is starting to walk towards them now because wow, no, if they're expecting her to stay in the background this whole time, then it's like they don't know her at all. Then again, she's not even sure of how well she knows herself right now given what she's about to say.

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but...she's right.”

Wow, that took some effort. And judging from the pained look on her face, it wasn't easy for her to say. Then again the sooner this is over with, the sooner she can change it so she didn't say it, so it's excusable...sort of. Not really, she's actually still disgusted with herself for saying that and for Regina for putting in her in a situation where she had to say it in the first place.

“So you really should just do as she says. It's better for everyone that way.”

Ugh, okay, enough of this. She needs to say something cruel and horrible to just make up for the fact that this isn't how this is supposed to go and damn it Regina, this is her moment, not yours.

“Or well, maybe not for you two, but it's certainly better for me.”

Okay there. That's better.

Gold's eyes narrow at her suspiciously, too used to being played to be absolutely certain that Regina isn't, well, pulling a him. He's certainly earned that much from her.

He's still debating it, his fingers slowly beginning to loosen from the dagger as he mulls it over, when Zelena speaks up and he almost drops the bloody thing in shock. The fact that he doesn't want to give either of them any kind of satisfaction stays his hand and makes him stubbornly consider backing away.

But...

He remembers the convaluted lengths Zelena went to get the dagger before, the fact that his son died for that thing, the fact that he had to live with all of that when he could have had a satisfactory ending. Can he truly allow all of that to come to pass again when he knows that Zelena's plans will never amount to anything- not in Wonderland.

His jaw sets. Yes, he can.

"No." He lashes out with his dagger, hoping to catch Regina by the wrist, but in his anger and frustration (and possibly some inherent control the other dagger has on him), he misses and only manages to strike the other dagger with a loud metallic clang that sends up a spark of magic that... definitely shouldn't have happened.

What also shouldn't happen is the fact that he can't yank the blade free from the other.

Regina's own reaction mirrors Gold's, though it's most likely for different reasons. Zelena admitting she's right? No matter how this ends, she's going to have that memory from now until the day she dies, or ceases to exist, whichever comes first. Her grip tightens on the dagger until her knuckles are as white as the Dark One's, and then it happens.

Her eyes close to protect them from the brightness of the spark, and she opens them again to a sight she never expected to see, she breathes out a single shocked word, "No." With a glance at Zelena she takes hold of the dagger with both hands and pulls. It doesn't come free, nor does it really... move. She was trying to pull the dagger, not the entire mess of two daggers and a grown man.

"You fool. I was trying to help you!"

Not that she really had a plan, it was more like 'get both daggers and then command him to kill' or something equally insane that probably had near-zero chances of working. Instead, they're stuck playing tug-o-war with two of the most powerful magical artifacts in all the realms. Thanks, Gold.

...is nothing going to go the way she planned? Really? Just, damn it Wonderland, must you ruin everything she ever does? Or is this completely unrelated to Wonderland and is just some sort of unforseen consequence of all the ridiculous magical bullshit that governs the world they're from?

You know what? She doesn't really care anymore. It can be because of this or that or any other thing, but it doesn't matter anymore because what she does care about is that despite Regina and Gold playing tug of war over the dagger, the winner's going to be her.

So she'll just put her hands over Regina's and try and pull the dagger...not towards Regina so much as away from Gold. Okay, it's towards Regina, but whatever, she wins, you all lose, that's what she's going for today.

“Don't care what you were trying to do. He made his choice, and now he's going to lose.”

Somehow that was said with a straight face and absolutely no inkling of the fact that an observer might be confused as to whether she was talking about Gold...or Zelena. ...or Regina for that matter. Actually, is there anyone at all from their world on this floor that statement doesn't apply to? Anyone at all?

Oh, now she tells him. Now she develops a sense of subtlety, after so many years of being the bull in a china shop wearing brocade gowns. There's probably some sort of lesson in all this about repeated betrayals and the like, but damned if Gold is going to think about that when he's attempting to yank his stupid dagger free.

"Don't count on it, dearie," he growls through gritted teeth, but if the force behind the words alone were enough then perhaps he might have won. As it stands, he is vastly overpowered. He puts up a good fight for a few scant moments, and then his fingers begin to slip. He futilely tries to get more purchase on the hilt, but to no avail... and more importantly there's a sudden sensation that something much worse than a tug of war game is about to happen that gives Gold the half second of pause that Regina and Zelena need to yank the dagger(s) free of his grip.

What is even happening right? Can Regina steal Zelena's plan and ensure this moment never happens? Zelena is willingly helping her. Zelena. Is. Willingly. Helping. Her. With a final glare at Gold, she, and Zelena by extension I guess, pulls the dagger free from his grip. If only that's all that happened.

But things are never fucking simple.

Without the counterweight of Gold to keep it from completing the process, the daggers are able to finish the process they started when Gold acted like a little bitch. Since such a thing is never meant to be able to happen ever, Regina really has no idea what will happen until it happens.

And there's a magical explosion.

So today Zelena was under the impression that she'd show up with Regina in tow, talk shit, and then somehow end up with a dagger. That is not what's happened at all. So far, to recap, she's been thrown down a hall, forced to watch her sister be the star of the show today, gotten into a ridiculous game of tug of war, and now there's some sort of magical explosion because really, at this point why the fuck wouldn't there be a magical explosion?

...wait does that mean the daggers exploded to? Is there no more dagger? Does someone have to go to the vendors to get a new one? Because if that's the case, Regina better have kept her voucher because she's not wasting hers to replace the thing that just magically exploded in everyone's face.

Or there could just be one dagger now? That could be a thing.

In fact, that appears to be the case, so she's going to try and make a grab for it while looking...well, like Zelena. ...did anyone expect her to not look like a complete lunatic while doing so? But she's aware that other people could be trying to do the same, so she'll just apply a slight squeeze to a certain heart in her pocket, while saying,

“Keep him busy, will you? Then again, it's not like you have a say in the matter.”

That was

unplanned.

Much like the entirety of his evening, because unlike everyone else here, Gold did not have a clever scheme in mind for how this all might go down. Poor judgment, combined with his own belief that he couldn't possibly land in the same situation twice.

And now, as he lays sprawled unceremoniously in the hallway, he realizes he was very wrong and that he should always, always have a plan. It did wonders for him in Storybrooke. It would do wonders for him here too. In the future, presuming he has one.

Not willing to be defeated just yet, Gold tries to gather himself to his feet, caught off-balance by the explosion of magic and tries to beat Zelena to the dagger, which is going to work just as well as everything else has so far, probably.

See aforementioned statement about always having a plan.

The good thing about being knocked on her ass by Zelena so many times in Storybrooke is that when it happens again, you're more equipped to deal with it. It still hurts, and she's thrown back a good distance but she knows how to avoid hitting her head now. Such a useful skill, one that will no doubt come in handy many times in the future.

Regina barely has time to get her to feet before Zelena is squeezing her heart, making her wince before she tries to figure out exactly how she's supposed to keep him busy. Magic's out. She might be powerful but she's not stupid enough to go up against the Dark One, not when his dagger is at stake.

So the magical compulsion comes to an idea before her brain does. Which is how Regina finds herself attempting to tackle Rumplestiltskin.

Gold could have prepared for magic. It's the complete insanity of what Regina is doing that baffles him and allows her to actually succeed. He hits the ground on his back with a snarl of pain and in lieu of anything else, he taps into something primal and tries to get his hands around her throat.

Considering how many times he's contemplated breaking her neck, it might even be more a latent desire than an actual lapse in judgment. It wouldn't solve his problem right now, but it might actually make him feel better.

Regina only manages to stop one hand from gripping her throat, pinning it against the floor by the wrist as her breathing gets restricted. Instead of trying to get the hand away from her throat, she shoves a hand against Gold's face and conjures a fireball in it. Sure, she's still magically compelled to distract Gold but she'll be damned if she lets him choke the life out of her to do it.

Good job guys, guess who's got the dagger now? And despite the fact that she is absolutely okay with the thought of Gold and Regina murdering each other right here and now, she sort of needs them both alive right now. So reluctantly, very reluctantly, she'll try and get their attention. Though seeing as she has the heart and the dagger, she expects it'll be a bit more effective than trying.

“Now then, there's no need to fight. After all, you're both on my side now.”

And of course she's going to address Rumple specifically because this whole thing is essentially his fault if you ask her. ~~And then if you ask later, it's Cora's fault. Or maybe Regina's. And then Rumple's again. And then Regina's. And so on and so forth.~~

“I told you you were going to lose, dearie.”

Mercifully, she's just going to mock him with his own speaking habits and not make weird hand gestures or anything like that. But not because it'd be weird or anything like that. It's more that she doesn't want to drop the dagger or accidentally stab Regina's heart or anything like that. Because that would just be embarrassing.

Oh. Right. Magic is a thing. Gold draws back abruptly, but doesn't really save himself from being just a little bit unpleasantly scorched, as he tries to shove Regina away from him. It'll heal. The Dark One is nothing if not resilient and also fire cannot burn a lizard.

(This is a lie. Fire hurts a lot.)

Once he's managed to liberate himself from uncertain fire and damnation, he's in a fairly undignified heap on the floor, scorched and panting and glowering at Zelena with more loathing than he's probably ever given anyone. Except maybe his father. And Hook. Actually, it's probably the same amount of loathing. He has a lot of anger.

"I haven't lost yet." No, he's definitely lost. This is definitely exactly where he left off, as if he never really got his freedom. It sickens him and all he has left is his pride and some hope for an upper hand.

Regina lets herself be shoved, the fireball in her hand going out with the successful implementation of at least one of her plans today. She remains on the floor, taking in a few deep breaths and not looking at either of them.

"So what now? Even with the dagger, you can't get a baby in a land where time doesn't move."

They're all on the same side now so you can tell them what you plan to use in place of the Nolan baby, right? C'mon sis. She swallows thickly, sparing a glance at Gold. Maybe they can take her by surprise and tackle her together?

Wishful thinking, alas. They should probably just wait for Zelena to finish so they can retreat and lick their wounds.

Zelena just looks well, bored with the both of them. Yes Rumple, you've lost, and yes Regina, she can't use a baby. A short while ago and maybe she would've thrown a fit or said something like “we'll see about that,” but now? Now she's just tired of hearing what she apparently can't do or find. After all, she was told she wouldn't get anything done here and just look at her now. Or go look at what both your lives in Wonderland have become. That works too.

Anyway, if anyone's hoping for a hint from here, they're going to be incredibly disappointed because she'll be keeping that one under her hat (...assuming it's her hat and not one she stole from Regina) for a little while longer.

“Even if I wanted to tell you, I'm afraid you're going to be far too busy to hear the answer. Because you,” she points the dagger at Rumple, going from bored back to looking like a complete lunatic again, “You're going to go spin for me. And you,”

And now back to bored as she looks for Regina.

“You can just go. Consider it practice for later.”

...she thought it was funny.

Gold hisses as the compulsion to do what she says grips his heart and twists painfully, bringing him to his feet as if he's controlled by invisible strings. He could no more hiss and spit and disobey than a puppet could.

It doesn't stop him from the hissing part. He scowls at her darkly through scorched, brittle and mussed hair, as he passes her, headed towards his room where his spinning wheel is waiting to be used.

At least it's better than a damned cage this time. There's some small bit of dignity to be preserved here, but not much.

Edited 2015-06-02 21:15 (UTC)

With a final glance at Gold's retreating form and a thought process that resembles something like this, Regina doesn't even bother getting up and instead poofs herself to the bar.

Only the strongest alcohol known to man can even remotely fix this.

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