black then white are all i see in my infancy [closed + open]

[determinedest]

Who: Frisk and a few closed prompts + a few open ones!
Where: Alphys's lab, by the vendors, maybe more?
When: 11/01 - 11/08-ish (may be subject to change)
Rating: PG-13 for children in peril, suicide ideation, depressive mindset, and bad decisions
Summary: Shit happened. Someone give this cast an intervention.
The Story:

[A hot oil-slick of numbers running through their mind in a burning cacophony does not lend itself to anything but pain, bright and blazing. It cuts into their teeth and their tongue and the inside of their cheeks - or maybe that is simply them biting deep into the flesh in their mouth to taste the warm tang of it to remind themself that they are not simply numbers they are not simply numbers they are not simply numbers they are real.

It crests in a burgeoning wave. There is no tide there is no pattern there is no regularity there is no respite it simply is and it tears through them, every jerk and wrench of their body shuddering in its place like hot marks shearing them open.

They can taste blood.

Is it yours?

Or mine?

It does not matter.]

Comments

[determinedest]

I'm fine.

[They sit there and watch her wave the official-looking science thing around. There's lights and soft beeps and clicks, and they can only imagine it's a good thing, that it's useful. They're being useful like this, see? They're being useful.

And they're fine. They say that they're fine because they are, but also because they know that's what you're supposed to say.]

It's quiet here.

[sciencelizard]

[This is breaking her heart. God. God, please let her not have broken them.

She studies the readout, and takes out her communicator, punching in some notes.]

Yeah. It's, uh... it's quiet.

[She smiles, just slightly, at what seems to be an uptick in the readings. But she won't have conclusive evidence for a while. Any bit of hope though, right?]

Let me know if, uhm, you feel any m-marked changes, for better or, uh... well, hopefully they're for better, right?

[She smiles, trying to keep it light, but... well, here we sure are.]

[determinedest]

[Quiet is...good, they think. It seems like it's good. She's smiling, and that probably means it's good. "Quiet" lines up with "good" really well, they think. Good kids are quiet. Good kids are seen and not heard.

Good kids are quiet.

Yes.]

Better.

[They repeat the word as if testing it out, their expression blank. They're not sure what their gauge of better would be. Different, maybe? How will they know if it feels different?

Maybe it doesn't really matter. She's still waiting for an answer. They should give her an answer.

So Frisk nods. They'd force a smile, but they're not sure how.]

Okay. I'll do that.

[sciencelizard]

Okay. I mean, also uh, I'll c-check in on you and make sure you're alright and, uhm, if you need anything, or, feel a-anything, or, whatever, you can tell me! And uhm... yeah.

[She swallows. She doesn't want to freak out around them. But god, what if they're like this forever because of her.]

I'm sorry. For all the, uhm, s-scary things in the last week.

[determinedest]

[She's trying so hard, they register, if somewhat distantly. No, actually; a lot distantly. They feel like ordinarily they'd be eager to smooth away the creases and corners of her anxiety, her fluttering hands and stammering speech, with a smile and a reassuring statement of affirmation.

They don't have any of that now. The only consolation they can offer is the monotonous truth:]

It's okay. They're not that scary now.

[sciencelizard]

Well, I...

[Her words fall short. Ideas gone. Just... defeated.]

I bet not.

Do you want me to, uhm, s-stay and keep you company? Or, uhm, do you need anything, or... uh, s-something?

[determinedest]

[Oh. They said the wrong thing again, didn't they? That's...bad, probably. They'd wish they could feel bad, but wishing and wanting are simply too abstract for Frisk to approach either concept, even obliquely.

Instead, they shrug.]

If you want.

[sciencelizard]

[Augh. Gosh, this hurts.]

I mean, it's.. it's if y-you want, really, but uh, we could put some movies on, and... stuff.

[determinedest]

[If you want, says Alphys, apparently forgetting that "wants" just aren't in Frisk's wheelhouse right now. But if they don't say something, she might just grow increasingly distressed and indecisive, so - ]

Okay.

[sciencelizard]

[She is trying her hardest, okay. She just wants to make sure, when this is all over- if this is all over- they can look back on this and remember that everyone still cared about them. That they were never truly alone.]

Ok! I'll g-get, uh, some of the lighter Miyazaki stuff. Like Totoro! I'll be right back, o-okay?

[determinedest]

Okay.

[She's trying her hardest. It'd be nice to be able to care. Everything that's happened has made her upset, even more nervous than usual. But all they can do is observe with a dispassionate, lifeless gaze.

They watch her leave, and then stare at the door without seeing it.]