open } i've been better with the things i've said when i took the lead instead of being led

[krmvgivv]

Who: Dipper Pines and anyone who likes lurking in caves like a creeper
Where: the caves
When: 4/4 shortly after the event
Rating: PG-13ish probably
Summary: Dipper has been here for a year. He is not taking it extremely well.
The Story:

When Dipper wakes up with his emotions back on, he has to shut his eyes and swallow hard to keep them all from overwhelming him. He doesn't want to cry. He doesn't want Mabel to see him cry because while he knows she'd understand, he doesn't want her to have to carry that weight.

It's been a year.

It had been so easy not to care. The event had been so well timed, he'd barely had a flicker of panic before he shut his emotions off entirely and suddenly it didn't matter so much. But now no matter how hard he tries, the emotions are still there, threatening to overwhelm him. A year. And he's no closer to solving the mysteries of Wonderland than he was when he started. A year and three months since he's seen his parents, whose names he can't even remember thanks to this place.

It takes him a moment, but once he has himself under control again he wipes his face on his pillow and sits up, muttering some excuse to Mabel as he walks out of the room. He makes his way to the caves as fast as he can. It's where he always goes to be alone with his thoughts, and right now... he really wants to be alone with his thoughts. He finds a rock and sits down, pulling out a notebook. He turns on his flashlight and flips to the first page.

July April 1, 2012(?)

I've found myself in a strange world that I don't think even the author's visited. Or if he has, he didn't write about it in his journal. That means it's up to me to record everything I see and chronicle the mysteries of this place! Everyone says we're stuck here forever, but also that people go home sometimes, so I'm not worrying too much.

From what I've gathered, this place is Wonderland, like in the book. It's a pocket dimension, and time works differently out in the real world, so it's unclear if anyone will even notice I'm gone. More summer vacation for me, right?

I have a lot more reading to do. Evelyn, the librarian, has so many notes! But, of course, I'll be transcribing some of my own in here. This place might be even weirder than Gravity Falls!

More summer vacation. Dipper even misses going to school now. He shuts the book and throws it against the wall of the cave, curling his arms around his legs and leaning his head on his knees. He was supposed to have found a way out by now. He was supposed to be nearing 14, not still stuck at 12. He wasn't supposed to have died twice and somehow befriended a psycho killer who might make it three times any day now. It wasn't supposed to be this hard.

"Get it together, Dipper," he mutters to himself, squeezing his eyes tightly. "You can't hide in here all day." And it's not all bad here! He's got all his family, and the mysteries of this place still fascinate him, and there are friends he'd never have met if he hadn't shown up here. Non-psycho killer friends.

Tomorrow, he knows all those things will matter and he'll be able to face live again. Keep on going. Keep on being totally capable of handling this. Like a mature teen, not some little kid. But he's been fighting it and fighting it and just for today, he can't keep control anymore.

Maybe he'll just stay here for a little longer.

Comments

[brainmeme]

Amethyst goes into the caves every so often. They feel homey, okay? Like a series of holes. And right now, she feels particularly like she could use some of the comfort of feeling like you're at home. This place sure likes making her feel things without her permission. And she was even seen feeling things despite her best efforts to keep herself hidden.

So yeah. She could use a nice dose of hole smell.

She lays in the dirt, rests her head back in a relaxed position, and just lets herself be for a little while. Distantly, though, she hears someone muttering to themself, which pulls her out of her meditation. It's probably a bad idea, but... she gets up and follows the noise deeper in.

She blinks when she sees who it is.

"Dipper?"

[krmvgivv]

He looks up, too surprised to stop himself or hide or... he doesn't know. He wanted to be alone.

"Uh, hey Amethyst. Didn't realize anyone else was down here."

[brainmeme]

Amethyst kind of wanted to be alone too. Guess they have to be alone together.

"Yeah, I don't come here that often, just whenever I..." Wait, that's privileged information, and no one gets that privilege. Change subject now. "So! How 'bout that event, huh?"

Wow, that was literally the worst subject change in history. From one painful topic to another. Maybe she can pass herself off as not really caring much about the event? Too late to go back now, though.

[krmvgivv]

Dipper had actually kind of liked the event, though he does know that's messed up enough that he shouldn't actually say it. Are his feelings really so bad that he liked not having them better?

"Yeah, it was... something. Not the worst I've been through."

He didn't die. He didn't fight with Mabel. He just didn't feel anything for a little while.

[vampdetective]

It isn't often that Angel goes wandering beyond the mansion during the day-- it can take a little bit of creativity to find ways to get around while avoiding direct sunlight, but there are certain places that are always safe bets, and the caves are certainly among them. He doesn't make a habit of visiting them, but he knows that people are still reeling from the event: it had been a difficult weekend for him, as well, and he'd refused to turn his own emotions off for fear of what it might make him do.

Without his emotions, he would have been dangerously close to revisiting a time in his recent history that was better left forgotten, a time where he had let himself become swallowed up by his own obsessions and let the things and people that matter fall to the wayside. He'd kept to himself for the safety of others, but now that the event was done and through-- he wasn't going to make those same old mistakes again. He wasn't going to let the people who matter to him fall by the wayside.

It doesn't take him long to find Dipper when he seeks him out mid-afternoon, thanks to the scent trail the boy has left behind, and he approaches with his hands deep in his pockets, clearing his throat quietly to announce himself in an attempt not to startle.

"I thought I'd come see how you're holding up."

[krmvgivv]

"I'm okay," the boy sitting in a darkened cave curled into a sad ball says. Super convincingly. Though at least, in this case, the event isn't really responsible for how terrible he feels. The event just let him put it off for a little while.

[vampdetective]

Angel decides it's probably best not to dispute that, not outright, and instead he invites himself to take a seat next to his intern, folding his arms and letting them rest atop his knees as he looks over, his own expression neutral and patient.

"Didn't think you were into spelunking," he remarks, glancing up at their surroundings. "I come down here sometimes when I need to think. It's good for that. Quiet. Out of the way."

[fulllifeconsequences]

Rise and shine, Chara!

They don't know what time it is when they wake up, right in the very spot where Alphys left them, but they head outdoors, and it's dark outside. They don't bother to go back up to their room, don't want to go to the forest where they know Sans might be hiding, don't want to surround themselves with flowers in the place where Alex crept up on them with a switchblade. The fences are no good, coloured with the memory of a stardust-colored Toriel being projected for anyone to see.

Caves work. Caves are fine. Familiar, but not in a recent way. They stumble in the dark, one hand against the cave wall to guide them, but... there's the light of a flashlight. There's a familiar hat with a familiar boring generic pine tree that probably doesn't even mean anything.

"Oh, what the hell," they mumble, because they don't have the energy to pretend it's on purpose, that they're delighted by the chance to be an irritating, threatening jerk, that it's hilarious that his psycho killer friend (friend?) has found him.

Whatever. It'd be awkward to just turn and back out, right? So they stop, one hand still on the cool rock, and toss out an apathetic "Back to feeling again, huh?"

[krmvgivv]

Dipper tenses, because he knows that voice, and he really does not want to be alone with them. Sure, he isn't exactly scared of Chara, but that doesn't mean he's stupid. A lot of things he's not really scared of can still kill him. Including Chara.

But he's tired. He's tired of fighting, of being on guard, of being paranoid and angry and... really, of everything. Especially of Wonderland.

"I'm really not in the mood, Chara."

[fulllifeconsequences]

"Neither am I," Chara answers flatly. It takes a lot of energy to be spiteful, to be laughing all the time, to always be looking for ways to poke holes and get on nerves. They're sure that determination is the only thing keeping them upright, keeping the broken fragments inside of them some sort of fragile, strained semblance of together, but it feels like every ounce of determination inside of them has bled out. They're just. Tired. Deflated. Emptied out.

And they figure that's a pretty clear-cut "go away" from Dipper. (Ha. Not wanted.) But... they don't really know where else they'd go. And they're pretty great at persistently shoving their presence into a place where it's not welcome, huh? Better at that than anything else.

But, whatever. That's all just an aside. Dipper... is sitting here in a sad little lump, in some dark cave. Not hiding from something. He's the curious type, the determined type, something either very red or very purple. He'd investigate, he'd dive in. Not hiding from someone, either. If he were the type for that, he'd never have spent so much time actually putting up with Chara.

So.

Hiding from himself? "Don't feel up to being an entire person?" They take a guess.

[needlebearer]

The caves had seemed as good a place as any to hide away and sulk. Better than most, in fact, because she could look around and pretend that she was back in some corner of Westeros, or any place else for that matter, somewhere far away from the cloying confines of the mansion. She doesn't know how long she's been down here - certainly hours, maybe overnight - alternating between sleeping and sitting curled up feeling sorry for herself. She's never felt so much so intensely before, and she's not sure whether it's due to some magic of this place or whether, having the time and space to gather her thoughts rather than having to keep pressing onward, she's just finally able to pour out the knot of grief that's been building in her ever since that day at Baelor's Sept.

She sits up when she hears Dipper talking to himself, dismayed at someone having found her hiding spot, and even more so when she realises that it's Sansa's betrothed of all people. No, he'd said they were less formal than that. Sansa's boy-friend? The word sounded odd to her, even without saying it aloud.

"This is my spot. Go find your own."

[krmvgivv]

The good news, for Dipper at least, is that annoyance is always good at chasing away his angst. So when he looks at Arya, it's more a scowl than a sob. The way he's been feeling, he's not sure he could have held himself together otherwise.

"Uh, no. I was here first, and I've been coming here since way before you showed up, so no, this is my spot, go away."

[needlebearer]

"I don't see your name on it," Arya replies petulantly. "You'll just have to come and take it." She realises that sounds like an invitation to fight and she doesn't care.

[everyonecanbekind]

The caves remind Papyrus of Waterfall. Without the water. The echoes off the walls, the texture of the rocks and even the silence made him feel slightly homesick. His arm probably stands out the most-- a short pillow taped over his boney forearm. But since he couldn't go to the clinic for a proper cast, it was as close as he could get to protecting the newly cracked radius of his arm.

Papyrus hadn't longed for home in a while-- not since he discovered all his friends and family are here. Lonely, but wanting to be alone. Dippers voice echoes off the walls and Papyrus follows the sound until he spots the other.

"OH," he blurts out, a little surprised. Papyrus wasn't prepared to actually see someone in here. "I AM SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, TINY HUMAN. ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" His normally booming voice is not quite as booming as it was when they met, though he's still pretty loud. He offers a small smile.

[krmvgivv]

Dipper winces a little. Papyrus might not be as booming as he could be, but he sure is echoing in the caves.

"I'm not tiny. And I'm fine."

Half his problem is that he'll never stop being tiny. And he is so far from fine.

[everyonecanbekind]

He stands against a wall, resting for a moment. Unsure as to what kind of game Dipper was playing. Of course he's a tiny human. Small, fragile looking. But then, Alphys was pretty fragile looking too, and he knew that the little lizard could be passionate when necessary.

"YOU WOULD BE THE ONLY ONE, IT SEEMS." An arm crosses over his pillow cased arm and he looks up at the ceiling-- no glow, but...calming. Not too much like Waterfall, but enough like it to provide some sense of security. "DID YOU ALSO EXPERIENCE THE "EVENT"? ARE YOU HURT AT ALL?"

Maybe it's because Dipper winced at the loud voice. Maybe it's because Dipper just looks so out of place here.

[saved]

Peter doesn't really want to stay inside of the mansion at the moment. It's been a rough week, and he didn't turn off his emotions which basically exhausted him a lot. Now there's people talking about their experiences, about how they died, and he feels a stupid amount of guilt about it (the event's supposed to be over now, right?) so he's just going to explore the rest of Wonderland more. He's never been to the caves before, but it seems like the perfect time, far away from the rest of the mansion.

He stops abruptly as he gets far enough in that-

"Dipper? Uh, sorry. If you wanted to be alone, I-" He waves a hand then shaking his head. "You okay?"

[krmvgivv]

Oh good, the cool superhero older teenager is down here and Dipper is pretty clearly not okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

It would probably be more convincing... at any other time. But try as he might, he can't quite get it together enough to fake it. That's why he's been hiding down here.

[saved]

"You're not."

It's not said meanly but with some quiet concern. Peter can just tell. He's hiding away in a cave at the moment, and it is clear even in the way he says the words that he's not. He shoves his hands into his pockets as he erases the rest of the distance between them and then settles on a nearby rock, surveying Dipper quietly.

"And that's okay, y'know?" It's more than okay. It's expected, and maybe Peter relates to that need to shove it all down so deep it can't be reached, but it's still there. It's still painful, and it still- it's still something Peter always wishes he could talk to someone else about but he always stumbles his way there. And maybe if he can do that for someone else- maybe it'll help somehow. "You don't have to be fine all the time. Nobody can be."

[littledhampir]

It was inevitable that Rose would find the caves. Mostly because if there was some place around here that could get her horribly lost and potentially trapped? Rose was going to end up there. Some people had a knack for finding money stuffed down the back of a couch? Rose had a knack for finding trouble. She preferred to say that it found her but it was really a two way street.

The fact that she happened upon Dipper was as accidental as it was lucky because if she hadn't? There was a very good chance that Rose would have ended up spending the night in here. Possibly two and Rose without food? If she was temperamental on a good day, you probably didn't want to run into her on an empty stomach. She'd been in here an hour and she was already grumpy.

The book flies through the air just as she walks into that part of the caves. Rose stopping short and torn between admiring the throw and suggesting he'd do better if he put his weight behind it. Any comments she might have made get cut short however as Rose gets to Dipper's pep talk, the brunette considering leaving him to it except. She's lost and she's hungry and he's the first sign of life she's come across since she entered the caves.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure you could hide here all day." Stepping into the more cavernous area of the cave so that she's easy enough to see. "Less hide and more, get stuck but I guess it still counts."

[krmvgivv]

"I don't get stuck down here." Dipper glances up at her, trying to keep his complete misery off his face. He doesn't need to go spilling his problems on strangers. "I mean, the caves definitely change around on you but I can usually get around just fine. You just have to pay attention."

It makes a great secret headquarters, and usually a great place to hide out. Unfortunately, today he wasn't the only one trying to hide out here.

[littledhampir]

"I pay attention." No she, really doesn't. At least not to the things she should be paying attention to. "This place is just like a rabbit warren... with spikes." Glancing up at the domed roof of the cave that she swore, was about to start attacking them with its creepy, icicle looking rock formations.

She really wasn't going to turn this into a lesson on throwing but, look it was that or she asks him what's wrong an as somebody who hates being asked that question when something clearly is wrong?!

"If you're going to throw stuff though? There's stuff that's a lot more satisfying than books... unless you have a walking, talking, moving target anyway."

[slapfight]

[how long has Peridot even been down here. no one knows. she lives here now. sometimes.

right now the fact that she's been waiting him out so she can continue her studies of Wonderland's caverns has proved to be a boring and utterly fruitless attempt. she's taken to walking back and forth in the farthest side of the cave from him, teaching 'Claude' about the rock sediments here and how it's far inferior to anything a kindergarten would have.

...claude seems less interested in anything that isn't bugs.

eventually, she gives up and returns to where Dipper is sitting just in time to hear him talk to himself.] No, you can't. Some of us have soil analysis to conduct free of distractions.

[a cream-and-black colored kitten pounces on a bug in front of Peridot and rolls with happy mewling noises as he eats it. Peridot looks suitably horrified.] Like those! [she drags a hand down her face.] How many times have I told you, Claude? You're undisciplined.

[krmvgivv]

[Dipper looks up with a scowl. He might not want to be around other people, but he's stubborn enough that he doesn't want to leave if someone else wants him to leave. He looks up at Peridot with a scowl, but the cat distracts him.

Heh. Mabel would love this. It actually makes him smile slightly.]

Cats are pretty much the definition of undisciplined. I don't know what you expected.

[slapfight]

I didn't expect anything. This... cat wouldn't leave me alone, so it's going to be my research assistant and like it or else.

[because Peridot is fully capable of defeating this kitten. she isn't. she's tried. it's sneaky.]