entrancelogs | 'cause you thought you'd escaped

Entry tags:

'cause you thought you'd escaped

Who: Alex Kralie and anyone/everyone
Where: All around Gravity Falls
When: February 5th-9th (specify which day in the subject header)
Rating: Let's say PG-13. Alex is a foulmouth
Summary: Fairies and gremloblins and tourist traps, oh my!
The Story: beneath the cut!

February 5th and 6th; Mystery Mansion

God, he is so bored.

Alex thinks he might be starting to have an allergic reaction to how much obnoxiously fake stuff there is scattered all around this place. And people actually buy this crap? He turns over the price tag on one of the dubiously-named "attractions" and snorts. What a scam.

But man, he can't remember when he last had two hundred bucks in cold hard cash to just spend however he sees fit. Ordinarily that'd go to a savings account, or to chip away at those student loans, or would be added to his private stockpile devoted to the Production-Level Movie Equipment Investment Fund, but he sincerely doubts the money will linger past the event's end. So, with a sigh, Alex submits to the thrall of capitalist purchase. He might put forth some money for a tour just to see what all the fuss is about. He might even buy something other than a disposable camera, just to shake things up. He's gotta use up this cash somehow, right?

February 7th; Fairies

Of course, what should he walk into within five minutes of venturing into the woods but a swarm, a literal swarm, of winged little pests? He swats at them furiously, stumbling blind through the semi-thick woodland, practically snarling under his breath as those bright fluttering pains in the ass dodge every clumsy swipe of his hand. This place had better not have poison oak, or Alex will have words. He'll have angry words, furious words, as soon as he gets - these - things - off - his -

Crash.

That's roughly the point in time where Alex trips over a root and faceplants, possibly onto a rock or sharp object of some kind. You might trip over him as he lies there, surrounded by a dancing halo of colorful chirping lights, wondering where in his life he went so wrong.

February 8th; Gremloblins

"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, HOLY SHIT - "

Running at breakneck speed through the woods. Yep, this sounds familiar. Only instead of some ghostly-thin spectre-like faceless nightmare, this thing is a hulking, lumbering, snarling...well, he doesn't really have a word for it. He just knows it apparently doesn't like cameras or bright flashes, and it's currently fixated on him and mad. Oh, joy. Too far, Alex. You went too far, and now you're going to suffer for it.

He barely manages to duck a swipe of the thing's massive claws just as its jaws part in a furious roar.

"For the love of - help! Can anyone - " The rest of that sentence is lost as Alex once again has to devote the rest of his attention to keeping those wickedly curved claws from taking a sizable chunk out of him. No other choice here but to keep running and hope he crashes into someone who knows how to kill or maim or otherwise get rid of this thing. Dignity be damned. Pride be damned. He lost all claims to pride the minute he started shrieking to help at the top of his goddamn lungs.

Speaking of which -

"Help!?"

Alex Kralie, the only man who can manage to make a desperate entreaty for aid sound utterly and deeply sarcastic.

February 9th; the Hide Behind

He's been camped in the same spot for hours. His palms are slick with sweat, his tongue stuck out between his teeth in concentration, hunched in scattered underbrush as he waits for the telltale rattle-hiss of the thing he knows is after him. Stalking him.

"Come on," he whispers, eyes narrowed at the empty air in front of him. "Come on, you stupid son of a bitch. I know you're out there. I heard you. I heard you. Come on out."

And so it goes, a quiet, ongoing litany as he waits and waits and waits and waits for the thing behind him to show its goddamn self. He's had enough of things he can't see. He's going to chase this one down, wallpaper every tree in the forest with its ugly mug.

There it is. The rattle. The click-clack-click of the beast drawing near.

Alex grins faintly, poised to spin around and catch it in the click and flash of a shutter. 1/500th of a second. That's all it'll take. Come on. Not so mysterious now, are you, Mr. Monster?

[ooc: prose or brackets are good, will match accordingly]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She notices his look, and wonders how annoyed he must be at the disposable camera. It does make him look like some cheap tourist with no appreciation for photography or film. There's a slight temptation to offer to let him use her camera for a bit, but that's probably not a good idea. Hey, if she's standing this close to him, does her film start getting affected? Or is it just video? She guesses they can find out. Man, it would suck if all her shots from now on are wacky though.

And this is a good opportunity right? When else will they get to see such... unique photo subjects. "Hell yes I'm going!" she says, as though it's surprising he even asked (though it's not). "You should come too. We can be like Dali and get all the weird photos."

"Make it an ~art statement," he says with an exaggerated wave of a hand.

Such earnest and enthusiastic agreement. Anyway, if he can piss Stan off by laughing at all the cheap shit lying around, it's worth it. Sell the artfully framed photos for ten a roll, why not? Rile Stan up and make a buck on top of it.

So he shrugs. "Better than standing around and doing nothing, I guess."

Yes Alex, do it for art, not for any desire to annoy Stan. Actually she's pleasantly surprised that he agreed without her having to pester him about it, though she has no idea about his ulterior motive. She smiles and starts looking around for Stan. "Okay. We'll have our photoshoot extravaganza."

"You know," she adds, still looking around, "so far all the events have been okay." That is to say, all two of the events since her arrival have been amusing and generally not dangerous. She still doesn't know that Alex went out into the forest during the last one.

"Eh. Could be worse, I guess." He's electing not to mention the possible close encounter of the Beastly kind he may or may not have ventured into last event. "Christmas was a real doozy."

Again, things chasing him 'round in the woods. What a world, man, what a world.

He checks his watch. "Stan's broadcast said tours go down once an hour. Twenty bucks per entry. C'mon, man, really?" That's thirty dollars Stan will be prying from Alex's temporary wallet. It doesn't even really matter since the money is most likely temporary. But goddamn, it stings.

She checks her phone. "About ten minutes from now." Her cash is pretty much intact, except for the money she used on the necklace. Which was worth it. "There's not much else to spend it on, right? I'll probably get a shirt, too."

And yup, she's checking out a nearby rack now, feeling the fabric on a shirt with the print Mansion Fashion. It's not that she has no shame, it's more like she doesn't care that much, and a lame shirt is still sort of funny.

You know, funny in her head.

"Yay," says Alex in a tone utterly bereft of any enthusiasm whatsoever. "Think the tourist junk will stick around once the event is over?"

These things tend to last a couple days. Maybe a week, tops. Of course, it's not like Alex is the expert on this kind of thing, and it's extremely possible that it'll vary depending on the event itself. Wonderland is kind of a capricious mistress in that way.

He can't help smirk, wryly amused, when he sees the man himself, probably just finishing up with leading a tour of his latest band of hapless shmucks. Alex might just be the first person to get kicked from a tour of Mystery Mansion for aggressive heckling.

Stan's quick to usher his most recent tour group off to the gift shop to spend more of their money now that he's done with them, sending them off with a wave. The moment their backs are turned though, he slips a hand into his jacket and counts the tour profits from the day so far - and judging from the wad of bills it's at least five hundred dollars, easily. After a moment or so he looks up, sensing that he's not alone there, and when he sees Alex he laughs.

"What, you need another pricey camera already?" he asks, knowing damn well Alex doesn't have anywhere else he can get one.

He's a bit nicer to Max though, since she bought something earlier without being a little turd about it. "And what about you? Somethin' else catch your eye? Or are you two seriously my next tour?"

He kind of doubts it, mostly because of Alex.

Max was about to tell Alex that the tourist stuff is fun to buy even if it eventually disappears, but Stan's appearance put a hold on that. She really wants to get in the first word before Alex can back out in the face of the store owner's... 'victorious laughing' might actually be the best way to put it. She looks between the two of them, unsure if Stan is actually ribbing Alex. Enthusiastic businessman meets grumpy artist, she thinks, noting Alex's expression.

She lets go of the shirt, already reaching into a pocket for her cash. "Yup. But only if taking pictures is free," she says. That's the whole point after all, and it would be a huge bummer if she can't take any pictures. She holds up her instant camera to emphasize the point.

Edited 2016-02-08 11:22 (UTC)

He jerks a thumb in Max's direction. Yep, he's totally letting her take the reins on this one. There'll be time enough to make Stan regret letting them on a tour later. Besides, if Max really wants to have a bit of fun here - well, who's he to begrudge that, honestly. This has got to be one of the more harmless events he's suffered through, anyway.

"What the lady said," he drawls. "Nowhere else to spend all this cash, right? And if it scores some neat photos, well."

See? Look at him. Totally reasonable. Not petty at all. Absolutely and completely mature in the face of outrageous incipient capitalism.

"Haha...of course it is, of course!" Stan laughs awkwardly, swatting down a nearby sign that definitely did not imply there was any kind of photography fee. No need to read that. Who needs reading?

"If you need somethin' to do and somewhere to spend your cash, you've come to the right place!" he says. The imminent sale has apparently made him much more cheerful. "For just twenty bucks a piece, you'll get a tour of the most incredible sights you've ever beheld!"

He holds out his hand expectantly though, because he has no trust in his heart at all. "Everyone pays upfront."

She expected no less from you, Stan, so she already has the money out and puts it into his hand with a smile. Twenty magical bucks that she didn't earn in any way, in exchange for a couple of unique shots and entertaining conversation? Sure.

The camera is already in her hands, and she fiddles with it to get the settings just right. But she does glance over at Alex, expectantly waiting for him to pay.

God fine. What else is he gonna do with this money, anyway? He extricates a twenty and slaps it into Stan's palm with a decisive air. If it's a cheesy tour Max wants, it's a cheesy tour they'll have to suffer through. But it's totally gonna bug the hell out of Stan, so that makes it worth it.

"Give us the star treatment, huh?" says Alex drolly.

Stan chuckles. "Trust me, pal - you can't afford the star treatment."

He takes their cash though and tucks it into his suit jacket before Alex, and he peeks out behind them.

"Huh. Looks like it's just you two this time. Lucky you." He cracks his knuckles and then picks up his cane (as well as his showman swagger). "Beyond this curtain lies mysterious sights beyond your wildest imaginations - creatures so strange and rare they'll only remain in Wonderland for a limited time! You'll leave this tour forever changed by what you see before you. Your nightmares will be haunted by the weird and the wild! Now come - behold the wonders of the Mystery Mansion!"

He uses his cane to hold back the curtain and ushers both of them inside. Come on now, we don't have all day.

So that was off to a pretty good start, with the enthusiastic speech and the swagger. Max actually feels the excitement building. But then she's quickly waved through the curtain, which seems a little rude, though she doesn't mind.

The tour opens up before here: blatantly fake exhibits, ridiculous premises, weird animals. It's brilliant. This is exactly the sort of thing she expected. Even just inside the curtain, she already brings up her camera and snaps a photo, trying to squeeze in as many exhibits as she can.

Yee-awn. Alex already has shit haunting his nightmares, and he's already doubting that anything here will ever hold a candle to that kind of spook. He surveys the interior with mingled disbelief and amusement. Stuffed monkeys stitched together with fishtails. Jars packed with plastic eyeballs. Plaster busts of creatures he can only assume are meant to be regarded as utterly terrifying.

He leans over one of the stuffed figures and pokes it. What's that? Do not touch? Pshhhh.

"Wow," he says in slow, deliberate monotone. "A jackalope. How thrillingly original."

When Stan catches Alex touching the specimens, he prods him in the side with his cane.

"No touchin' the merchandise," he says. "And obviously you don't know a thing about jackalopes. Sure they look cute and cuddly, but those antlers'll gouge your eyes out! Jackalope hunters gotta wear stove pipes around their legs just so they don't get their ankles gored."

Not that anyone actually hunted this jackalope, since Stan clearly made it himself by gluing deer antlers to a stuffed rabbit.

"Yeah Alex, don't you know anything about Jackalopes?" she whispers to him, rolling her eyes at his ineptitude. Come on, man! Get yourself together!

"Wow, gee," says Alex, folding his arms. "What a shocker. What new and exciting information."

Look, he's not touching the merchandise. Happy, Stan? Are you proud?

"What else you got in your Cave of Wonders back there, huh?" Come on, Stan, impress him.

Stan can't help twitching a little bit. This guy is such a pain in his ass.

"You want original? I'll give you original!"

He puts his showman grin back on and heads over to one of his most famous attractions.

"Behold! THE SASCROTCH!"

It is exactly what it sounds like.

WELL. Excuse her as she tries to stifle a fit of giggles and bite down on the wide grin that threatens to spread over her face. She ends up making some sort of choking sound and having to bring her hand up to cover her mouth in embarrassment.

She has nothing to say to this. It's so much better than she had hoped, worth every dollar.

She is literally speechless.

Alex is stunned into similar silence for a long moment. Several moments. He raises his eyebrows skeptically. Is this for real?

Oh yeah. It's for real.

This day might not be such a waste after all.

"Well," says Alex lightly, after those several...minutes it takes to process. "It's certainly different."

It takes some concentrated effort to keep a straight face as he turns and looks at Stan with as much innocent curiosity as he can possibly bring to bear. "You glue that dong on yourself, or did it come preshrunk?"

Unfortunately for Alex, Stan has reached an age where absolutely nothing embarrasses him anymore. Was he expecting Stan to stammer and get flustered over the mention of fake dongs? To not want to talk about it in front of the other guest? Does he really think he's the first little shit to ask about dongs on the tour?

Stan grins darkly.

"Actually, every dong in this museum's been generously donated by a combination of previous trouble-making visitors to the Mystery Shack and a number of my greatest enemies!" He laughs in that showman way, like this is actually a part of the usual routine. "Or at least, that's how my legal team says I oughta spin it, but what do they know?"

Without missing a beat, Stan continues the tour from there, gesturing to another abomination. "And over here we have the six pack o'lope! The buffest of all nature's creatures!"

Edited 2016-03-08 02:40 (UTC)

How scandalous. Max doesn't hide her eyeroll at the dong talk, but does fight down her grin. Regardless, she has to admit that Stan knows his tour stuff, and does a good job at keeping people entertained. She hastily grabs a picture of the 'Sascrotch' as they push forward with the tour.

She raises an eyebrow at the six pack o'lope, an amused smile on her face. "I'm pretty sure it skipped leg day, Stan," she says dryly, intending it more as a well-meaning comment than a heckle.

She makes no remark on whether or not it looks real, though, because she'd like to at least pretend it is. Though that's actually pretty impossible.

Really? Nothing? All right, so Stan's stone cold in the face of low-blow snark. Noted. Maybe Alex would find that admirable, if he didn't find the rest of this to be so eye-rollingly obnoxious.

"You are really scraping on the bottom of the barrel here, aren't you?" Alex remarks mildly, then decides to take a leaf out of Max's book. He starts snapping pictures, completely without any regard for framing and what have you. More like he's just making a racket to make a racket.

"Hey," he says, as if the thought's just occurred to him. Click. "These exhibits - " Click. " - aren't photosensitive - " Click. " - are they?"

Click click click.

Max is a much more pleasant customer, and her comments are more entertaining than offensive, so Stan is quick to laugh and play along.

"With abs like that he can skip all the leg days he wants!"

Alex, meanwhile, is more annoying than anything else. It's like he's giving a tour to Max and a horsefly decided to tag along and buzz obnoxiously around them.

"Oh yeah, they're incredibly photosensitive," he says, dryly. He rolls his eyes. "That's why I sell disposable cameras, because I want everyone destroying my exhibits and ruining my business."

He laughs, proud of his own sarcasm. "Pretty sure you're the one who's scrapin' the bottom of the barrel now. I've seen a lotta hecklers in my day, but this is just sad."

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mypartnerintime - 2016-03-22 15:29 (UTC) - Expand

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rosswood - 2016-03-22 17:23 (UTC) - Expand

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'cause you thought you'd escaped

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Should we get Stan in here or...? Idk

after this tag stay tuned o.o

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