open } i've been better with the things i've said when i took the lead instead of being led

[krmvgivv]

Who: Dipper Pines and anyone who likes lurking in caves like a creeper
Where: the caves
When: 4/4 shortly after the event
Rating: PG-13ish probably
Summary: Dipper has been here for a year. He is not taking it extremely well.
The Story:

When Dipper wakes up with his emotions back on, he has to shut his eyes and swallow hard to keep them all from overwhelming him. He doesn't want to cry. He doesn't want Mabel to see him cry because while he knows she'd understand, he doesn't want her to have to carry that weight.

It's been a year.

It had been so easy not to care. The event had been so well timed, he'd barely had a flicker of panic before he shut his emotions off entirely and suddenly it didn't matter so much. But now no matter how hard he tries, the emotions are still there, threatening to overwhelm him. A year. And he's no closer to solving the mysteries of Wonderland than he was when he started. A year and three months since he's seen his parents, whose names he can't even remember thanks to this place.

It takes him a moment, but once he has himself under control again he wipes his face on his pillow and sits up, muttering some excuse to Mabel as he walks out of the room. He makes his way to the caves as fast as he can. It's where he always goes to be alone with his thoughts, and right now... he really wants to be alone with his thoughts. He finds a rock and sits down, pulling out a notebook. He turns on his flashlight and flips to the first page.

July April 1, 2012(?)

I've found myself in a strange world that I don't think even the author's visited. Or if he has, he didn't write about it in his journal. That means it's up to me to record everything I see and chronicle the mysteries of this place! Everyone says we're stuck here forever, but also that people go home sometimes, so I'm not worrying too much.

From what I've gathered, this place is Wonderland, like in the book. It's a pocket dimension, and time works differently out in the real world, so it's unclear if anyone will even notice I'm gone. More summer vacation for me, right?

I have a lot more reading to do. Evelyn, the librarian, has so many notes! But, of course, I'll be transcribing some of my own in here. This place might be even weirder than Gravity Falls!

More summer vacation. Dipper even misses going to school now. He shuts the book and throws it against the wall of the cave, curling his arms around his legs and leaning his head on his knees. He was supposed to have found a way out by now. He was supposed to be nearing 14, not still stuck at 12. He wasn't supposed to have died twice and somehow befriended a psycho killer who might make it three times any day now. It wasn't supposed to be this hard.

"Get it together, Dipper," he mutters to himself, squeezing his eyes tightly. "You can't hide in here all day." And it's not all bad here! He's got all his family, and the mysteries of this place still fascinate him, and there are friends he'd never have met if he hadn't shown up here. Non-psycho killer friends.

Tomorrow, he knows all those things will matter and he'll be able to face live again. Keep on going. Keep on being totally capable of handling this. Like a mature teen, not some little kid. But he's been fighting it and fighting it and just for today, he can't keep control anymore.

Maybe he'll just stay here for a little longer.

Comments

[krmvgivv]

"How is that supposed to be cheering?" Dipper raises his eyebrow and scowls at her. He doesn't look more grossed out or anything, just mildly annoyed.

"And I don't know how gems fuse. What's that about?"

[brainmeme]

"Uh." Hey, she never claimed to be an expert on cheering people up.

"Oh, you don't? Two or more gems can fuse into one." She gestures with two fingers coming together. "We get bigger, stronger, and better. We just have to be in tune with each other. It's not really like sharing a body or tacking extra limbs on like that, it's like... becoming a whole new person. With someone else."

[krmvgivv]

"Huh." That's... really hard for him to understand. "So like... is one of you in charge? How does it work? Would you and Peridot demonstrate so I can see?"

For science.

[brainmeme]

Amethyst is about to answer when Dipper continues and she sputters. Even though she and Peridot agreed to try it out someday, the thought of actually doing it is another story. Besides, she doesn't want to force Peridot to do it before she's ready.

"Uh-- I mean-- We can't just-- It's, we can't do it unless we absolutely gotta! It's... not a toy, Dipper!"

Yeah, pretending to suddenly care about responsibility and everything is harder than it looks. We can't all be Pearl.

[krmvgivv]

"Oh, come on, won't it work better if you practice a little before you actually have to do it?"

That's been Dipper's logic with a lot of stuff he probably should save for emergencies. He might have gotten in trouble for spraying the cat with the fire extinguisher that one time, but if he ever actually needs to put a fire out, he's prepared.

[brainmeme]

"I have plenty of practice fusing!" And maybe Peridot has none, but it's on her to defend herself there. Amethyst may just conveniently not mention that for her. "I do it like all the time with Pearl!"

[krmvgivv]

"But Pearl's not here." A beat. "I mean... right? I don't... know who Pearl is."

[brainmeme]

"Uh, yeah, she's not." Though if the stars are to be believed, she was once. Amethyst needs to not get distracted by her feelings on that, though, so she shakes her head and gets back on topic.

"That's not the point. The point is... uh... we don't need practice. We'll do it if the time comes and we need to." Or if Peridot particularly wants to at some point, but mentioning that possibility means letting on Peridot's inexperience. Which Amethyst is gracious enough to avoid doing. "You can take pictures or whatever it is you want to do then."

[krmvgivv]

"I just want to know how it works." Do the gems themselves fuse? Or just their bodies? Is one of them in control? How do they do it? He has so many questions.

[brainmeme]

"Even I barely know how it works, Dipper. You dance, your gem glows, you turn into light, you're a different person with someone else. I don't know why it works, it just does."

[krmvgivv]

"And you're not... curious?" Dipper raises an eyebrow. He's always curious.

[brainmeme]

"It's just how our bodies work. Do you get curious about digestion?"

Amethyst, just because you don't care how digestion works doesn't mean no one does.

"It's 'cause our bodies are projections. It's just joining two projections together to make something new. Don't try to ask me the geology behind it."

That's the extent of Amethyst's rough understanding. She's never been too interested in the science behind how her body works. It almost takes away from the magic of it.

[krmvgivv]

"Yes, I get curious about digestion! People have written books about digestion!" Amethyst clearly doesn't understand how nerds work.

"Fine, I guess I can live with the mystery." But he's still so curious. He wants to see!

[brainmeme]

"Man, I don't get why you gotta know everything about a thing. If I could go into like chemical reactions or whatever that'd be so boring. Sometimes things should just be magic."

She leans back against the cave wall, hands tucked behind her head.

"Remember when night was owned by a human in the forest who kept it all to herself, and it had to be released to the people? Good times."

[krmvgivv]

Dipper squints. "That's... not actually a true thing that happened. Night's caused by the rotation of the Earth. And you can study and have things still be magic!"

[brainmeme]

"I know how night works, Dipper! I'm just saying, nobody cares about the magic in stuff anymore. Even Peridot's all," and she tries for her best Peridot impression, "no, gem powers aren't magic, I'm always right -- why can't my shapeshifting just be a cool magic thing? I don't care how it works."

[krmvgivv]

"Shapeshifting is still cool if you know how it works," Dipper gives her a half smile. "Honestly, to me, that just makes it cooler."

[brainmeme]

"Well, Peridot can probably tell you all about it then. To me, it's just magic." Amethyst opts to shapeshift now, into a white, fluffy bat, and take her place on the cave ceiling.

"At least you agree it's rad as heck."