black then white are all i see in my infancy [closed + open]

[determinedest]

Who: Frisk and a few closed prompts + a few open ones!
Where: Alphys's lab, by the vendors, maybe more?
When: 11/01 - 11/08-ish (may be subject to change)
Rating: PG-13 for children in peril, suicide ideation, depressive mindset, and bad decisions
Summary: Shit happened. Someone give this cast an intervention.
The Story:

[A hot oil-slick of numbers running through their mind in a burning cacophony does not lend itself to anything but pain, bright and blazing. It cuts into their teeth and their tongue and the inside of their cheeks - or maybe that is simply them biting deep into the flesh in their mouth to taste the warm tang of it to remind themself that they are not simply numbers they are not simply numbers they are not simply numbers they are real.

It crests in a burgeoning wave. There is no tide there is no pattern there is no regularity there is no respite it simply is and it tears through them, every jerk and wrench of their body shuddering in its place like hot marks shearing them open.

They can taste blood.

Is it yours?

Or mine?

It does not matter.]

Comments

fuck

[punful]

[He does his part. Pushes whatever buttons he needs to. Work to be done. Numbers, subjects, cold math, detached science. Try not to think about it.]

[The thing whirs to life and he glances up and sees Frisk shaking. And then the light show begins.]

[And Frisk screams.]

[And he doesn't move, because he has to stay at his station, has to monitor what's happening, watch the screens for any sign of mechanical failure, any sign that the subject is in danger of expiring, and Frisk is screaming and that's never happened before, the souls never screamed because of course they didn't, they were just souls. Or maybe they were screaming.]

[Frisk had said they were conscious the whole time.]

[So they must have felt it, right? Must have felt this, and all the experiments, and hey, it turns out that it hurts.]

[There had been a little girl in the snow, and the doctor had said that the dogs would bury her somewhere, offhandedly, like she was just a used up chew toy. Light blue for patience. Cyan, the doctor corrected, because he cared about the words, the semantics, get it right, Sans.]

[Get it right, Sans.]

[And then it had been a sort of role reversal, because there's a lot more that human souls are good for than just Determination, because there's all sorts of things you can do with them, and it had been the other way around that time, it had been him sitting in a chair, him with his soul exposed and torn open, him screaming while the doctor stood rigid and kept the machine going and tried to stay professional and tried to stay detached because he had to, because failure means this person you care about, this person who is important to you, will die and it will have been your fault.]

[He thinks he finally gets it.]

[And then it's over. Frisk doesn't move. Then they move, shifting as if they're waking up, and the machine is powering down, and Alphys is saying something, and it's over, and that means Sans can stop being a scientist and start being a friend again.]

[He doesn't bother walking. He just teleports straight to Frisk's side.]

frisk.

[He--he wants to just gather them up into a hug, but they might still be hurting, and they're not always okay with touch anyway, so he just takes their hand instead, very carefully, careful not to bend their fingers too much, just--make sure they're still there, whole, solid, alive.]

you made it.

[He can't actually remember the last time he felt...relieved. About anything.]

[They're even speaking. They're okay. They're alive. It worked. They did it. He...did something right. For once.]

it's okay. it's over. how are--how are you feeling?

L O R D

[sciencelizard]

[She doesn't realize she's stopped breathing until Frisk speaks, and everything comes crashing down. Because Frisk had been screaming, the souls didn't have a reaction, but what if they did, if they were in jars and conscious and could see her the entire time, waiting. What did they think of her? Did they know what was going on? Did they remember her, or themselves, or--

She all but collapses on the weight of everything as it finds her. The lack of sleep this week, the stress since the beginning of the month, every fear she's had looking down on this maw of a machine, and she's on the floor, she's crying, there's barely anything holding her together. She wants to sleep for a thousand years.

It takes her a minute, of shaking and mess, to pull herself from the floor and end up at Frisk's side with Sans. God, she must look like a mess.]

Are you f-feeling alright? Frisk, oh my god, we, we w-were so worried, I thought, it might-- did it hurt? I'm sorry if it, i-if it did, I mean it must have, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, we just, we had to fix it, and everything, and, and, a-are you okay?

[determinedest]

[Another slow blink. Everyone seems so anxious, so worried, their voices and shapes disorganized blurs that eventually resolve into two more easily recognizable images: Alphys, and then...Sans. The rapidity of their speech, the way Alphys's words tumble over each other, the way Sans speaks in clipped little fragments - logically, they can deduce that they must have made both of the mvery worried.

They can't really...feel bad about it. They don't feel much of anything at all.

They sound worried, and they're asking Frisk questions. Frisk answers, because that's what they've been told to do, and they're nothing is not obedient. Follow the keystrokes and the commands.]

I'm okay. [And they feel okay too, they suppose. They feel hollow, they guess, but that's okay. They can't miss what they don't have the capacity to miss. Their expression might just be a little flatter than usual, a little more closed, a little emptier.]

I'm fine.

[punful]

[They're moving, they're talking, they're reacting. They seem a little lethargic, but that's to be expected. The point is, they're alive. And they're no longer glitching and flickering and speaking in impossible sounds. Sans squeezes their hand very gently.]

[Alphys arrives and she's crying and trembling and rambling. Sans feels ready to do all three as well. Mostly he just feels tired.]

it sounded like it hurt. are you sure you're okay? you were--screaming. we didn't know if...we had no way of knowing or testing what it would be like.

[He studies Frisk's face, still searching for any sign that they're at all still in pain or still on the verge of glitching away across Wonderland. They stay solid. They're not really...emoting very much. Their tone is flat.]

[He expected this too. He just isn't sure yet how bad it's gonna be.]

[It's alright. There's going to be a recovery period, and that's fine. They can weather this. He lets himself smile a little for real.]

but it worked. you should be stable now. might feel weird for awhile, but you'll be okay. i'm, uh. i'm glad it worked, kiddo. i'm...

[He told them he'd say it, didn't he? Once it was over. Once they were alright. Thinking it and admitting it to himself is hard enough, but saying it out loud still seems...strange. Like maybe it's not the right time, or maybe it's too late, but...]

[He almost just lost them. Again. He should just stop being a coward and say it before anything else goes wrong.]

...i'm glad. cause you're...you're family, yanno? didn't want to lose you again.

[sciencelizard]

[It's everything Alphys has to hold herself together as Sans and Frisk speak- they're alive, it's ok, and... they are kinda family, huh? They look out for each other. They keep an eye out when someone's hurt. They do everything they can to save somebody.

But they're here, and speaking, and that's going to have to be good enough.]

Sans is, uhm, right, it's g-going to feel weird for a little bit, but uhm, your determination will come back naturally over time. And uh, we'll b-be around to help you, uhm, whenever you need it, and, uhm, it's...

[God, she's overwhelmed.]

I'm just s-so happy you're okay. We're all gonna b-be. I promise. Okay?

[determinedest]

[The words whisper on by. You're family, you know? They're family. That's...all right, they think. That's fine. It must be. If he wants, right? Another pressure to be piled on their shoulders, ha ha, another obligation. The words shouldn't feel as empty as they do.

But they do. Frisk blinks at Sans, slowly. Then at Alphys. Answers them both in the same word, the same blank nod.]

Okay.

[Okay.

Everyone will be happy if they comply. So they do.]

[punful]

[...Ah.]

[If that didn't get any sort of reaction, nothing will.]

[Okay then. Okay. He said it too late. Should have said it before they switched the damn thing on.]

[Whatever. It's fine. They'll get their Determination back eventually, and then they can talk about it. He can give them all the time they need. In the meantime, he can maybe get Papyrus's help in mending bridges between Frisk and Chara. If anyone will know how to do it right, it'll be his brother.]

[He smiles tiredly at Frisk and nods. It's fine. It'll be okay.]

alright, kid.

[He steps back and lets go so he can let them stand up.]

at least it's over.

[It's over.]

[sciencelizard]

[This is hard. Everything about this is hard, but somehow, it's less complicated than what they just went through, so all she can feel is relief. She reaches out, squeezes Sans' shoulder for support, and smiles at Frisk.]

Yeah. Uhm, the c-complicated part is past us. So, uhm, Frisk, if you're feeling, uhm, o-okay, do you wanna go to your room, and uhm, I'll f-follow up with you in a few minutes?

[determinedest]

[Stand. Right yourself. Feet across the floor echo, step for step. People are smiling. That's good. People are telling them to go to their room - asking them if they would like to, true, but it's less of a suggestion, less of a question and more of an order.

That's good, though. They can take orders. Can follow the press of a button.

They nod, silently. Better to be silent.

And they take their leave obediently.]